By James Caldwell, PWTorch.com assistant editor

TNA Impact on Spike TV
March 26, 2009
Taped Mar. 17 in Orlando, Fla.

Tonight: 20-man gauntlet match to find out who the two captains are for Lethal Lockdown on April 19. Pain. Blood. Mayhem. Suffering. Agony. Some other adjective. Cue up the opening video package.

Impact Zone: Tons of men were standing on the entrance ramp as Jim Cornette provided his commentary on Lockdown. Cornette plugged Sting vs. Mick Foley for the TNA Title at Lockdown. He said two teams of four will be in Lethal Lockdown. Cornette was given the unfortunate task of explaining all of the rules for War Games while the wrestlers looked disinterested. Cornette then explained rules for Lethal Lockdown tonight. Want to make sure there's no questions or concerns, fellas.

Of course, can't start the show without Main Event Mafia interrupting. Kurt Angle came out with Scott Steiner, who didn't have the bag over his head this week. Basically just a "sell Samoa Joe's PPV attack" for the sake of selling the attack last week to throw "smart" fans a bone. Angle said you can't give those jabronies an opportunity without giving the Mafia an opportunity. Angle said he will be positioned as Team Captain for the Mafia tonight. Booker was auditioning for some gangster movie role tonight.

Jeff Jarrett interrupted in his wrestling gear. He said the only jay-brone he sees around here is Angle. Goodness. Jarrett booked himself as one of the 20 competitors to ensure Angle does not win to become a team captain. Jarrett then threw a cheap shot leading to a melee in the ring. Jay-brones and marks for themselves! Battle lines are drawn!

[Commercial Break. Local commercial aired for Booker T's Legends of Wrestling Fanfest tomorrow.]

Moments ago: 20-man gauntlet announcement, then Jarrett vs. Angle went down. Don West's heel commentary was about Jarrett taking a cheap shot. Tenay went histrionics calling it the biggest main event in TNA Impact history.

Backstage: Jeremy Borash was in the Main Event Mafia locker room. Booker and Sharmell sent Kevin Nash and Jenna Morasca stepping, but Nash mocked Booker's latest accent before leaving. Angle cut a promo, but asked for Steiner's pipe first. Um... Steiner pulled out a lead pipe and gave it to Angle, who vowed to bash Jarrett's office door in.

1 -- X Division champion SUICIDE vs. KIYOSHI (w/No Limit) -- X Division Title match

How does Kiyoshi get these title shots? Suicide rappelled into the ring for his first X Title defense as they showed a video package of Suicide capturing the X Division Title at Destination X in the Ultimate X. Enough X's? Red Rooster Kiyoshi attacked Suicide early with a kick before nailing a top rope sledgehammer. Tenay wanted the scoop on Morasca with the Mafia after she debuted with Mick Foley. West grumbled about knowing what Nash is doing with that. Jenna has already been relegated to an object and she's only been on the show a few weeks. Sad. Suicide made a comeback at 3:00 and nailed a DDT for a two count. Apparently everyone in the Impact Zone was given a Suicide t-shirt to look good on TV. No Limit tried to run interference, but Suicide threw Kiyoshi into his dudes to set up Kiyoshi for the Suicide Solution? finisher for the win. West said he wasn't impressed.

WINNER: Suicide in 4:00. Standard TV match featuring the non-descript X Division. Aren't there other potential challengers for the X Title? Perhaps they can have a four-man #1 contender tournament featuring what's left of the Division. (3/4*)

Backstage: Angle was shown walking down the hallway looking for Jarrett. He stopped at a portrait of Jarrett hanging on the wall and smashed it.

[Commercial Break]

During the break: Babyfaces created a wall between Jarrett and Angle, who tried to invade Jarrett's office. Jarrett, the real tough guy now, vowed to take out Angle. West complained about Jarrett recruiting the entire locker room to take out Angle.

Backstage: Lauren chilled with the Beautiful People and Madison Rayne to talk trash about the babyface Knockouts.

