By James Caldwell, Torch assistant editor

WWE Raw Live Report
May 25, 2009
Los Angeles, Calif. (originally scheduled for Denver)

After the general WWE intro, the show started with a very nice Memorial Day tribute video package honoring the U.S. military. Great to always see these video packages on Memorial Day. WWE is always consistent in honoring the U.S. troops, which they should be credited for.

Announcers: After the pyro opening, Michael Cole welcomed us to the show from the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Jerry Lawler is in the TV main event, so Jim Ross is also in the announce booth. Ross talked about Ric Flair confronting WWE champion Randy Orton tonight. Lilian Garcia then welcomed out the owner of the Denver Nuggets, Stan Kroenke. Loud boos. "Hail to the Chief" played as the fake Kroenke came out. Cue up the "Denver Debacle" video package showing the WWE vs. Nuggets feud with tons of ESPN clips on last week's hot sports news story.

In-ring: Fake Kroenke approached Fake David Stern and Fake Jack Nicholson ringside to give them the basketball he took with him to the ring. Crowd booed Fake Kroenke, who introduced himself as the owner of the soon-to-be NBA Champion Denver Nuggets. Loud boos in the Lakers home. FK said he can't stand WWE or its fans. He doesn't care that he screwed thousands of WWE fans and he has much better things to worry about than these people. FK said he's a respected businessman and he's been made fun of by WWE and the media. He rolled footage of the "Angel" McMahon and "Devil" Kroenke graphic promoting tonight's Raw. "A halo for Vince McMahon? Let me assure you I am no devil and Vince McMahon is certainly no angel."

Cue up Vince McMahon's "No Chance" theme music to interrupt. McMahon did the big grapefruit strut down to the ring to loud cheers. McMahon said tonight he's announcing the formation of a new pro basketball league. XFL? Haha. McMahon said it will rival the NBA and be called the XBA. Unfortunately, this league will be a miserable, total failure because he's going to have Kroenke and his staff run it. "How dare you, sir!" Kroenke said. McMahon said all Kroenke had to do was pick up the phone and work out the scheduling issue.

As a result of him not doing that, they decided to have a lot of fun. For instance, your name. E period Stan Kroenke. He's never trusted anyone with an initial for a first name. He even did a little research into what the E stands for. McMahon said it stands for Eeeeeenus. Typical McMahon poking at another's misfortune for laughs and giggles. McMahon said Enus rhymes with...Venus. Yes, it does. McMahon said it certainly doesn't rhyme with genius. McMahon's stunted sense of humor here. He said Kroenke has Enus Envy written all over him. All that matters is he disrespected WWE fans. Quite frankly, he thinks he can push around the WWE Universe. See, when you push around the Universe, they push back. McMahon then decked Kroenke and P...Enus rolled to the floor. Cue up McMahon's music.

Suddenly, The Miz's theme music interrupted. Miz said he wouldn't dream of interrupting McMahon, but he has something to say. He has an important message for WWE fans. As everyone knows, he became a huge TV star in Los Angeles, home of the Lakers where everyone thinks they will become NBA champions. Reality check...he's from the City where the real future NBA champs reside...he pulled out a Cleveland Cavaliers jersey with #23 LeBron James. Miz said the Cavs will overcome the 2-1 disadvantage. He said John Cena is an over-rated poser...kind of like Kobe Bryant. Boos. Miz said he'll run Cena out of town just like Kobe ran Shaq out of L.A. Miz's new catchphrase: "WWE - where The Miz happens."

[Q2]

John Cena then strolled out with no music, but DiBiase and Rhodes jumped him from behind to set up a three-on-one beating. Batista then stormed the ring in street clothes and spinebustered Miz, then DiBiase, then Rhodes. It's hot in the Staples Center. Big Show then jumped in and smashed Batista from behind. He got himself a piece of Cena too. Jerry Lawler then stormed the ring sporting a Lakers purple and gold King outfit. Haha. Show cleared him out, but then Cena and Batista cleared Show over the top rope from behind. Batista's music hit as Batista and Cena stood tall. Ross plugged the five-on-five main event with the mystery man on Team Lakers. Eventful opening segment starting with The Miz after Vince McMahon's sophomoric penis joke chat. PYB (3) talk time: 14:20.

Backstage: Kelly Kelly was warming up for the divas title match. They went to a split-screen of Maryse to showcase the Divas Title match coming up next.

[Commercial Break]

1 -- Divas champion MARYSE vs. KELLY KELLY -- Divas Title match

The action moved to the floor early on where Maryse smashed Kelly into the announce table. Maryse then pushed her over the announce table and apparently that was enough for a DQ. Post-match: Maryse went back into the ring, then Kelly tried to attack her, but Maryse escaped.

