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ECW on Sci-Fi TV report
June 30, 2009
Report by Dominick Mayer, PWTorch specialist

I missed the first few minutes of the show. Thanks, DirecTV. This is a report starting where I picked it up.

Shelton Benjamin is in the ring cutting a promo on Yoshi Tatsu. Tatsu looks really familiar; can someone help me out on this one? Anyway, Benjamin does one of the more terrible Asian impressions I've heard in a while.

1 -- SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. YOSHI TATSU

Shelton starts the match off with some really bad ethnic stereotyping. Like, really bad. Like, scuttling across the ring and bowing to the crowd bad. This goes on for two minutes or so straight, and then Tatsu finally has enough and kicks Benjamin straight in the jaw. Three count and it's over.

WINNER: Tatsu in 2:00. Good introduction for Tatsu, but I have issues with this ECW debut for Benjamin in a lot of ways. To begin with, Benjamin was getting heat, but it was a really, really cheap kind of heat. It also disturbs me that people were laughing at what he was doing. And then, Tatsu's only development in WWE to date is simply being an Asian guy who got mocked and has so far executed a grand total of one move. Not an awesome start for what's basically a full reboot of ECW. Side note: I kind of love Tatsu's music.

Tonight: Christian and Dreamer vs. Kozlov and Regal. Looks like this is our main event picture going forward. Abraham Washington makes his ECW debut with a talk show featuring the Bella twins, next. Again, looks familiar.

[Commercial Break. Raw commercial: An unprecedented Raw featuring Cena vs. Triple H. Because that hasn't been done before.]

Abraham Washington comes out and introduces The Abraham Washington Show. Crowd is booing him so far. He wants to talk about things going on in the WWE Universe, referring to the "three stages of the hell" match. He makes a tired Paris Hilton joke, and the crowd is already coming at him with the "What?" chants in full force. He says Vince losing the money was a financial disaster on the level of 12 Rounds. Crowd actually pops for the mention of that film. Washington brings up the Miz and him losing to Cena twice this week. Don't remind me, please. He then introduces the Bella twins.

[Q2]

Ticker shows that next week ECW is on at 6 p.m. Central time on Thursday. Interesting. Anyway, Washington sits the Bellas down and asks them to introduce themselves. Crowd is whistling like crazy, though it sounds a bit sweetened. First question: Have you always looked alike? Need a snare roll for that one. He asks them about their "weave," and they say they're all natural. Crowd pop. He calls their hair synthetic. Man, the Bellas are wooden on a mic. Washington puts over a lot of their accomplishments, which were more than I knew about. Washington says he's going to turn up the heat, asking them about their first kiss. He's carrying on like a bad '70s dating game host. This is bad. Guess what question he asks next after the kissing one? That's right. Sexual innuendo now.
He asks them who's the better athlete and they bicker. Poorly. Nikki says she's better at everything, and smarter, and Bree says she can keep a boyfriend better. This leads to strife. Abraham Washington finally brings things to an end as they continue to bicker. Man, that was bad. I can't stress this enough. Washington has some presence on the mic, without a doubt, but the Bellas have zero charisma based on that interview and Washington was written to spout off one-liners so groan-worthy that even Jerry Lawler at his worst couldn't sink to. Washington has some real potential, but that was just a terrible segment. Crowd roasted it too.

[Commercial Break]

Sheamus comes out to an absolutely mute reaction from the crowd. I'm just a tad surprised; I've read that he's been going over well at house shows. Sheamus's music is kind of like Celtic alt-rock. Weird.

2 -- SHEAMUS vs. OLIVER JOHN

Sheamus cuts a brief promo to start off. Nothing will stop the Celtic warrior, and he's here to claim ECW as his own. Sheamus flings John clean across the ring with a hip toss. Striker's putting him over as a heel, though that promo didn't really go either way. Hard whip on John into the corner, followed by a slap to the back. Clothesline to the matt. Man, Sheamus is pale. Striker sounds subdued, but he's putting over how a skinny kid from Chicago is now a world champion in CM Punk. Sheamus seems to have the crowd mostly behind him. He tackles John in the back as he's in the corner and then slams his head into the top turnbuckle. John gets a foot up on a corner charge, but immediately goes down with a hard big boot. Sheamus pulls him up and hits a uranage into a backbreaker for the pin and the win. Nice finisher.

WINNER: Sheamus in 2:00. Really strong debut. Crowd was kind of behind him, which needs to be worked on if they plan for him to be a heel like Striker was selling. He has an interesting finisher that's kind of hard to hit on a bigger guy. Jobber in this one gets credit too for selling it like an absolute champ.

