By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor

Where We've Been: This past Sunday, Victory Road 2009 answered the age old question of what TNA would be without an X Division. The answer, it turns out, is "not very good". In a show where theoretically a lot happened (three of the four TNA titles defended changed hands), not a whole lot happened excitingly. Anyway, the Main Event Mafia now control "all the belts", unless of course you count the two good ones. More surprisingly, their wins ranged from clean-ish to squeaky clean, so there isn't even anything for the faces to complain about. It's absolutely amazing how TNA went from a highpoint (the return of Homicide, the Taz announcement, two strong debuts, and some stellar mic work) to one of the company's worst moments since…yeah, I've got nothing. Victory Road was pretty bad. Probably their prior worst moment was something Abyss related. Poor Abyss.

The Show: The Family Reigns Supreme

We go over the results from Sunday, with post match reactions. The losers are angry. The winners are happy. Foley is intriguingly defeated seeming.

[Opening Credits]

Taz hits the ring, mic in hand. That's a good way to start off the show. Tenay goes over the clues that Taz was Joe's advisor. Taz reminds us of his ECW days, including the receiving of career-shortening neck and spine matches. He mentions that he called hundreds of matches for WWE as a color commentator. "WWE" draws boos. He thought announcing was cool, but that there was still a bit more he had to give. Then one day he was flipping through the channels and he saw the raw, untapped energy in TNA, and he swears it took him back a decade. What he saw was the second coming of Taz. What he saw was Samoa Joe. They had a lot in common, but one major difference—Joe occasionally showed remorse for his opponent, whereas Taz was never capable of remorse. So he reached out to Joe, and let him know he could help. As "cool" as it might feel to be over with the boys and loved by the fans, that doesn't make you money, and that doesn't win you championships. Those things require hurting people. Suddenly Joe was getting noticed (um, he's a former TNA champion). The one person who offered the most for Joe's services was Kurt Angle; he brought them into the Main Event Mafia, and for that they will be forever grateful. Today Joe will bring yet one more piece of gold to the Mafia, when he becomes the next TNA X Division Champion. Taz has some words of wisdom for his "amigo" Homicide—he should win, if he can, but survive…if Joe lets him.

(1) HOMICIDE vs. SAMOE JOE (w/TAZ)
X Division Championship Match

West tries to sell on commentary that the X Division title was always important to the MEM, and that's why they went after Joe. Homicide and Joe trade single leg takedowns. Homicide rolls to the outside—Joe looks to follow, but Homicide doesn't stay still long enough. Joe whiffs on an attempted Plancha, then eats a Somersault Plancha of Homicide's. The fight rolls back into the ring. Homicide tries to charge Joe in the corner, but gets Ura-Naged for his trouble. Joe hits a Knee Drop. Homicide creates a bit of distance with some kicks, but when he comes off the ropes he walks right into a Snap Slam for two. Joe, in an attempt to make his offense more boring, locks in an Abdominal Stretch. Homicide slips out and goes for some right hands and clotheslines, but Joe no-sells them all. Eventually Homicide takes Joe off his feet with a Spinning Elbow, but only gets a one count. He hits a Tornado DDT off the top rope, which is at least enough for two this time. Homicide looks for something or other (he was in a Rock Bottom position), but Joe just flips him over in a Suplex. Taz is pleased. Joe works over Homicide in the corner, so the ref tries to pull him off. Joe slugs him. Homicide takes advantage of the distraction to go for the Gringo Killer. Joe fights it off. Homicide looks for a Gringo Cutter, but Joe catches him in a Kokido Clutch. The ref comes around, and sees Homicide, then calls for the bell. Joe, being a moron, thinks he's won. Really, the ref has called for the DQ.

WINNER: Homicide by DQ in five minutes. That was a nice taste of what these two could do with a real match.

After the match, Joe is ticked. He floors Homicide and locks him into a Fujiwara Arm Bar. Some generic rock music hits, and holy shit—it's Hernandez. Why would you change someone's music while they're out, thus taking away from the moment when it hits again for the first time? Joe looks like he wants a fight, but Taz gets him to back down.

JB is in Mick Foley's office, where all of the pictures are now of Mick. Over the week Mick went down to Nashville to meet with TNA management, only to find out that Kurt had already sweet-talked them. As to what that means, JB will have to talk to Kurt Angle. Speaking of Kurt, he's leading the MEM to the ring.

