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CALDWELL'S WWE RAW REPORT 8/24: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Floyd Mayweather hosting Raw
Aug 24, 2009 - 10:10:12 PM |
WWE Raw Live Report
August 24, 2009
Live from Las Vegas, Nev.
Aired on USA Network
Report by James Caldwell, Torch assistant editor
WWE Raw following Summerslam started with a video clip from last night's Summerslam when John Cena was in jeopardy of tapping out to the STF when the "fan" jumped into the ring and interrupted. They showed Cena's frustration before taking two RKOs for Orton to retain the title. Orton still the champ.
Backstage: They zoomed in tight on Orton's face to start the show. Orton said a fan "unbeknownst to me" interfered in the match. Camera pulled back to show Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes standing next to him. Orton then said they actually do know who the "fan" was. DiBiase said it was his brother, Brett, who became too over-zealous after buying a ticket to Summerslam last night to watch him wrestle against DX. Brett dejectedly apologized. Cody interjected that Orton would have won anyways. Orton said bottom line is he's still the WWE champion.
In-ring: Lilian Garcia introduced WWE chairman Vince McMahon to start the in-ring portion of the show. The birthday boy came out on stage with a wild suit and a dress shirt missing a few of the top buttons. McMahon took the mic and said tonight's guest host is one of the greatest showmen of all-time, Floyd Mayweather. Heavy cheers with some boos. McMahon talked about the controversy last night. Randy Orton is still the WWE champion. However, it's time to clear up the controversy. Cena will get his re-match...the re-match will take place in three weeks (boos) - you never know what's going to happen tonight, take it easy - at Breaking Point in the all-submissions PPV. McMahon booked it with a stipulation - I Quit. McMahon added that if anyone interferes on Orton's behalf, he will automatically be stripped of the title. He said have a good night, everyone.
Suddenly, DX's music interrupted. Triple H and Shawn Michaels bounced out to the ring and stood next to McMahon, who sold flashbacks of the roosters and fart noises and jokes from three years ago. Hunter said he knows people wanted the big tank tonight, but they couldn't because of the economy. He then put an arm around McMahon and said he doesn't like "good guy" Vince McMahon. It's creepy. It's like Michael Vick at a PETA convention, he said. Michaels stuttered out something. Hunter said there must be a reason why he's in such a good mood.
Michaels put two and two together. It's August 24. Crowd popped. He said he knows somebody has a birthday. McMahon sold disgust for this. Hunter said he read the paper this morning - is it Dave Chappele? Michaels said you have to think a lot whiter and a lot crazier and a lot more incoherent. Hunter: Old, crazy, incoherent. Who do they know that fits that description? Hunter: that's it! It's Vincent Kennedy McMahon's 84th birthday! Michaels whispered in Hunter's ear before crowd chanted, "Eighty-four." Hunter corrected himself that it's big number 74. McMahon rolled his eyes. "Seventy-four" was the chant.
Michaels corrected him that it's actually 70. "I'm sixty-four!" McMahon screamed in the "You're Fired" voice. Hunter and Michaels joked they got him to admit his age on national TV. He told them just to leave. Sounds like Wade to Bruce on the PPV Roundtable audio last night. Michaels put his arm on McMahon's shoulder and said if he doesn't want to have a good birthday, he gets it. He talked all nice to McMahon, calling him a pioneer and a genius. It's why they watch WWE TV. He said he wants to show him this tribute, though.
Cue up the video package of McMahon with some sweet piano music in the background. Showed the old-school WWF clips with Stephanie and Shane. The old-school shoulder-padded jackets for announcing. Suddenly, the "Stand Back" clip came on. Didn't they do this joke three years ago? Cue up the voice modulation and fart joke footage. And McMahon getting his head shaved. The rooster. Mocking Shane. Steve Austin getting McMahon to pee his pants. McMahon swimming in the Beer Bath. Spirit Squad getting the manure bath.
[Q2]
Back live, McMahon was disgusted. More old age jokes. Hunter then asked for a giant cake to be wheeled down. He said this just isn't right, though, in Las Vegas. Hunter said he just ignored the memo not to mention his birthday on Raw tonight, just like they always ignore McMahon's wishes. Michaels quietly said he just got dragged into this. Back to the 2006 Michaels playing dumb second fiddle to Hunter. Hunter then brought out showgirls and McMahon stood quietly in the ring trying to no-sell. Whole point of this seems to be McMahon showing he'll "take one for the team" and be the butt of jokes, so everyone else on the roster should follow accordingly when asked to participate in a dumb segment. Suddenly, some dudes on stilts bounced into the ring wearing masks. McMahon shook hands, then wiped his hands. "Those masks are really gay," he said. That should get him in hot water with corporate folks if they're still watching this segment. Cole and Lawler just cackled along like paid stooges. Hunter pretended to bounce after the stilts guys.