WINNER: Kelly Kelly via DQ at 3:25; Maryse retains Divas Title.

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

Backstage: Brie & Nikki Bella were on Fake Nicholson's arm walking down the hallway, then Goldust and Hornswoggle interrupted to bring the freak show to Nicholson. Hornswoggle wanted some information on their relationship. "I...I...I...want truth!" Hornswoggle blurted out. Goldust said, "You can't handle the truth." Fake Nicholson no-sold. Goldust said he loved him in "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest."

Video package: They showed clips of Randy Orton and Ric Flair having it out on Raw last week. Backstage: Flair put on a custom-made jacket and Batista confronted him. Flair told him not to say anything because he's going to call out Orton and beat his butt. Batista told him to think it over. He said he's going to have Orton in a cage at Extreme Rules, so then Flair can have the scraps. Flair said he doesn't want the scraps, he wants Orton fresh because he's Ric Flair. Flair said he's calling him out, so if you don't like it, don't watch it.

[Commercial Break]

In-ring: Lilian Garcia announced a triple threat match with the winner receiving a U.S. Title shot against MVP next week on Raw. Out first was Matt Hardy with his broken right hand and white cast. Ross made sure he pronounced "metacarpal" correct this week. As expected, William Regal was out next. They showed a clip from Regal vs. Kofi Kingston on last week's Superstars show with Kofi picking up the win. Out third was Kofi Kingston.

2 -- MATT HARDY vs. WILLIAM REGAL vs. KOFI KINGSTON -- #1 contender match to U.S. Title

Matt Hardy pulled a Mick Foley and excused himself from the match early on to wait for his opportunity. Kofi and Regal then had a miscommunication on an apparent Russian legsweep. Who knows what they were going for. Kofi wanted the boom-boom leg drop, but Matt tripped him from the floor. Matt then snuck back into the ring after a double clothesline and scored a double nearfall. MVP then came walking down to ringside to get a closer look at the action. Hardy in control going to break.

[Q4]

[Commercial Break]

Back from break, Regal was working on Kofi. MVP now on commentary. Regal tried to pin Kofi, but Matt rolled him up from behind for a two count. MVP said all three potential opponents are dangerous and he wants to face the best of the best. Hardy then dumped Regal to the outside and focused on Kofi. He nailed a neckbreaker, but Regal re-entered and broke up the pin. Regal and Kofi then exchanged European uppercuts before Matt landed clotheslines on both men. Regal then smashed Matt's cast-covered hand to the mat and Matt rolled to the floor selling pain. Matt came right back in, knocked Regal to the floor, but then Kofi fired off a round of leaping clotheslines on Matt before landing the boom-boom leg drop for a two count.

At 8:30, Kofi jumped onto Matt in the corner, but Regal grappled him from behind for an exploder suplex. Matt with the side-effect on Regal for another two count. Matt with the side-effect on Kofi, but another two count. Matt wanted the Twist of Fate on Regal, but he countered with a side belly-to-back suplex. Regal then lowered his kneepad for a running strike on Kofi, but Kofi surprised him with the Jamaican Buzzsaw for a two count when Matt broke it up. Matt missed with a cast shot, then Kofi nailed him with the Buzzsaw kick for the pin and the win.

Post-match: They showed MVP smiling from ringside. He said he's looking forward to the match-up next week. Kofi then slipped out of the ring and approached MVP at the announce table. MVP stood up smiling and Kofi did the boom-boom hand clap in front of MVP. They exchanged smiles as MVP said he looks forward to giving Kofi that title shot.

WINNER: Kofi at 9:48 to earn U.S. Title shot next week. Really sloppy first-half of the match, then a very nice flurry to end the match. Kofi picking up the win should set up an interesting match next week. A contrast in styles could make for a great match. (**1/2)

Backstage: They showed Ric Flair walking down the hallway. He's confronting Randy Orton next.

[Commercial Break]

[Q5 -- second hour]

In-ring: Ric Flair came to the ring as Jim Ross reminded us that Flair is retired from active competition after Shawn Michaels retired him in Orlando. He said Flair is still a man, though, and he's going to confront Randy Orton for his sucker-punch last week. Flair said all week long, he's been thinking to himself that he's Ric Flair and he's 16-times World's champion. Flair said Randy Orton might be champion, but he's going to take care of him right now. He told Orton to face him so they can at least have it out man-to-man.

