TV REPORTS WILKENFELD'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 10/8: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Spike TV broadcast
Oct 8, 2009 - 8:19:08 PM
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By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor
Where We've Been (Special Extended Edition): I've been gone for a while (see the bottom for details). In the meanwhile, A.J. Styles won the World Heavyweight Championship, Kurt Angle was removed from the main event picture, Hernandez managed to lose his Feast or Fired Briefcase without ever stepping into the ring, and someone in TNA management decided that Mick Foley's first heel turn went over so well that they'd try it again after a grand total of three months face. Two of those things I think were good ideas; I'll leave you to guess which.
The Show: Old Wounds Reopened
Abyss is in the ring with creepy lighting, thumb tacks, and broken glass. Abyss realizes that Mick's bled on every continent in this planet—who can forget the Antarctica Fortress of Solitude Classic? But in any case, he's never bled like Abyss will make him bleed at Bound for Glory. The crowd boos that. See this is why we don't turn people every fifteen minutes. Abyss is challenging Mick to the marquis hardcore match in the world, Monster's Ball. At BFG, Mick will not have a nice day. Mick comes down to the ring, barbed-wire baseball bat in hand. Before he can say anything Abyss cuts him off. The crowd boos him even more. He reminds Mick of how last week he called him a cheap knockoff. Abyss wants to know if he was a cheap knockoff when he wrestled AJ Styles in the main event of the very first Lockdown, when he faced Sabu in a Barbed Wire Massacre match of the year, or when he beat Sting for the World Title. No, he it was Chris Park who did all that himself, while Mick was out writing children books and playing with sock puppets. The crowd is actively cheering for Foley now. The difference between Mick and Abyss is that Abyss is hardcore, and Mick just used to be. If there's a cheap knock-off in the ring, it's Mick, since he's only half the man he used to be. Mick admits that Abyss is a valuable part of the company; in fact, he's banning the $50,000 bounty to make sure Abyss stays that way. As to him being half the man he used to be, he guesses we'll all find out at BFG. He suggests that Abyss bring his A-game, since he certainly will. Mick starts to leave, but has second thoughts halfway up the ramp. He decides to tweak the match a little. Mick's been hearing from a friend of Abyss's that he might have a psychological addiction to certain inanimate objects, so Mick's banning Abyss from using thumb tacks in their match. Also, a special Monster's Ball requires a special referee, so Mick calls down Dr. Stevie. Dr. Stevie hits the ring with Daffney, and suggests that Abyss's recent fallout with Foley just proves that no one can ever love him. Even his own mother never really loved him. Lauren runs down to the ring and talks Abyss into leaving it. Dr. Stevie suggests that it's just like Abyss to hide behind the skirt of a $20 a night streetwalker. Abyss pauses. He asks what Dr. Stevie said, and Dr. Stevie repeats it. Abyss says that that's what he thought. He lifts Dr. Stevie up for a Two-handed Choke Slam, but gets low blowed by Daffney. Foley comes back down to the ring with his bat, but before he can do any damage Matt Morgan runs down to make that save. I thought that was really cool—that there was only so much he'd put up with with respect to his old partner—but apparently it's just because they're tagging later tonight. That's less interesting.
JB is in the back with World Elite, and wants to know about their war with the Main Event Mafia. Eric Young says that there's no need to talk about it, since World Elite already won. EY reached out time and time again to help out the MEM when they were down, but was only repaid with betrayal. So last week World Elite showed both Angle and Hernandez what it's like to be victimized. JB asks about the rumor that EY will be facing Hernandez at BFG. EY acknowledges that he's no longer trying to recruit Hernandez, but claims that he's simply dead to him. Since Hernadnez isn't even in his league, there's no need for a match.
JB is in the MEM locker room, where he asks Kurt about World Elite's claim to have won their war. Kurt makes him repeat it a few times to rile himself up, then says that no one declares victory over the MEM. To that end he's putting a $30,000 hit on Eric Young, because that's how you really win a war.
