By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
APRIL 2, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-The show opened with a video package hyping the mystery of who would be the Team Captain instead of Samoa Joe, who turned it down last week. The title of the show is: "Still crazy after all of these years."

-The TNA Impact opening aired. Then Mike Tenay introduced the show and pyro blasted as the camera panned the crowd. Don West said Sting and Mick Foley would speak later about the World Title match.

-Jeff Jarrett walked out to the ring with his guitar in hand. As he entered the ring, Tenay said Joe said last week that his Nation of Violence is his top priority so he won't captain the team. Jarrett said the plan was for the Team Captains to pick their teams in upcoming weeks, and as wrestlers picked faced each other one on one, the first team to win two matches would get the advantage in the match. Jarrett, though, said Joe won the rights to be the captain, but he turned it down, "so as founder of TNA" (take a drink) it's his duty to name a captain. He said it didn't take him long to come up with a captain - A.J. Styles. Tenay called it a real compliment from Jarrett. He said he already was Grand Slam Champion in TNA, Legends Champion, and now Team Captain.

Styles entered the ring. Jarrett said he made him Team Captain with great pride. He said he has to pick two more members in addition to Samoa Joe to face MEM at Lethal Lockdown. Styles grabbed the mic and said he is honored. He paused and the fans applauded. "But, I regrettably have to decline that offer," he said. He explained that he's not qualified. "What have I done? If anything, I've let you down," he said. The crowd chanted "A.J., A.J." He said it was Jeff seven years ago who started TNA and put everything on the line - his house, his money - and he put a bunch of independent wrestlers on the roster whom he believed him. He said the were virtual nobodies. He said he took a chance on him, Samoa Joe, Christopher Daniels, Eric Young, James Storm. "We are the originals, and we let you down," he said. Styles said he'd be on Samoa Joe's team at Lethal Lockdown, but he believes somebody who believed in them at the beginning should lead them as Team Captain against MEM. Jarrett clenched his mouth, soaked up the compliment with pride, and listened to Styles vow they would let him lead them to victory and this time they wouldn't let him down. Jarrett reached out his hand, shook Styles's hand, and then hugged him. 

Scott Steiner's siren blared. Tenay asked, "Now, what's this about!?" Steiner said TNA began with nobodies and wanna-bes and except for MEM, it's still a bunch of nobodies and wanna-bes. He said he's speaking to him as a friend when he says there's no way he can trust the future of TNA with the young punks like Styles. He said he has nothing in common with them. "You are just like me; you are just like the Mafia," he said. Steiner said over 20 years ago he met Jill, his wife, and they were tight. He said he put her on a pedestal and respected and loved her. He said one of the last things she said to him was, "Help Jeff. Please take care of my girls." He said Jill trusted him, so he should trust him, too, and let the Mafia lead the way. He said he was there when all of his babies were born. He asked him if there was ever an emergency, whom could he trust with his girls. He told him to ask his daughters, whom he named by name.

Styles interrupted and said if he wants to talk about trust, there is a roster full of wrestlers backstage he can trust, and it's not the MEM. He said he has to trust his heart and have faith in the originals. Styles said his trip down memory lane doesn't mean he should stray from what's right. Styles got in Steiner's face and suggested they start the one-on-one series tonight. Steiner said he's got it. Steiner looked over at Jeff and told him again that he can trust him.

-Jeremy Borash interviewed Kurt Angle backstage, along with Booker T, Sharmell, Kevi Nash, and Angle's security guys with him. Angle said their plan is working well and now it's time for the MEM to go to work. Borash asked him to elaborate. Angle said Jarrett and Foley had a plan at Destination X to get Sting to their side. Angle said Jarrett was so close, but Foley "went into business for himself" and hit Sting over the head with a chair. He said Foley is lost in the chambers of his own mind and Jarrett is on an island of his own. He said Steiner told Jarrett there is a place he belongs - not the originals, but the MEM. Borash asked if everythings is fine with he and Sting. Angle said Sting never left. He said it was his own fault because he paranoid, but he showed when he hit Foley that he's MEM through and through. He said tonight he's going to issue Sting a public apology. Angle told Nash to be sure Jenna from Survivor doesn't invest her millions in TNA, but instead "charm the pants off that bitch."

