TV REPORTS PARKS' TNA IMPACT REPORT 8/27: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of the show, including TNA President Dixie Carter's first Impact appearance
Aug 27, 2009 - 10:02:57 PM
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by Greg Parks, PWTorch.com Contributor
August 27, 2009
Orlando, Fla.
Aired on SpikeTV
-TNA Open.
-“Previously, on Impact:” They showed Matt Morgan getting put through the table by the Dudleys; and also, the women’s tag team championship tournament. Tonight, Bobby Lashley joins Dixie Carter, TNA President, in her first Impact appearance. “Mind Games” is the title.
-Outside, Lauren interviewed AJ Styles and Sting as they drove up to the Impact Zone in the same car. Styles said he was here to compete. Kip James came up to Sting and asked if he could park his car. Sting said he didn’t have to park anyone’s car. Kip told Lauren he used to have a car like that.....when he was over. Oh, snap. So does Lauren just stand in the parking lot all afternoon waiting for people to drive up?
-Impact Open.
-Mike Tenay hyped Dixie Carter and Bobby Lashley’s appearance. They also showed a graphic for the main event, which went up and they took it away so quickly, I couldn’t even note all the guys in the match.
-Daniels had joined Tenay and Taz on commentary for the first match of the evening.
1- SUICIDE vs. SAMOA JOE
Joe was very aggressive right off the bat against Suicide. Daniels was at ringside to scout Joe for his match against him at No Surrender. Suicide came back and dropkicked Joe into the corner. Both men utilized kicks early on. One-legged dropkick for two by Suicide. Right after that, Pope D’Angelo Dinero walked to ringside. “Pope is Pimpin’” chant from the crowd. Well, he is dressed quite nicely. Joe hit a running kick on Suicide, then Suicide went to ringside and started brawling with Dinero. Joe went to the outside and started brawling with Daniels. Then we FINALLY got the bell. Dave Penzer announced that the referee, in his new authority, said the match would continue later tonight as a tag match between the four. That’s kind of going above-and-beyond a referee’s control, I think.
WINNER: No Contest, at 2:04.
-Lauren was with Eric Young backstage. He promised that Hernandez would join the World Elite later tonight. He said Hernandez would find sanctuary with the Elite and Young would open his eyes to the way things work in America.
[Commercial Break]
-Apparently, TNA set a viewership record in the UK in August. They put it on the screen in a similar way WWE does their “Did You Know.”
-Eric Young and the World Elite were in the ring. He said Abdul Bashir wanted to say something. As soon as he started talking, the crowd chanted “USA, USA.” He wanted to talk about the war in Iraq. He reminisced about the “Mission Accomplished” banner George W. Bush talked in front of several years ago. Bashir said if we’re not at war, what is killing his brothers and sisters every day. We’re brainwashed by the American media, according to Bashir. Lots of “you people” comments in here. He said the truth is, we don’t want to install democracy in Iraq, nor do we want to stop terrorism. He called America a junkie, an addict for oil. Bashir started to really get heated up and started swearing, prompting Young to silently suggest he end things, so he did. A little too much politics for a pro wrestling show.
Young transitioned into talking about Hernandez. Then he came out. Hernandez suggested Young talk to his face if he has something to talk about. Young assured him he wouldn’t have it any other way. He asked if the fans respected Hernandez for coming to the ring draped in his country’s colors. He told Hernandez the people will never respect him and he’ll never be treated as an equal. Young said the fans would view Hernandez as a foreigner, a common criminal and a street thug. “Kick his ass” chant from the fans at the Impact Zone, as Young was trying to convince Hernandez to come “home” to the World Elite. Hernandez said he was home, and the fans are his familia. Hernandez did the jingoistic pro-American stuff, including the “love it or leave it” line. If I never hear that phrase in wrestling again, it’ll be too soon.
-Lauren was backstage with Traci Brooks and Sharmell; they’ll team against Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed tonight in the first round of the Women’s Tag Championship Tournament. Sharmell called Kong an elephant and Brooks told Lauren she had some balls to ask if the Mafia’s ladies were worried. Traci said they’d roll over Kong and Saeed’s “fat asses.”
