By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
FEBRUARY 12, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-Clips aired from the TNA Against All Odds PPV including A.J. Styles asserting that he's ready to become a legend. While WWE aims for surprises on TV shows, TNA goes the opposite with the title of the show: "Mafia Meltdown."

-After the TNA Impact opening, Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show. The hyped a nine-woman Knockout match and Beer Money vs. Abyss & Rhino.

1 -- STING & KURT ANGLE vs. TEAM 3D

Kurt Angle made his ring entrance to his music followed by Sting to his music. No Mafia music this week so far. Tenay talked about the controversial statements Sting and Angle made about each other and the Mafia headed into Against All Odds. Team 3D came out next. Tenay complimented TNA management for "booking this quality high-profile match" based on what happened at Against All Odds. Wait, this is the same match as last week and the same four as in the PPV main event on Sunday, so it's more par for the course than something special in that context. Sting and Angle had a heated discussion before the match. West said Angle can be upset about not winning the title, but Sting earned it on Sunday so he has to deal with it. As Angle took a beating from 3D early, Sting reached out for a tag, but Angle didn't reach back. It was repeat of Angle's counterintuitive actions last week. Brother Ray hit Angle with a diving headbutt between his legs as Devon held him spread-eagle. When Angle bailed out to ringside, Sting got in his face. Angle shoved him. Sting took a deep breath, then shoved him back and asked, "What happened to the family?" They cut to a break at 4:00.

[Commercial Break]

Sting was in the match after the break. When he reached to tag Angle, Angle jumped to the floor. Scott Steiner talked to Angle at ringside. Sting settled into a headlock on Ray.

[Q2]

Ray speared Sting at 9:00 to take Sting down. Both men were slow to get up as Angle cheered on Sting. When Sting got up and tried to tag Angle, Angle jumped to the floor. Devon beat up Sting, including a running kneelift for a two count at 10:00. A minute later Angle did the same thing. Sting patted Angle on the shoulder and slingshot him into the ring. Apparently that's a legal tag in TNA. Devon then schoolboyed Angle from behind as Angle was arguing with Sting, leading to the three count.

WINNERS: Team 3D in 11:00.

STAR RATING: * -- The point of this wasn't to have an actual wrestling match; it was just there to forward the Sting-Angle dissension.

-Sting and Angle exchanged punches afterward. Steiner held Angle back as Kevin Nash came out and held Sting back. West said he didn't think it could get worse between Sting and Angle, but it has. He didn't think it could get worse? Has he ever, like, watched pro wrestling before? Usually tension leads to arguments which leads to fights. Angle asked for the mic as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

-Angle stood in the ring with the rest of the Mafia. He said he has been professional so far by keeping his feelings to himself, but he can't keep his feelings in check any longer. "Sting, you're a fake, a phony, a hypocrite, and a disgrace to the family," he said. He said he doesn't have honor, dignity, and respect like he claims because at Against All Odds he was supposed to win the title and keep it in the family. "What part of that do you not understand?" Angle said when the Mafia was created in Vegas, they made a pact - family first. Angle said as the leader of the MEM he has every right to kick him to the curb, but he won't do that because at the end of the day, the MEM need him and he needs them. He said tonight he's going to do something to help the MEM. He said at the end of the night he will walk to the ring ready to wrestle, Sting will do the same, Sting will lay on his back, and the referee will count 1-2-3 and he will stand up and the referee will raise his hand, and Sting will get up respectfully and shake his hand. Sounds totally reasonable.

Jeff Jarrett's music then played and he walked onto the stage with his guitar in one hand and a mic in the other. Jarrett asked Angle if as the founder of TNA he expects him to stand by and allow that to go on. He said Sting is the TNA Heavyweight Champion because Sunday night he won and Angle lost. "It's just that simple," he said. Angle replied: "Look who came back from the dead. What do I have to do, Jeff? Kill you literally?" He said last time he saw him he left him in a pool of his own blood and shattered his angle, and now he's back at the wrong place at the wrong time. He said this is about the Mafia, not him. Jarrett said if it's about his company, it definitely has to do with him. Jarrett said he's not going to keep going around because if they have another match, they might take the company down in a blaze of glory, but there will be a time and a place for him to get closure with him. He told him to listen, then said, "As the founder of TNA, Sting is the TNA Heavyweight Champion." Half doesn't even make any sense, and the other half is a given, so why bother saying it at all? Sting interrupted and said, "With all due respect, I've got a handle on this. Kurt, I'm going to take you up on your offer and I'll see you later tonight." Tenay asked if Sting will lay down for Angle as Angle proposed.

