By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
OCTOBER 5, 2009
WILKES-BARRE, PA.
LIVE ON USA NETWORK

Thanks to PWTorch columnist Greg Parks for covering Raw live last night in the absence of James Caldwell (on his honeymoon) and me (watching Packers-Vikings). I'm not sure who had a better excuse, but anyway, better late than never (I hope) is my report on last night's Raw...

WHAT HAPPENED

[Q1]

-Ben Roethlisberger stepped out onto the stage to a mix of cheers and boos. He said he heard the boos and knows there are some Eagles fans, but also some Steelers fans. He said, "For real, tonight, we're all WWE fans, right?" He then introduced a Diva Bowl. Jerry Lawler said he's after his own heart. A bunch of WWE Divas came out in Steelers uniforms, strategically trimmed to reveal skin. Michael Cole said, "Imagine having those Divas for your two minute drive." I suppose there's a pun in there somewhere.

1 -- DIVA BOWL (Alicia Fox & Rosa Mendez & Jillian Hall & Beth Phoenix & Layla & Michelle McCool & Alicia vs. Mickie James & Maria & Kelly Kelly & Melina & The Bella Twins & Eve Torres)

Gail Kim came out behind the rest of the Divas wearing a referee shirt. Lawler said in this match he'd be penalized for being "off sides" and for "holding." It was every woman for herself at the start, with Kim blowing a whistle and trying to restore order. The Divas separated into their respective corner as Cole said Kim called a penalty for "too many Divas on the field." Mickie James began against Rosa Mendez. Mendez quickly tagged in Alicia Fox. After several more rapid-fire tags, Mickie pinned Alicia.

WINNERS: Babyface Divas in 2:00.

-Afterward, Randy Orton stepped out as his music played. Lawler said he wouldn't put anything past Orton and said the Divas should find a way out of the ring. The ring announcer said Orton is the new WWE Champion and asked the fans to welcome him. Cole wondered what brought him to the ring as they cut to the first break. [c]

-Orton stood center-ring as the crowd booed. He said he became a six-time WWE Champion the night before at Hell in a Cell. He said fans may accuse him of cheating or needing back-up, but he asked them when exactly last night did he need back-up or did he take a shortcut? He said he and Cena walked into the Cell and he beat him, end of story. He said John Cena is going to come out and have his say any second, and indeed Cena did.

[Q2]

Cena walked out to his entrance music. Orton told him he looked awful excited, but he insisted he will not get a rematch for the title tonight. Cena said the WWE Universe already knows he doesn't give a damn about them. He said he came out to congratulate him on his win at HIAC, but Orton walked out of the Cell the WWE Champion. He said there were fans cheering for each of them, hanging on their every move. He said Cena-Orton has become a not just a rivalry, but "thee rivalry." He said every time they're in the ring against each other, it's amazing. He said he'd like to do it one more time (if he promises just one more time, then one more time is okay). He said he cares about the WWE Universe and he does want to give them one more match. He said it should be the match of matches, not just a match, which means an Iron Man match. He said you put 60 minutes on a clock and when the clock strikes zero the man with the most wins is declared the champion. He said the match will be so epic, this will be the end of the rivalry.

"Do you think I'm stupid," asked Orton? He said he has no incentive to agree to that because that means if he loses, he wouldn't get a rematch. Orton said they should end it, but on his terms. Orton said his term is that if he wins, Cena leaves Raw for good. "You can go to Smackdown, you can go to ECW, I don't care, but I want you off my show," said Orton. Cena restated the stip and then said, "I'll do it. Is that all you want?" Orton said he has more. No DQ, no countout. Cena asked if that meant they can use tables, chairs, kendo sticks, stairs, and other weapons. Orton said that is exactly what he is saying. Orton said: "Take it or leave it." Cena took it. Cena shook his hand and said he's on. Then Cena left the ring. "So this is how the rivalry ends," said Cole. [c]

1 -- JACK SWAGGER vs. PRIMO COLON

Before the match, Swagger did some mic work. He said he didn't get pinned last night and he won't lose for the rest of the year. "I promise I will go undefeated," he said. Cole confirmed that the headline match at Bragging Rights would feature Orton vs. Cena in a 60 minute anything goes Iron Man match. At 1:00 Swagger hit a swing splash in the corner, then dropped for a push-up.