[Commercial Break]

Here's the Main Event Mafia. Both Sharmell and Jenna are still there—I'm glad that their epic match resolved their feud. Kurt finds it ironic that everyone was on edge tonight when they arrived at the Impact Zone. He understands—he would be nervous too if someone else held his future in their hands. So he just wants to assure everyone that no one's getting fired. What people don't know about Kurt is that he's actually a very compassionate man. Now he and TNA Management are working together to put on the best possible show for us. A lot of us probably thought he would go down to Nashville with a list of demands, but he didn't have to—they were ready to work with him. Many people wonder what would happen if the MEM left TNA, but it's obvious what would happen—a bunch of no talent hacks would sink the company like the Titanic. That's not going to happen though. In fact, the MEM has a gift for us. Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and Booker T will all defend their titles for our entertainment. Anyway, with Jeff Jarrett at home and Sting in California licking his wounds, that only leaves one person to deal with—the Executive Shareholder Mick Foley. Kurt talked with TNA Management about Mick, and how he was run down as a wrestler, incompetent as a manager, and a waste of office space—that's the front office's opinion, not necessarily Angle's. Speaking of Mick, here he is, coming down to the ring. He admits that everyone makes mistakes—last week he said that we'd never see Mick tap out, and then we did on Sunday. Mick was just about ready to take his ball and go home, when he heard that Kurt was working the front office, selling them on how indispensible he and the MEM are. Mick admits they're talented, but not indispensible. As to Mick's not being the wrestler he used to be, he was for ten minutes on Sunday while he was kicking Kurt Angle all around the ring. Maybe he ran out of gas, and maybe he ran out of courage. But Kurt's a 13 time champion, so he should know what it's like to have a bad night—he's had at least 12 (or at least he would have if his title counting bore any correspondence to actual wins and losses). Kurt objects to the implication that he's been politicking. Mick was working the front office for ten months, and still would be for years to come if Kurt and Joe hadn't outsmarted his ass at Slammiversary. Kurt wants Mick to look him in the eyes, and see that now he (Kurt) is the man. He could kick Mick's ass to the curb if he wanted to, but he won't do that. There's one last thing he wants from Mick. Kurt holds up a set of keys he got from TNA Management—the keys to Mick Foley's office. Kurt suggests they put those keys high up on a pole, and give Mick a chance to save his office and his dignity by simply getting them down. He tells Mick, or "o Tapper" (maybe "ol' Tapper"?), that he'll see him later tonight. Are those the only keys to the office? If Kurt hadn't picked them up, would everyone be locked out tonight? I'm confused.

[Commercial Break]

Earlier today, Brutus Magnus announced that The British Invasion, Kiyoshi, and Bashir have reached an accord with Kurt Angle. In exchange for getting a Tables Match next week against Team 3D, they'll be putting the final nail in the TNA Originals' coffins tonight. A graphic shows us that he's referring to a ten man tag match wherein the five of them will take on AJ Styles, Daniels, Beer Money Inc. and a mystery partner.

I just got a call that, as of 8:50, I'm officially an uncle. Wow do I care very little about Impact right now. If I mysteriously start running (further) behind, you now know why.

We're also going to see a Knockouts Battle Royal for a $50,000 check and the chance to be the MEM's chosen knockout.

(2) AMAZING RED vs. KEVIN NASH (w/JENNA MORASCA)
Legends' Championship Match

Don West is sarcastically selling what a challenge this will be for Kevin Nash; how awesome will it be if Red wins? Nash invites Red to get in the first shot to start. Red does so with a quick flurry, and Nash seems a little rocked. He lifts a knee, and Red goes flying. Nash takes Red into a corner and hits some more knees. He takes a moment to pose, the flings Red across the ring. Red gets up trying to kick Nash's legs out from under him, but Nash just whacks him with another knee lift and nails the Jackknife. The crowd chants for him to do it one more time, but instead he just drives Red to the ground and gets the cover. I think that was actually an improvised spot, since he realized that a second Jackknife would get cheers.

WINNER: Kevin Nash in 2 minutes. Why are they treating Amazing Red as a jobber?

