WWE - ECW on SyFy TV Report
August 4, 2009 - Year 4, Week 9 (Week 165 overall)
Taped in Long Island, N.Y.
By James Caldwell, Torch assistant editor

The WWE show opened straight-up with a graphic plugging ECW champ Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer in an Extreme Rules match for the ECW Title tonight. Josh Mathews hyped the match, then the usual ECW video intro aired.

In-ring: Without any pyro intro, Tony Chimel opened cold with a plug for the Abraham Washington Show. What a way to start. Anyways, AHam showed up on stage and did a little Arsenio Hall rotating fist pump action before approaching his set on stage. He thanked the audience, which booed him and showed little interest. Washington welcomed us to the deal as an "APPLAUSE" graphic flashed on the HDTron. He cut a local heel promo with some "ha ha ha" laughs mixed in.

Washington said unlike other talk show hosts here in New York (cough, David Letterman), he is welcoming former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin to his show. Long Island boy Zack Ryder finally interrupted to put an end to this non-sense. Ryder walked out on set and sat down before kicking his feet up on the couch. Washington: "What in the hell are you doing, man?" Ryder with the local babyface pop for name-dropping Long Island. He said people saved their money just to come hear him say "Woo Woo Woo." Ryder gave a shout-out to his girlfriend in the house tonight.

Washington said he must be out of his mind for putting his feet on his coffee table, which will cost him his Rent-a-Center deposit. Washington said he was supposed to have Shelton Benjamin on the show tonight, which prompted Ryder to cut him off and say he's ten times better than SB. Ryder said he can sing, dance, and be entertaining. Washington fessed up that he didn't even want Shelton on the show, but GM Tiffany forced him to book him. He ripped Shelton's theme music and said he's all boring and that. Ryder joined in, then the boring theme music hit and Shelton stepped out on stage and slowly walked over to the set.

Shelton said if he could say what he wants to say, they'd get kicked off the air since it's a PG show. Shelton said he'll speak Smurfs instead. He said these two Smurfs are sitting on this Smurfed up show, so they can so Smurm themselves. Washington told Shelton he's a fake Dennis Rodman. He told him to kiss his big fat black ass...drag it out since it's PG...real. Shelton cut him off and said he got a shout-out from Ryder's girlfriend earlier, along with the rest of the arena. Ryder told Shelton they need to do this thing right now since he's...more entertaining. What ever happened to "I can beat you in the middle of the ring," not this crap about "Hey, I'm more entertaining!" Just awful.

Washington resolved this by booking Abraham Idol with a little singing contest. Ryder sang like crap to draw boos, then Shelton paused and started singing Hootie & the Blowfish's "Only Wanna Be With You." Ryder had enough and jumped Shelton from behind. "What the Smurf?" Mathews said. Shelton then fought back and chased Ryder through the furniture to the back. Brutal 12 minutes of TV. Just brutal. There wasn't a single likeable individual in the entire segment and no one is going to pay money to see two people fight over "Who's the more entertaining person?" in a match.

Backstage: They showed Ezekiel Jackson walking down the hallway ready to destroy some folks.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

In-ring: The arena was dark returning from break, then Ezekiel Jackson came to the ring looking more jacked than last week. WWE randomly flashed a graphic for the "Hell in a Cell" PPV with tickets going on-sale soon. Jackson's opponent was announced, but they didn't show him on screen. Just an odd pause as Jackson kinda posed in the ring before the match started.

1 -- EZEKIEL JACKSON vs. DANNY DANGER

Danger with zero face time as Jackson destroyed him, then hit the lift-up Rock Bottom for the pin and the win. After the match, Kozlov's music hit and he stomped out to the ring for another Ivan Drago vs. Mr. T confrontation. Kozlov stared down Jackson as they tried to build tension for this Rocky villain deal. Kozlov then gave DD a lift-up Rock Bottom and cracked his neck to say that was no big deal. Jackson then gave DD a lift-up Rock Bottom and stomped out of the ring. Kozlov was left in the ring staring down Jackson, who

WINNER: Jackson in 1:00. Week 3 of the program. Just keep building layers. Crowd was at least into the tease of a villain vs. villain confrontation. (n/a)

Backstage: GM Tiffany was with the Bella Twins talking about something. Tiffany's assistant then came up to her and said everything has been taken care of for tonight. Suddenly, a truck backed up and nearly ran over Tiffany's assistant, but The Hurricane made the save. Tiff's asst. tried explaining what happened to Tiffany, then Paul Burchill suddenly walked into the bad SNL skit and stared into the camera: "This is ridiculous." He walked off. Cut to break. Has the ECW show been reduced to parodying and mocking WWE's own crap now? Goodness.

[Commercial Break]

In-ring: Sheamus's music hit and he came to the ring to little reaction. Audience still trying to figure him out. Of note, there hasn't been a single likeable, male babyface on this entire show thus far. Cue up Goldust's theme music. Does he qualify? Goldust received his full ring intro on the way to the ring to face Sheamus after losing to Sheamus last week. Mathews gave us some info that Goldust learned from his loss last week and is looking to exploit some openings tonight.