[Q3]

Regal comes up to Kozlov backstage and reminds him of their strategy tonight. Regal plans to make an impact for his first night on ECW. He tells Kozlov not to embarrass him and asks if he understands. Kozlov reiterates: "Embarrass you. Got it." He gives Regal a wink and walks away.

[Commercial Break]

DYK: Last week, ECW was Sci-Fi (sorry, SyFy)'s most watched show for the 34th week in a row.

Zach Ryder was in his locker room watching himself when Tyler Reks introduces himself. Rex is doing the California surfer gimmick. Ryder gives him the blow-off. Ryder is doing pretty much everything he can with his gimmick. Rex, meanwhile, has a good look to him.

Striker and Grisham throw to the Raw Rebound of ECW's best headed over to Raw. I didn't address this in my column, that's on the front page of the Torch right now, but this officially proves that Vince truly doesn't like Christian at all.

Back in the arena, Christian is walking through the back for the match. Dreamer comes by to hype up Christian, but Christian talks about how it was there in Fresno that he made his return to the WWE Universe. Christian reminds Dreamer that he's still after his title, and Dreamer says Christian doesn't have the best timing. Christian reminds him he's won the tag titles nine times. Match is up next.

[Commercial Break - DirecTV commercial runs for the Bash advertising Orton vs. Hunter in a Last Man Standing match. Well, that's just a little bit outdated.]

[Q4]

Kozlov comes out, then Regal for the main event. Regal's pointing at Kozlov like he normally does at his opponents. Dreamer out next to a pretty good reaction. Christian out next to a much better reaction, though it sounds edited; it started out huge and went down almost immediately.

3 -- ECW champion TOMMY DREAMER & CHRISTIAN vs. WILLIAM REGAL & VLADIMIR KOZLOV

Christian and Regal start off. They exchange arm lockups before Christian gets a hammerlock in. Christian with a hard snapmare into an arm drag takedown for one. Kind of an awkward bump off the ropes. Striker tells a story about Regal being a descendant of William the Conqueror, which is when he changed his name from Steven Regal. That's hilarious, because I still remember Regal's unfortunate "Real Man's Man" gimmick. Kozlov tags in and takes Christian down. Kozlov picks Christian up in a modified torture rack, but Christian pulls close enough to tag Dreamer in. Kozlov comes right at him with strikes, but Dreamer gets a flying cross body block and shoves Kozlov out of the ring. He tags in Christian, who dropkicks Kozlov off the apron. Christian goes up top, but Regal makes the save. Break time.

[Commercial Break]

Out of break, Dreamer is down on the mat, Regal has the chinlock. Regal tags Kozlov in. Kozlov gets a series of elbowdrops for a short count. Regal back in, and Dreamer gets him with a hard chop to the chest. Crowd pops for Dreamer's comeback ,and Dreamer gets the hot tag to Christian, who explodes on Regal. Christian with a dropkick from the second rope for two. Christian with a springboard sunset flip for another nearfall. Regal bounces Christian's arm off the rope to slow him down and tags Kozlov in. Kozlov begins to work Christian's shoulder. Arm lock on the left arm by Kozlov. Christian tries a comeback, but Kozlov knees him in the stomach for two. Regal tags back in and drops a knee on the shoulder.

Regal continues to work over Christian's shoulder, and tags Kozlov back in. Kozlov with an arm drag. Dreamer calling for the hot tag: "Come on, bro." Christian fights out of an armbar, but Kozlov starts with the head butts and hits a belly to belly suplex for a nearfall. Regal tags back in and stops Christian from tagging out while also wringing Christian's shoulder with his knee. Huge "Regal Sucks" chant.

[Q5 – overrun]

Apparently the show's going over. Dreamer gets the hot tag and tries to take Kozlov down, with Kozlov half-selling. Dreamer gets a foot up on a corner charge and hits a second-rope clothesline for two. Action breaks down with Christian taking Regal to the outside. Dreamer goes for the DDT, but Kozlov steps out. Neckbreaker by Dreamer for a very close two. Kozlov picks Dreamer up, but Dreamer escapes and clotheslines him outside. Regal tagged in and gets schoolboyed for a near fall. Regal gets a release belly to belly suplex that takes Dreamer out, but then Kozlov tags himself in. Kozlov with the uranage for the pin and the win.

WINNERS: Kozlov and Regal in 14:00. Strong main event. Heels got a ton of offense and worked really nicely together. Interesting dynamic with Kozlov and Regal stealing one another's thunder back and forth before uniting post-match. Interesting to see where things go as far as the title is concerned from here.

After the match, Regal stares at Kozlov for a moment before raising his hand in victory. The heels stand tall in the ring to close out the show. Regal looks happily at Kozlov and they pound knuckles.

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