Not a particularly believable segment. Angle looked like a buffoon for expecting that Sting would lay down for him at the PPV, and it just lacks any credibility as a story because there's just nothing to back up that Angle would think Sting would think that. It just seems made up on the fly in a sloppy manner. Then for Angle to expect Sting to drop the title also just doesn't ring true in the sense that Angle would have no reason to believe Sting would do that. Are viewers to believe that Booker, Nash, and Steiner don't see Angle for being that delusional and out of whack? Or does he have a trick up his sleeve? But why would Sting accept the offer or even consider it, much less consider himself still a member of MEM after what Angle said to him about being a phony and always thinking that? The whole point of forming MEM was gain the respect of younger wrestlers, but nobody did or said to Sting anything as disrespectful as Angle did, so the logical next step is for Sting to check with other MEM members to see if they're with him or Angle. To have Sting just trot along following Angle's gameplan just doesn't have storyline credibility. In other words, the main characters aren't acting in a way that seems the least bit natural, and that's at the core of the definition of bad storytelling and booking. Why don't the announcers address or explain any of this? They're playing along as co-conspirators in this convoluted angle.

[Commercial Break]

-A commercial aired hyping Destination X on March 15.

[Q3]

-They showed Tenay and West at ringside with their back to the ring. That still just looks strange. Are they on a platform that spins around? Imagine basketball announcers with their back to the court? I like the backdrop of the fans, but they should explain why in the heck they have their back to the ring. For those who missed it five minutes ago, they recapped the Angle-Sting incident.

-Jeremy Borash interviewed Booker T and Sharmell. Borash asked if the Sting-Angle confrontation is the beginning of the end of MEM. Booker said the boss made a ruling and Sting will do what Boss Angle says. Borash didn't believe it. Booker said Sting has no choice. Borash asked Booker about Styles stealing his Legends Title belt at Against All Odds. Booker said the FBI is on the job and they're going to prosecute Styles for theft and send him to jail. He said Styles will be in prison, but still want an outhouse in the backyard. Booker and Sharmell went into their locker room. Suddenly there were screams and Sharmell ran out of the room. The camera went into the locker room and Styles was beating up Booker. Styles knocked Booker out and then held the Legends Title in front of his face.

[Commercial Break]

-Steiner told Lauren that Sting and Angle will settle their differences like men, unlike the Frontline. He said he was brought into the Mafia to be a hitman. He said there's two things he does well: fight and put his freaks horizontal. He accused Samoa Joe of being a fat, out of shape, wanna be Samoan. He said he's a half-breed Samoan. The promo was edited, and they said it was taped "during the break." In other words, the promo itself needed editing, so the "during the break" tag was put on to provide a reason for the edits.

2 -- SCOTT STEINER vs. "MAPLE LEAF MUSCLE" PETEY WILLIAMS

This was a no-DQ Headdress on a Pole match. Tenay said Steiner wants to prove that he and Petey are done. If you're a dom, usually you just break up with your sub partner verbally, but to each their own, I suppose. Steiner controlled early. Petey yanked Steiner crotch-first into the ringpost at 1:00, then raked his eyes back in the ring. Steiner came back and DDT'd Petey off the ropes. Tenay and West began talking more about the Sting-Angle situation. Steiner set Petey on the top rope, then climbed to the top himself and shoved his crotch into Petey's face, which is appropriate given the way this relationship has been portrayed on TV over the month. He teased reaching Petey's hand up to the head dress, then gave him a Frankensteiner. Tenay said he thought he had seen it all, but then he just watched a wrestler do a signature move that's named after him and he's shocked. Huh? Tenay said fans have to respect his athleticism. At 4:00 Steiner grabbed his lead pipe. Ref Rudy Charles tried to tell him to put it down. Why did he do that? It's a no DQ match! West even brought that up. The ref took the pipe from him. Steiner slapped him, but let the ref keep the pipe. It's stupid sequences like that which really irritate a lot of wanna-be TNA fans. Why in a no DQ match is a ref trying to stop a wrestler from using a foreign object? Seriously, it's just so stupid. Steiner climbed to the top rope, but Petey got up with a Tommy Dreamer Comeback and hit Steiner from behind. He then climbed up and grabbed the head dress, but he couldn't pull it down before Steiner met him at the top and gave him a suplex to the mat. Steiner then grabbed the head dress and won.