[Commercial Break]

Rough Cut: Brother Ray was the focal point for Part 2 of the Team 3D bit. Ray said he was always a wrestling fan, then he hooked up with an "enhancement talent" named Johnny Rodz to learn how to wrestle. He says he was not trained properly and he resents him to this day. Ray said Devon joined the Dudley Clan back in ECW and they formed a close bond that has lasted to this day. He said they know what makes them successful. People don't pay to see Brother Devon or Brother Ray, but Team 3D. Ray said they are very happy sharing the spotlight. ... Video package: Team 3D vs. Beer Money feud to set up their tag title match at the Lockdown PPV.

Sit-down earlier today: Tenay moderated a sit-down interview between Beer Money and Team 3D. Beer Money said it's history at Lockdown. Ray and Devon were sporting some sharp suits. Ray and Devon talked about Philadelphia making them as a tag team. James Storm said he's been here since Day One and TNA is their backyard. He said they'll be bigger than the Steiners, Road Warriors, and Team 3D. Ray pushed up his sunglasses and said he respects that because he was part of a company since Day One. Ray quoted Tazz, perhaps as foreshadowing for down the road. Roode told them to take a good look at the TNA tag titles. No Jackie. No money-counting. Just two tag teams in the cage for the belts. Great promo. Great format. Great segment. No yelling and screaming. Just a nice exchange.

Backstage: Lauren brought in TNA World champ Sting and after talking forever about everything, she asked Sting for an explanation of Mick Foley's actions last week. Sting said he can't figure him out. He's not the most logical man, you know. Sting said he doesn't understand why Mick used a chair on him, but he wants to know why. So, Mick, come on out to the ring and we'll talk it out. Mick, if you come armed, too, Mick, then I will too.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Lauren brought in Mick Foley for an interview to address the controversy. Foley said he can't believe what happened with the "Bachelor" finish either. Wasn't that Dusty Finish like a month ago? Foley turned half-way serious and said he'll explain himself to Sting.

2 -- TNA Knockouts champion AWESOME KONG & RAISHA SAEED vs. BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY w/Madison Rayne)

Announcers focused all of their attention on the Main Event Mafia program, but turned back to the match just in time for Angelina to hit the Lights Out finisher on Saeed for the win. Afterward, Peeps tried to cut Kong's hair, but she shooed them away.

WINNERS: Beautiful People in 3:00. Basic, forgettable match where the announcers paid little attention to the action, thus viewers at home should pay little attention to the action. (1/2*)

Backstage: They showed a split-screen of Sting and Foley walking down their respective hallways. Foley was channeling Dude Love with an easy-going strut.

[Commercial Break. Go watch WWE's "12 Rounds."]

Impact Zone: Sting came out first to address Mick Foley. He said he can't figure Foley out, so how about an explanation, Mick? Come on out, Mick. Foley came out after the tenth first-name-drop and gave a sarcastic explanation for the chair shot last week that he feared for Jeff Jarrett's life when he saw Sting holding the guitar. Angle is that Foley is trying to lure Sting into a false sense of security by acting loopy based off his real-life history of head issues. Sting said it's not funny and Foley is a broken-down man. He's watched Foley virtually kill himself for the wrestling fans and the boys in the back. But, now he's started to lose respect for Foley right now.

Foley stammered that isn't Sting the great humanitarian. Stock market down. Job market never been worse. He's not one of the people who needs Sting's help, though. Maybe a few weeks ago, he could have used Sting's pity watching Foley re-living his glory days. Foley bagged on the Hardcore History 101 deal, thankfully, and said from the moment he smashed Sting with the steel chair, the tables of time turned. Wha? Foley said no one is talking about that other wrestling show in April anymore. That TNA house show on Friday, April 3 in Louisiana? Oh, the other one in the other company. Surprised he didn't say "up North."

Foley said at Lockdown, he won't be the same lame wrestler talking about the glory days. No more. He said they will be making history at Lockdown, not just re-living it. Foley said he has a few more dives off the cage in his arsenal. Fine promo exchange. Set the stage, reference WWE in typical TNA fashion, and made fans believe these two can put together a WCW 1991 caliber match for $29.95.