2 -- SHEAMUS vs. GOLDUST

Sheamus started landing boots on Goldust early on. Suddenly, Goldust sold a shoulder injury with the ref checking on him. Sheamus licked his lips and started attacking the shoulder. He landed a single arm DDT for a two count, then wore Goldust down with more mat holds focused on the shoulder. Goldust tried to sneak in a small package for a pin, but Sheamus kicked out and went back to working over the shoulder. Goldust made a comeback at 3:00 with a series of clotheslines, then the drop-down uppercut. He executed a powerslam for a two count, then sold the shoulder. Goldust tried a move from the second rope, but Sheamus cut his legs out from under him and Goldust crashed to the mat. Sheamus made the cover for the win.

[Q3] Post-match: Sheamus took the mic ringside and said he came in search for gold, but all they gave him was dust. Goldust then jumped Sheamus from behind and blasted him into the guardrail. Striker said it's the renewed aggression they need to see from Goldust for him to be successful. Sheamus then bailed up the ramp as Goldust was held back by the ref. Goldust, half-way out of character with half of his paint left on, screamed at Sheamus to come get some. Sheamus opted to back away up the entrance ramp to end the segment.

WINNER: Sheamus in 4:00. Okay singles match. Post-match from Goldust was good to keep the programming going. As long as Goldust isn't playing with rats backstage with RELLIK, I'll take a program from Goldust with some purpose. (1/2*)

[Commercial Break]

Smackdown Rebound: Well, that's a change of pace with WWE plugging Smackdown instead of Raw in this spot. Apparently WWE realized the awesome Jeff Hardy vs. John Morrison match on Friday was thousands of times better than anything on Raw last night that was worth replaying. ... Mathews and Striker then plugged Hardy vs. Punk for the World Title on Smackdown this Friday.

Announcers: MatRiker were shown on camera and they welcomed in Tommy Dreamer to ask him about his chances about leaving tonight as champion. Dreamer said Extreme Rules is his match and in front of his Extreme Peeps, he's going to win back the title tonight.

Backstage: They showed Christian walking down the hallway with the ECW Title belt around his waist and a car door slung over his right shoulder. He confidently/cockily walked down the hallway as bystanders shot him weird looks.

[Commercial Break]

In-ring: Tony Chimel was shown on camera to formally introduce the ECW Title match main event. He explained that there are no rules and the only way to win is by pinfall or submission. Dreamer came out first with a hot dog cart from Nathan's Famous on Coney Island. I wonder if Joey Chestnut and Kobayashi are tucked inside the cart. Christian then came out and saluted the crowd. Chimel with the formal ring intros. Nice applause for Dreamer. Christian with a louder applause.

[Q4]

3 -- ECW champion CHRISTIAN vs. TOMMY DREAMER -- ECW Title match -- Extreme Rules

Bell sounded and they started with some basic mat holds. Crowd wasn't in the mood for basic wrestling, instead chanting for tables. Do they think they're watching a Team 3D match? Dreamer retrieved a Kendo stick and Christian grabbed a trashcan lid. Extreme Sword-fighting ensued with Christian blocking with the lid. On the floor, Dreamer blasted Christian with a stick shot before landing a move from The Sandman's playbook, a Russian legsweep using the cane around the throat. Christian recovered and baseball slid-kicked a trashcan into Dreamer on the floor. Christian followed with a splash off the top rope before smashing him with the can. Christian then broke a crutch over Dreamer's back in front of the hot dog stand. Christian tried to get a running start on a splash, but Dreamer moved and Christian ate the hot dog...stand. Dreamer with a condiment dispenser shot to the head before shoving some hot dogs down Christian's throat. Dreamer in control as they cut the mustard to the break.

[Commercial Break]

Superstars plug: IC champion Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox. Oh, gosh, flashbacks to that painful-to-watch program on Raw last year. ... They returned to the match with Dreamer and Christian bashing each other with weapons in the ring. Match moved to the floor where Dreamer back dropped Christian onto the floor padding. Dreamer then clotheslined Christian over the guardrail to the front row. He tried a can shot, but Christian ducked and hit a textbook dropkick sending the can into Dreamer's chest. Crowd with a dueling chant. Back in the ring, Dreamer sent Christian head-first into a trashcan in the corner. Dreamer then hit a Pumphandle slam with the Singapore cane beneath the crotch for a two count. On cue, Christian regained control with a neckbreaker across the top rope.

[Q5 -- over-run]

At the top of the hour, Christian went up top and chucked a t-can down at Dreamer's head for a two count. Christian tried a Tornado DDT off the top into two cans, but Dreamer blocked and threw Christian into the stack of cans for a two count. Dreamer then hung Christian upside down in the corner and put a can over his head. Dreamer with the E-pound the chest-C-pound the chest-W running crutch shot to the can into Christian's face. Christian, on cue, recovered after another more no-selling and started smashing Dreamer with weapon shots. Christian then grabbed the car door that hadn't come into play yet and sent it into the ring. Dreamer blocked a running car door shot with a trashcan lid shot to the head through the open car door window. LOL. Dreamer then wanted a piledriver onto the car door, but Christian countered, of course, with the Killswitch into the car door for the pin and the win. After they replayed the highspots of the match, Christian was shown celebrating with the title belt to close the show.

WINNER: Christian in 16:00 to retain the ECW Title. Good gimmick match, but the lack of long-term selling - or any selling of moves at all - was annoying after the fifteenth instance. Seemed like a write-off for Dreamer in the main event picture since this was his title re-match after losing the belt at Night of Champions. If I had to take a guess, Kozlov and Jackson are going to be inserted into the title picture now. (**1/4)

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