by Greg Parks, PWTorch.com Contributor

WWE Raw review
November 2, 2009
Live from Worcester, Mass.
Aired on USA Network

-WWE Open.

-Straight to the arena they went, where Justin Roberts introduced “The Prince of Darkness,” Ozzy Osbourne and Sharon. They were in the ring as “Crazy Train” played. They had a single spotlight in the ring and King’s chair. Ozzy welcomed everyone to Raw, then Sharon talked about how it isn’t the first time Ozzy’s been in WWE- they showed him at Wrestlemania II, then showed his performance on Smackdown in 2007. Ozzy said he didn’t remember any of that. Sharon said she hopes they remember tonight. Then The Miz interrupted. He came to the ring and did his “really?” thing. Miz said he plans on having a big night, saying he’s a bigger star than the entire Osbourne family. He complained about losing to Evan Bourne last week due to outside interference. He wanted the Osbournes to strike the match from the record. Ozzy asked who the bloody hell Miz was? Sharon saying “really?” all the time was getting annoying. Miz introduced himself and said he was awesome, but Legacy’s music interrupted and Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes came out.

Rhodes said Miz’s complaint was “petty.” Cody talked about the car that was ruined last week that they bough for Orton, and Ted took the mic, saying that he paid for most of it. Cody wanted retribution: A handicap match against Kofi Kingston tonight. Miz told them to wait their turn, because the Osbournes are going to deal with him first. Then Big Show came out. Show complained about being assaulted by the Raw roster last week, and demanded an apology. “I’m so sorry,” said Ozzy, to no reaction even though it was a great line. He wanted the entire roster to walk out and apologize to him. DX interrupted and Triple H called the four guys in the ring “ratings-killers.” The Game plugged Ozzy’s book as well as his DX one. Triple H said Miz wants his match with Evan Bourne stricken from the record, so Triple H whispered to Ozzy and Ozzy said Miz will have to face Evan Bourne (or, “Braun”) for the U.S. Title. Then Shawn plugged the on-sale date for Wrestlemania and whispered to Sharon that Kofi will face Randy Orton. Big Show wanted Cena and Triple H in a Triple Threat match. So then he whispered something to Ozzy and said there’d be a Triple-Threat match with John Cena, vs. (then Triple H whispered) vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show. Sharon said the decision is final, despite Show’s objections, and if he’s not down with that, she’s got two words for him. Ozzy posed in between Michaels and Triple H’s usual DX pose. Whispering to Ozzy was a cute way to cover for him not having to remember his lines, and it works on the level that many people think his brain is completely fried.

[Commercial Break]

1- THE MIZ vs. EVAN BOURNE- UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Miz started off with a knee-lift and continued to use the knee. Somewhere backstage, Triple H is nodding contentedly. Bourne sent Miz to the outside and came down with the double-knees on Miz. Side-roll by Bourne back in the ring for two. Miz came back and hung Bourne up chest-first on the top rope. As Miz had Bourne on the mat, Cole talked about reading Ozzy’s autobiography. Does anyone really think Ozzy actually wrote the book? Miz got Bourne up for a suplex, but Bourne kneed Miz in the head to break free. Crowd doesn’t seem to care about Miz, but they’re popping for Bourne. Bourne had Miz down on the mat and went for Air Bourne, but Miz moved and Bourne landed on his feet. Hip-toss into the corner by Miz, then the Skull-Crushing Finale for the finish.

WINNER: Miz, at 4:13. Solid enough four-minute TV match. Too bad to see Bourne take another loss though.

-Later tonight, Kofi Kingston takes on Randy Orton.

[Commercial Break]

-A graphic aired previewing the Triple-Threat match to come later.

-Josh Mathews was backstage with Sheamus. He has a re-match with Jamie Noble later tonight. Mathews asked him if he had any plans to impress the guest hosts. Sheamus said Ozzy’s career should’ve been over long ago, and soon, Noble’s career will be over. Picking on the popular guest host to get some heel heat from the locals.

2- SHEAMUS vs. JAMIE NOBLE

Noble, like last week, didn’t get a TV entrance. He took Noble down immediately, then threw him into the turnbuckle. I wonder if Noble cut a pro-Patriots promo to the live crowd during the break. To the outside, where Sheamus threw Noble face-first into the ring post. Back in the ring, Sheamus stomped on Noble and appeared to try to rip Noble’s upper jaw from the rest of his face. Elbows to the nose and kicks to the gut as the crowd got restless. He landed his back-breaker finisher, and a beauty, but then hit the Pump kick. Pin, but Sheamus pulled Noble up at two. I’m disappointed the Uranage into a back-breaker isn’t his finisher anymore. Sheamus pounded away at Noble in the corner. The ref checked on him, then called for the bell.

WINNER: Sheamus, via ref stoppage, at 2:25.

After the match, he put Noble up on the top rope and continued to punch away at him, then kicked him to the floor. On the outside, Sheamus powerbombed Noble hard to the protective mats. Ouch. He sure made an impression tonight. Referees came out to check on Noble as the crowd chanted “you suck” at Sheamus. They even brought a stretcher down. After a replay, they put Noble on the back-board and strapped him in.

