By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
OCTOBER 15, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-The James Earl Jones voiceover guy called this the most anticipated Impact in history just days before the biggest PPV in TNA history. It touted the three-hour expanded format. The show is titled "Angle's Revenge."

-After the TNA Impact opening, Kurt Angle stood mid-ring with the Main Event Mafia, likely their last time in the ring as a group on Impact. As Angle talked about his match with A.J. Styles later, Joe walked up behind him in a show of support. Mike Tenay called Angle vs. Styles feature match as a "pay-per-view caliber main event." Angle said he's there primarily to talk about Bound for Glory, which marks the one-year anniversary of the formation of the Main Event Mafia. Angle told Nash he the Legends Champion because he is a legend, not Styles or Hernandez. He told Joe if he brings his Nation of Violence, he'll show the world why he's the most dominant wrestler in TNA. He turned to Booker T and Scott Steiner and said they've held more singles and tag team titles than any other two wrestlers combined. He said he wants them to do what they do best and win that Full Metal Mayhem match. He said his job as the Godfather of the Mafia is to take Matt Morgan and turn the giant into a mouse. He said when he does that, he will get a shot at "my TNA Title." He said their time is now. Style's music then played.

Styles led Morgan, Hernandez, Bobby Lashley, Beer Money, and Team 3D onto the stage. Brother Ray asked the crowd if everyone is as sick as they are listening to Angle run his mouth. Styles said if he heard them correct, they called it a "make or break pay-per-view for the Main Event Mafia." He said in fact it will be "a break pay-per-view" for the Mafia. He said they are just three days away from the Mafia ceasing to exist. Then they charged to the ring for a pullapart brawl. Joe and Lashley broke free for another pullapart brawl before the first break. [c]

-They showed Tenay and West at ringside who hyped Bound for Glory and their main event of Angle vs. Styles, which Tenay called "arguably the biggest main event on Impact ever."

[Q2]

1 -- THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (Velvet Sky & Madison Rayne & Lacey Von Erich) vs. AWESOME KONG & ODB & TARA

Kong knocked her partners down as the bell rang to start the match. Tenay said they anticipated that might happen. Kong then went after Tara at ringside as Sky wrestled ODB in the ring. At 2:00 ODB tagged in Tara. ODB tagged in shortly thereafter as Tara was climbing to the top rope. That led to an argument between ODB and Tara, Tara kicked ODB; Sky made the cover for the three count.

WINNERS: The Beautiful People in 3:00.

-Lauren interviewed "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero who plugged the Stacker 2 energy drink for some reason. When he interrupted Lauren, resisted acting like a puppy just got run over by a car. He then bragged up his standards and conviction to do what is righteous. He said he will ascend to the top of TNA to sit on the top of his throne. These sound like scripted promos from the horribly campy GLOW show in the late 1980s. He said inside his chest is a heart of a lion and a soul of a champion that cannot be contained, just like his energy drink.

-A commercial then aired for Stacker with Kurt Angle pitching it. [c]

-Lauren asked Lashley backstage how he stays so cool considering he's scheduled to face Rhino just days before facing Joe and Joe attacked him last week. He said, "Because I am cool." Rhino interrupted the promo with a Gore before it got worse. Rhino yelled at the top of his lungs that he won't make it to Sunday.

-A video package aired hyping the Ultimate X 17 match with phrases on the screen like "It's not about weight limits, it's about no limits," "the ultimate test," "adrenaline junkies," The fact that there have apparently been 17 of those and they all blend in despite huge chances taken by so many of the participants is an indictment on the bookers' respect for the sacrifices the wrestlers took.

[Q3]

2 -- AMAZING RED (w/Don West)

West shook hands with Tenay and West and then accompanied Red to the ring. Tenay said years ago West climbed onto the announce table to show support for Red. Tenay and Taz talked about the Ultimate X match on Sunday. Red hit a twisting flip dive on Suicide at ringside as West cheered. Red dove off the top rope, but Suicide caught him. Red slipped out and kicked Suicide with a 360 degree roundkick for a two count at 2:00. Taz joked that West must be supporting Red because he has a new baseball card coming out. Yawn. The West-Home Shopping Network jokes are pretty tired by this point. Red climbed to the top rope, so Dinero ran out and shoved him to the mat, so the ref called for a DQ. He continued is attack on Suicide, and then set up his DDE move. Red cut him off. Tenay said after the break they'd get to the bottom of the Red-West situation.

