By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
FEBRUARY 5, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-The show opened with a recap of last week's program, closing with the new-look Samoa Joe. The title of the show is: "Family Before Ego." The Impact opening aired.

-Pryo blasted as Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show. Tenay hyped Sting & Kurt Angle vs. Team 3D. Wait, isn't that the PPV main event they're giving away? Oh, that's a four-way. Same people, but four-way, not two-on-two, so totally completely different. There are ways to burn out the intrigue of seeing those four in the same match and ways to leave viewers needing to see more on Sunday. So it can work or backfire.

-The Main Event Mafia walked out to the ring. Kevin Nash took the lead this week. He said doctors have cut on his body more than at cadaver school. He said the more years he puts in and the more he morphs into Kenny Rogers, he realizes he's accomplished a lot. He said most of his work has been done behind the curtain. "If I wanted somebody gone, they were gone," he said, comparing himself to David Copperfield. "To say I stirred a little [bleep] in my time is an understatement." He brought up again Samoa Joe taking a dig at his friend, Scott Hall, about a year ago and thus he wanted him gone. He said Joe is the one guy he wanted gone who is still there. He said Joe showed his ugly face with a new crop haircut and facepaint. "I guess that makes him sort sort tough guy; I guess he went back to his roots." Not so sure about undercutting the new-look babyface before he has a chance to actually present his new look. Nash said Joe has been casted and "you're going to play the part of my bitch in our little movie."

Angle took the mic and addressed Sting. He said everybody is wondering what will happen when they're in the same match with Team 3D with the World Title on the line. He said a hint of what's to come on Sunday will happen later. Angle said nobody in MEM has lost sight of the fact that a desire for respect is what binds them as a group. He said he will vow now that the World Title will remain in the MEM "regardless of what I have to do." He closed with: "I'll see you tonight, partner." West said if they're going to work together on Sunday, they need to start tonight.

-Lauren interviewed Devon and Brother Ray backstage. She said they have Angle and Sting right where they want them. Devon said they know Angle very well. He said Angle might be one of the greatest wrestlers to ever lace a pair of boots, then he said he was going to "take it further" and said he might be one of the greatest in the history of this business. How are those two even the least bit different. I supposed Kevin Von Erich and Jimmy Snuka might be excluded from the first group, among a few others, although even those two at one point I'm sure laced boots before wrestling. Oh, there's sneaker-wearing Shane McMahon. He's never laced boots.brother Ray said he'd like to perhaps see Angle in the trunk of his '73 Cadillac or dropped with his feet in cement into the bottom of the Atlanta or maybe strung up from the nuts up from a meat locker and frozen. "It's all Mafia stuff, though," he said. He accused Angle of taking the Mafia stuff too far. He asked if he's going to end up with a horse's head in his bed, adding, "Not that Devon hasn't woken up with pigs in his bed." Ray vowed that they'd cut the ring in half, beat Angle down, and not let him tag in Sting. He said he's going to get some of his own medicine, and then at Against All Odds, one-half of the greatest team in the world will become the World Heavyweight Champion. As they walked away, Lauren tried to get them to address that only one of them can become champion.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

-A Rough Cut aired on Kiyoshi, with Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley discussing his background. Like every TNA wrestler it seems, he worked through Border City Wrestling. He talked about training with Great Muta in All Japan. They aired a clip of Great Muta. Shelley compared Muta in Japan to Hulk Hogan, Sting, The Rock, Steve Austin, or Mick Foley in the U.S. as cultural icons. Let's see, who's he in trouble with for not mentioning? Kurt Angle, perhaps. Understandable he'd leave out Undertaker, but he'd be in there, as would Ric Flair. Kiyoshia, via translation, said his goal is surpass Great Muta. The video package is nice. He's been around for a while as just a random lower-card wrestler, so it's tough now to redefine him as something really special with just a video package.