Next out was the "king of rock 'n roll," which drew a laugh from McMahon. He commented it was the skinniest Elvis he's ever seen. Cole whispered: Honky Tonk Man. Fake Elvis handed McMahon some giant shades. This is still going on at 20 minutes. Elvis then led DX in singing Happy Birthday to McMahon, who sold disgust with this whole bit. He did a "Thank you, thank you very much." Hunter then told McMahon to look at the cake because it's no ordinary cake. Cued up some music, then Big Dick Johnson burst out of the cake. Cole just cackled along like a complete tool. He had enough and knocked down Big Dick. Hunter then told the Showgirls to get out of the ring. And take Elvis and the stilt guys along with you. Hunter said this is just a private moment. He put his arm around McMahon while Michaels put his hand on McMahon. Hunter kept looking up to the ceiling. Well, we can see where this is going.
Before McMahon could get slopped by the green goo, DiBiase and Rhodes jumped into the ring and attacked DX. Praise the Lord for someone putting a stop to this. DX took a brief beating, then Michaels grabbed a chair and ran into the ring. WWE champion Randy Orton then showed up on stage. Hunter took the mic and said apparently the Legacy girls didn't get enough. He said Mayweather isn't here yet, so he's booking a match. Legacy vs. DX. And their partner is Vince McMahon. McMahon sold confusion. He then thought it over and said it's No DQ. McMahon: And if you're not down with that, we've got two words for you. Cole said Mayweather is on his way. McMahon then put on a DX cap to close the 22-minute segment. Sweet goodness that was the biggest waste of time ever. Should have just put on a tape from 2006.
Video package: They ran a video on Floyd Mayweather. We took our first commercial break 27 minutes into the show.
[Commercial Break]
[Q3]
In-ring: Santino Marella was already in the ring coming out of the break. Cue up The Miz's theme music. Miz strolled to the ring in his new ring gear looking more like a wrestler. Santino gave him a big thumbs down in classic Santino style.
1 -- SANTINO MARELLA vs. THE MIZ
Announcers talked extensively about Miz changing his look, getting more serious after the John Cena program, and going after the U.S. Title belt. Santino did his Santino Comeback and landed the big Khali chop. He then wanted a "Salute" elbow drop, but Miz avoided. He followed with The Stroke for the pin and the win. Post-match: Miz took the mic and said that was him taking one step closer to becoming new U.S. champion. He said that's true because he's The Miz and he's awesome. Cole let us know Kofi is in action later tonight.
WINNER: Miz at 2:05. Basic TV match where Santino had more offense than Miz, who didn't benefit much from this spot. At least he had some post-match promo time to get across his point. (1/2*)
Backstage: They showed Divas champion Mickie James walking down the hallway with Kelly Kelly in the center and flanked by Gail Kim. Kelly should be reprimanded for her attire unless WWE management doesn't consider half of her breasts showing as cleavage. Warped company. Don't have to look past the opening segment to see where it starts.
[Commercial Break]
In-ring: Heel divas were already in the ring in wild red, white, and blue boxing outfits. Ya know, because Floyd Mayweather is hosting the show. Divas were Alicia Fox, Beth Phoenix, and Rosa Mendes. Babyface divas, also in their boxing outfits, came to the ring.
2 -- Divas champion MICKIE JAMES & KELLY KELLY & GAIL KIM vs. BETH PHOENIX & ROSA MENDES & ALICIA FOX
Heels isolated Kelly Kelly in their corner early on, leading to a hot tag to Mickie. Chaos ensued, then Mickie pounded the crap out of Alicia from a mounted position. Mickie was distracted by the other divas, which allowed Alicia to KO - haha, get it? - Mickie and score a pin for the win. Are they going with a Mickie vs. Fox program for the Divas Title now?
WINNERS: Alicia & Beth & Rosa at 2:30. Chance to get some bright colors and flesh on the show. Mickie's in jeopardy as the Divas champion and apparently Fox is being positioned as the next challenger. Or, they just wanted her to win because she had the brightest outfit on or most resembled a character from the Rocky movies. (1/2*)
[Commercial Break]
[Q4]
Backstage: Triple H was checking out a magazine while Michaels sold serious concern about the six-man tag match. Actually, Hunter was reading the inset from the Rise and Fall of WCW DVD. There was a very loud noise in the background. Hunter then talked about plugging their merchandise, not other people's merchandise. Hunter with a WCW-Shop...er...WWE Shop plug. Hunter tried to cover for his WCW slip. The loud noise finally stopped and Hunter said he had a very good idea.