[Q2]

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Sheik Abdul Bashir. She told him at his request TNA management has given him 15 seconds. Bashir said he doesn't need their patronizing 15 seconds. He said he is adding to his army. In stepped the three Japanese wrestlers, Kiyoshi and No Limit.

1 -- CONSEQUENCES CREED & "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL & LAX (Homicide & Hernandez) vs. SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR & NO LIMIT & KIYOSHI

West said he respects that Bashir realizes he won't win a popularity contest with his views, but he speaks his mind and stands by it. He also defended Angle's perspective. Everybody got a spot or two in including a dive by Lethal and Homicide through the ropes at two heels on the floor. Back in the ring Bashir avoided Creed's finisher with an eye rake, then DDT'd him for the win.

WINNERS: Bashir & No Limit & Kiyoshi in 4:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4*

-Backstage Borash told Jarrett he must've been shocked that MEM offered him a spot. Foley interrupted and said there's nothing shocking about that. He told him to stop looking for logic in an illogical business. "All we need to worry about is having fun. Fun fun fun until the daddy takes the T-Bird away." Jarrett told Foley to get out of his chair. Jarrett said he never thought he'd see the day he regretted letting him buy into TNA. He said Steiner makes more sense than him these days, so maybe he should join the Mafia. He said he sounds more like Double D than Double J because he sounds like Dougy Downer. Jarrett said Foley sent them back months when he hit Sting in the chair with a head. Foley said it was repressed memories. Foley asked if he really thinks TNA can thrive if everyone gets along and has calm conversations. "We need the Mafia, Jeff!" Foley said he's going to make a big decision later and show he is cut out to lead TNA. He left the room. Jarrett wondered what he was going to do now.

[Q3]

[Commercial Break]

-Borash held the mic for Jim Cornette talking with Team 3D. Brother Ray asked if Cornette was going to make good on his promise to return a favor for them if they helped him. Cornette asked what they want. Angle's security barged in. One of them said word on the street is that Cornette is to blame for Team 3D sticking their nose in their business. Cornette said he was responsible for that so they stayed out of Angle's match. The security guys said they want Team 3D in the ring. Brother Ray burst out with laughter and asked if they have names. They said they're going to kick their asses, then left. Cornette said to let him know if they need Vaseline and a shoe-horn to get out of the door. He then turned to Team 3D and said, "No offense."

-Tenay and West hyped the announced matches and segments on the show. Then the Beautiful People ran out and got in Tenay's face. Velvet Sky said the fans sound like wild perverted dogs, saying what they'd do to the BPs if they had a chance. She said they'd never have a chance and called them "nothing marks." She said they should be glad they allow them to breath the same air as them. Angelina Love said if they want to plug the show, plug that Taylor Wilde would get her head shaved later.

-A video package aired on the Six Sides of Steel cage. Then a plug aired for an "exclusive interview" with Mick Foley next.

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay sat next to Foley and asked him why he hit Sting in the head with a chair when Sting had been doing everything he could to protect him. Foley said it had building in the inner recesses of his mind for a while. He said Sting is smug, arrogant, and condescending. He said he tried to play the Great Decider and Conscience of TNA when he said he had enough in that match. He said even though wasn't on a completely conscious level, he must admit to being pleased with his actions. When Tenay said Foley gave him credit for his career, Foley said he might have given him too much credit. Foley said his perfect elbow he once dropped on Sting may be topped again since his career isn't over. Tenay asked Foley if six months ago he can look him in the eye and say he didn't think of being TNA Champion. Foley said six months ago he had become a settler - someone who settled for a role behind the scenes, but the atmosphere in the Impact Zone is infectious. He said then told a story about telling his son Dewey, who asked if a leprechaun is handing out gifts on St. Patrick's Day. He said his answer was "Why not? Why the hell not?"

-Back at ringside, Tenay told West he's not sure if he understand's Foley's answers. They plugged the Sting-Foley match.

