By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor

Where We've Been: Mick Foley's champ, Angelina Love is fake-champ (at least this week—hopefully they'll take the division seriously again eventually), Bobby Lashley is here, Taz isn't, and Jeff Jarrett is face. I have fairly extensive thoughts on all of these, but got home from class too late to write any of them down. Well, I don't have any thoughts on the Jarrett thing, since no one cares about it. Maybe I'll add the rest later later.

The Show: Cactus Crosses the Line

[Opening Credits]

Jeff Jarrett is out to start the show, carrying both a mic and, mysteriously, the World Heavyweight Championship. Apparently he's just here to introduce the new champion though, and here Mick is. He's wearing a nice-ish blazer and has slicked back hair. If he's champ, can they finally get him some respectable theme music? He wants to let the crowd revel in this exciting moment, since this is what he and Jeff have been working towards. He says he has to acknowledge someone, aside from Dirk the camera man (for giving him a weapon from outside the cage). Mick's victory was bittersweet, since he looked down at Sting and saw a broken, vanquished champion. It's a safe bet that we won't see him in the Impact Zone for a while, so Mick wants us all to give Sting one last ovation. The crowd indicates that they'd rather see him in person. Jarrett says that as TNA founder it's his "duty" to give Mick the title. Despite Mick's heelish promo, the crowd still chants his name. Jeff reminds Mick that six months ago they never expected this. Mick thinks that's a good thing, and comments on how great it is. Damnit, are we going to have to see Jarrett-Foley? Jeff says that Mick's first title defense will come at Sacrifice in a four-way match. Obviously, if Mick loses he'll be sacrificing the championship, but if one of his opponents is pinned they'll have to sacrifice something as well. TNA Management will pick his opponents solely on the basis of who is willing to sacrifice the most. Mick says he understands all the details of the stipulation, except the identity of TNA Management. He speculates regarding some mysterious entities it could be before pointing out that it's pretty much the two of them. Since Mick didn't book this match, he can only conclude that Jeff did. We all know that Mick's favorite food is pumpkin, but he's starting to get the feeling that Jeff's favorite food is peanut butter and jealousy. Jarrett liked Mick a lot more when he was just a loyal soldier pushing pencils, but not anymore. So since Jeff booked him in a match at Sacrifice, he'll book one for Jarrett here tonight, injured hamstring or no (huh?). He calls it a "Cactus Jack Smack Attack", where he'll pick a bunch of items to be legal in the match, and help call the match from the commentary booth. There are four "young men" in the back who want a shot at Jarrett, and they're called The Main Event Mafia. Of those, the one who wants it the most is probably Jarrett's buddy Scott Steiner, so Mick books the match accordingly.

Lauren is in the back, celebrating Angelina Love's victory at Lockdown. They plan on throwing the biggest party this side of Hollywood.


[Commercial Break]

Don West spoke to Team 3D earlier today. Brother Ray thanks the fans, as well as Beer Money for bringing their A-game to Lockdown. He and Devon are proud to be champions in a company where tag team wrestling is taken seriously, but the fact is that the tag division is still not as strong as it could be. So they're starting the Team 3D Invitational Tournament, in which teams from around the world will compete for a trophy, $100,000, and a shot at the titles.

The first quarter-final match is right now:

(1) BEER MONEY INC. vs. LETHAL CONSEQUENCES

Storm starts things off with a couple of strikes to Lethal, but gets dropped by a Hurricanrana and a Leg Lariat. Creed tags in, and after a couple of charges in the corner hits a Slingshot Bulldog for two. Storm catches him with a right hand and tags in Roode; Creed keeps the advantage over him till Storm nails the illegal kick from the outside. Lethal doesn't like that any, so he takes Storm down with a (almost blown) Suicide Dive. Creed tosses Roode to the outside and follows him out with an Inverted Sommersault Plancha. Creed brings Roode back in and nails a Neck Breaker for two, but misses a blind tag. Storm comes in with a Back Stabber, and Beer Money take control. They trade a couple of quick tags and the Beer Money Suplex before Storm decides to work the Chin Lock. Creed powers out, but both he and Storm look for Cross Body Blocks at the same time. They both tag out, and Lethal comes in with extra momentum. He hits some chops before Roode Back Body Drops him out to the apron. He comes in with a Missile Dropkick, which Storm tries to break up at two, only to accidentally nail Roode. They hit a cool double-team Suplex/Cross Body Block on Storm, but The Lethal Combo on Roode only gets two. Beer Money respond with their double-team Suplex/Neck Breaker, which is apparently now called the "DUI". That's enough for the win.