They cut to another camera shot where Vince McMahon was conveniently standing in front of a camera in his office. Jillian Hall then barged in as Marilyn Monroe doing the "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" song. McMahon let her get in her song before cutting her off by screaming at her.
In-ring: Chris Jericho and Big Show came to the ring. WWE rolled footage from WM24 when Mayweather KO'ed Big Show at the height of their two-month program. Show just shook his head in disdain after watching the video screen. Show then took the mic and called out Floyd's names to boos. He said it looks like Floyd is doing the right thing hiding from him. Show said he's not leaving this ring until someone makes him. Jericho: "And no one can make me leave either." So great standing next to the big tall Show. They cut to a shot on-screen of Floyd Mayweather walking down the hallway flanked by his entourage of big dudes sporting t-shirts advertising Mayweather vs. Marquez. Wonder which one took a gun to the skating rink. AP Report.
[Commercial Break]
In-ring: Jericho an Show were still in the ring. Lilian Garcia then introduced tonight's guest host: Floyd Mayweather. Lilian went about as long the opening segment listing all of Floyd's accolades before his music hit and he slowly came out flanked by his entourage. Cole and Lawler talked up Show not forgetting for one moment how Mayweather beat him at WrestleMania 24. Show punched his fists together ready to fight. Mayweather then entered the ring as Show talked trash down at Floyd's manager. Mayweather slowly paced the ring before declaring it Money Day. He got up close to Show and reminded him of what happened at WM last year. He vowed to do it again tonight. Mayweather said he has a Sept. 19 PPV bout that's more important, though.
Jericho then stepped to Mayweather to set up a big stare down. Jericho said he was introduced as the greatest fighter in the world, but he disagrees. He called him a great self-promoter and showboater, but as a boxer, he doesn't think he's very good. Jericho so great. He called him little man and said his big comeback fight against Marquez (crowd pop) will lead to Mayweather being KO'ed. Show took the mic and said after Marquez beats him, they'll step into the boxing right and pick up the scraps.
[Q5 -- second hour]
Suddenly, MVP's music hit and Big Ballin' came out on stage calling for a time-out. MVP said he doesn't appreciate Jericho and Show talking to his man like that. MVP with the PG-level insults toward Show and Jericho. He said Floyd could punch Jericho in the mouth 32 times before Jericho can even offer an insult. Jericho interjected that Mayweather needed 18 friends to KO Show last year at WM. MVP shot back that Show doesn't have any friends. Jericho with a PG-level comeback that Show is his friend and MVP needs to watch who he's talking to. MVP talking real big from way far away on stage.
MVP told Jericho that he can't wait for someone to win the tag titles so Jericho can go back to Smackdown and disappear from Raw forever. Show declared there's one problem: no one can beat them. MVP asked Mayweather that if he can find a partner, can he get a title match at the PPV? Oh, pretty pretty please. Mayweather said he likes how that sounds. MVP said he has somebody in mind. Check this out... Mark Henry's music hit and the crowd popped for Henry coming out on stage to stand next to MVP. Mayweather bounced his head to Henry's music as Jericho and Show stood their ground in the ring. Cut to break. PYB (3) talk time: 9:25. Not close to opener, but another long talking segment.
[Commercial Break]
ECW plug: A sinister attack at Summerslam left Christian down. Find out if he survived the match against Regal.
3 -- Unified tag champions CHRIS JERICHO & BIG SHOW vs. MVP & MARK HENRY -- non-title match
Action was joined in progress with MVP taking it to Jericho. Show then tagged in and worked over MVP as Mayweather watched closely from ringside. To clarify, MVP and Henry get a tag title shot at the PPV if they won. Why didn't MVP just ask Mayweather to book a title match for tonight? Logic holes galore in this guest hosting concept. Show put MVP in a full nelson, then turned it into a full nelson slam leading to Jericho tagging in. MVP broke free from Jericho a few times to tease a hot tag to Henry, but Jericho kept cutting him off. They cut to break with MVP still unable to make the tag.