[Q4]

-They went to Dr. Stevie's session with Abyss. They continue to film Stevie from behind as he talks to Abyss, who rocks back and forth on a couch. Abyss said he doesn't use weapons anymore and he's doing well. Stevie asked if he's doing so well why did he miss his last two sessions. Abyss said he was with is family. Stevie said he has no family. Abyss said Lauren talks to him all the time. Stevie said he told him to stop using weapons, but he disobeyed him. Abyss confessed that he's accepted the match with Matt Morgan at Lockdown, the Doomsday Chamber of Blood where you have to make your opponent bleed before you can pin them. He apologized. Stevie closed the door to his office and then smacked Abyss across the face repeated as Abyss cowered and shrieked. Stevie told him, "No more violence! Do you understand?!" Abyss hyperventilated. Stevie sat down and said, "Same time next week, Chris?" Abyss said, "Yes, Dr. Stevie."

[Commercial Break]

-A "Rough Cut" aired with Team 3D talking about what it means to be hardcore. They talked about it taking their toll. Devon quoted Nick Bockwinkel (perhaps without realizing it) from 30 years ago when he said if people think what they do is fake, get in the ring with them and they'll show them. They talked about being locked inside the cage at Lockdown. Ray said going back to Philadelphia for Lockdown works for him because that's what fans there want to see - hardcore cage matches.

-Only four minutes of in-ring action in the first 52 minutes of the show.

2 -- TEAM 3D vs. MAIN EVENT MAFIA SECURITY (Rocco & Sal)

They were just called "Security" on the graphic on their way to the ring, but Tenay called them Rocco and Sal again. Sal and Rocco attacked Team 3D from behind as Beer Money distracted them. Tenay accused Beer Money of orchestrating the blindside. They denied it and said they respect Team 3D and just want to watch the match. Well, Brother Ray found opponents who make him look fit. It was a competitive match with mostly stand up brawling. Team 3D caught Rocco on the top rope (what was he doing up there?) and slammed him to the mat. They followed with a 3D for the win.

WINNERS: Team 3D in 4:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2*

-Afterward, Rocco hit Devon and Ray with chairs from behind. Beer Money entered the ring. James Storm hit Rocco with a chair. Tenay reacted with shock. Ray looked on with surprise. Beer Money handed Devon and Ray their tag title belts. West said this seems very out of character for them.

-Borash walked backstage with Foley. He told him to reconsider and make amends with Jarrett. Foley said Jarrett is a party-pooper. Samoa Joe walked up to Foley and said he wants the Mafia. "You can make that happen," Joe said. Foley said he probably could make it happen. He told him to put the knife away and he'd see what he can do.

[Q5]

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Beer Money backstage. Roode said what they just did was reassurance to their skeptics that they're new men. He said from this day forward to Lockdown, they've got Team 3D's back. Storm said he and Roode have sacrificed everything to prove they're the greatest tag team on the planet, but they want to solidfy that by shocking the world by winning the IWGP Tag Team Titles also.

-Kurt Angle led the MEM's Nash, Booker, and Sharmell to the ring. Then Sting came out to a separate full ring intro. It's not going to help this quarter hour rating that it times out where the commercial break started at the top of the hour. Angle said it takes a big man to step out to the ring and admit he was wrong. He said he questioned his loyalty and even spit in his face. He said if he had lived the life he lived, he'd understand why he's so paranoid, but that's a conversation for another time. He said now all he can do is humble himself and apologize. Sting asked Angle if he thinks a simple handshake can make everything okay. He said he questioned everything about him. He said some of the young guys in the back have been called spoiled brats, but he has learned that Angle is the biggest brat in all of TNA. Angle threw out Sting's real name, Steve, and said he's right. "I am who I am and I can't change," he said. "All I can do is apologize. I am sorry."

Nash jumped in and told Steve as he was leaving the ring, "A man apologizes to you in front of all of these people and you're just going to walk away? Whatever happened about turning the other cheek." Sting told him not to go there. Nash said he's already there. The crowd chanted, "Walk away." Nash said Sting is the only one who can make a difference. He said there are a few people in this business he respects, and he is one of them. He said he is one of the only people who can make things right. He said if he walks away, he'll never know what respect is. He asked Steve to give Angle another chance. Foley's music then began.

Foley appeared in the rafters, holding a barbed wire baseball bat. He said he's been getting acquainted with an old friend. He said he wants to be sure Sting is ready for him at Lockdown, so in his capacity as executive shareholder of TNA, he's booked him in "a little marcheroo" tonight. He said his opponent in a non-title match is Samoa Joe. Foley said he'd remain up there enjoying the view.