WINNER: Steiner in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *

[Q4]

-Samoa Joe's music played. He said Scott won't know when or where, but when he shows up, "Joe's going to kill you."

-A Main Event Mafia vignette aired.

-Borash interviewed ex-big-deal Mick Foley backstage. He asked him for his thoughts on the Sting-Angle situation. Foley said Sting is champion, end of controversy. Borash asked about a new segment on the show starring him. Foley said he invented a new segment where he gets to talk about himself, his favorite thing, such as his days on the indy scene, WCW, Halftime Heat with The Rock, or TNA. Foley asked Borash about the movie, "The Wrestler." Borash said yes. "Kinda makes you think, doesn't it? Kinda makes you think?" He patted Borash on the shoulder and walked away. Huh? As good as Foley was as a color commentator on Smackdown, he's just equally bad on TNA.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- TNA KNOCKOUTS PROGRESSIVE BATTLE ROYAL

I think my number one wish in pro wrestling is for Tenay and West to resist mentioning how hard it is for them to concentrate when the camera zooms in on the crotch of one of the Beautiful People rubbing the middle rope. For so many reasons. Angelina Love and Taylor Wilde began the match. Third in a minute later for Velvet Sky. Fourth in was Soujourner Bolt. Then Roxxi (who used to swear like a sailor, but now she's a mute). Cute Kip kept Sky from hitting the floor when she was knocked over the top rope. Madison Rain came out sixth. West called her a wildcard. Raesha Saeed was seventh. West said he'd like to see her face Awesome Kong because who knows her better?

[Q5]

Kip saved Love from elimination by catching her as she flew over the top rope. Rhaka Kahn entered eighth. The last entrant was ODB, who quickly eliminated Khan before she had a chance to be too clumsy. Kip again caught Sky. As Kip celebrated, Love and Wilde tumbled over the top rope together to the floor. Roxxi knocked Sky off the ring apron to elminate her. Bolt then eliminated Roxxi. ODB and Rain fought on the ring apron. Bolt dropkicked ODB off the ring apron to the floor, so it came down to Rain and Bolt. Rain scored a two count with a victory roll. Bolt finished Rain within a minute.

WINNER: Sounourner Bolt in 13:00 to earn a TNA Knockouts Title match.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-They went backstage to Angle jogging in place in his locker room. He stared at a poster of Sting on the wall. He grabbed it and smashed it to pieces.

[Commercial Break]

-A Rough Cut segment aired on The Ultimate X match. Styles said, "It's almost too hard to explain. You have to see it for yourself." For many reasons, that's pretty funny. Even funnier, though, is the next quote from Alex Shelley: "The Ultimate X is a giant X above a six-sided ring and you climb the truss and grab whatever is in the middle." Take that, A.J. Devon said it's a little more advanced than the TLC matches he and his brother used to do. Sabin said it's one of the riskiest and most difficult of all matches. Hernandez also spoke about it.

4 -- CHRIS SABIN & ALEX SHELLEY vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED & "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL

Lethal and Sabin opened the match with some rapid-fire action. Creed used a drop toe hold to send Sabin head-first into Shelley's crotch at 3:00.

[Q6]

Lethal hot-tagged in at 4:00 and he and Lethal went rapid-fire again. As Shelley rallied against Lethal, Lethal countered with his finisher for a sudden win.

WINNERS: Lethal Consequences in 5:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- Short, but a nice dose of third-gear athleticism.

-Afterward, the Motor City Machine Guns offered a handshake to the winners. Tenay and West, in the peak of gullibility, began congratulating the Guns. The Guns then attacked Lethal and Creed with kicks to their crotches and gave them the finger.