(1) KEVIN NASH (c) vs. HERNANDEZ Legends' Championship Match
If you go back and check, I might be the first person outside Hernandez's immediate family to call him a main eventer, and even I don't buy that he's a legend. This match is scheduled for 10 minutes. Hernandez and Nash lock up to start. Nash gets the advantage with a knee lift, then backs Hernandez up into the corner. He works his usual knees and right hands. Hernandez fights out of the corner with forearms, but Nash fazes him with a boot to the chest. He clotheslines Hernandez out of the ring, but when he tries to follow him out he gets whipped into the ring post and then the barricade. Hernandez rolls Nash into the ring. When he tries to charge in the corner he gets elevated out onto the apron. He comes back in with a Slingshot Clothesline, but when he looks for the Border Toss Eric Young runs down to the ring and clips his leg right in front of the referee. That draws the bell.
WINNER: Hernandez by DQ in 3 minutes. After the match Young hits a Pile Driver on Hernandez for good measure. The crowd chants for TNA management to fire Eric. On his way out of the ring, EY mouths that Nash owes him. Taz mentions that Nash doesn't yet know about the hit.
Abyss catches up with Matt Morgan backstage. He thanks him for the assist earlier, but wants to make clear that he's no happier about their match later than Morgan is. He wants to know if just for this one night he can trust him. Morgan wants to be clear that they're definitely not reforming as a team or as best friends, but for one night only they have each others' backs. He calls Abyss buddy and tells him that he didn't even need to ask.
Eric Young is waiting for Kevin Nash backstage. Nash wants to know what EY was up to earlier, and whether it's really a good idea for Young to be anywhere near him given what went down last week. EY's not worried, cause he understands what makes Nash tick. He informs Big Sexy about Angle's bounty, but says that he'll double it in exchange for Nash returning the favor EY just did him. Young is scheduled to face Hernadnez at BFG, but that can't happen. So instead he proposes that they make it a three-way match. TNA will jump at a match like that, Nash can keep his title, and EY can take out Hernadnez. Everybody wins. Nash agrees that Young is speaking his language, and they shake on it.
(2) SAMOA JOE vs. AMAZING RED X Division Championship Match
I actually thought they might want to get the title off Joe, but the lack of an entrance for Red is not filling me with hope. Red evades Joe with some rolls and flips to start. He tries to attack with some kicks, but Joe just hoists him into the air and lets him crash to the canvas. Joe Snapmares him down, chops his back, and drops a knee on him. Lashley starts walking down to the ring. Joe's distracted, which allows Red to connect with a dropkick off the top rope. He follows up with a Trouble in Paradise and a Jimmy Yang style run-up in the corner, but when Red tries to charge again he eats a Yurinagi. Joe looks over to Lashley again. Hebner goes to ban Lashley from ringside, but Joe invites him into the ring instead. Hebner just sort of shrugs and lets Lashley into the ring. They (Lashley and Joe) (though Lashley and Hebner would have been funnier) trade blows, and Lashley connects with a Full Nelson Slam. Red comes suddenly comes off the top with what looks like a Spiral Tap, then follows up with a Code Red (Running Shooting Star Press) for the win.
WINNER (and new X Division Champion): Amazing Red in three minutes. So obviously I'm not thrilled with how it went down, but screw it—Amazing Red is your new X Division Champion!!! Between that and AJ, I'd almost think the new TNA management is listening to the Impact Zone.
Lauren is waiting for Amazing Red in the back, but before he shows up Joe seizes the mic. If Lashley wants to pick a fight with the mob, then he has his wish. The war is on, Lashley's in his sights, and Joe will barely leave any of him to make it to BFG. Wait, didn't Joe start this for no obvious reason last week? I'm so confused.
(3) SUICIDE & DANIELS vs. D'ANGELO DINERO & HOMICIDE
Daniels and Homicide fight to the outside right away, leaving Suicide to take over on Dinero with an STO. Homicide comes back in though and lets Dinero retake control. They trade some quick tags. Dinero hits a big uppercut/throat thrust, but Suicide comes back with right hands. Homicide comes back in and takes over with a Snapmare. He drives a knee into Suicide's neck, then tags in Dinero for a knee drop off the top rope for two. Dinero connects with a running knee drop. Suicide dodges a charge in the corner, ducks attempted interference by Homicide, clotheslines them both down, and makes the tag to Daniels. Daniels quickly knocks down Homicide. Dinero tries to come off the top rope with a Double Sledge, but Daniels catches him with a shot to the head and a Death Valley Driver that Homicide breaks up at two. Suicide dropkicks Homicide out of the ring, when for some reason Homicide walks over to the Spanish broadcast table. He starts screaming at the commentators, then randomly attacks Willie Urbina. Suicide comes to make the save, so Homicide throws a hissy fit with a chair. Daniels connects with a Ura-Nage in the ring, but when he looks for the BME Homicide catches his leg. Suicide comes over to deal with Homicide, but in the meanwhile Dinero nails whatever he's calling the Elijah Express for the win.