Backstage: They showed Abyss and A.J. Styles on a split-screen for the 20-man gauntlet match. Apparently the order of entry is in alphabetical order.

3 -- 20-MAN GAUNTLET MATCH

Inside the cage, Styles and Abyss picked up from their awesome Lockdown 2005 main event match. Control was exchanged while Don West complained that Jeff Jarrett would probably grab the final slot to have the advantage. Alex Shelley came out third to keep up the alphabetical order. West complained about Styles wearing the Legends Title after Booker was tricked into putting up his title belt. Next out was Black Machismo Jay Lethal. All right, still in alphabetical order.

[Commercial Break]

During the break, Chris Sabin came out fifth. Still alphabetical. Matt Morgan was out sixth. Oh, well that will throw everything off. Morgan ran through everyone inside the cage before Abyss gave Morgan the Black Hole Slam with help from Styles. Abyss made the cover and pinned Morgan, who was gone rather quickly. Homicide came out seventh, so we're still alphabetical with Morgan out if we want to get technical. West cut a promo on Jarrett for trying to control everything, then Scott Steiner came out eighth. That really throws it off. Steiner cleaned house as they cut to break.

[Commercial Break]

During the break, Homicide was eliminated by Sabin. Consequences Creed then came in ninth to throw off the entire alphabetical deal. Oh well. Rhino came out tenth to set up another round of complaining between Tenay and West on why Rhino went right after the Mafia's Scott Steiner instead of the weaker vessels already in the cage for a while. Next out at #11 is Jeff Jarrett. Suddenly, Kurt Angle attacked Jarrett on the entrance ramp and beat him on the outside. Angle grabbed a chair and cracked it over Jarrett's left arm to injury Jarrett. All attention was turned to Jarrett as he was tended to by medics. Next out was No Limit guy #1.

Back to Jarrett, who favored his left arm and sold a broken hip, leg, and ego too. Lethal then put Shelley away with the Lethal Combination. When does Shelley get his X Title re-match? Perhaps after Kiyoshi gets another three title shots. Kurt Angle then came out next and went right after Jarrett again instead of getting in the cage. West reasoned that Jarrett was in Angle's way on the way to the cage. Immediately, Angle put Creed in the Anklelock for a quick tap out. Angle then eliminated Sabin with the Angle Slam. Lethal took the Angle Slam for another elimination. Angle and Steiner were standing tall going into break.

[Commercial Break]

Back from break, No Limit #1 was done in by Steiner. Shane Sewell was in sporting some crazy white karate pants. Angle then pinned Sewell to get rid of him. Out next was Sheik Abdul Bashir, who aligned with the Mafia on last weekend's house shows. Bashir went right after Rhino to pick up their feud. Tenay said someone must have saved Bashir from Samoa Joe hanging him upside down last week. Next out was Booker T, who slowly made his way to the ring with his new gangster pimp-walk/limp for Hollywood. Booker went right after Styles and gave him the book end for an easy pin. Well, that was fast.

Booker, Angle, and Steiner stood tall representing the Mafia until Rhino surprised Booker with the Gore for a surprise elimination. Styles and Booker then picked up their feud on the floor leading to a fight going to the back. Out next was No Limit guy #2. He went right after Steiner with an enziguiri kick and clothesline for a two count. Bashir then worked with Angle and Steiner...for two seconds until Angle gave him a boot and the Angle Slam for an elimination. Next out was Eric Young. Suddenly, Steiner and Angle gang-pinned Abyss to eliminate the big janitor. Young went after the Mafia, but Angle gave him the Angle Slam for another pin. Sadness with the Frontline. Do they still exist? Are their t-shirts on clearance yet? Or, still in the warehouse inside boxes?