-Borash said an internationally known tag team is headed to TNA and he'll text it to your phone right now. Borash then talked about the Angle-Sting situation. Jarrett walked down from the rafters after chatting with Sting. (Remember, when Sting was mysterious back in his 30s a dozen years ago he used to hang in the rafters; now he's a dad who drives to the arena without his make-up who now also hangs in the rafters because that's what he did back when ten million people watched pro wrestling on Monday nights.) Borash asked if Sting was going to lie down for Angle tonight. Jarrett grinned and said we'll just have to wait and see.

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

-"ODB's Angle" segment took place. She said she gets mail asking if she has a boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband. ODB said she is very single and told people to send her videos and she'll announce the lucky winner at TNA Destination X. She introduced her guest, Brutus "Maximus." He corrected her that his name is Brutus Magus. ODB asked him to have a seat and take his shirt or pants off, whatever he wants to do. He issued an open challenge to anyone who has the ballocks to take him on. Magnus said he was reluctant to come to the United States in the first place because he knew he'd be presented with horrible, disgusting, American pigs like her. She asked him if he had IHOPs where he comes from. He asked what that is. She then told some joke about nuts. He got up and left.

-They went back to Tenay and West at ringside. They threw to Lauren interviewing Kevin Nash at ringside. Nash said if you have a problem with somebody, you dig a hole and bury them. He said that's a world he can work in. Nash said he is the boss and made it clear from day one and in Kurt's eyes, he thinks Sting crossed him. "I respect that. I kinda dig that. So Sting's got what's coming to him. In the long run, that's going to make the family stronger." Nash almost made sense of the nonsense earlier. Except there was never any hint of a suggestion that Angle expected Sting to job for him at the PPV, and now everyone's acting like Sting somehow should have known that, and now should just lie down for Angle "because he's the boss." How Sting responds to this in the final segment can perhaps save this angle, but it can also draw out the more ridiculous aspects of it.

[Commercial Break]

-They went to Dr. Stevie Richards treating Abyss as his psychologist. Abyss said President Obama's kids are so cute. He wondered if Obama lets his kids watch "Family Guy." He said he'd love to watch it with them. Abyss said he doesn't know why he's so addicted to violence. Abyss said life is such a blur to him and he does things where he doesn't know what he's doing while he's doing them. He asked if Dr. Stevie saw the last episode of "Lost." He said he can't believe they're all going back to that Island. He said, "That Kate is hot." Then he "he he he haw haw haw'd." Dr. Stevie said he'd see him next week. Stevie was not shown from the front, only part of the back of his head, so that will be revealed at a later time.

5 -- ABYSS & RHINO vs. BEER MONEY INC. ("Cowboy" James Storm & Robert Roode w/Jacqueline)

They showed a clip from Sunday's PPV of Storm KO'ing Lethal with a chain supplied by Jackie to retain the tag team titles. After some early offense by the babyfaces, Jackie distracted the ref as Storm knocked him off the ropes to the floor.

[Q8]

[Commercial Break]

The heels were on offense after the break. Tenay asked West if there's any chance Sting lays down for Angle. West said Sting has said it's all about respect and the belt would be tarnished if anyone but him held but, "but maybe he's trying to prove a point in some way we can't see." Abyss came back and butt-splashed the heels in opposite corners, then lifted Roode and gave him Shock Treatment leading to a two count. Rhino, Roode, and the ref got tied up and fell over the top rope to the floor. Storm sprayed Abyss with beer in the face and then gave him a bulldog. Jackie gave Storm a beer bottle. Abyss caught him as he charged with a chokeslam. Abyss grabbed the bottle. Matt Morgan entered the ring and smashed Abyss flush across his skull with a chairshot. As Dixie Carter told Congress, Abyss is such a "dummy." The ref didn't see the chairshot, but he returned to the ring and counted the pin. Afterward Morgan and Beer Money celebrated together. Morgan then hit Abyss with another chairshot to the skull as Beer Money kept Rhino out of the ring. Tenay called it a "sick shot." It is sick that TNA management, especially in light of Dixie Carter's comments to Congress about banning stiff chairshots, continues to let Abyss take stiff chairshots without regard to the likely long-term consequences.

WINNERS: Beer Money in 7:00.