[Q3]

Swagger dominated until Primo scored a near fall with a roll-up at 3:00. Swagger came right back and threw Primo in the corner and threw a barrage of punches. Lawler said Roethlisberger may try to recruit Swagger for his offensive line. Primo made a comeback and flew at Swagger off the ropes, but Swagger caught him with a boot to the face. He then closed wit his gut-wrench powerbomb for the win.

WINNER: Swagger in 4:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Eh. Kinda flat. No real flow to it. Not bad, but not a dynamic star-making performance for Swagger by any means. He's still got a great presence and exudes self-confidence that will serve him well as he develops in months and years to come.

-They showed Chris Jericho and Big Show chatting backstage. [c]

-A commercial aired for "the book you've been waiting for," a DX book.

-WWE Fact: Video highlights of last Friday's Decade of Smackdown special have already been viewers over 1 million times on WWE.com according to ComScore.com.

-Santino, dressed as an NFL referee, imitated an echoing referee announcement. He said nobody wants to see Divas fight, so he asked Mickie to kiss Alicia Fox. Fox instead slapped Santino. The Divas then broke into another brawl. Santio escaped and staggered away.

-They went to Cole and Lawler at ringside who began to hype the Bragging Rights PPV in three weeks. Cole explained the rules of the PPV undercard, in which the winner of every Raw match faces the winner of every Smackdown match in a big tag match.

-The Miz approached Roethlisberger backstage. He took issue with Swagger pointing out that he got pinned at Hell in a Cell. He insulted Roethlisberger, then asked him to give him another chance at Kofi Kingston because he'd have liked a second chance after he blew it against the Chicago Bears. Roethlisberger gave him what he wanted. He added one stipulation. If he lost, he had to say in mid-ring loudly on the mic, "I'm the Miz, and I'm awful!" [c]

[Q4]

2 -- MVP & MARK HENRY vs. CHAVO GUERRERO & CHRIS MASTERS

In a test of strength, Henry shoved Masters to the mat. On a second lock up, Henry backed Masters into the corner. Cole said Henry's neck is 22 inches, "almost two feet!" Henry then "splashed" Masters (or, better put, jumped in the air and landed on his knees and hands with Masters safely untouched underneath). MVP tagged in and, after a distraction by Chavo on the apron, took a Masters clothesline. Chavo tagged in and went on the offensive. MVP made a comeback and went into his crowd-pleasing Balliln' routine. Masters interfered. Henry nailed him with a clothesline. MVP then covered and pinned Chavo. Henry was slow to get up and favored his right knee as he limped out of the ring. Lawler said he hoped the knee injury wasn't serious.

WINNERS: MVP & Henry in 3:00.

-Afterward Mastesr chewed out Chavo for getting pinned. They poked each other in the chest. Masters then kicked Chavo in the gut. Hornswoggle ran into the ring and bit Masters on his leg to help Chavo escape a Masterlock. Chavo then gave Masters a DDT. Hornswoggle then went into a frenetic crotch chip routine. Chavo rubbed his chin in contemplation of his evolving relationship with the little guy.

-They showed Roethlisberger heading toward the entrance tunnel. [c]

-Roethlisberger entered the ring and said it's been a great show so far with a lot more to come. As he asked the crowd to cheer louder, the JeriShow music interrupted and out walked Chris Jericho and The Big Show. Show said he's trying to figure out why they call him Big Ben. He asked how big his offensive line can be compared to him. Jericho said, "I bet they're not as big as me." (Ha!) Big Ben replied, "Funny you should ask that. Boys, come on out." And out they walked onto the stage. Cole said, "Talk about back-up!" Ben named them all and then entered the ring.

[Q5]

Show sized them up one at a time. Jericho chimed in and said this isn't a football field, it's a WWE ring. He said they don't wear helmets or pads and take time off for turf toe (one of the most excruciatingly painful injuries one can experience, but it sounds tame). The linemen kneeled into three point stances. Show faced off briefly, but then stepped over the top rope and retreated to ringside.