-Their opponents were walking backstage. The match is next.
[Commercial Break]
-Lauren was backstage but she was talking to the cameraman. He suggested she adjust her microphone, then he, “Alex,” was zooming in the camera on Lauren’s chest. Lauren was getting the hint of what was going on, and Chris Sabin came out from behind the camera. Dr. Stevie then walked into the picture and asked the boys if they’d like to make some real money tonight. They could do so by ending Abyss’ career tonight. They seemed intrigued by the idea of being $50,000 richer.
2- AWESOME KONG & RAISHA SAEED vs. TRACI BROOKS & SHARMELL
Traci took a timeout before even touching Kong. The ladies seemed to argue about who should start the match off. Sharmell ended up in there with Saeed. Sharmell didn’t spend much time in there, and Saeed took the punishment to Brooks with chops and a slam. Suplex by Saeed for two. Sharmell grabbed Saeed by her headgear and that allowed Brooks to get some choking in and take over on offense. Kong finally tagged in and had her way with Brooks. Traci snuck away before the Implant Buster could be applied, but it didn’t save her much time. Splash off the middle rope by Kong, but Sharmell made the save. Saeed tagged herself in as Kong argued with Sharmell and made the pin herself.
WINNERS: Kong & Saeed, at 3:19. Well, this was probably the right decision, since Sharmell can’t/doesn’t wrestle.
-A video package aired on Matt Morgan. They kinda did a mini-profile on him, but also documented his latest trials and tribulations with the Main Event Mafia and Kurt Angle.
-Morgan was walking backstage with Jeremy Borash in toe. Morgan burst into the Mafia locker room, and Booker T in particular seemed offended by it. Morgan said Angle screwed up last week, and Angle admitted it. Angle said Morgan lacked experience, since Morgan has been in the wrestling business only seven years and he’s been in “almost a decade.” I can’t tell if it was written to be ridiculous or if they just weren’t aware. Morgan is apparently going to be involved with Booker and Steiner later tonight. The big man said he had great news, and that Dixie Carter apparently OK’d a four-way match at No Surrender for the World Title, and Morgan pitched himself as being one of the other three. Morgan said he’d have Angle’s back like Angle had his at Hard Justice and last week. He left the locker room after hugging Angle, and Kurt insisted Morgan was screwing with him. Steiner and Booker assured him they had his back.
[Commercial Break]
-Tenay showed TNA getting mainstream coverage in The Source magazine, apparently the #1 magazine for Hip-Hop.
-A video aired on the team/feud taking place with Rhino and Jesse Neal.
3- JESSE NEAL vs. RHINO
Hopefully, this means this “feud” is almost over. Rhino offered a handshake, and Neal took him up on the offer, but Rhino pulled it back and kicked Neal in the gut. Rhino choked away at Neal, and then did so again. Neal tried to fight back, but Rhino cut him off. Rhino kicked Neal in the head, but Neal kicked out of the pin. Big spinebuster by Rhino for the win.
WINNER: Rhino, at 2:10. God Bless the fans in the Impact Zone, but is there anyone watching at home that cares about these two?
Rhino gored Neal after the match. Fans seemed to be on Rhino’s side. Referee Jamie Tucker reversed the decision, awarding the match to Neal. Rhino continued beating on Neal until Brother Devon ran to the ring and got in between the two. That caused Rhino to leave the ring.
-JB was with ODB and Cody Deaner in Mick Foley’s office. Foley had a powdered wig on and a gavel, with the Knockout Title over his shoulder. Apparently, he’s listening to both party’s claims about ownership of the belt. Abyss barged in before anything could be done. Foley gave Abyss another brown bag, but this time, it really was groceries. Abyss loves groceries. Foley told Abyss to hit Deaner with the barbed wire bat, but as he was about to, Foley told him he was just kidding. He wished Abyss luck in his match with the Machine Guns, but told him to go easy on Shelley since his kids love him. Foley turned his attention back to ODB and Deaner. ODB kept her opening statement short and Deaner had a few exhibits to show Foley he deserves the belt. One was a picture of Mike Tyson. Deaner said he knocked out Tyson in his home once. The next picture was Chuck Norris; Deaner said he knocked out Norris on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger. Foley reminded Deaner that Norris counted to infinity twice, then held the belt up until No Surrender, where Deaner would face ODB. After they left, JB talked to Foley. Apparently, he has some sort of plan, and it may involve Barbie.