WINNERS: Homicide & D'Angelo Dinero in five minutes. Apparently what happened was that Homicide got in trouble for swearing in Spanish, and decided that Urbina must have snitched on him, since apparently Urbina is the only other man in Florida who understands Spanish. I did not know that.
JB is back in the MEM locker room, where Kurt wants Nash to explain why Eric Young is still walking. Nash points out that EY offered him double. Kurt says that's not what it's about. They're family—Angle didn't have to offer him anything, but he did. Nash again points out that it was double. Kurt leaves to go talk to Mick about something. After he's gone, Nash mumbles something about how Kurt could have just offered him triple.
Team 3D, Beer Money, The British Invasion, Booker T & Scott Steiner, Mike Tenay, Earl Hebner, and a ladder are in the ring for a contract signing. Both sets of tag titles will be on the line at BFG. As soon as the contracts are signed Booker starts trash talking, so Storm apologies for his damned luck and slugs him in the head. We immediately break into a pier-six brawl. Team 3D create enough distance to get a table. They pass it to Roode in the ring, but get cut off by The British Invasion before they can go in themselves. In the ring Roode takes control of Booker and sets him up on the table. He climbs the ladder, so Sharmell comes in to shield her husband. She doesn't have to, since Rob Terry comes in and pushes the ladder over. I'm not sure if it was supposed to look like Roode fell, but what it actually looked like was Roode jumping off just before it came down. Booker T and Scott Steiner come into the ring and Choke Slam Devon through the table. They hoist up both titles and start their music, when The British Invasion attack. Booker & Steiner get a quick advantage, but they can't keep up with the three on two assault. The Brits are the last ones standing, holding both sets of titles.
(4) MADISON RAYNE, VELVET SKY, TRACI BROOKS, & ALISSA FLASH vs. SARITA, TAYLOR WILDE, HAMADA, & CHRISTY HEMME Tag Team Elimination Match
Taz immediately thinks it's suspicious that Lacey Von Erich didn't come to the ring.
Hamada starts things off with a side takedown on Traci, but when she looks for a Springboard Moonsault Traci dodges, goes for a rollup, gets reversed into a kick, then re-reverses into another roll-up for two. Hamada comes back with a stiff kick and tags in Christy. Christy hits a standing FFG and a weird leg choke, but then Traci sort of hits a Jaw Breaker for three. It didn't look good. Taylor Wilde comes in firing, but Alissa Flash trips her up from the outside and tags in. She works a Surfboard, then smashes Taylor into the canvas for two. She looks for a Body Slam, but Taylor slips out and nails the Back Stabber. She tags in Hamada, who comes into the ring with a dropkick off the top rope. She and Flash brawl to outside the ring, where it's pretty clear they'll both be counted out. Sarita and Velvet Sky decide to cut to the chase and start fighting in the ring, and sure enough Hamada and Flash are both eliminated. Wilde tags in and hits some MCMG style double team magic before connecting with a Northern Lights Suplex/Hammerlock that only gets two. Sky hits a Spike DDT out of nowhere for the three count though. Traci tags in to finish off Sarita, but Sarita gets a quick Gut Wrench Suplex for three. The Beautiful People try to work the double team, but Sarita ducks underneath them, shoves Sky into Rayne, and gets a quick Small Package on Sky for three. Rayne lifts her up for a Slam, and she reverses into another Small Package. This one only gets two. A School Girl gets two. Alissa Flash comes back to the ring, and the ref gets distracted explaining to her that she's been counted out. Sarita hits a Double Underhook Power Bomb, but Lacey Von Erich sneaks into the ring, kicks her in the back, then nails a Choke Slam. The ref turns around just in time to see Rayne make the cover for three.