STAR RATING: *

[Commercial Break]

-Foley talked about his first barbed wire bat match in Japan against Terry Funk. He said he got into a psychotic state of mind to get through it. He said he had wounds as a result, including "the meat" in his finger tips ripping out when they caught barbed wire. There was no showers, so they just packed the meat back in and wrapped tape around it. He said when he walked onto that bus, Funk was just as battered as he was and he didn't know how he'd accept him. He said Funk got up and hugged him. "We hugged like men! Yeah!" said Foley. That should be saved for the next fan convention, not national TV. The idea that we're on the edge of our seats as Foley talks about mutilating himself in a fight in front of 150 fans and then hugs his opponent on the bus afterward is just sooo 1998. But TNA paid Foley big money and they don't know what to do with him, so I suppose at least this gets you some TV exposure from him. His ratings drawing power is already gone, though, based on the latest quarter hour ratings trends.

-Angle walked out to his music. Then Sting. Angle said he is the Godfather of the Mafia and Sting broke the code and now he must pay a price. He told Sting it was time to get it over with. "Is this really what you want, Kurt?" Sting said. "I'm asking you, Kurt. Is this really what you want?" Angle said he gave him no other choice. Sting said he will go ahead and lay down, then. "I'll go ahead and lay down for the good of the family. I'll go ahead and do that." He stopped and asked Kurt where his integrity was. "Whatever happened to a man losing like a man, Kurt?" Sting said he's an Olympic Gold Medalist, meaning he was the best in the world. He asked him what he would have done in 1996 if he lost. Would he have asked his opponent for a do-over or to lie down so he could stand on the highest pedestal without earning it? Sting said he earned the belt at Against All Odds, not Angle. He asked Angle where his honor is. He said honor is when you can look at your opponent after a loss and say he is the better man. Sting asked Angle to look him in the eye and say it. Sting said he knows he can't say that, so he'll just lay down.

Sting kneeled, and then said that his loss at Against All Odds pales in comparison to Angle losing his wife, to losing his family, to losing his honor, to losing his respect, because nobody respects him around here anymore. "No matter how much they might say that they do, they don't," he said. "Kevin and Scott and Book, they know you for who you really are, Kurt, an egomaniac who would cut their legs out from underneath them if it would benefit you." He said it's always been about Kurt and he's tarnished everything he's ever earned from his Gold Medal to his dignity. He said there's nothing left. "You're at your end; what could have been is now nothing," he said. "So now there's nothing left to do but lay down, Kurt." Sting got on his back and basically dared Angle to go through with pinning him. Referee Dave Hebner was ready to count.

Sting told Angle to go ahead and steal the title. The crowd chanted "You suck!" at Angle. Angle dropped to one knee, thought for a few seconds, and then began to lose his composure. He got to his feet and told Sting to get to his feet. Angle said he's going to take his title, but he's going to take his ass with it. West said Sting knew he could play that emotional card and make Kurt look bad. Steiner and Nash entered the ring and pulled them apart. The crowd chanted, "Let them fight!" West said Sting pushed all of Kurt's buttons. Angle declared that if Sting wanted a war, he got it. He said next week it's him vs. Sting. He said there won't be one soul in the Impact Zone except for those two because the Mafia will clear the building, "and I will win your career." He charged at Sting again. The show closed with another brawl as Tenay said the arena will be empty for Sting vs. Angle next week. I suppose since Angle said it, it's officially a match?

FINAL THOUGHTS: As the show progressed, they managed to make more sense out of the nonsense aspects nof the first segment by addressing some obvious points that needed to be addressed. I warmed up to most aspects of this by the end because Sting cut a really strong promo both in terms of content and delivery. It was well above par for him. Angle is always entertaining, even when the storyline is off the rails. I think the weak link early was the announcers, who didn't say what viewers were thinking and wondering, but West covered some of those bases later in the show. I liked Sting shaming Angle into not doing what Angle wanted to do. Babyfaces in the end should be smarter and more noble (and thus more admirable) than the heels, and Sting came through. What blows my mind is that it looks like they might give away an empty arena match between Sting and Angle on free TV next week? All of this build-up between Angle and Sting is going to lead to their first MEM-era match against one another on free TV?

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