Rhino eliminated No Limit guy #2 with the Gore. Angle then gave Rhino the Angle Slam for another elimination. Down to Steiner and Angle. They traded faux nearfalls before Hernandez came out next-to-last. Hernandez ran over Mafia, then nailed consecutive corner splashes. Hernandez tossed Angle across the ring, then gave Steiner a shoulderbreaker. Hernandez kicked Angle away, then wanted the Border Toss on Steiner, but Angle snuck up behind and nailed the Angle Slam for the pin. Angle Slam being put over like a bullet shot. In a regular match, these are all nearfalls.

Steiner was cut open across the forehead. Time elapsed for #20, but Jeff Jarrett came out for a second chance. Jarrett's left shoulder was heavily taped to sell the injuries. Mafia tried to finish off Jarrett, who gave Steiner the Stroke for a three count. Steiner out. Angle and Jarrett went at it. Jarrett fired off right-arm clotheslines, but Angle rolled into the anklelock. Jarrett escaped and hit the Stroke, but Steiner stopped the count despite being eliminated. West said it's obvious the rules have been thrown out anyways due to Jarrett re-entering. Angle then gave Jarrett the Angle Slam and scored the pin to become one of the two team captains.

Suddenly, Samoa Joe's music hit and Joe stormed inside the cage as #20. Tenay and West argued about whether Jarrett should be counted twice. Tubby Joe went after Angle, but Angle nailed the Angle Slam. Joe popped up, though, and no-sold. Angle turned around and took an enziguiri kick. Joe then nailed the Muscle buster in center ring and made the cover for the win. So, Joe wins? And Angle is the other captain? Tenay said as much.

WINNER: Samoa Joe in 45:00. Not too confusing by TNA's standards and the post-match that followed set the stage nicely for Lockdown. Action was pretty much just filler until Angle showed up to start eliminating people. Frontline and Young Lions were thrown out there to fill space and keep some folks tuned in looking for highspots, but the action was rendered inconsequential in favor of the Mafia vs. Jarrett storyline. If I were a Frontline person, I would have just stood in the corner and waited for Angle to show up and give me the Angle Slam to take a pin so I wouldn't have to exert much energy or take any bumps. Probably would get more TV time doing nothing by drawing attention from the announcers rather than doing repeat highspots that have no bearing on the outcome or relevance to the overall match proceedings. (***)

[Commercial Break]

Post-match: The announcers recapped how Jarrett never entered the cage to begin with, then finally made it inside the cage later in the match. Jim Cornette joined the broadcast position and West screamed at Cornette for an explanation. Cornette said he allowed Jarrett back in after Angle's attack. West sarcastically said it's a different set of rules.

Backstage: Borash was with Angle, who fought back frustrated tears and said he has nothing to say. Wait, no I do. Angle said he eliminated Jarrett three times in the match. He's booker, office, and wrestler playing by a different set of rules. Angle said the Mafia made a mistake last time by not ending Joe's career. They will end his career at Lockdown this time. Angle said they will end both Jarrett and Joe's careers at Lockdown.

Announcers: Tenay asked Cornette if he's ready for the Mafia's takeover of TNA. West screamed at Cornette that blood is on his hands. Cornette said he's confident in the Frontline. How about that - a Frontline reference with a vote of confidence from the authority figure who doesn't have any authority per last week's Establishment of Power talking segment.

Parking lot: Samoa Joe was leaning against the wall holding his paper knife. Lauren asked Joe about being the captain at Lockdown. Joe said his purpose is to torture each and member of the Mafia. He said he won't be captain and he doesn't care who the captain is, but he will be at Lethal Lockdown with his knife. Wait, so they just wasted 45 minutes and ended up with someone who doesn't want to be captain? Oh, for shame. End show.

We welcome your 0-10 score and comments on this show for an "Impact Reax" feature in the Torch Feedback section of PWTorch.com. To contribute your thoughts on Impact, click here.

We suggest these recent related articles...

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/8: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Thursday show, including Roman Reigns & Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt & Braun Strowman

METZGER'S ROH TV REPORT 10/4 & 10/7: IWGP World champ Okada vs. Roderick Strong main event, plus Briscoes vs. Time Splitters, more from "Field of Honor," Overall Reax

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 10/7: TNA Title Series kicks off, Bound for Glory fall-out, more; Overall Reax