KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
OCTOBER 2, 2009
TAPED IN BOSTON, MASS.
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV

[Q1]

-The show opened with clips of Eddie Guerrero first, then Arnold Schwarzenegger and 
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin, The Rock, early John Cena in his first Smackdown match against Kurt Angle, Batista, Vince McMahon, Rey Mysterio diving off the top of a cage, Eric Bischoff forcing a kiss on Stephanie McMahon, Heidenreich raping Michael Cole, Vickie Guerrero and Edge's wedding with the well-disguised Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, Austin playing a guitar and singing to Vince McMahon next to ex-wife Debra and then hitting McMahon with the guitar, some milk and beer being sprayed, Rhino hitting a Gore through the Smackdown set, Jeff Hardy, the ring collapsing on a Big Show superplex landing, and, oh yeah, the mainstay top star of the brand, Undertaker.

-The new Smackdown opening aired. A little softer edged, but catchy and high-energy. It's probably the right tone for a family-oriented Friday night prime time wrestling show.

-Jim Ross introduced the show, saying it's a decade of Smackdown celebration. He hyped the main event as the biggest eight-man tag team in Smackdown history: John Cena & Undertaker & Triple H & Shawn Michaels vs. C.M. Punk & Randy Orton & Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase. He also hyped that The Rock (not "Dwayne Johnson") would be addressing the audience.

-They cut to the ring where Ross stood with Todd Grisham. Grisham said every Superstar from Raw, Smackdown, and ECW is in the building. They showed catering backstage with everyone snacing and socializing. Hornswoggle appeared to be serving snacks.

1 -- BATISTA vs. KANE

Shouldn't this match-up have been outlawed, along with piledrivers, because it's dangerous for the wrestlers (and the fans). They began with a test of strength mid-ring. Believe it or not, we saw an early clothesline by Batista. He then applied a headlock. Kane back suplexed out of it. Kane applied an overhand wristlock. Batista powered out by dumping Kane over the top rope. They cut to a break at 3:00. [c]

[Q2]

They knocked each other down with simultaneous boots to the face. Good timing and execution, actually. That easily could have looked bad. Batista blocked Batista leaping off the to rope and grabbed his throat. Batista found off a chokeslam attempt. Kane, though, shoved Batista into the corner and mounted him. Batista hit a Batista Bomb out of the corner for the win.

WINNER: Batista in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Acceptable nine minute big man clash.

-After Ross plugged the eight-man tag team main event, they went backstage to Teddy Long shaking hands at the Smackdown party backstage. Brooklyn Brawler was among those he shook hands with. He then told Maria she looks gorgeous. Hornswoggle spanked her as Michael Cole laughed and yelled, "Vintage Hornswoggle." Cole told Long to enjoy the shrimp because he's had a dozen already. Cole offered him a drink. Was he hitting on Teddy? Finlay then interjected with his own drink choice for Long. Cole yelled, "Vintage Finlay!"

C.M. Punk then moved in and tried to stop everyone from drinking to Finlay's toast. As he blocked Long's drunk, Cole shouted, "Vintage Punk!" Apparently making fun of the pull-string style Vince McMahon has reduced his announcers is thought to be good for business. Cole came off as more of a dork than he ever has before here. Punk told them no more alcohol and he said he'd show everyone in the main event that he's going to save them.

Vickie Guerrero uttered, "Excuse me!" Long kissed her on the cheek and thanked her for accepting his invite. Vickie lectured her on lifting the ban on Undertaker's Hell's Gate. She introduced his boyfriend Eric. Long didn't know who he was. Vickie gave him a hard time for not knowing since he's G.M. of Smackdown. She said Vince McMahon signed him earlier in the day. Vickie said Mr. McMahon gave her his approval to return to Smackdown and manage him. Long seemed thrown. Santino stepped in dressed as Undertaker and said, "This is a great costume party." Long swigged the shot to try to relieve his stress.

-Grisham plugged the eight-man tag match. Ross plugged the Eddie Guerrero tribute. [c]

-Back at the party, Cole told Hornswoggle to get him more shrimp. "Get it? Shrimp!" Cole said. Hornswoggle punched him. I just don't think it's good for business to portray the host of your A-show as a goof or buffoon, no matter how much Vince McMahon (sadly) gets his jollies from it.

-Zach Ryder asked to get into the MVP Lounge area of the party. He paid off Mark Henry, who said he'd let him in if there was room. Matt Hardy and Kelly Kelly walked up with a bunch of other Divas. Henry let them all in. He even let him Charlie Haas, but not Zach. Ouch. Then Sgt. Slaughter, too, followed Iron Sheik. Now the party is starting. Iron Sheik called Zach a jobroni and everyone laughed as he was stuck on the wrong side of the ropes. That was right out of the mid-1980s Saturday Night's Main Event style skits that McMahon would love to indulge in every week.