-Abyss was walking backstage. The Machine Guns will try to collect the bounty next.
[Commercial Break]
4- MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs. ABYSS- HANDICAP MATCH
Dr. Stevie accompanied the Guns to the ring. The Guns went after Abyss before the bell, but Abyss came back and chokeslammed Sabin onto Shelley. Abyss splashed Sabin, but missed Shelley, and they combined to kick him in the corner. Springboard dropkick onto Abyss, then they dove on him to take him down on the outside. Back in the ring, Shelley jumped into Abyss’ arms, but Sabin dropkicked him down again, in the same move they just did on the outside. Abyss got Sabin up for the Shock Treatment and Sabin got kicked down. He dropkicked Sabin at the same time he gave the finisher to Shelley. Dr. Stevie got in and tried to assault Abyss, but Sabin came off the top and got caught for a Black Hole Slam.
WINNER: Abyss, at 3:26.
After the match, the Guns beat up Dr. Stevie. Abyss cheered them on from ringside. After the duo left the ring, Abyss got a chair and was threatening Dr. Stevie with it. But Kevin Nash came out and stood on the aisle as the show went to break.
[Commercial Break]
-Nash got on the ramp and said Abyss stuck his nose in his business at Hard Justice, so Nash was interested in cashing in on the $50,000. He said Abyss made it personal.
-Dixie Carter and Bobby Lashley will be on the show later tonight, as will Sting, Hernandez and Styles taking on Steiner, Booker, and Morgan. Hamada debuts next against Daffney.
-Lauren interviewed Daffney backstage and Daffney said she relies on violence when asked how she prepared for a match with someone she has never seen compete. Daffney said she counts sheep every night to go to sleep, but she doesn’t let them jump the fence- she grabs them then drains them of their blood. She said Hamada would find out just how crazy the Scream Queen is.
5- DAFFNEY vs. HAMADA- NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH
Taz called Daffney “zombie hot.” Tenay gave some background on Hamada, but Daffney started off on offense. Apparently, it was Hamada that requested the no-DQ match. The two women chopped each other, then Daffney ran into a boot. She stomped a mud hole in Daffney in the corner. Hamada round kicked Daffney off the apron and to the outside as they went to break.
[Commercial Break]
Daffney landed a flying forearm in the corner on Hamada out of break. Hamada set up a table outside the ring during the break. Kick to the chest by Hamada, then an enziguiri. Some sad chops from Hamada to take down Daffney. Two headbutts also took her down. Hamada missed a spin kick after arguing with the ref. Daffney with a shining wizard for two. They took the battle to the outside. Steel chair shot, but Daffney dodged it. Hamada put the chair around Daffney’s neck a la Jeff Hardy, and threw her into the ring post. I don’t think the chair made it around the neck though, and Tenay called it as if it was around the head. Daffney was put on the table and Hamada hit a moonsault off the top rope. Taz said Sabu did that to him once. Hamada put Daffney back in the ring. Hamada Driver (a version of the Michinoku Driver) garnered her the victory.
WINNER: Hamada, at 9:27. The match started off not-so-good, but picked up nicely as things went along. Still can’t get over Daffney being treated as a jobber in this division.
-The Beautiful People were backstage searching for Madison Rayne.
[Commercial Break]
-Borash tried to get in the way of the Beautiful People as they stormed down the hallway and into the dressing room of Madison Rayne. Apparently, there’s a tag match with these three and a mystery partner for Rayne. Rayne pie-faced Angelina Love and then pushed Sky. The ladies fought back as JB just kinda stood around before finally coming to Rayne’s aid when they sprayed hairspray in her eyes.
-They showed the bracket for the Women’s Tag Title Tournament.
-Once again, Dixie and Bobby’s appearances were plugged, as was the main event six-man.
-Tenay ran down TNA Live dates. Also, Bound For Glory tickets were discussed.