WINNER: No contest in 4:00.

-Jeremy Borash interviewed West backstage who cut a promo for Red saying he has more heart in his little finger than most have in their entire body. West said Red came to him and said he wanted him to be his booster and promoter. He said Red told him he had never been in Ultimate X before. West said it was built for someone just like him. Red can't cut his own promos, but is very talented, so this is a pairing with potential. West can hype.

-Eric Young walked out in his suit. Tenay talked about how he formed a rival group of the MEM called The World Elite. He joined Tenay and West at ringside. He claimed victory in the war with MEM.

3 -- HERNANDEZ vs. DOUG WILLIAMS & BRUTUS MAGNUS & "RED FLAG" ROB TERRY

When Hernandez walked out, he went right up to Young and grabbed his by his shirt and said at BFG he'll break every bone in his body and even Nash won't be able to save him. Taz called Williams "battle-tested and rugged." That's a term for a virtual jobber, just like calling someone "the always capable." Hernandez won clean at 2:00, which is ridiculous in that it, without much benefit, buried the British Invasion tag team. That the announcers barely reacted undercut any impact it could have had, treating it as if it was totally unsurprising that Williams would go down to Hernandez so quickly.

[Q4]

Hernandez tossed Magnus around, at which point Young hilariously said, "The plan is working perfectly." Hernandez then powerbombed and pinned Magnus. Terry then entered and... guess what his first move was? Yep, the muscle-bound rookie indy wrestler clothesline. Hernandez pinned him quickly with a sitout powerbomb off the top rope.

WINNER: Hernandez in 5:00.

STAR RATING: neg. ***** for stupid booking. This did nothing for Hernandez because the announcers barely reacted to him beating three formerly credible heels in five minutes. It also buried The British Invasion, who might as well be phased out completely now since they've been defined down as jobbers. This was one of the least defensible segments on Impact in a long time, and that's really saying something. That Taz and Tenay didn't step up and try to get this segment over by reacting more to Hernandez's "stunning upset in this three-on-one challenge" shows that they've checked out, too, and are just rolling through their jobs to collect paychecks because they know better than this. And why exactly did Hernandez have to face three heels in a gauntlet match. This segment alone should be grounds for firing whoever came up with it. Not that it destroys a promotion, but it's so stupid and pointless without any benefit the way it was presented. [c]

-Taz hyped Styles vs. Angle. Tenay then said earlier he had a chance to conduct a special interview and he said it got a little crazy. He interviewed the four captains of the four-way tag match scheduled for Bound for Glory. Tenay said TNA announced it's the "final battle before those four teams" as if there'd ever be a reason for another four-team match with these four teams. Brother Ray cut a promo. He said he's not going to go on and on and on, and then said he plans to regain his tag team titles that he and Brother Devon were screwed out of. Robert Roode said on Sunday it's every team for themselves. He said he and James Storm are more ready than ever before. Tenay then threw to Booker T. He said Tenay should have come to him for comment first since he is one-half of the World Tag Team Champions. He said Beer Money are a couple of rookies. He said he didn't even know the names of the British guys and they're going to waste them. Magnus interrupted. Tenay said he heard their partners are involved in "a brawl in catering." They cut to the brawl. Their partners joined them. They brawled just like the show-opening segment, except backstage. [c]

[Q5]

-Tenay threw to Lauren backstage, who interviewed Styles. She asked if he should have waited to face Angle until after his match with Sting. He asked Lauren if he thought Angle would take no for an answer. He said he's a fighting champion and it's what he does. He said Sting is considered "The Icon" and Angle is considered "The Best." he said he is the TNA World Champion and he between tonight and Bound for Glory, he can leave zero doubt that he's the best. He said it can only affect his match against Sting, but only if Angle is right. Taz said you have to love the confident of Styles.

4 -- D'ANGELO DINERO vs. DANIELS

Dinero came out and money fell from the ceiling into the ring. Tenay said, "It's raining Dinero." Taz said he wishes it was coming down over the announce table. Dinero used an eye poke to take over at 2:00.

WINNER: Daniels in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- The closest anything on this show came to feeling like an actual wrestling match.

