TV REPORTS KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 7/30: Results, thoughts, observations, nitpicks, quotebook
Aug 6, 2009 - 8:30:38 AM
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KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
JULY 30, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
-The show opened with Kurt Angle lecturing the Main Event Mafia about how "nobody does that" to them. He said they're taking out anyone who gets in their way.
-An extended variation of the Impact opening aired with an "Impact 200" logo flashing between clips of TNA wrestlers. Jeff Jarrett was included, but not prominently or often.
-Mike Tenay introduced the show as pyro blasted in the arena and the camera panned the crowd. Good high-energy scene to jump-start the program.
-The Main Event Mafia walked out including Taz. Angle said somebody tried to cross the boss last week, which he said is bad for ratings, for management, for the fans, and so on. He said a severe price must be paid. He then finally mentioned Bobby Lashley by name and said they had an agreement and Lashley "took a great big dump" on it. He said the MEM doesn't do business with people who make stupid decisions like that. He asked Lashley to walk out to the ring or else they'll find him and disassemble him piece by piece.
Lashley walked out onto the stage and to the ring. Tenay said he's a two-sport athlete, balancing MMA and TNA. Lashley said the MEM is the greatest assembly of champions ever. He said he wanted to be part of the group. He said then he saw that they weren't hungry anymore. He said he still wants titles. He said they want to steel and cheat. He said unlike Samoa Joe and Tazz, Angle can't buy him. Angle said he can't be bought because he's young and stupid. Angle bragged that they make up over 75 percent of the TNA payroll. (Yeah, and Sting and Jeff Jarrett make up 20 more percent, leaving five percent for everyone else.) Lashley said he walked out there to make Angle an offer he can't refuse. Mick Foley's music then played. Angle looked distressed.
Foley said Lashley is right that he'll have an offer for him he can't refuse. He thanked Lashley for saving his butt last week on Impact. He said he did so by kicking MEM butt all over the Impact Zone. He said he had a favor to ask of Angle. He asked him to look into the camera and he can see the TNA executives sitting around a table. He waved at Dixie. He said they're sitting around waiting for ratings to come in because Angle claimed they can deliver ratings. Foley offered Angle a tag team match - he and Lashley versus Angle and "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash. He said it's a tag match, but the singles titles are both on the line. He said that way, if either he or Lashley pins Angle, they're the TNA Champions. Same with Nash. West said it sounded one-sided. Foley said if they win, they get the monster ratings they've been promising everyone. Angle stepped toward Lashley and said if he wants to try to show him up, it's on. Other MEM members held him back from going after Lashley.
-They showed Tenay and West on camera as they talked briefly about the long, winding journey to get to 200 shows. Then they hyped the line-up of the program.
-Hernandez made his ring intro.
(1) Hernandez pinned Samoa Joe (w/Taz) in 4:00. West said Hernandez seemed like he was looking for Homicide as he's not used to wrestling alone like Joe is. Hernandez shoved Joe off the top rope and then hit a quick splash for the surprise clean win. Joe was fighting off the pin the whole time and kicked out right after three. West called it a huge upset. They cut to Taz rubbing his forehead at ringside. West said, "Tazz is pissed." (*1/4)
Borash interviewed Hernandez at ringside. Borash called it one of the biggest upsets they've ever seen and the biggest win of his career. Hernandez said he'll be the first Latino TNA World Hvt. Champion. [c]
-They showed that during the break Joe was throwing a hissy-fit backstage, kicking things and yelling. Taz told him that Hernandez didn't beat him, he beat himself.
-A "TNA Cross the Line" commercial asked "Are You Ready?" and said TNA Is a wrestling revolution.
-Lauren interviewed Matt Morgan, who vowed that he's a PPV main event waiting to happen.
-Borash plugged the TNA text messaging service and their Twitter page. Then he interviewed Styles and asked if he's ready for his match tonight. Styles said he might have underestimated Nash. He said as for Eric Young turning on him, he never saw it coming. He said he sees the good in everyone, but Young showed him he's no different than the MEM. He said he'll make him wish he was never born. He said he was the kid who stood up to bullies, and if Morgan's looking for a fight, he'll give it to him. Tenay plugged the Morgan vs. Styles best-of-three series. [c]
-Borash interviewed Foley and Lashley backstage. He asked Lashley what made him to go against the Mafia. Lashley said he talked to Angle for several months and he was training for his fight against Bob Sapp. He said everything was going according to plan, and after beating Sapp he was ready to join the MEM. He said he changed his mind when he saw Foley fighting for his existence. He said he saw a man fighting for the company. He said the money Angle was throwing at him didn't matter. Foley said it's a tremendous compliment. He said Lashley didn't know at the time he wasn't just fighting for TNA, he was also fighting for his own pride. He said Lashley made a split-second decision that turned out to be the right one for everyone. He said if there's one thing he's learned is that some decisions are best reached after split-decisions and others after a lot of thought. He said it's in everybody's best interest to get one of those championships away from the Mafia, and they're going to try to do that tonight.