[Commercial Break]
[Q6] Back from break, MVP still had not made the hot tag to Henry as Jericho continued to cut him off. Jericho then wanted a Lionsault, but MVP moved and Jericho sold a knee injury. MVP finally made the tag to Henry, who cleaned house on Jericho. Great sequence where Jericho tried the codebreaker, but Henry transitioned to a World's Strongest Slam, only for Jericho to counter into a DDT. He barely score a two count, though, and MVP tagged in for Henry. MVP with the Ballin' elbow drop for a two count. Jericho then blocked the Chono Boot and hit an enziguiri kick for a two count. Henry then knocked Show off the ring apron in chaos. Mayweather then walked over to MVP and slipped him a gimmick. Ref didn't see it, then Jericho picked up MVP, only to have MVP blast him in the face with Mayweather's jewelry. Jericho sold it beautifully. MVP with the cover for the win as the crowd exploded for the cheat-to-win tactics. Cue up a C.M. Punk promo. Mayweather then celebrated in the ring with MVP and Henry. Great shot of Show dragging a lifeless Jericho out of the ring slumped over his shoulder.
WINNERS: Henry & MVP at 14:35. Hot segment where they finally gave the crowd something to sink their teeth into in-ring. Jericho continues to perform at a level higher than 98 percent of the roster after carrying this match. He's just that good in the ring telling a story with his mannerisms and body language to go along with his wrestling skills. (**1/2)
Backstage: DiBiases and Cody were in the locker room talking strategy. Randy Orton then walked in and told Brett to get lost for a second. Orton talked strategy about shutting down Vince McMahon for good on his birthday. He vowed to Punt McMahon in the skull to get rid of him for good. Typical "henchmen create a plot" segment before the climax of the episode. DiBiase and Rhodes pumped themselves up after Orton walked off.
WCW promo: Lengthy video package on the Rise and Fall of WCW DVD. Same video from Superstars identifying Nash, Bischoff, and Russo as being responsible for the Fall. DVD out tomorrow.
[Commercial Break]
Video package: Oh no, another round of Hornswoggle vs. Chavo coming up after they replayed last week's shenanigans. They didn't include the cameo from Home Alone Culkin.
In-ring: Chavo and Hornswoggle were already in the ring for a special exhibition match per Floyd Mayweather's orders. They had the gloves and headgear. Referee did the basic boxing ref lines, but said Chavo needs something else. He retrieved some giant boxing gloves for Chavo to wear. Announcers reasoned this is continuing because the guest hosts are trying to top each other in insulting Chavo.
[Q7]
4 -- HORNSWOGGLE vs. CHAVO GUERRERO -- Boxing match
Chavo airballed with some head shots and Hornswoggle fired off body shots. Cole just cackling along as Hornswoggle landed a right hand blow. Chavo then took off his gloves behind the ref's back and scooped up Hornswoggle. Ref DQ'ed Chavo. Chavo then had a sinister look on his face as Hornswoggle was KO'ed on the mat. Chavo wanted a top rope frog splash, but Evan Bourne stormed the ring. Awkward initial exchange, then Bourne fired off dropkicks on Chavo. He then went up top for his signature move and nailed the Shooting Star Press on Chavo to a big reaction. Bourne then checked on Horny as Chavo rolled to the floor writhing in pain.
WINNER: Hornswoggle via DQ at 1:05. And so it continues. WWE is at the "We don't have anything for you" stage with Evan Bourne. That's pretty sad. Move him back to ECW or put him on Smackdown. (n/a)
[Commercial Break]
Smackdown plug: Jeff Hardy vs. C.M. Punk in a steel cage match on Smackdown. Hardy gets his standard re-match for the World Title.
Summerslam video: They recapped all of the big events during Summerslam weekend, including the celebrities appearing on the red carpet next to WWE wrestlers. Plugs for Nancy O'Dell's Betty's Battle. Ashley from Fresh Prince. Same video that aired on Summerslam last night.
Backstage: McMahon was shown warming up with Mayweather for the main event. McMahon kept punching away, then Carlito barged in sporting a "Raw" t-shirt. J-Status. He said Mayweather is doing a horrible job of guest-hosting since he's not even on the show. Triple H and Shawn Michaels then barged in and watched McMahon warm up. Hunter said McMahon getting busy reminds him of getting busy with McMahon's daughter. Crowd laughed. McMahon paused, then went to punch Hunter, but Carlito took the right hand blow and Carlito fell on the couch. McMahon's been waiting four years to do that. Hunter did a "did I do that?" look after looking down at Carlito KO'ed on the couch. Michaels paused and said, "Now that was cool." DX walked off, then McMahon kept warming up with Floyd.