-Afterward, Suicide's music played and he ran to the ring and hit Daniels with a clothesline. Tenay exclaimed, "What the hell?" He hit the Gringos Killer and then unmasked as Homicide. Security chased him away a Taz said he's not even supposed to be in the building.

-They showed Mick Foley heading toward the entrance tunnel with popcorn. [c]

[Q6]

-Foley ate popcorn on his way to the ring. Tenay said if you can say one thing about him, it's that he's unpredictable. So is Carrot Top. He had a cardboard mask on. He said he wore a mask for several years, but then they were mass-marketed and it turned out anyone could impersonate him, such as Chris Park. He sat on a puffy chair in the ring and ate popcorn as he explained that Abyss may be a blatant Mick Foley knockout, but as far as blatant Mick Foley knockoffs go, he's pretty good. Foley sitting He pushed a remote control and aired Abyss's "greatest hits." He said from the movie "Cheap Imitation" comes Abyss wearing a mask not seen since 1996 when "Mick Foley made his debut." (That translates to: "Mankind made his WWF debut.") A clip aired of Abyss pouring thumb tacks on the mat. He said that hadn't been seen since he invented it in Japan in 1995. A clip aired of Abyss on fire. He said that was from "Blazing Imitation," and he said that hadn't been seen since his "Match of the Year" against Edge. As he was about to introduce clip number four, Abyss came out and shoved a barbed wire bat into his face. Foley directed Abyss toward the big screen. Dr. Stevie had Lauren tied up. Oh, goodie, another totally unbelievable kidnapping angle. Vince Russo's bag-o-trick is so recycled right now. This is one of those angles where it goes outside of the logic barriers of wrestling storylines since kidnappings should (a) involve authorities outside of TNA to have any credibility (or demand an explanation why they don't) and (b) result in major ramifications from TNA authorities, neither of which Russo has the patience to execute or understanding of why it's vital to be bothered to do so. [c]

-Borash began plugging that he had hot backstage scoops, but then Homicide interrupted and yanked away the mic. He was still dressed up as Suicide, minus the mask. Hopefully Suicide can give up this gimmick now that Homicide has stolen his outfit. Homicide said he found out Suicide "is one ugly sucker." He said he knows he is now and it can be their little secret. "I knew it was you all along," he said. Security walked up to him and began to carry him out of the arena. Taz said Suicide "is a little nutty."

5 -- ALICIA FLASH vs. HAMADA -- Falls Count Anywhere match

They brawled on the stage and to ringside. Taz said Alicia is "trying to earn a spot." We could probably do with the term "earn a spot" being banned from wrestling shows since it's a pointless "wink and nod" to insider fans that they're "talking their language," when in fact it's an empty statement in the context of a wrestling show where wins and losses dictate title contention, not "spots." Hamada won with a moonsault off the apron onto Flash on a table.

WINNER: Hamada in 5:00.

[Q7]

-Borash interviewed Angle backstage, asking him if his match against Styles it taking his focus off of Morgan. He said he'll soar into Bound for Glory with a huge win over the "supposed world heavyweight champion" Styles. He said Styles will learn why he doesn't deserve to be holding his title. He said that Morgan will learn on Sunday that you don't cross the Godfather. [c]

6 -- RHINO vs. BOBBY LASHLEY

As Rhino made his ring intro, they showed Rhino giving Lashley a Gore earlier. Then Lashley came out with his abdominal area wrapped in tape. Rhino attacked Lashey before he entered the ring and then stomped away at his mid-section in the ring. At 3:00 Lashley reversed Rhino into the ringside barrier. Lashley put Rhino on a stretcher and tried to drag it away to win via the convoluted rules. Rhino rolled off of the stretcher and took over offense. He charged at Lashley, but Lashley moved. Tenay said Lashley couldn't take another Gore. Lashley put Rhino on a stretcher, as he was still knocked out from the missed Gore into the stage wall. Lashley almost got him wheeled out of the door, but Rhino rolled off the stretcher. Lashley slammed him onto a guard rail leaning on a trash can backstage. Lashley then threw the stretcher with Rhino on it into an ambulance.