Randy Orton's music hit and Orton came out on stage alone. He asked Flair what he thinks would happen if he met him in the ring. Orton said he would beat him down, but he can't face him again because he lowered him last week to punch him. Flair shouted over him to get in the ring and do it again. Orton shouted back and said it's over. It's been over dating back to Evolution. He said Triple H only kept Flair around because he felt sorry for him. Orton said he's starting to feel sorry for Ric, even these people feel sorry for him. Flair had this huge bug-eye look.

Orton slipped into the ring and Flair dropped his mic. Orton repeated, "It is over." Flair then slapped him across the face and Orton mounted him to land right hand punches. Batista made the save, then Orton rolled to the outside. Flair bounced around the ring PO'ed, then Orton took the mic and told Batista he's smart for saving a pathetic man like Flair, but no one will be able to save him at Extreme Rules in their title match.

Suddenly, Mr. Kennedy's music interrupted and Kennedy came out on stage still sporting that ridiculous goatee. Kennedy stood off to Orton's side, then looked up to the ceiling for his arena mic. It lowered to his hand as Orton stared him down from five feet away. Kennedy said Orton looks surprised, but this is just getting started. It's just the beginning because tonight marks the official return of a man who will, among other things, shortly be WWE champion. Oh, and, also, that guy is going to be the final man in the five-on-five main event tonight. Oh, and also that man is known around the world as Misteeeeeeer Kenneeeeeeedy. ... Orton started to walk off. He turned his back. ... pause ... Kennedy. Apparently, Flair and Batista pulled a disappearing act after Kennedy showed up. PYB (3) talk time: 7:40.

[Commercial Break]

Ringside: They showed Michael Clark Duncan sitting ringside sporting a John Cena cap.

In-ring: Santino's music hit and he came out for a mixed tag match. Winning team gets to pick stipulation between Santin(a) vs. Vickie Guerrero at Extreme Rules. They showed the clip from last week when Vickie Guerrero won the Miss WrestleMania crown from Santin(a). Mickie James came out as Santino's tag partner. Chavo Guerrero and Beth Phoenix then came out as their opposition.

[Q6]

3 -- CHAVO GUERRERO & BETH PHOENIX vs. SANTINO MARELLA & MICKIE JAMES

Man on man and woman on woman here, then Santino and Chavo got caught up brawling during the divas portion of the match. The distraction allowed Mickie to roll up Beth from behind for the win. Chavo in trouble. Post-match: GM Vickie came out on stage sporting the Miss WrestleMania crown. She confidently said Chavo will be in her corner at Extreme Rules. Santino said he a ton of ideas for their Extreme Rules PPV match. Leaning Tower of Pisa Pepperoni match. Or a Pasta Primavera on a Pole match. Vince Russo special? Santino then decided on a Hog Pin match. No pop. That's right, oink oink oink, you're going to be with the pigs. Ross said he's seen a Hog Pin match and you don't want to be near it. It smells really bad.

WINNERS: Mickie & Santino at 1:37. Basic deal to set up the Extreme Rules deal to continue this well-played-out storyline. Hopefully this will be the blow-off match to this feud. Hopefully. (n/a)

Backstage: Big Show confronted The Miz in the hallway. He said he doesn't like him and no one likes him, but he understands mixing it up with John Cena in the ring tonight. Show told Miz not to pin Cena. In fact, no one pins Cena. See, at Extreme Rules, he's got Cena and he's going to make Cena tap...out. Miz leaned back, then Show walked off. "Just like you did at Judgment Day," Miz whispered under his breath. Show snapped back and cornered Miz against the wall to make sure he didn't hear him say anything.

[Commercial Break]

Video replay: They recapped the opening segment with Vince McMahon's sophomoric humor going after Kroenke. AP already reported on it.

In-ring: Goldust and Hornswoggle came out for a tag match. Unified tag champs Carlito & Primo were on commentary. The Brian Kendrick then came out with Festus, who was sporting a Clippers jersey, for a tag match. Ross said he doesn't think Festus realizes he's wearing a Clippers jersey.

4 -- THE BRIAN KENDRICK & FESTUS vs. GOLDUST & HORNSWOGGLE

Hornswoggle didn't want to start, but Goldust sent him into the ring to face off against Festus. Kendrick told Festus to hit him, but Festus didn't do anything. Kendrick then slap-tagged himself into the match and beat up Hornswoggle before Horny landed a swinging DDT. Goldust then tagged in and went after Kendrick. Kendrick slapped Festus, which upset Festus and allowed Goldust and Hornswoggle to double up on Kendrick, leading to Goldust hitting a turn-out facebuster - the Final Cut - for the pin and the win.