WINNER: Beer Money in 5 minutes. This was about as good a showcase for the teams as one could hope for in a five minute match. *

JB is in the MEM locker room, where he expresses his personal surprise that Jeff Jarrett rejected their offer to join them, and then went on to beat them at Lockdown. Kurt says that no one beat them at Lockdown—they beat themselves. It was Kurt's fault for even trying to trust Jeff Jarrett. Steiner chimes in, claiming he blames himself for misleading Kurt. Scott then gets angry, yelling at Jarrett for putting some young punks ahead of twenty years of friendship. So tonight, Steiner will treat Jarrett like a young punk. Steiner storms off. Kurt, amused, says that even he wouldn't want to be Jeff Jarrett tonight.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the back telling Jeff Jarrett how angry Steiner is. Jeff's not sure why he should care, for all Scott cared about him the last six months. At Lockdown Jeff made a business decision—the originals might be young, but they show up every day and work their hardest. Eric Young pops into frame, saying he needs a favor from a friend. He wants to know what he needs to do to get a shot around here. A few weeks ago Sting chose him to represent him in the main event, which he won. He thought that would open some doors, but it hasn't. Jarrett's people took the X Division Championship away from EY twice, and never even gave him a rematch. He's not asking for a handout—just an opportunity. Jarrett has more important things on his mind, what with having a crazy man as champion, but EY says that that's what he always hears. Finally Jeff relents, and says that "Holliday"'s tag partner isn't here, so EY can join him and enter Team 3D's tournament. Eric Young's not sure who that is, but accepts anyway.

Here's a suspiciously quickly made graphic for the upcoming tag match, and it looks like Jethro Holliday might be Trevor Murdoch. Of all the WWE cast-offs, that's who TNA picks up? Also tonight we'll see Taylor Wilde vs. Sojourner Bolt in a ladder match for a shot at the "Lockdown Championship", which I think it's safe to assume is a typo. We'll also see AJ Styles defend his Legends' Championship against Kevin Nash, as well as the previously announced Beautiful People party and Jeff Jarrett match.

We cut to footage of people in the back cheering Mick Foley after his victory Sunday. We see quick cuts of him getting home to his wife and sending his kids off to school, belt in hand.

Lauren is in the MEM locker room with Booker, Sharmell, Nash, and Jenna. She wants to know if ring rust could hurt Nash, but he assures her that Jenna has kept his heart rate in the target zone. Tonight's about Booker T, and winning him back his championship. Suddenly, Sharmell snaps at Jenna, who starts sniping back. Booker tells Nash to control his woman, but Nash is confused why it's her fault. He and Booker set their issues aside, but after Nash leaves Sharmell tells her husband that he had best handle this situation.

[Commercial Break]

We see more footage of Mick's celebration, getting people at the local diner to admit that they've never had a world heavyweight champion in the store. He also has some random girl call her husband, who apparently in four years has never gotten a call from a world champion either.

JB is still in the back with Jarrett. AJ and Christopher Daniels swing by to thank him for his support; Jarrett says that's why he does what he does for those guys.

(2) SOJOURER BOLT vs. TAYLOR WILDE

Maybe I was unfair earlier when I said that they weren't taking the division seriously. There's a ladder set up in the ring, which both women immediately try to climb. Wilde knocks Bolt off, so Bolt shoves down the ladder. Wilde lands on her feet, but Bolt knocks her down anyway. She sets up the ladder in the corner, but when she tries to whip Wilde into it Wilde reverses and she ends up eating the steel herself. Wilde sets up the ladder and tries to climb, but Bolt cuts her off with a big Belly-to-Back Suplex. Bolt tries to climb next, but gets cut off herself by an Electric Chair Drop. Both women crawl to the ladder, with Bolt pulling out some brass knuckles on the way. They brawl on the top of the ladder, but it's really hard to win a brawl against someone wearing brass knuckles. Bolt connects and grabs the contract for the win.

WINNER: SOJOURNER BOLT in 3 minutes. I should have stood by my first appraisal of their opinion of the women's division. DUD.

[Commercial Break]

JB's still trying to interview Jeff Jarrett. This time it's Slick Johnson who interrupts. Jeff's daughter's on the line; Jarrett is understandably concerned, but it's only a homework question.

Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne are in the ring. Sky shills for Beautiful People trading cards, announces that Madison Rayne is now officially a member of My Pi Sexy, and then introduces the new women's champion, Angelina Love. Velvet Sky congratulates her, and asks if she has anything to say to her fans. Love wants to thank all us loyal fans for our support. She knows how hard it must be for all of us right now, losing our jobs at the burger joints and our homes at the trailer park. Now Love finally understands that we like her—we really like her. Sky says that's enough of the mushy stuff. They have a special surprise for Angelina Love, in the form of the "dancing boys". Some male strippers come out. Tenay is indignant, but I'm not sure why they're any more absurd then, say, SoCal Val. Don West points out that when Tenay wins a title he can celebrate however he wants. I really can't remember why he's the heel. Here's Awesome Kong, scattering The Beautiful People. Kong is left alone in the ring with the strippers, one of whom eats an Awesome Bomb. Kong indicates that it was intended for Angelina Love.

[Commercial Break]

We see Mick getting a massage earlier. He tries to tip his blind masseuse with a one dollar bill, but she doesn't buy it. He says that he can spend champion-money now, so he gives her a hundred.

(3) AJ STYLES vs. KEVIN NASH (w/JENNA MORASCA)

I think they remixed AJ's music. Nash lays in with some knees to start. He hits a couple of elbows and chokes AJ in the corner. He goes for an Irish Whip, but AJ comes back with a dropkick to the knee and a jump-kick. With Nash down, AJ starts pounding on his left knee. AJ goes to the top rope, but Nash meets him with an elbow that knocks him all the way out to the floor. Nash follows AJ out with some offense, then rolls him back in for a Side Slam for two. A Decapitator Clothesline gets two more. AJ fights back from his knees, rolls out to the apron, and comes back in with the patented Flying Forearm. As Nash tries to get to his feet AJ dropkicks him in the face. Nash gets up and goozles AJ, but Styles slips out and hits a Pele for two. He tries to finish Nash off with—I think that was a Springboard 450 Splash! I'm not sure why the crowd isn't more impressed. Nash rolls out of the way. Booker T and Sharmell run down to the ring. Sharmell distracts the ref on the apron while Booker nails AJ with an Axe Kick. Nash is about to hit a Jackknife, but referee Rudy Charles lets him know that he saw the Axe Kick. He calls for the DQ.

WINNER: AJ Styles by DQ in 6 minutes. Eh. 3/4*

[Commercial Break]

(4) NO LIMIT (w/KIYOSHI & SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR) vs. JETRHO HOLLIDAY & ERIC YOUNG

Yep, it's Trevor Murdoch. Yujiro starts things off with EY, who slips between his legs and comes back with a dropkick. He tags in Holliday, who at least seems to be a smidge faster than I remembered him. He hits a big Full Nelson Slam for two, so Yujiro rakes the eyes and makes the tag. Naito comes in with a dropkick off the top rope, then No Limit proceed to work the double team. Apparently Kurt Angle had to pull apart Kevin Nash and Booker T during the break—I somehow missed it. Yujiro has tagged back in, but when he tries to come off the top rope Holliday gets up a leg and creates enough distance to make the tag. EY tosses Naito and slams Yujiro. Bashir tries to distract the referee while Kiyoshi holds EY, but there's a miscommunication, EY slips away, and nails a Crucifix Roll Up on Yujiro for the win.

WINNER: Eric Young and Jethro Holliday in five minutes. Holliday was a bit better than I expected.

Lauren catches up with AJ Styles backstage. She wants to know if he was concerned when it looked like Nash had him beat, but he informs her that lots of times people have thought they've had AJ Styles beaten only to come up short. He catches sight of an arriving Samoa Joe, whom he chastises for being incommunicado for the last week. AJ wants to know what his problem is, but Joe says his problem is everything and everybody. AJ says that, as friends, they should work it out in the open. Joe informs him that there are no friends—only his nation of violence.

[Commercial Break]

Abyss and Lauren are in with Dr. Stevie. She wants to know when exactly he became a psychiatrist. Wow—way to replace Crystal with a legitimate question. He wants to know what good a piece of paper would do, since that's not how you measure a man. She says that the measure of a man is intelligence, which he showed none of when he attacked Abyss at Lockdown. Stevie says that he appreciates her compassion for Abyss, but that she should have compassion for him as a recovering addict as well. He and Chris are like brothers. She points out that that doesn't give him the right to abuse Abyss, and he wholeheartedly agrees. However, it's critical to get Abyss's rage channeled elsewhere. She grudgingly agrees to help.

Tenay had a sit-down interview with Christopher Daniels. He says that he and AJ have named their children after each other. When they came to TNA, they were told that this would be different from the rest of the wrestling world, with the X Division at its center. Tenay says that he's always considered Daniels among the great technical wrestlers, of a kind with Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero, and Bret Hart. Hmm…who didn't he mention? He wants to know why the public never perceived him that way. Daniels says that the desire to be recognized was why he entered Feast or Fired 18 months ago. When he lost, he blamed everyone but himself. Then one day while he was watching Impact, he started railing against how people like Kurt Angle thought they were bigger than the business; his wife pointed out that that's exactly how he'd been acting. So now he's back, to try to protect TNA and convince everyone that he does belong in that upper echelon.