-Lauren interviewed Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed. She asked if wrestling the Motor City Machine Guns later is the beginning of the end with the Front Line. Creed said when you have a family, you don't put yourself first. Creed said when they made the commitment to band together as the Front Line, they agreed to stay together. Creed said in their eyes, the MCMGs are no different than Main Event Mafia. Lethal threw out some references to Virgil, Million Dollar Man, and Terry Funk and said the tag belts come back to Legal Consequences.

1 -- MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin) vs. "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL & CONSQUENCES CREED

Tenay compared the Guns to Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty during their ring intro. Beer Money attacked Lethal and Creed before the bell at ringside. They brawled into the crowd and at ringside for a couple minutes. They went into a split screen to try to track everything going on. Storm hit Creed in the elbow with a chair. Creed sold it big. Meanwhile, Shelley and Sabin just leaned in the corner of the ring and watched the brawl, staying complete out of it.

[Commercial Break]

Back from the break, Lethal was battling Sabin. They showed a replay of trainers tending to Creed, who had to return to the back, leaving Lethal alone. Tenay said the indifference shown by Sabin and Shelley is really telling since they're stable-mates in the Front Line. Sabin leapfrogged a charging Sabin and then through the ropes onto Shelley. Sabin dove at Lethal, but Lethal sidestepped him. Back in the ring Lethal scored a one count on Shelley. Sabin mistakenly charged right into his partner Shelley in the corner. Sabin caught Lethal with a backbreaker a minute later. Really good, innovative action early on with good intensity, speed, and believability. At about 6:00 Eric Young came out and took Creed's place in the match. He tagged in, and the ref apparently allowed it for some preposterous reason that's just annoying, and he gave Shelley and Sabin a double-stacked Death Valley Driver to win.

WINNERS: Lethal & Young in 7:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- Good while it lasted, except for the ridiculous finish. Imagine Kobe Bryant going down with an Ankle Sprain mid-game in the NBA Finals and out comes Dwayne Wade to take his place.

[Q3]

[Commercial Break]

-Shelley and Sabin remained in the ring. Shelley said there are two things in the world that mean the most to him - his tag team partner and the X Division Title. He challenged Young to be his X Division challenhger at Against All Odds. Young accepted the challenge as long as he promises that his "life partner is not going to be at ringside."

-Tenay and West plugged the Against All Odds line-up. West said he just got word that Young vs. Shelley has officially been signed.

-Jim Cornette addressed the Kongtourage backstage. He said he was banning everyone else from ringside at Awesome Kong's title defense at PPV. Soujourner Bolt stepped up to Cornette's face and told him some day when his "cracker... jack" isn't around, looking at mic-holding Jeremy Borash, they'll run into each other and it'll be on. We've got gay jokes and black woman using the term "cracker" in some out-of-left field in-your-face moment with a suit. Is it 1980 suddenly and "The Jeffersons" script got inserted into the Impact format sheet? Seriously, who says cracker? And what audience are they aiming for with "life partner" jokes? Cornette asked Borash to take his blood pressure, but joked that he's a proctologist because he "started at the bottom and stayed there." Booker T barged in with Sharmell. He said he wants to referee Shane Sewell's match later. Cornette said that's "an idea... a crummy idea." He said he has to wait until Sunday to get his hands on Sewell because he doesn't have a referee's license. Booker rambled and called Sewell "Shane Stool." That's pretty funny, although the rest of his promo was just as odd as usual for him.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed the Beautiful People backstage. Angelina Love got intense as she talked about facing Roxxi and Taylor Wilde later in the show. She said when they're done with them, it'll look like a freakin' massacre. Her intensity seemed to make Lauren as uncomfortable as if Kane has cornered her in a dark corner. Sky said tonight the fun and games are over and they're going to do things to them that will put a slaughterhouse to shame. She said they're taking away their dignity and respect. In some ways a really good back-to-basics promo by establishing a grudge and making threats, but the threats were just too heavy-handed. They turned it to 11 when 7 or 8 would work. Actually they broke the dial when they went so far as to say they're taking it further than a slaughterhouse, because there are few places in the world where more agony and suffering exists than a slaughterhouse (for both the animals and the human workers).