WINNERS: Rayne, Sky, Flash, & Traci in 7 minutes. This had the usual problem in that several of the eliminations not making sense in any other context. On the plus side, the action was fun, and this was probably Hamada's best showing to date.
Kurt Angle goes into Foley's office, where Mick is still ogling his bat. Kurt says that he's having a long day, and has business with Matt Morgan, so he just wants Mick to promise that there'll be no games tonight—no sock puppets and no catch phrases. Mick wants to know if it looked like he was playing games two weeks ago when he left Abyss laying. Does he look like he'd want to play games while some two-bit Foley knock off cashes in on his blood, his sweat, and his tears? He starts screaming about how there'll be no games, all the while beating up his desk with the barbed wire. Angle leaves, clearly disturbed, but satisfied.
Sting is heading for the Impact Zone.
Abyss and Morgan are psyching each other up in the locker room.
Sting hits the ring, sans make-up and costume. For some reason he still does his full entrance. He immediately addresses AJ and what he said during their sit-down interview last week. He spent a lot of time thinking about what he said, and how there's a thin line between passing the torch and just not wanting it anymore. He's also been thinking of all the times he told AJ that it's not worth even lacing up your boots if you don't think you're the absolute best. He still believes that, and whether you're 20 or 40, you still always bring your best. He has for his whole career. He was surprised when AJ challenged him to a World Title Match, but purely out of his gut he said yes. That's because this is what he does, this is what he knows, and this is what he wants. So in California he'll lace up his boots "one last time", where he fully expects to win. But if Bound for Glory doesn't live up to his expectations, then it'll be "show time", for the last time. He starts to leave, but Kurt comes out first. He says that if Sting were going to retire, he should have done it before No Surrender. There Matt Morgan screwed Angle, then Sting just handed the belt to AJ, in exchange for AJ doing him a favor the next day. The way those two have been acting they should change the name of the show to "The View" so they can just kiss each others' asses for the whole two hours. Kurt wants his rematch, and he wants his title. AJ's never questioned his integrity before (um…do you even remember the summer of 2008?), yet he gave the title shot to his good friend Sting. They all know that if they really want to be the best, then they have to beat Kurt 1-2-3. Kurt suggests that maybe Sting should retire before Bound for Glory, so that a real champion can step up to the main event instead of some washed up has been. Sting says that if Kurt wants him to retire, he should just go ahead and retire him right now, putting the old man out of his misery. Security comes to break things up, and Angle starts to leave. As soon as Sting turns his back Angle attacks, knocking him down and locking in the Angle Lock. AJ Styles comes down to make the save. As Kurt retreats, he says that if AJ wants Sting at BFG, he can have him. Kurt's busy that night anyway—he does, however, have an opening next week, so why doesn't AJ prove that he really is the best? AJ immediately accepts the match.
This was a really effective segment, though I'm not totally sure what it was effective at doing.
Lauren is in the locker room with AJ Styles, and she wants to know if it was a wise decision to accept a match with Kurt at…holy crap, she really just called it "Super Impact". Wow. Anyhow, AJ says that it wasn't wise—it was necessary. AJ's not thrilled with how he won the title. He knows that people are saying Sting fed it to him on a silver platter, so he has something to prove.
We run down the card for Bound for Glory. It looks like a really good card, though it's missing an X Division Championship Match, the Motor City Machine Guns, and Lethal Consequences. Thankfully they could take care of all three of those issues with one match, so we can hope.
Hey, speaking of the Guns, here they are for their music video. They've listened to the fans, they've listened to Mick Foley, and they've just listened to their old music and puked a little inside. Shelley informs the crowd that he has it on good authority that their music was made Consequences Creed puke last week. They throw it to the video, which has cool visuals but what immediately strikes me as worse music than their old entrance. About halfway through Joe comes out, whacks them both in the back, and tosses them out off the ramp. Joe hits the ring and screams for Lashley to come out so he can kick his ass all over the arena. Lashley comes out, and Joe meets him on the ramp. They brawl around the Spanish announce table. Joe swings a chair, but Lashley gets out of the way. He then shoves a rolling chair, but that's obviously not going to work. Joe takes control with a low blow and lays Lashley out on the table. He then climbs up maybe seven feet on some scaffolding and drops a huge elbow onto Lashley. The table breaks, and Lashley bounces all the way down to the concrete. I don't know if that bit was planned. The crowd is psyched though. Joe screams "Mafia!" and storms off.