[Q3]

-Ross and Grisham threw to a video package on the late Eddie Guerrero. A good mic of vintage WWE footage, nostalgic WCW Nitro and WCW Thunder footage, some childhood home video footage, and the tribute show after his death. They went to the arena where fans stood and cheered and chanted, "Eddie, Eddie." [c]

2 -- JOHN MORRISON & KOFI KINGSTON vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER &

Jack Swagger joined Ross and Grisham at ringside. Swagger smiled broadly and said he can't wait to win the U.S. Title on Sunday. During Kofi's ring intro, Swagger stood up, threw off his headset, and sat back down. Apparently he had nothing to say about Kingston. Miz and Morrison faced off to start the match. A bigger deal should have been made of this battle of former partners. Miz got the early advantage with a kick to the gut. Morrison and Kofi cleared the ring of Miz and Ziggler after a very brief four-way brawl less than a minute in, then they cut to a break. [c]

[Q4]

Miz missed a shoulder dive into the corner when Kofi moved at 7:00. Kofi hot-tagged Morrison into the ring and went to work on Ziggler, previewing Sunday's PPV match. Morrison was distracted by Miz at ringside. Kofi hit him with a flying clothesline. When Morrison then went for a springboard, Ziggler knocked him off balance, crotched him, and hit his Zig Zag finisher for the win.

WINNERS: Ziggler & Miz in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Good action in a short tag match.

-They went to karaoke with Kaz Hayashi, Funaki, and Jillian Hall. Then they went to a "debate" between Iron Sheik and Sgt. Slaughter who argued "USA" vs. "Iran" and "Maggot" vs. "Jobroni." Sheik began choking on food and Hurricane made the save with the Heimlich Maneuver. The foot flew onto Cole's plate and he ate it. The Big Show and Chris Jericho joined the party. Jericho said they should be the guests of honor because they were both on the first Smackdown ever ten years ago. He said it's time to wrap up the party so everyone can show them the respect they deserve. Cole then threw up. Jericho made a grossed-out face and gagged. Show also lost it. Joey Styles looked down and yelled, "Oh my God!" The punchline of that skit was a catch phrase from 15 years ago that wasn't funny back then and Vince McMahon barely allowed Styles to use? Ugh. [c]

-Scenes of historic Boston were shown.

-Justin Roberts introduced The Rock video on the big screen. He held up a script and threw it into the air. He said in a reserved tone, "Hello. Apparently Dwayne Johnson has returned to..." He said that didn't sound right. He tried another subdued take. And another. He said, "Spiritually, the Brahma Bull is at one with nature... Oh, that sucked." He managed to put Dolph Ziggler over while taking a shot at him (take notes, Triple H). Rock then stood up, took off his long-sleeved shirt revealing his muscles and tattoos. He then went into full Rock mode and said, "Finally, The Rock has come back to Smackdown!" He said he was there when Smackdown began. He said these magic words changed the English language forever: "Laying the Smackdown on all of your candy asses." He sang "Smackdown Hotel." He was in front of a trophy case with three of his WWE Title belts.

[Q5]

Rock continued to talk about his history on Smackdown. He then said: "Ten years later, who's champion now? Some guy named C.M. Punk." He said he never faced Punk, but he did face his opponent on Sunday, the Undertaker. He tried to brag about beating Undertaker, but then admitted he hadn't ever beat him except by DQ once. He asked someone off camera to edit it. He called the guy into the picture and asked him if he thinks it feels good to be given a Tombstone. When the guy began to answer, Rock said, "It doesn't matter what you think." They showed the fans laughing harder at Rock than anything WWE has attempted to do in the realm of humor since the last time Rock cut a promo on WWE TV. Rock then ripped the guy's shirt open and told him to shave his chest because it's disturbing.

Rock then plugged Hell in a Cell on Sunday. He predicted there would be a new World Champion and a new era of Smackdown would be born. He said the show will always belong to him. He added that now that he's on Smackdown, maybe it's time he guest hosts Raw. He said he will be the most electrifying host Raw has ever seen, "if you smell what The Rock is... [dramatic pause, camera zoom] cooking." He is a level above just about anything else in pro wrestling ever in the oozing charisma and wit department.

-Ross plugged the eight-man tag team main event. [c]

3 -- MICHELLE MCCOOL vs. MELINA - Lumberjack Match

The ring was surrounded by other Divas. Ross said they should be called Lumberjills. Grisham suggested Lumberjanes. It'd have been nice to have a little video package before this match to set the tone and make this seem like more than just a throw-out-there match. When Jillian Hall grabbed Melina's leg, she dove onto Divas at ringside. That led to a brawl with all of the lumberjacks. In the ring, Melina and McCool continued to battle. Beth Phoenix knocked Melina of the top rope. McCool then hit the Faith Breaker (Styles Clash) for the win.