WINNER: Lashley in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- I know it's the longest match of the show, but an eight minute stretcher grudge match is way too short. Also, why are Rhino and Lashley having what is traditionally (for good reason) a match that's usually hyped for weeks, featured on a big show, and ends a feud? It's just one damaging inefficiency after another on this show every week. [c]

-So Cal Val interviewed Lashley backstage. He asked if Joe was ready to tapout. Joe then attacked him from behind and put him in his Kokina Clutch sleeper. He knocked him completely out and then yelled at the top of his lungs that he will end it at Bound for Glory.

-Tenay and West hyped the line-up for Sunday's BFG PPV.

-They cut backstage to Abyss running behind who he thought was Lauren, but it was Daffney in a blonde wig. Dr. Stevie then attacked Abyss. Foley joined in with the barbed wire baseball bat. He bashed Abyss with the bat.

-Tenay, not having the time or inclination to take even a second to reflect on what should be considered a major backstage angle, immediately hyped the Angle-Styles match, saying it's what we've been waiting for. A split screen showed both warming up. [c]

7 -- A.J. STYLES vs. KURT ANGLE

Taz said he considers Angle the best wrestler in the world. He said if he were Sting, he'd be licking his chops. He said he respects Styles's heart and fortitude, but not necessarily his judgment. The match began 56 minutes into the second hour. After a few minutes, when Angle got in a flurry of offense, Angle bailed out to ringside for a breather.

[Q9]

Angle went on sustained offense and scored some two counts at 7:00. At 10:00, a marathon for TNA, the announcers began to talk about endurance being a factor. Styles again made a comeback at 13:00 with a springboard forearm for a two count. Styles hit a Pele kick for a near fall a minute later. At 17:00 Angle caught Styles on the top rope and suplexed him on the mat for a near fall. Styles escaped an Angle Slam and turned it into a Styles Clash for a believable near fall that popped the crowd. Tenay said, "What a classic this is." He said this has promised to be the biggest Impact main event of the year and it hasn't disappointed. Angle fired back a minute later with an Angle Slam for another near fall. Angle went for a moonsault and Angle moved. Taz said that's out of Angle's element, even though Angle is known for going for the moonsault occasionally. Styles hit a springboard 450 splash for a near fall.

[Q10]

At 20:00 Styles went for a superplex, but Angle pushed him off. Styles went back at Angle and set up a piledriver, but Angle reversed it. Styles also reversed it. Angle then slipped out and applied an anklelock. After ten seconds the bell began to ring, but Styles hadn't tapped out. Dave Penzer said the time limit expired and the match was ruled a draw.

WINNER: Time limit draw in 20:00.

STAR RATING: **** -- Very good match, no doubt about that. The time limit being thrown out there came off like a copout finish since that's not a finish familiar to fans nor talked about much in other big matches.

-Sting walked to the ring as they cut to a break and checked on Styles. Taz said Styles didn't seem to want anything to do with Sting. [c]

-Taz and Tenay touted the Angle-Styles match as highlights aired. Then they threw to a video preview of Joe-Lashley. It was a UFC-style package showing Lashley training. Lashley said he's focused on MMA and TNA. He said it's a dream come true to be part of TNA, which grows every year. They showed a clip of him beating Bob Sapp (but they left out any sense that Sapp was a "somebody" some day in MMA in Japan). They went to Joe commenting. He said, "I am Samoa Joe, I am pro wrestling, and at Bound for Glory we'll find out what that means." Clips aired of Taz talking about the match and making his prediction that Joe would get the upset victory. They cut to Lashley's life at home with his wife and two young kids (who are super-cute, by the way). Joe said there is no preparation Lashley came go through to be ready for what he plans for him. He said dealing with him in a wrestling ring is far more than Lashley will face in any other ring. Lashley said it will be a "messy, rough, touch battle." Taz said this match will present fans with something "different, unique." It's just crazy how much more in-his-element Joe is in this type of "real sports" setting hyping his fight. Same for Lashley, actually. This is what TNA should shift the entire promotion to and see how it affects PPV buys. The contrast with the mess of the first 1:56 of this show is stunning. [c]

[Q11]

-Tenay and Taz threw to a hype package on Foley-Abyss. Foley said he'll go out on a limb and say this is the biggest match of his career in terms of what it means to him personally. [c]

-Next up was a video package on the Morgan vs. Angle match. Angle said Morgan has everything it takes to be the best some day. Dixie Carter said it's a battle of The Best vs. The Future. They aired a clip of Morgan playing college basketball and being featured on "American Gladiators." Morgan said this match is absolutely, positively the most important thing to him right now in his life. He said his wife may not be happy with that. He said he respects Angle, but he plans to hand him his ass. Tenay was then shown saying this is Morgan's chance to move up to being seen as being on Angle's level. Morgan said he's working hard on his cardio so he can set the pace. He said there's no glass ceiling for him. Angle said he wants to have his best match ever with more people watching then ever before. Taz said he thinks it's Morgan's time and he learning toward picking him. Morgan said he's not happy just wrestling Angle, he has to beat him and beat him convincingly to go home semi-satisfied.