Lauren is in the back with Hernadnez. She points out that things have changed, and Hernandez agrees. He wants Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett to know that he has their backs—Jarrett gave him a chance when no one else would. He says something in Spanish, then declares his intent to become World Heavyweight Champion, whether we like it or not. Homicide comes by, unhappy that Hernandez thought he needed to be saved earlier. You know, just because both Homicide and Hernandez are getting singles pushes doesn't mean you have to break them up.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in Mick's locker room, assuring him that he doesn't have to fight tonight when he has a whole locker room of people ready to fight for him. JB also reminds him of his severely sprained ankle, but Mick corrects him, saying that it's only moderately sprained. Mick is ticked to have tapped due to a moderately sprained ankle. JB wants to know if Mick's really ready to put all his stuff on the line, including his laptop and the Tweet & Tweak Connection picture. Mick assures him that, no matter what, that picture is not up for grabs tonight. Kurt can take his title, and take his dignity, but he cannot have the caricature of him and JB. Why not put the keys on a pole? Why not solve everything that way? Hamilton-Burr—no one had to die! They could have just put some keys on a pole. McCain-Obama, they could have skipped the whole election if they just put the presidency on a pole! It's a time honored way to settle differences. Mick knows that his body doesn't lend itself to keys on a pole match, so he'll have to break Kurt's body, possibly permanently, so that he can take his sweet time climbing that stupid pole. Rocco and Sally walk in, asking if there's anything he needs. They think it's BS what Kurt did to Mick on Sunday. What did he do? Mick asks them once again to remove the MEM from their shirts, and they have a discussion as to the best method of shirt alteration. Mick reminds them to be sure Kurt doesn't take his picture.

Booker and Steiner are watching in the MEM locker room, and they feel that they've just found their opponents.

[Commercial Break]

Lauren is in the back with…Traci Brooks? Who knew she was still around? She's apparently been busy in Hollywood, and has a "huge project" coming up in the future. She heard about the Knockouts Battle Royal tonight, and asked if she could resume her position as Knockouts' Law to make sure the MEM don't have anything up their sleeves. Lauren's sure that the Knockouts will be happy to know law and order will be preserved.

(3) SCOTT STEINER & BOOKER T (w/SHARMELL) vs. BIG ROCCO & SALLY BOY

It would be less awesome if the MEM lost this one than if they'd dropped a belt to Red. Booker toys with Sally a bit to start, then lays in with some chops. Steiner tags in and stomps on Sally some before hitting his Do-Se-Do Suplex. He lures Rocco into the ring with a spit to the face, but doesn't do anything illegal while the ref is distracted. Booker tags in. Sally starts to fight back from his knees, so Booker pokes his eyes and starts working the chops again. He hits a Spinning Back Kick; Rocco comes into the ring, and Booker breaks his cover. He tags in Steiner, who hits a clothesline and his Pushup Elbow Drop. He hits some more strikes in the corner, but when he charges Sally gets a leg up and is able to make the tag. Rocco zooms across the ring, knocks Booker off the apron, and floors Scott Steiner with a Body Slam. He goes to the top, as the Impact Zone goes ballistic at the prospect of an upset. He hits a Big Splash off the top rope, which gets 1, 2…no! Sharmell pulls the ref out by the leg. Meanwhile, Booker comes back and nails a Bookend on Rocco. Steiner finishes him off with a Flatliner for the kill.

WINNER: Steiner & Booker T in five minutes. I don't know why this got longer than the first one, but the crowd was psyched by the end.

JB is in Mick Foley's office when Eric Young walks in. Mick is staring at an invisible pole with a set of keys on top of it, which Mick is climbing in his mind. EY says that he has something important to talk about. Mick can't believe it's more important than mentally scaling an invisible pole. EY acknowledges that for the last few months, he's been wholly unprofessional. He should never have aired his business with Jarrett in public. Then EY saw the PPV, and realized Mick was fighting for the future of the company. Mick comments on how he tapped on Sunday with only a moderately sprained ankle. Eric goes on to say that he was one of the first people to join the Front Line, and has been in TNA since the beginning. So tonight he's ready to go back to work, doing whatever Mick needs him to do. Mick suggests he join AJ Styles's team later, and fight harder than Mick did at Victory Road.

[Commercial Break]

We recap the way Tara lost the title at Victory Road. Lauren is in the back with her, wanting to know why she would accept a match for the sake of representing the MEM. Tara reminds her of the $50,000. Lauren seems shocked, but Tara points out that she knows lots of good charities that could use that money. She's really in the match though to prove that she's the number one woman in the company. She hears that Slick Johnson is going to be the ref on the outside, and suggests that if he wants some of this, he can come get it—holding up her Tarantula to the camera as she does so.