[Q6]

[Commercial Break]

-They went back to a Dr. Stevie feature, but Daffney was on the couch. She said she was deemed too crazy for wrestling, so she did some odd jobs in Hollywood. She said Roxxi and Taylor called her up and said they wanted her to prank someone. She said she was game for doing just one job, but then they took out the scissors and started hacking and all of the feelings she tried to suppress began to come back. She broke down and told Dr. Stevie that a doctor told her once that sometimes there are chemicals in the brain that just can't be fixed and the brain has a life of its own. She thanked him for listening.

4 -- MADISON RAYNE (w/Angelina Love & Velvet Sky) vs. TAYLOR WILDE

Taylor dropkicked Rayne to the floor early. Sky and Love attacked Wilde at ringside and then threw her into the ring where Rayne took over at 1:00. Tenay went into plugging Steiner vs. Styles and Sting vs. Foley. TNA's creative team still is not big at all on promoting big matches ahead of time and letting that anticipation build, but rather announcing matches early on the show that happen later in the show. Wilde won with a leverage pin at 3:00. Love and Sky attacked Wilde afterward and tried to hold her down to cut her hair, but Wilde scurried away. Love and Sky were upset with Rayne for letting Wilde escape.

WINNER: Wilde in 3:00.

STAR RATING: *

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

-They showed Love, Sky, and Rayne attacking Wilde back in the shower area. They began cutting off her pony tail. TNA security jumped in. Then they cut away to Tenay and West at ringside. West plugged the TNA Respect house show tour.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Jenna backstage. Nash walked up to her and said it was time for their night out. Jenna said she was looking forward to it all night. Lauren was about to tell Jenna what Angle said about her, but Nash told Lauren she'd ruin the night. Jenna said she wanted to know, so she told Nash to tell her. Nash said he said she is the hottest thing.

5 -- SCOTT STEINER vs. A.J. STYLES

Tenay said what's at stake here is getting a step closer to having the one-man advantage at Lockdown. He compared it to having a power play in hockey. Steiner gave Styles a low-blow at 2:00, then they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

[Q8]

Back in the ring Steiner remained in control. Styles came back at 6:00 and set up a Styles Clash. Steiner backdropped out of it. Styles hit a bridging suplex for a near fall. Steiner springboarded off he top rope with a flying forearm, but the ref got hit instead of Steiner. With the ref down, Angle slid Steiner a chair. Steiner swung the chair, but Styles ducked and hit a Pele Kick. Jarrett came to ringside and attacked Angle. Styles grabbed the chair. The ref got up and warned Styles not to use it. Jarrett yanked the chair from Styles. Steiner then planted Styles on the chair and scored the pin. West said Jarrett cost Styles the match. Tenay said Jarrett was trying to warn Styles that he'd get DQ'd if he used the chair.

WINNER: Steiner in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-Borash interviewed Sting regarding facing Foley in three weeks at Lockdown. Sting said he's got to think about Joe first. He said it's obvious Joe snapped. He said he will survive and next week Foley will pay.

[Commercial Break]

6 -- STING vs. SAMOA JOE

Joe went right after Sting at the bell with a barrage of punches. Joe stopped an early attempt at a Sting comeback and kicked him to the mat. Sting dropped Joe at 1:00 and applied an early Scorpion. Joe powered out of it. Sting hit a clothesline in the corner. When he went for a corner dive, Joe caught him and one-arm slammed him to the mat. When the ref scolded Joe for hitting Sting repeated in the corner against the ropes, Joe threw the ref to the mat for the DQ.

WINNER: Sting via DQ in 2:00.

-A second ref came out and Joe kneed him in the gut. Joe then gave Sting a Muscle Buster. Joe then applied a rear naked choke on Sting. Booker ran out for the save. Joe ducked a Booker kick and KO'd Booker with a kick of his own. Joe then pounded on Booker's head, then rolled out of the ring. West called for security to "stop this madman!" Joe threw a chair into the ring. Sharmell covered Booker to protect him from Joe. Joe walked toward her with a chair. Joe paused and dropped the chair, then left the ring. "Thank god!" exclaimed West. Joe walked past Sharmell at ringside and yanked her to the floor. He then lifted her and carried her to the back. The crowd chanted, "TNA! TNA!" West said he's gone too far as the show ended.

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