DX then came out. Jericho insulted them and said they're probably there to plug their merchandise at WWEShop.com. Triple H said thanks for the plug, but they came out to compliment his hair. Jericho was flattered, but then Triple H cut him off and said it looks ridiculous. Michaels said Jericho & Show have faced some great tag teams, but there's one they haven't. Show asked if that was a challenge. Michaels listed the pain and injuries from last night's Hell in a Cell. Then he added, "So, was that a challenge? Yeah, it was." (Michaels continues to hide his eyes under his hat, usually keeping them mostly closed, as he continues to apparently have issues with one eye being off-direction despite corrective surgery some months back.) Show told Michaels to go home, tend to his wounds, and come back another day. Jericho added that they're not worthy because out of the arena away from "these tapeworms, these hypocrites," they don't deserve to face he and Show.

As Show and Jericho began to walk away, Roethlisberger stepped in and asked where they were going. He booked them against "my two boys" DX tonight. He added, "If you're not down with that, we've got two words for you." He held up the mic and the crowd completed the PG-rated chant, "Suh-kit." ("Suck-it!" is so 1998.) DX's music played as the Steelers, Michaels, and Hunter wandered around the ring and then went into a crotch chop pose.

-Cole plugged Kingston vs. Miz for the U.S. Title.

-A video aired hyping the bloodless Hell in a Cell PPV replay. [c]

[Q6]

-Clips aired of the Diva Bowl earlier. Then clips of the DX segment before the break.

3 -- KOFI KINGSTON vs. THE MIZ -- U.S. Title match

After Kofi got in early offense, Miz headbutted him to take over control for a few minutes before they cut to a break. [c] Miz had Kofi in a chinlock at 6:00 as they returned from the break. Lawler and Cole talked about how it would kill Miz to have to say "I am Miz and I am awful!" At 8:00 Kofi finally hit Miz with a 360 degree round kick. After a brief attack at ringside, Kingston scored a two count. The pace picked up with Kofi making a comeback. They exchanged punches mid-ring after a series of near falls at 10:00. Miz avoided a Kofi dive into the corner and the hit his Skull Crushing Finale (should be "Awesome Accelerator," by the way, but there's already an A.A. named finisher) for the win. Miz embraced the title and kissed it repeatedly. He then declared, "I am the Miz and I am awesome."

WINNER: The Miz at 11:00 to capture the U.S. Hvt. Title.

STAR RATING: ***3/4 -- Good match and good win for Miz. He needed a little surge in credibility and this win gives it to him. Also nice to see it's a clean win without any outside interference or needless outside factors. It's his attitude that makes him a heel, not his inability to win a match cleanly against credible babyface competition.

[Q7] [c]

-WWE Fact: WWE will produce more original hours of programming this year than HBO and Showtime combined.

-They went to Lawler and Cole at ringside who hyped the main event tag match, then threw to highlights of the Orton-Cena conversation at the start of the show. Lawler said the "Anything Goes" stip works in Orton's favor because "he doesn't have to show up alone, you know?" That's the part of the stip that's ludicrious since Cena could show up with 20 guys and beat up Orton for 60 straight minutes, and Orton is so short on friends he'd have no answer. And it'd be legal for Cena.

-Backstage Hornswoggle and Santino were hanging Roethlisberger. Hornswoggle talked gibberish about a great football pass. Santino complained about being slapped and mauled by the Divas. He then tried to say his name, but messed up a half dozen times, including "Rock 'n' Roller" and "Braless Wonder" as guesses. Santino apologized because it's tough for him to pronounce his name. (Note: My original Raw report last week included criticism of a Santino line mocking Chris Masters & Chavo Guerrero for looking like "the gay men in that insurance company." He actually said "cave men," a reference to old Geico commercial on which a long-since-canceled sitcom was based. I assumed the joke was based on the current Progressive insurance commercial with two men presumed by many to be a gay couple. I apologize for the error, but will "cave men" makes no more sense than "gay men" in that instance. Neither really applied in any way that could be deemed clever of funny.) Santino then welcomed Roethlisberger to Raw. Cole declared, "That's the craziest thing I can ever remember." [c]

-Cole announced Nancy O'Dell and Maria Menounos will guest host Raw. They apparently host "Access Hollywood." According to Cole they're huge WWE fans, which means everyone should put their money on one of them mispronouncing John Cena's name in the opening segment.