(4) TARA vs. ANGELINA LOVE vs. VELVET SKY vs. MADISON RAYNE vs. ODB (w/CODY DEANER) vs. ALISSA FLASH vs. SOJO BOLT vs. TAYLOR WILDE vs. DAFFNEY vs. SARITA

The only women to get their own entrances are Kong and Tara. The match starts with some brawling. Taylor Wilde tosses Daffney from the ring out of nowhere, then Kong Gorilla Presses Madison Rayne out onto her. Slick Johnson goes to cradle Rayne. ODB gets tossed, but Cody Deaner catcher her and rolls her back in. Slick Johnson bans Deaner from ringside. Taylor Wilde Back Body Drops Sojo Bolt out to the apron, then kicks her out the match. On the other side of the ring Tara does the exact same thing to Velvet Sky. That was a little weird. Kevin Nash strides down to the commentary booth.

[Commercial Break]

Taylor Wilde and Alissa Flash were eliminated during the break, and we get back just in time to see ODB toss Angelina Love. ODB, Tara, and Sarita try to triple team Awesome Kong, but it doesn't work. Kong dodges Tara, floors ODB, and drops Sarita to the mat. They give up on that plan. Tara tries to dump Sarita, but she rolls back under the bottom rope. Kong lifts ODB onto the ropes, then butt bumps her down to the ground. Tara is facing off with Sarita in the corner. Kong kicks Tara and tosses Sarita back into the ring. Sarita lands on her feet and rocks Kong with a Springboard Dropkick, but gets tossed out for her troubles anyway. Tara and Kong trade punches in the middle of the ring. Tara goes for an Octopus. Kong tries to fight it off, and they end up both perched on the ropes. Knockout Law Traci Brooks suddenly dumps both of them from the ring. Kevin Nash goes down to the ring and proclaims her the winner.

Winner: Traci Brooks in 10 minutes. There had to be a better way to spend that time. Nash emphasizes that Traci was an original TNA Knockout.

Then again, maybe that was a good use, as it has led to a pull-apart brawl between Tara and Kong. Eventually security breaks that up, so Tara goes back to confront Slick Johnson. She slaps him in the face and hits him with a low blow. She goes for the Tarantula, but Slick rolls out of the ring.

[Commercial Break]

Lauren is in the back with The Beautiful People. Love thinks that they should be the ones servicing the Main Event Mafia. Velvet Sky thinks that everyone's jealous, making them deal first with a giant spider and then a crooked referee tonight. Lauren thinks it's a bit hypocritical of them to complain about crooked officiating. Rayne also complains about that butch ODB eliminating them tonight. Cody Deaner jumps into the frame, upset that they're talking trash about his woman. Love says they were just kidding, and starts snuggling up to him. He sees what's happening—they all want a piece of the Deaner. Velvet Sky leans in to get a whiff of the cologne his mama bought him at the flea market, then knees him in the groin. They pound on him for a few seconds, before ODB breaks it up. Deaner mutters something about the "Deaner's diamonds" being broken.

Mike Tenay announces that he has just been informed of the Hard Justice main event. It will be Kurt Angle vs. Sting (in Sting's last shot against Angle!) vs. either Matt Morgan or AJ Styles, depending on who wins a best 2 out of three series that starts next week. The answer better be AJ.

Lauren is in the locker room, and asks AJ what he thinks of the announcement. He says that tonight isn't about him. They've been here for seven years (he gestures at the rest of his team tonight), and this past Sunday, they dropped the ball. They all dropped the ball, and tonight they're going to start to make it right. I'm not really sure how EY dropped any ball.

[Commercial Break]

I'm back to real time, after having a phone conversation about my new family member a scant hour ago and typing up everything in the meantime. That does not say great things about the amount of dead time on Impact.