WINNER: McCool in 3:00 to retain the Women's Title.


[Q6]
-They went to Ross and Grisham at ringside who threw to an Undertaker pre-taped promo. He cut a concise, music-and-fog enhanced promo about facing C.M. Punk in a Hell in a Cell. He said when he's done with him, he'll need the pills he preaches against. [c]

-WWE Fact: More males (under 55) watched Smackdown last Friday than every show on CBS, Fox, NBC, and CBS.

-Drew McIntyre crashed a dance party so he could toast himself as a future World Champion. He drank to himself and the party just getting started. R-Truth jumped him and they brawled as women screamed. They ruined the big Smackdown cake in the process. Grisham asked why WWE parties always end with a catastrophic ending.

-They cut away from the backstage brawl to join a full DX ring intro. Then during Cena's ring intro, they showed a "Smackdown Moment" of him introducing the spinning belt way back in 2005. Then came Undertaker's ring intro. A "Smackdown Moment" aired of Undertaker terrorizing Vickie Guerrero.

[Q7] [c]

-Grisham plugged Ben Roethlisberger as guest host of Raw.

-Heel ring intros began with Randy Orton and Legacy together, then C.M. Punk. Interesting to see Punk and Orton cross paths. They'll feud some day, likely with Orton as the babyface, and it'll be one of the freshest feuds WWE has to work with, assuming they keep them apart for two more years and continue to elevate Punk carefully while in the top tier.

4 -- C.M. PUNK & RANDY ORTON & TED DIBIASE & CODY RHODES vs. UNDERTAKER & SHAWN MICHAELS & TRIPLE H & JOHN CENA

It opened with Cena vs. Rhodes. Grisham asked Ross if he had ever called a match with this much star power. Ross said no, forgetting about those Steve Austin vs. The Rock matches back in the day. Triple H and Ted DiBiase tagged in next. Michaels tagged in against DiBiase. After a minute, he was going to take Hunter, then maybe Cena, and then turned to Taker. Taker took long enough to respond that DiBiase made a comeback. Taker blind-tagged in and he and Michaels had a tense staredown, a nice acknowledgement of their history. At 3:00 they cut to a break. [c] Taker was on offense against Rhodes after the break. Frequent tags followed for a couple minutes.

[Q8]

We saw some Punk-Michaels exchanges. Michaels took a beating, but eventually hot-tagged Cena at 12:00 who went to work on Rhodes. Cena lifted both DiBiase and Cody briefly for an Attitude Adjustment, but the Rhodes broke free and they took Cena down. with a high-low. With Cena down, they cut to another break. [c] Orton beat on Cena after the break. After several minutes, Cena hot-tagged Triple H at 20:00 just as Punk also tagged in. Hunter destroyed Punk for a minute including a spinebuster. Then he tagged in Undertaker, who quickly tagged out to Orton. Taker gave Orton a rapid-fire beating including snake eyes and a running boot. "The Demon of Death Valley is raging tonight!" said Ross. He fended off a flurry of heels. Orton, though, took advantage of it and dropped Taker across his back, but Taker went for Hell's Gate. Rhodes broke that up. Chaos results, with Michaels hitting Sweet Chin Music on Rhodes. Meanwhile, Cena lifted Punk and dropped him Attitude Adjuster style onto Rhodes and DiBiase at ringside. That left Orton surrounde dby all four faces. Taker gave hi a Tombstone for the win as the other three babyfaces hung out illegally in the ring to watch up close. Confetti dropped as the music played for each babyface.

WINNERS: Undertaker & DX & Cena in 22:00.

STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Tough to get too much momentum going with eight men involved as once one story is being told, others have to tag in and change everything, but these pros put together all-in-all a good tag main event with the star power fitting the 10th Anniversary occasion.

QUOTEBOOK

Finlay trying to Teddy Long to take a shot of whisky: "One of these will put your world back on track."

C.M. Punk: "As long as I'm heavyweight champion, no more alcohol on Smackdown. I'm running this prohibition rules."

The Rock: "By the way, who in the blue hell is Dolph Ziggler?"

The Rock: "C.M. Punk, Straight Edged dude, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, always sits down when he uses the toilet. Don't call him C.M. Punk. Call him B.M. Punk. B.M. for bowel movement, which is what the audience wants to take every time you open your mouth and start talking."

Undertaker to C.M. Punk: "I will reclaim the World Heavyweight Championship and in the process I will knock you from the black horse of self-righteousness. The pills, the alcohol, the drugs you so despise you soon will craze, you soon will need. Welcome to Hell's Playground. Welcome to Satan's Structure. Welcome to Hell in a Cell!"

Jim Ross: "Anytime Undertaker comes to the ring, it is a moment in time."

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