-Ring intros took place for the main event.

[Q8]

4 -- DX (Triple H & Shawn MIchaels) vs. CHRIS JERICHO & THE BIG SHOW

After two slow-build minutes with Triple H vs. Jericho, Michaels and Show tagged in. Michaels tagged Triple H back in a seconds later and he took his time entering the ring. Just as he did, they cut to an ill-timed break. [c] Show had Triple H a bearhug after the break. They showed that during the break Show gave Hunter a sideslam to weaken his back. Show splashed Hunter in the corner, who then staggered to mid-ring and collapsed. Show scored a two count at 6:00. Jericho tagged in and stayed on offense. After a miscue by Jericho, both Hunter and Jericho tagged out. Show lifted Michaels between his legs into the air and squeezed. Lawler talked in a hushed tone about Michaels's situation. Jericho applied the Walls of Jericho. Michaels crawled to hot-tag Hunter, but came up slightly short. Cole said he almost had a look of defeat. Michaels tried again and came up short again. Triple H cheated by entering the ring and hitting Jericho to break the hold. Lawler said Triple H risked disqualification, "but you can't blame him." Yes you can. Babyfaces should not cheat like that.

[Q5]

Jericho tagged in Show who went after Michaels right away with a charge. He met Michaels's boot, though. Michaels went for a tag. Show grabbed a leg. Michaels kicked him with the other. Hunter got the hot tag. The crowd popped as he went to work on Jericho, sneaking in a kick on Big Show in the process. He took jericho down with a clothesline for a near fall. He took another shot at Show, then hit a spinebuster on Jericho. As he set up a Pedigree, Show entered and set up a chokeslam. Michaels entered. Show grabbed him, too. He then suplexed both of them at once. It's moments like this where it's important not to have portrayed the announcer as a buffoon (as Cole was portrayed on Smackdown last week and is in general) because it's hard to take his call of this crescendo seriously when you think of him a drunk dork or even remember him overreacting to the Hornswoggle-Santino-Roethlisberger skit earlier with hyperbole). The crowd as going nuts for Hunter until the suplex silenced them. Show charged at Hunter, who ducked, so Show flew over the top rope to the floor. Jericho went for a schoolboy on Hunter and put his feet on the middle rope leading to a near fall. Hunter came right back with a Pedgree attempt, but Show yanked Hunter away. Michaels slingshot himself over the top rope toward Show at ringside, but Show caught him. Hunter and Michaels, though, shoved Show into the ringpost and then clotheslined him from behind over the ringside barrier into the crowd. They rolled into the ring and surrounded Jericho, who bailed out of the ring and walked toward the back. The Monday Night Football theme played and out walked the Steelers. Jericho couldn't get past them. Cole punned, "Jericho has been intercepted." Hunter and Michaels walked up behind him and threw him into the ring. Michaels hit Sweet Chin Music for the win, as Cole punned, "Jericho and Big Show fumbled as DX wins!"

WINNERS: DX in 18:00.

STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Formula match, but four pros executing it very well. Hunter milked the hot-tags effectively and played into the crowd pops well. Good intermixing of the Steelers, too. They utilized that coup well througout the show.

QUOTEBOOK

Jack Swagger: "I look like a winner, I smell like a winner. The All-American American is a winner."

The Miz: "I'm the Miz and I am awesome. That's not catchphrase, it's a way of life."

The Miz to Ben Roethlisberger: "Do you know what it's like to be awesome? I mean, you're awesome two Sundays in your entire life. I'm awesome seven days a week, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year."

Jerry Lawler: "Miz told me earlier that you don't call it his birthday. You call it the Annual Observance of the Glorious Arrival of the Magnificent One."

Michael Cole at the end of Raw as DX celebrated their win with the Steelers: "Ladies and gentlemen, it is moments like these that have made Monday Night Raw the greatest show in the history of cable television."

Michael Cole: "I guess you could say that Ben is Raw-thlisberger."

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