6- POPE D’ANGELO DINERO & SAMOA JOE vs. SUICIDE & DANIELS
Joe worked Suicide’s arm early on, but Dinero tagged in and got taken down. Some double-teaming by the faces, then Daniels slammed Dinero down and did a moonsault for two. Daniels continued his offense as they went to break.
[Commercial Break]
Joe was stinging some right hands at Daniels, who appeared to be on rubber leg street, but Daniels was able to take Joe down and both men struggled to get to their corners, but both men did. Springboard back-elbow by Suicide onto The Pope. Joe broke up a Suicide pin attempt and all four men were in the ring. Joe took out Suicide with a clothesline, and Dinero German suplexed Daniels. Split-legged moonsault by Daniels onto Joe on the outside. Springboard cross-body missed by Suicide and Dinero looked to set up for the double-knee in the corner, but he missed. Suicide with a slingshot back into the ring and into a cradle for three.
WINNERS: Daniels and Suicide, at 7:53. Good tag match that showcased two feuds in one.
-Dixie Carter and Bobby Lashley are still to come tonight.
[Commercial Break]
-Dixie Carter and Bobby Lashley were backstage, with Jeremy Borash conducting an interview. Carter was there to announce a new three-year deal with Spike TV, which would include some new TNA programming. Borash turned his attention to Lashley, who talked about his passion for pro wrestling and MMA. He said he didn’t want to do either one half-assed. Carter commented that Lashley is gifted athletically and that he’s not a traditional talent signing. She said TNA wanted to make sure Lashley is the biggest name in MMA and pro wrestling. I’ll let that sink in for a moment........okay. Lashley said he wants to make an Impact in TNA. Carter said she was excited about Lashley being in TNA. She also announced that Lashley would wrestle for the first time, at No Surrender, against Rhino. Lashley said the same stuff he did in his sit-down with Tenay a few weeks ago.
-Kurt Angle came out for the main event, joining Taz and Tenay at the announce table.
7- MATT MORGAN & SCOTT STEINER & BOOKER T vs. HERNANDEZ & AJ STYLES & STING
Sting was sporting the t-shirt tonight during the match. Book cornered Sting and punched away at his mid-section. Sting fought out with an atomic drop and a dropkick(!). Styles tagged in, as did Steiner. He promptly choked Styles in the ropes. Styles hit the ropes but his head snapped back as he hit the ropes or something like that. Don’t know if I’ve ever seen that before. They tried whatever it was they had planned again and Styles ended up hitting a dropkick as Angle called him “clumsy.” When Hernandez tagged in, Steiner made his way to the heel corner and brought in Morgan. Twisting clothesline by Morgan put Hernandez on the mat. Hernandez got Morgan up for a delayed vertical suplex, British Bulldog style, in an impressive display of strength. Morgan retreated to ringside and Hernandez dove over the top and onto all three men. They went to break after showing a replay.
[Commercial Break]
Steiner had Styles in a side headlock out of break that Styles was busy busting out of. Overhead belly-to-belly by Steiner for two. Morgan came in and Styles got away from him long enough to make the tag to Hernandez, who cleaned house on the Mafia (and Morgan). Morgan went for a big boot in the corner, but Hernandez shoulder tackled him. The faces cleaned house, with Morgan and Hernandez left in the ring. Hernandez missed a corner splash and for some reason, referee Earl Hebner was on the outside trying to break up a fight between guys not even legal. Steiner got a chair, but Morgan got pushed into him and the chair. Styles tagged in and hit his springboard finisher and got the win.
WINNERS: Styles, Sting & Hernandez, at 9:57. It was clear they were building Morgan and Hernandez to be the stars here.
The Mafia members got in the ring and scolded Morgan after the match. Booker in particular got in Morgan’s face. Morgan finally got pissed enough to fight back and took both men down. Angle took the headset off and stared at Morgan- the two yelled at each other from afar as the show went off the air.
Greg Parks has been covering Smackdown for PWTorch.com since January of 2007. You can also read his all-new blog in the VIP forum. Check out his column each week in the PDF-exclusive version of the Torch Newsletter. Comments, questions and feedback are welcome, and can be sent to g_man9784@yahoo.com.
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