-A vignette aired on Morgan. And then a vignette aired on Styles, touting that he was one of only two wrestlers on the TNA roster who participated in the first TNA event seven years ago. [c]
(2) A.J. Styles pinned Matt Morgan in 6:00. West said Styles is going through a slump lately with the loss to Nash and then Young turning on him. A minute into the match Morgan catapulted Styles over the top rope to the floor. Morgan slammed Styles back into the ring and reverse elbowed him in the corner several times followed by a splash. West said with Lashley rejected MEM, Morgan would be a good placement. He said someone's going to get one-up on your every now and then, but they could make up for it with Morgan. Styles made a comeback by avoiding a big boot and Morgan ended up crotching himself. He followed up with chops, forearms, a couple high dropkicks and then a flying clothesline and springboard forearm for a two count at 5:00. He eventually hit a Pele kick and a 450 springboard splash for the win. (*1/4)
-Lauren interviewed Traci who said she had been sitting "on my sweet ass" for months, calling TNA begging to be part of the show. She said she even offered to set up the ring. They said the loved her, but had nothing for her. She said she was part of TNA from the beginning, so screw TNA. Lauren shot back and said it's not all about her and she said maybe TNA officials were doing the best they could. Traci said Angle showed her the money and now she's property of the Mafia. Taylor Wilde walked in and said she really let her down and she was one of the reasons she got into wrestling. Traci told her to quit crying. [c]
-A sitdown interview aired with West interviewing Tara. She said there was a point in her career where she wasn't sure if she'd be happy. She said she wanted to leave wrestling happy. She wanted to tell her future kids that their mom was one of the great female wrestlers and then leave with pride. She said it's been a tremendous experience in TNA so far. She said in WWE she watched Awesome Kong and it was a dream of hers to wrestle her.
West asked her about her losing despite her foot "maybe" being on the bottom rope. When Tara brought up Slick Johnson's conflict of interest, West said it's a family show and she should take the high road. Tara said she doesn't start anything she can't finish.
(3) ODB (w/Cody Deaner) & Awesome Kong (w/Ryesha Saeed) & Tara defeated The Beautiful People (Angelina Love & Velvet Sky & Madison Rayne) in 11:00. Tara got in most of the offense in the opening minutes. At 3:00, with ODB in control, they cut to a break. [c] They showed the Motor City Machine Guns in the crowd holding up a sign that said they're "Conspiracy Victims" and "Yes, We Still Work Here." Kong and Tara couldn't get along and ended up fighting one another. Kong knocked Tara out of the ring and then threw her into the ringpost and chopped her chest. ODB battled the BP on her own with success at first. Eventually the heels took over as Kong and Tara fought each other to the back. Love trash-talked Deaner, taunting him into stepping onto the ring apron. Deaner turned his hat backwards and then indicated he was on the verge of hitting her. She did the "L" loser symbol. He grabbed her and forced a kiss on her. ODB then surprised her with a schoolgirl for the win. Sky sprayed Love with perfume afterward. (*1/4)
-West plugged upcoming TNA live events. Tenay then threw to a video package on the Young heel turn.
-The faction name for British Invasion, Sheik Abdul Bashir, Kiyoshi, and Young is "World Elite." Brutus Magnus introduced Young as the leader of World Elite. Young said, "Hey everybody, look at me, I'm the center of attention." He said TNA fans wanted him to be the clown and make sure everybody had a good time and laughed. He said, "Who's laughing now?" He said back in Canada he used to hear stories about the United States, land of the free and home of the brave. The crowd began a "USA" chant.
Young said he moved to the United States and he made it. He said he made it on his own, living his dream as he is standing there. The crowd chanted "Shut the hell up!" at him. West said the fans don't realize those words are coming from his heart and soul. He said he learned some stuff since then, including that for every good thing said about the U.S. it deserves double the bad press. He said every country around the world hates the U.S. because of it's corrupt government and it's dirty politics.
Tenay pointed out some U.S. Army soldiers in the front row who were sworn in earlier. Young said they call Americans racists, tyrants, and bigots, "and we would be hard-pressed to disagree." Young said the people of America are disgusting. He mentioned specifically Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley. Young said the fans would only cheer him when he made them laugh. They chanted for him to go home; he said he is home. He said the World Elite are going to start taking back from America and it's people just as they took from him. He said from here on in he's going to be who he wants to be. He began shaving his head with a clipper. He said he'll start calling the shots from here on in. He said the entertainment now stops and the violence begins. He called Team 3D to the ring "to put a smiles on the faces of these fools."