(5) ROBERT ROODE, JAMES STORM, AJ STYLES, ERIC YOUNG, & DANIELS vs. THE BRITISH INVASION, KIYOSHI, & BASHIR

Bashir and Young lock up to start, yet no one mentions them costing each other the X Division title a few months ago. Beer Money tag in in turn, nailing the Beer Money Suplex on Bashir, then using an interfering Kiyoshi as a battering ram. AJ tags in for some quick strikes, then tags in Daniels, who hoists Bashir up for AJ to hit with a flying punch. Daniels hits a Split-Legged Moonsault for two. He lands a few jabs, but is whipped into the Brits' corner where he takes a punch from Rob Terry. Bashir tags in Kiyoshi, who takes Daniels down by the ear then clotheslines him on the mat. Terry tags in and throws Daniels across the ring. He floors him with a clothesline. Daniels fights back with right hands, but Terry no sells them. He goes for a Cross Body Block, and he no-sells that too. Magnus tag in, and Williams helps him hit a Union-Jack like slam. Williams tags in and they hit back to back strikes on Daniels in the corner. AJ has to break up the cover after Williams hits a Knee Drop off the top rope. Daniels whips Williams into his own partner on the apron, which gives him enough room to hit an Ensuguri and make the tag to AJ. AJ takes it to all five heels, eventually hitting a Flying Forearm on Magnus (who I guess tagged in), but all the heels jump in to break up the cover. We get a pier six brawl. EY tosses Brutus Magnus to AJ, but when AJ looks for a Styles Clash EY spins him around and hits a Pile Driver. Magnus makes the cover.

WINNERS: Kiyoshi, Bashir, The British Invasion (and sort of Eric Young) in six minutes.

After the match, Tenay does a very good job selling how insane a move the Pile Driver is, and how EY's using it broke an "unwritten code" of the locker room. That's a very nice touch. West talks about how obvious the swerve was, and he's mostly right.

Mick Foley is grumpy.

[Commercial Break]

JB catches up with EY and the other foreigners in the back. Young mocks JB for being as gullible as Mick Foley. These people wanted him to join, and now he's among the World's Elite, and nothing will be the same. Mick Foley charges out of nowhere, and has to be pulled away by security. Doesn't he have somewhere else to be right now?

(6) KURT ANGLE vs. MICK FOLEY
Keys on a Pole Match

Mick still looks sad on his way down to the ring. Angle and Foley trade punches to start, with Mick getting the better of the exchange. Kurt fights back with a European Uppercut and some right hands in the corner, but Mick regains control. Foley hits his charging knee in the corner. Mick starts to climb, but Kurt clips his leg out from under him. We get some more brawling, culminating with Mick clotheslining Kurt out of the ring. Foley tries to climb, but doesn't even come close before Kurt pulls him down. Kurt pounds oh him for a few seconds before trying to climb himself. Mick catches him on the top rope and brings him back down with a Superplex. That has to be a good idea with Kurt injured.

[Commercial Break]

Mick ducks an attempted clothesline and connects with a Double Armed DDT. He grabs the artist formerly known as Mr. Socko and locks in the Mandible Claw. There are audible chants for Angle, and none for Foley. Mick takes Kurt down to the mat, where he seems to be out. He starts to climb, but the rest of the MEM run down to keep Mick from getting the keys. The ref calls for the DQ. Wait, what?

WINNER?: Mick Foley by DQ in ten minutes. So the only way to win is to either get the keys or be attacked by an ally of your opponent—I guess.

The MEM beat down Foley, then hold him up for Kurt to slap him a bit. Kurt grabs a mic. He says that Victory Road wasn't enough, and tonight wasn't enough. Mick's next card will be his last card. Bobby Lashley's music hits. The MEM look happy to see him, not realizing that this ending only makes sense if Lashley's face. Kurt gives Lashley the thumbs us—thumbs down gesture. The MEM hold Mick up—and Lashley swings around and nails Kurt. How totally…expected. Lashley clears the MEM from the ring. They look confused. Tenay says that the control of the MEM is in jeopardy because of one man—Bobby Lashley. Take that, AJ Styles & Sting!

Star of the Night: Taz. His opening promo set a nice tone for the show, which it sadly failed to live up to. Actually Mick probably had the best performance of the night, but that could just be cause he had a lot more screen time than anyone else.

Overall: This show continued the trend from Victory Road of having a whole lot of blah, without any real high highs or low lows. They did try for a few spots—like the EY heel turn and Bobby Lashley face turn, but both were telegraphed a mile away. The Traci Brooks win was the only bit of genuinely surprising booking of the night, and it wasn't all that important. The matches themselves peaked at bland. This sort of show is more acceptable in a weekly network broadcast than it was in a PPV…but not much more. I also dock it a mark for the fact that a Blank on a Pole Match ended in a DQ. I can't wait for them to end a ladder match that way. C-

Daniel is a graduate instructor at The Ohio State University. All those offering feedback on the column or well wishes regarding his new niece can reach him at dawilk316@gmail.com

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