[Commercial Break]

We see Mick in the airport giving out autographs, signing them only as "champ". He has some trouble getting the belt through security. Back in real-time, he's out to join the commentary booth for the main event. Weapons line the ramp. On his way down, Tenay says that at Lockdown Mick "did the unexpected". I like the lack of an oversell—not the impossible, just the moderately less than fully predictable.

(5) SCOTT STEINER vs. JEFF JARRETT

Jarrett starts things off with a quick Inverted Atomic Drop and some shots with a kendo stick. One of the sides of the ring has seen the ropes replaced by barbed wire. Jarrett clotheslines Steiner out of the ring, hits him with a walker (the device—not a person who walks), then follows up with a fan's poster conveniently made over a road sign. Steiner dodges a charge and Body Slams Jarrett against the concrete. He grabs a pogo stick, which he whacks Jarrett with a couple of times before deciding to do some bouncing. Awesome. Jarrett tries to knock him back, but Steiner responds with what appears to be an inflatable Santa Clause. For some reason, Jarrett sells it like a chair shot. Steiner Suplexes him onto a trash can.

[Commercial Break]

We get back just in time to see Jarrett take control and toss Steiner into a chair set up in the corner. He blasts Steiner a couple of times with a trash can lid, before hitting a sort-of Double Armed DDT onto a trash can for two. Jarrett signals that he wants to toss Steiner into the barbed wire, but gets taken over with a Do-Se-Do Suplex instead. Steiner gets in a shot with the garbage can lid, then cinches in a Steiner Recliner. Jarrett gets to the ropes, and when Steiner tries to reapply it Jarrett hits him with the lid from the mat, then rolls him into a Small Package for two. Jarrett sets up a chair in the middle of the ring, but when he goes for The Stroke Steiner drives his head into it. The crowd informs him that he still sucks (though I think some people might be saying that they both suck). He puts a trash can over Jarrett's torso and whacks it with a crutch, but when he looks for the Steiner Recliner again Jarrett hits a Low Blow and The Stroke for two. Jarrett goes to the top rope, but Steiner cuts him off with a Samoan Drop for what looked a lot like three but supposedly wasn't. Steiner cinches in The Recliner again, but Jarrett walks him over to the ropes, which he uses for leverage in reversing into an Electric Chair Drop. Jarrett grabs a guitar, with which he blasts Steiner over the head. He follows up with The Stroke for the win.

Winner: Jeff Jarrett in 12 minutes. It had some nice moments, but no real flow. *1/4

After the match, Kurt Angle comes down to the ring and Olympic Slams Jarrett. He locks in the Angle Lock, and Steiner cinches in a simultaneous Steiner Recliner. Mick says that that's going a little too far, so he goes into the ring and whacks Angle in the back with a steel chair. Steiner and Kurt depart, so Mick decides to finish the job himself by blasting Jarrett in the head with the chair.

[Commercial Break]

Jarrett is still in the ring, where he's been joined by Daniels and Styles. He says there've been bad decisions, for which he has no one to blame but himself. He knew six months ago when he brought Mick in that he was a whack job. This is no longer business, but personal, and the next time Jeff sees Mick he'll shove a pink slip up his ass. Lashley's music hits, and he saunters onto the apron. The MEM, who are still around ringside, are pleased to see him. Jarrett is not.

Where We're Going: So as of right now, the ordering of wrestlers in TNA seems to be Mick Foley > Jeff Jarrett > MEM > Samoa Joe > Everyone Else > Rhino. Hopefully, the four-way match at Sacrifice will present a chance to change all that. The obvious people to be in it are Angle, AJ, and Joe, but it would really make more sense to put in someone semi-random. If you have four spots, one of them might as well go to promoting someone—Lethal and Shelley, I'm looking in your direction here. I'll put my money on Angle getting the title though.

Star of the Night: Scott Steiner, I guess, though this was really a win by default.

Overall: This was not a great show. All of it focused pretty exclusively on Jarrett-Foley, despite the crowd's (and my own) complete and total apathy to Jeff Jarrett's recent odyssey. There was nothing horrible, but nothing worth going out of your way to watch either. C-

Daniel is a graduate student at The Ohio State University. He's sorry he was a bit slow tonight. Complaints can be sent to dawilk316@gmail.com

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