[Commercial Break]

-Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler talked about the “remorseless aggression” shown by Sheamus. That has to be a Vince-fed line. Then they showed clips of Kyle Busch and Joey Logano doing donuts in the parking lot last week.

-A video package aired on Orton’s attack on Kingston last week, as well as Kingston getting revenge.

-Kingston was walking backstage, headed to the ring, when that nosy Josh Mathews interrupted. He asked Kofi if he had any regrets last week. He called Orton a bully and said he wants to blame someone for his problems. He said he wouldn’t be bullied and said he took a stand. Kingston said there is one thing he didn’t destroy: the mirror, which Orton should use to take a good, long look to see why he’s no longer WWE champ. Good promo from Kofi.

[Commercial Break]

-A plug for “I Am Ozzy,” the Osbourne patriarch’s autobiography, due out in January.

3- RANDY ORTON vs. KOFI KINGSTON

Orton circled Kofi, but Kingston did not back down. They traded slaps and Orton sent Kingston to the corner, pounding him down with fists. Crowd got into Kofi early and Kingston came back with an uppercut, then a high dropkick. Over the top went Orton and Kofi followed him, throwing him back into the ring. Legacy ran to ringside. That distracted Kofi, who low-bridged Orton to the outside and onto the others. He then dove through the ropes and onto them. Legacy re-grouped and surrounded the ring. Ozzy came on the Titan-Tron and said he knew this was going to happen, and Sharon turned it into a six-man tag. MVP and Mark Henry joined the action. The original match went less than three minutes. The six-man will start up next.

[Commercial Break]

3- RANDY ORTON & CODY RHODES & TED DIBIASE vs. KOFI KINGSTON & MVP & MARK HENRY

I like them separately, but I have a hard time getting excited about the tandem of Henry and MVP. Kofi fought off pretty much all of Legacy as the show returned, match in progress. Kofi and MVP did both of their pet moves at the same time on a prone DiBiase for two. Henry tagged in and headbutted DiBiase. Teddy went low to the knee of Henry, then tagged Rhodes. Their double-team had little effect, as he clotheslined both men. Is the moniker “World’s Strongest Man” like the term “President,” where even if you’re no longer it, they still call you it, and not “former”? Because Henry was strongest man like 15 years ago. Anyway, MVP came in and took the brunt of Legacy’s punishment for a while. High dropkick by Rhodes after MVP fought out of a rest-hold. Standing dropkick from Orton for two. Orton trademark chin-lock as MVP’s partners tried to get the fans behind him. MVP with a clothesline and both men were down. Orton attacked Kofi before he could connect with MVP, and Orton subsequently dragged MVP to the heel corner. Tag into DiBiase, who was greeted with an overhead throw from Henry. Henry cleaned house until Orton went after the knee. He was going for the RKO, but Kofi dropkicked him. Rhodes to the top- he jumped into Henry’s arms, not showing much sagacity on that one. World’s Strongest Slam by Henry and it’s over.

WINNERS: Kingston, Henry and MVP, 6:49 shown (about 10:10 total, counting the Kingston vs. Orton match). Good way to put Kingston over without putting him over Orton.

-Still to come, a Triple-Threat Match featuring Chris Jericho, Big Show and John Cena.

-Next: Raw’s Got Talent, hosted by the Osbournes. I remember the two or three weeks WWE had game shows, The Dating Game and whatnot. I bet we see Jillian and Santino in this segment.

[Commercial Break]

-“Get Thru This” is the official theme song of Survivor Series, and was duly plugged.

-Jerry Lawler was in the ring and was with Sharon and Ozzy, who were sitting at a table, for Raw’s Got Talent. Three Raw Superstars will come out and show their talent. The special third judge: The Great Khali. Oh no, he’s back already? He took the mic and spoke either a foreign language or very broken English. Lawler interpreted, saying Khali has a huge crush on Kelly Osbourne. Sharon said they’d love him as their son-in-law. First out: Santino Marella, to sing an Ozzy classic, “Bark at the Moon.” He even dressed like Ozzy. Marella said he wasn’t going to sing the song, but he’d do something equally impressive. He assured Ozzy and Harriet that they were big in Italy. For his talent, he was going to bit the head off a bat.....man. He got a toy action figure of batman and finally bit it off. Sharon yelled that it was “rubbish.” They didn’t even use the buzzers in front of them.

Next, Chris Masters doing a special performance art piece to Ozzy’s Crazy Train. I hope it’s ribbon dancing! Instead, Masters flexed his pecs to the beat. Ozzy seemed to get a kick out of it, and it was kind of weird. Sharon said she loved it, and even I had to applaud it. Ozzy yelled “buy that man a bra!” Sharon said he was gorgeous. Ranjin Singh said Khali found it oddly mesmerizing. The final contestants: A duet with Chavo Guerrero and Jillian Hall. Hall said she was such a huge fan of Ozzy. They sang it to “If I Close My Eyes Forever.” Jillian was, of course awful, and Ozzy couldn’t stand it. Chavo was semi-OK. Ozzy said he was going to re-name the song, “Close my ears forever.” Jillian and Chavo then came to the ring in anger and complained about the Osbournes. Jillian sang right in front of the judges. Sharon got in Hall’s face and slapped her. Chavo was upset and told Ozzy to control his wife. Crowd chanted for Sharon as Chavo got in her face. Khali then stood up to defend her and Chavo backed down. Brain chop by Khali sent Chavo to the mat. Then Hornswoggle came out dressed as Jack Osbourne. He went to the top rope and gave the Tadpole Splash to Chavo. That was certainly.....there.