[Q7]

Afterward, Kendrick was upset with his latest pick for The Partner. Festus was motionless since the bell rang, so Kendrick grabbed a chair and brought it into the ring. Kendrick measured Festus for a chair shot, but Primo rang the ring bell, so Festus snapped to attention and scared Kendrick out of the ring.

WINNERS: Goldust & Hornswoggle at 2:13. Another filler TV match. The last half hour has really dragged. (n/a)

[Commercial Break]

Announcers: Ross and Cole broke down the Extreme Rules PPV card. ... or, as Shane McKinley accurately calls it... Judgment Day + weapons.

Voice-over: The Lakers PA announcer read the line-ups for the main event ten-man tag match. First, for the Denver Nuggets. (boos) PG - #1 The Miz. SG - #6 Cody Rhodes. SF - #4 Ted DiBiase, Jr. C - #99 Big Show. Dang, that gut looks big in the jersey. Big Show looks pregnant. PF - #15 WWE champion Randy Orton. Orton took his sweet time making his way to the ring. All of them sporting Nuggets jerseys. Cut to break.

[Commercial Break]

[Q8]

In-ring: PG - #24 Kobe Bryant played by MVP. So, MVP gets to play the crybaby. Jerry Lawler #48 playing the Jerry West role as the Hall of Famer. Mr. Kennedy was #4. PF - #54 John Cena. No throwback jersey. Cena was sporting a Lakers headband, though. Ross said Cena vs. Ted DiBiase is booked for Superstars this week. C - #7 Batista. One guy was already covering his ears in anticipation of Batista's arena-shaking pyro. Batista sporting Lakers shorts, basketball sneakers, and a basketball that he tossed into the crowd. Lakers set up the "tunnel" and Batista ran through it before the Nuggets cleared out of the ring to let the Lakers get their shine.

5 -- LAKERS (JOHN CENA & JERRY LAWLER & U.S. champion MVP & BATISA & MR. KENNEDY) vs. NUGGETS (WWE champion RANDY ORTON & TED DIBIASE, JR. & CODY RHODES & BIG SHOW & THE MIZ)

Back and forth action starting with Lawler against Rhodes. Ross had a flashback to the territory era saying those two last names. Cut to break with both teams gaining and losing control.

[Commercial Break]

Tomorrow night on ECW: ECW champion Christian & Dreamer & Finlay vs. Smith & Tyson Kidd & Jack Swagger in a six-man tag.

Back to Raw where DiBiase was working over MVP in center ring. MVP wanted a hot tag, but Miz flew across the ring to cut him off. Mr. Kennedy finally took the hot tag and landed right hand blows. Kennedy was then knocked to the floor and the heels smashed him into the guardrail as the ref tried to control ten men at one time. Kennedy continued to take a beating back in the ring as the heels tagged in and out to work him over.

[Q9 -- over-run]

Cody came in and Ross said he will no doubt have a different pace than Big Show. Nice way of saying he's the Big Slow. Crowd tried to fire up Kennedy with a "Let's go Lakers" chant, but the heel Nuggets put baby in the corner to continue working him over. Orton came in and slowly worked over Kennedy, settling for a reverse chinlock. There's ten men in this match and they're going with a reverse chinlock to continue working on Kennedy. Need Lucha Libre rules here to keep the action moving. Kennedy finally escaped Orton's clutches and made the hot tag to Cena. Cody also took a tag. Cena exploded on Cody with shoulder tackles before hitting the sit-out slam and setting up the Five Knuckle Shuffle, only to tag in MVP for a double team You Can't See Me and Ballin' elbow drop. Nice spot. Lawler then entered with a VINTAGE punch to clear out the heels. MVP with the Playmaker on Cody for the pin and the win.

WINNERS: Lakers at 16:06. Send 'em home happy match to put the exclamation point on WWE's anti-Nuggets week. So ridiculous they had an extended beat down on Kennedy with ten men in the match. There has to be a balance between TNA's highspot fests and WWE's "isolate someone for eight hours" formula tag matches, especially with four men on the apron. Match didn't sell a PPV, but they have one more episode of TV to take care of that. (**1/2)

Post-match: Men started doing finishers on each other, then Show wanted a double chokeslam on Batista and Cena, but they blocked and nailed a double suplex on Show. Whole ring shook. Ross said there was another earthquake in California. Cena, Batista, and MVP gathered together in the ring to huddle up to run the Triangle Offense. Lawler and Kennedy then joined them to celebrate the five-on-five victory. Lakers took a curtain call center ring as Cole thanked WWE Universe for their support this week and each and every week. Good night from L.A.

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