[Commercial Break—during the commercial we briefly cut to Lashley getting up in the Impact Zone]
Trainers are checking out Lashley in the back.
(5) ODB vs. TARA Knockouts Championship Match
Tara knocks ODB's flash out of her hand to start. The trade right hands in the ring. ODB shoots Tara off into the corner. Tara tries to float over, ODB catches her, but Tara slips out of the attempted Running Power Slam. She hits a quick rollup, and they trade fast covers. ODB looks for a Vertical Suplex, but Tara blocks it. They jockey for position for a few moments. Tara goes for a Cross Body Block, but ODB catches her in a Fall Away Slam. Awesome Kong makes her way down to the ring with a sledgehammer. She makes SoCal Val place Poison against the concrete, so Tara has to run over to keep Kong from squishing the spider. The distraction is enough for ODB to hit her swinging Diamond Cutter for the win.
WINNER: ODB in 3 minutes. The crowd started into the match, but died completely by the end.
Foley and Angle are getting psyched in the back. Kurt asks if he's ready, and Mick says that "we're ready". Kurt is not happy to hear the plural pronoun.
(6) MICK FOLEY (w/DR. STEVIE & DAFFNEY) & KURT ANGLE vs. MATT MORGAN & ABYSS
Dr. Stevie is wearing his ref's shirt, so Slick Johnson kicks him and Daffney out of the ringside area. Mick takes advantage to hide his bat under the apron, then commends Slick on his good call. The bell rings at 10:55. Foley immediately tags in Angle to face Abyss. Kurt rocks Abyss with right hands, but walks right into a couple of clotheslines. Abyss squishes him in the corner. He looks for a Choke Slam, but Angle reverses into a Victory Roll into the Angle Lock. Abyss escapes, but walks right into a shot from the barbed wire baseball bat from Foley from the apron. Kurt clips Abyss's legs, and Mick tags himself in. Tenay explicitly refers to Mick's "evil" side, but the crowd is still chanting his name. Abyss tries to escape to the ropes, but Mick jumps on his back. Abyss tries to fight out, but Mick hits a Drop Toe Hold and brings Angle back in. Angle looks for an Olympic Slam, but Abyss slips out and hits the Shock Treatment. Both men make tags. Morgan comes in hotter, flooring both Mick and Kurt with clotheslines. He Side Slams Angle, but when he poses for the crowd Mick attacks from behind. Morgan comes back with a 360-degree clothesline for two. Abyss clotheslines Angle to the floor. Morgan looks for a Choke Slam on Foley, but Mick hits a low blow. Mick pulls out his sock, but turns around to see Abyss standing there with the wire-wrapped bat. Mick turns away from Abyss, which sadly takes him right into a Carbon Footprint for the kill.
WINNERS: Abyss & Matt Morgan in four minutes. The action was really good, but I'm not sure why we spent the whole night building to a four minute main event.
Where We're Going: Obviously where we're going is towards Bound for Glory. On the bright side, after years of wacky over-booking of the main event, AJ-Sting is an incredibly refreshing change of pace. No one is stalking anyone's kids or trying to turn anyone's spouse, so we're doing pretty well. Foley-Abyss is somewhat near the opposite end of the spectrum. It just doesn't make any sense that Foley would suddenly turn to Dr. Stevie. Still, I'm optimistic overall.
Star of the Night: Amazing Red. I realize he didn't actually do much, but c'mon.
Overall: This was an okay show, and did a lot to build towards Bound For Glory. On the flip side, the entire show built towards a four minute main event, which seems like an odd booking call. B
Daniel Wilkenfeld is a graduate instructor at The Ohio State University. So for this quarter he's been hit with the perfect storm of Jewish holidays, a double shift, and sickness. Offers to help out can be sent to email@example.com
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