Team 3D stepped out onto the stage. Brother Ray said the predictable line, "Love it or leave it." He said they're not the World Elite, they're just punks with big mouths. He started a "USA" chant. They charged the ring and cleared it. They soaked up another "USA" chant. [c]
(3) British Invasion defeated Team 3D in a tables match for the IWGP Tag Team Titles in 8:00. The match was joined in progress with a brawl at ringside which worked its way into the crowd. At 4:00 Ray shouted, and the crowd joined in: "Get the tables!" Devon got the table and set it up. The Brits recovered during that time and jumped Ray and Devon. Devon saved Ray from being suplexed through a table. The ref went down at 6:00. Rob Terry interfered in the match. Devon came back, though, and powerbombed Magnus through a table. Young interfered and then revived the ref, showing him that Devon was lying on a broken table. The ref called for the bell and declared the Brits the winners. (*1/4) [c]
-A video package aired of TNA at Comic-Con.
-Lauren interviewed Dr. Stevie. He tore off his shirt and freaked out as Lauren made strange noises. He vowed that his war with "Chris" (Abyss) will never be over.
-A video aired on Rhino training Jesse Neal. Tenay interrupted the video package to go to Borash live in the back where Booker T and Scott Steiner were attacking Foley and Lashley. Security charged in and said that Lashley was "out cold."
(4) Mick Foley & Bobby Lashley beat Kurt Angle & Kevin Nash in 6:00 when Foley pinned Nash to become the new TNA Legends Champion. After Angle and Nash walked out, Lashley's music played but he didn't walk out. Angle whistled. West said he was the cat that at the canary. Foley, though, came out. Angle met him on the ramp. Foley got the better of Angle and then entered the ring. Angle and Nash regrouped at ringside. This match began with three minutes left in the second hour. West said Foley has nothing left to lose. Nash and Angle took control early after the bell officially started the match.
Foley came back with a double-arm implant DDT at 4:00. West said there's no quit in Foley, but there should be. He applied the Mandible Claw on Angle. West accused Foley of using a foreign object (the sock). Nash broke it up with a big boot. Angle applied an anklelock. The lights went out and Sting's music played. When the lights came on, Sting was standing in the crowd pointing a bat at Nash and Angle. The lights went out again. When they came back on, Lashley was standing in the ring with his head bandaged. He knocked Nash out with a spear and then Foley scored a three count. (*)
THOUGHTS, ANALYSIS, NITPICKS
JOE VS. HERNANDEZ: This is another one of those matches that could have headlined the show if promoted adequately, but by throwing it out there without hype, it's defined down as "just another match"... Is the time to give Hernandez the rub of getting an upset win over Joe, in as much as that means anything in this opening match context, right after Taz debuts as the advisor to Joe. Maybe it's the start of something with Joe and Taz... I'm also not sure about a top rope splash being a finisher... At least they made an effort to get the finish over as a big deal by having a post-match interview with Hernandez, brief as it was... They've managed to turn Taz into practically a non-factor within two weeks. He's been booked for minimum impact, as if it was sabotage rather than an honest effort to cash in on his star power and promo ability...
OTHER THOUGHTS: Tenay made a reference to F. Lee Bailey. Yes, the lawyer last in the public eye over 15 years ago. Perry Mason at least was discussed recently at the Supreme Court Justice hearings in Congress. But F. Lee Bailey? In 2009? Talk about dating yourself in front of the viewers... It's nice to see TNA follow up on several storylines from last week this week with explanations or reaction, including Traci's turn and Styles reacting to Young's turn... Young delivered a really good heel promo, actually, although the head-shaving thing at the end was really odd. Young made a good case for why he has changed his attitude... Interesting to hear Jarrett's name mentioned a couple times, although he's hardly the center of any discussions... It's still odd seeing Foley treated as a total babyface with Lashley now, after being a tweener for so long and then seemingly going 100 percent heel, then like whiplash without reasoning he ended up full circle as a babyface now... Lashley's not taking much of in the way of bumps, as he has to protect his MMA career, so it's no surprise he was left out of the match until the very end where he threw some punches and a safe spear... I liked how they interrupted the Rhino vignette with the backstage angle. The whole Rhino yelling at his protege deal is just unbearable and not the least bit entertaining. It didn't help that Jesse Neal debuted looking like a regular guy walking out of a Lifetime Fitness workout rather than a pro wrestler when he made his debut... Was this the 200th show? Other than that opening video with the graphic and a brief Tenay/West discussion, it was hardly brought up and zero factor in the rest of the program other than the show ran three or four minutes longer than two hours...
Mike Tenay to Don West: "You wouldn't know jurisprudence if F. Lee Bailey kicked you in the head."
Traci to Taylor: "This business wasn't for babies. It's for bitches like me."
Eric Young: "The fault (with America) doesn't lie with the country, the fault lies with the disgusting people that live here."
Don West in reaction to a "Go Home Eric, chant": "At least he has a home to go to, which is more than we can say about half the people out there tonight."
Eric Young: "No longer am I going to be the dancing, laughing marionette you wanted me to be."
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