-Kelly Kelly met up with the Bella Twins backstage. As did Gail Kim and Eve Torres. It’s a Divas Battle Royal next. Why are they all smiling and happy together then?

[Commercial Break]


-They advertised next week’s guest host, Ricky Hatton, from England

4- DIVAS NUMBER ONE CONTENDER BATTLE ROYAL

It was the Bellas, Kelly Kelly, Eve, Gail Kim and Alicia Fox. Fox is the only heel? Melina was shown watching backstage. Kelly tried to dump one of the Bellas out, and Kim ended up being tossed about 1:30 into the match. Kim and Kelly seemed to have some words as Jack Swagger came out. Eve started throwing dropkicks and one of the Bellas went out, followed quickly by the other just under 2:00 in. Alicia, Eve and Kelly were the final three. Eve was thrown out by Fox when she was distracted by Swagger, about 2:10 in. Kelly did her handspring elbow in the corner, but Alicia caught her and threw her out.

WINNER: Fox, at 2:43. About as good as you’d expect when the only worker of the group was tossed out first.

-Lawler and Cole again talked on camera about Sheamus’s destruction of Jamie Noble earlier in the night. Good callback here. Cole said Noble suffered serious back and neck injuries, and they’ll have more on Raw next week. They showed the Osbournes and their interaction with the wrestlers earlier in the night.

-Triple-Threat Match still to come. And what’s the deal with no new opening next week? They taped at least part of it last week and Mathews said the new opening would air this week. No opening, same music.

[Commercial Break]

-Cole and Lawler talked about the situation on Smackdown between Rey Mysterio and Batista. They sent it to a video package of what happened between the two this past Friday.

-Jericho barged in on the Osbournes’....office? backstage and said he was disappointed they didn’t consult with him about the decisions tonight. Jericho said it especially hurt because he loved Ozzy as a kid, but then realized that, like Ozzy should’ve, he realized that he didn’t have to pander to the fans and that he’s better than Ozzy. He said if they disrespect him again, it’ll be the ultimate sin. Ozzy asked who that crazy guy was.

-DX was talking to someone off camera and said they understand what their legal rights are. The camera panned back and Hornswoggle was hung up on a chain. They told him that if he imitated DX again, he’d be in big trouble. John Cena walked in and asked what was going on. He took Hornswoggle down and said you never hang a leprechaun on a hook. After all, his uncle did it once. ONCE. Triple H said he isn’t sweating their Triple Threat match too much, because he beat Cena one-on-one last week. And HBK said they’re in England next week, where he once beat Cena. Cena went on a rant about them beating each other all the time. The camera panned to the left to see the Bellas with a disgusted look on their face. They left the scene. Michaels said DX has a better mathematical probability of walking out of Survivor Series as champion. Cena said he doesn’t have to get pinned to lose though, and told them to watch the Triple-Threat tonight. Cena said he’d have four words for them at Survivor Series: “The champ is here!” Shawn was frustrated about everyone stealing their stuff.

[Commercial Break]

-DX joined Cole and Lawler on commentary.

-All three participants in the main event made their entrance. Match will probably start during the break.

[Commercial Break]

5- JOHN CENA vs. CHRIS JERICHO vs. THE BIG SHOW- TRIPLE-THREAT MATCH

Big Show and Cena were fighting on the outside as we came back from break. Shawn Michaels did the reset back from the commercial. “Vintage DX!” screamed Triple H. Big Show again pulled Cena out of the ring and stomped on him. Jericho talked to Show in the ring and I guess they decided to double-team Cena. Cena of course fought back, but not for long. Hard chop to the chest of Cena. The champions continued double-teaming Cena. Back suplex by Jericho. Show whipped Jericho into Cena in the corner, landing a shoulder into his gut. Show missed a splash and Cena made his comeback against Jericho. But Jericho landed a Lionsault for two, as Show pulled him off. See though, there’s nothing at stake here, so why do Jericho and Big Show care which one of them gets the pin? Show got mad and threw Jericho out of the ring. Cena got caught in a chokeslam, but he got out and put Show on his back, collapsing in the process. Vader Bomb by Show missed. Cena shoulder-blocked Show out of the ring. Jericho came back in and got two of his own for good measure. Cena got Jericho up for the FU, but Show punched him straight in the face and Jericho pinned him. Yes, Jericho pinned Cena. There is a full moon tonight folks, so I guess that explains it.

WINNERS: Show and Jericho, at 7:13.

Jericho locked in the Walls of Jericho as Show was going to put Cena in his special hold, but DX tried to break it up. HBK was met with a right hand and Triple H lasted a bit longer ‘til he got hit with a Codebreaker. The tag champs posed together to end the show.

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