[Commercial Break]
[Q8]
Summerslam replay plug: They showed the high points from last night's PPV. Of note, John Cena nowhere to be found live on tonight's Raw. They played Undertaker's bell tolling to tease the replay.
In-ring: DX came to the ring first for the TV main event. Michaels and Hunter did their standard ring intro to a loud ovation from the crowd. No mic work. Vince McMahon then strutted out in his standard black jeans and black tank top. Where's the workout belt? McMahon as jacked up as ever. Randy Orton's music hit, then Legacy slowly walked out to the ring and stood ringside. Hunter then surprised everyone by flipping Michaels over the top rope onto Legacy to get things started. Nice new start. Cody was rolled into the ring and the match was on.
5 -- DX (SHAWN MICHAELS & TRIPLE H) & VINCE MCMAHON vs. LEGACY (WWE champion RANDY ORTON & CODY RHODES & TED DIBIASE, JR.) -- No DQ match
McMahon got in a spot, then he tagged out to Hunter, who dumped Cody onto Orton and DiBiase on the floor. Baby oil spill needs to be cleaned up. Legacy then retreated to the entrance ramp to get their game right. Cody hugged Orton around the waist to talk strategy as they cut to break.
[Commercial Break]
Back from break, DiBiase had Hunter in the Million Dollar Dream, but Hunter countered with a DDT in center ring. Hunter and DiBiase recovered on the mat, then HBK took a hot tag. Michaels cleaned house on DiBiase, then knocked Legacy off the heel corner of the ring apron. Michaels then wanted a top rope elbow on DiBiase and he connected. Cody suddenly ran into the ring with a burst of speed and absolutely dropped Michaels with a bulldog. Crowd was red hot, then taken down. Nice sequence. Orton then tagged in to screams of horror from the audience. He began stomping away on Michaels before putting a boot into HBK's gut. It's No DQ, why not take that boot a little lower? Cody then tagged in and went to work on Michaels.
[Q9 -- over-run]
Hunter finally took a hot tag at 11:15 and delivered a "vintage" high knee on Cody. He landed an atomic drop, then hit the spinebuster. This is more familiar with the DX formula. McMahon wanted a piece of the action, but Hunter dropped Cody with the Pedigree in center ring. McMahon then begged for a hot tag. He hit the ring and covered Cody, but Orton broke up the pin. Orton then measured McMahon for The Punt, but Michaels came flying in to block. Orton bailed from the ring. Michaels and Hunter stood their ground in the ring, then John Cena's music suddenly hit to a huge pop with the crowd already red hot. "Uh-oh" was the look on Orton's face. There's Cena for the first time tonight. Cena chased Orton into the ring where Orton took the sweet chin music from HBK. Orton then spun into Cena for the FU. McMahon then picked up the pin on Orton for his big birthday celebration pin. Crowd nuts.
Post-match: Cena was trying to keep his composure in front of the hot crowd. Orton slowly rolled to the outside and played dead while Cena leaned down in the ring and did the You Can't See Me toward him. Cena, McMahon, Hunter, and Michaels then took a curtain call center-ring as Cole talked about Cena having the upper-hand on Orton going into Breaking Point.
WINNERS: DX at 13:38. Crowd was red-hot for the entire second-half of the match. Really nice crowd tonight in Las Vegas. I wouldn't go so far to say DiBiase & Rhodes lost the momentum created last night at Summerslam with them being booked to look like DX's equals, but this didn't help them other than being in a standard TV main event match to bump around for DX. We have come to expect Orton to be booked in a position to look weak ever since the Raw before the Royal Rumble, but that's his job to get fans to think he's vulnerable for Cena to finally get the title back. It worked, as the crowd helped build momentum for Breaking Point with the ending to this match. Looks like an eight-man tag also involving Brett DiBiase could be in the works for Raw next week or the week before BP. (***)
Closing Thought: Horrible first-half of the show with that awful opening segment, then Chris Jericho and Big Show saved the show at the top of the second hour, leading to a very strong conclusion playing in front of a hot, emotionally-involved crowd. Removing emotions from the equation, none of the young stars were elevated tonight. Swagger nowhere to be found. Bourne playing babysitter for Hornswoggle. Kofi Kingston nowhere to be found. Carlito selling for McMahon as heel comedy fodder. DiBiase & Rhodes in a hot TV main event, but not helped bumping around for DX and McMahon after their star-making match at Summerslam. They stayed even, at least.
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