[Q12]

-Borash interviewed Angle backstage who had an ice pack on his neck. He asked if he had Styles on the verge of tapping out. Angle said there was no official winner, but they know who the winner was. He wondered how Styles will deal with that going into Sunday. Borash said he's never seen Angle so confident. Angle said he just beat Styles, will beat Morgan, and then he'll take his title back. [c]

-Tenay and Taz threw to a video package on Sting-Styles. Tenay said they'd hear from Styles after the video package. Sting said he nearly lost everything in the midst of his career. He said the sport isn't as glamourous as it seems and it can wear on you after two decades. He said the roar of the crowd keeps him going and it's hard to say goodbye to it. He said for four years he was out of the ring and he's glad he had the chance for one last hurrah. Taz said Sting is an icon and living legend. Tenay compared Sting to Reggie Jackson as being TNA's "Mr. October." He said he has become TNA World Champion at Bound for Glory three straight years. They finally got around to talking about that. The narrator touted Styles as TNA's only grand slam champion. Styles said he has to be on top of his game on Sunday to have a chance to beat Sting. Taz predicted a Styles win. Tenay said he'd hate to Sting lose and walk away from TNA. Sting said there's a chance this could be his last match. He said for a year or two he's been talking about retirement. "I don't want to get to the place where I embarrass myself," Sting said. Dixie said, "Every year Sting tells me, or I convince him, one more time, one more year. This time I don't know if it's it. It's going to be an incredibly emotional night for him."

-Borash interviewed Styles backstage and asked if it wasn't a 20 minute time limit, would the result be different. Styles got upset and said, "I didn't win this match, but I didn't lose it, either." He said he was emotional when he accepted the match. He said he needs to shift his focus to Sting. He said he wanted to make it perfectly clear that he didn't lose the match. He said he didn't win, either, so he must learn from it. He threw his towel down and stormed away.

-Tenay and Taz gave one final hard pitch as they threw to a final video focused on the Bound for Glory title itself. Various wrestlers talked about this being the "one big show that sticks out." Tara said every wrestler works their tail off to be involved in this. Daniels said there's added pressure at this event. Ray said it's sometimes the culmination and other times the new beginning. Robert Roode said BFG will be a special night. Sting said fans will see the best of the best for the entire company. Foley said reputations are forged and it's the most important night of the year. Styles said, "It's our Super Bowl." They closed with Lashley as the final one to comment on how big of an event it is.

QUOTEBOOK

Taz to Mike Tenay: "Mike, have you ever been outnumbered by three girls?" (Tenay ignored the question.)

Mick Foley: "When you feel warm blood dripping down your own face, it's not the worst feeling in the world."

Mick Foley: "At the end of the day, what I always thought of, what I daydreamed about, what I wanted to be, was a hardcore wrestler. And Abyss is the same way."

Mick Foley: "I have a chance in 2009 to show fans what I did in 2004, that I've still got it."

Sting: "It wasn't wrestling that just about destroyed me. It was me that just about destroyed me. It's amazing the things that can happen when you have fame, notoriety. I just about lost everything - my wife, my family, my life."

Mick Foley: "When I face off with Abyss, make no mistake about it, people won't be looking at two carbon copies, they'll be looking at two unique individuals who each have the same goal - to tear the house down and have the best hardcore match possible. At the end of the day, hopefully there will be an argument, was that the best hardcore match ever."

Kurt Angle: "I give everything I have until I can't give anymore."

Matt Morgan: "I'm the only giant in the sport with a set of abs on him. That's by design, that's not just to look good. Those abs aren't just built for show, they're built to go."

[Kurt Angle art credit Grant Gould (c) PWTorch]

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