[Q4]

2 -- SHANE SEWELL vs. SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR

Sewell made things really confusing by wearing a referee shirt and pants for the match. The crowd chanted "USA, USA" even though both wrestlers in the ring are from the United States. West plugged that former Illinois Rod Blagojevich was invited to join TNA. Tenay talked about him being impeached. Meanwhile Sewell went on a flurry of offense at 2:00 and scored a near fall. Bashir dove at Sewell, but hit the ref by mistake. With the ref down, both wrestlers collided mid-ring. Booker T came out wearing a referee shirt. Earl Hebner and Rudy Charles tried to stop him. Booker entered the ring and began counting both of them down. Booker T aided Bashir to his feet. Bashir climbed to the top rope and hit a flying legdrop, but Sewell moved. Sewell hit a top rope crossbody block. Booker paused before making a count, and instead stomped on Sewell's head. The bell began ringing. Sewell made a brief comeback before security intervened.

WINNER: No contest at 4:00.

-Borash interviewed Sting backstage. He asked him where he stands with Angle. Sting said he doesn't know and everyone will have to watch the PPV to find out. He said when he holds the belt, he protects the honor, dignity, and respect of the belt and if anyone else holds it, it will be tarnished. Borash asked if Angle wins it, Sting things the belt will be tarnished. Sting looked at him like, "Didn't I just say that?" and walked away.

[Commercial Break]

-A video recap aired of the Beautiful People vs. The Governor angle.

[Q5]

3 -- ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY (w/Cute Kip) vs. TAYLOR WILDE & ROXXI

They brawled at ringside to start, with the BPs taking out their anger and embarrassment on Roxxi and Taylor. Roxxi and Taylor came back at 3:00, but within a minute the BPs finisher her with a double-team big boot on Roxxi.

WINNERS: The Beautiful People in 4:00.

-The BPs continued the beating afterward on both Roxxi and Taylor as Kip celebrated with them. Kip dragged Roxxi and Taylor to mid-ring at which point Love and Sky put paperbags over their heads. I'm starting to question whether Love and Sky have ever seen what actually happens at a slaughterhouse. "The Governor" ran out and gave Kip a low-blow and then beat down both Love and Sky. She tried to put paper bags on their heads, but they scurried out of the ring first.

-They showed Brutus Magnus from behind backstage as Tenay said his long-anticipated debut was up next.

[Commercial Break]

-The second part of the Rough Cut video feature on Kiyoshi aired. Shelley and Sabin again talked about Kiyoshi's background. Shelley said if someone in Japan doesn't believe in them enough, it's tough to get to the next level. Scott D'Amore said it can take three, four, five years to make it to a big show in Japan, and a lot of wrestlers will give up before the general public can see them compete. Sting said Kiyoshi should not be taken lightly. Kiyoshi said his goal is honor, not copy, the Great Muta.

-Tenay plugged Matt Morgan vs. Rhino and the main event tag.

4 -- SHARK BOY vs. BRUTUS MAGNUS

Magnus walked out basically doing a Chris Masters gimmick with a Gladiator twist. He looks like a generic chiseled MMA fighter. He established he's a heel by complaining to the ref about a slow count early. Tenay said Magnus wasn't especially approachable when seeking background info, but he told them to look out for his finisher called Tormentum. It turned out to be a twisting Samoan drop.

WINNER: Magnus in 2:00. He looked fine for an opening squash.

[Q6]

-Magnus asked for the mic afterward. He spoke with an English accent, or a "Gladiator accent," and issued an open challenge to anyone who's tougher than Shark Boy. He closed with a catch phrase: "Step up to the modern day gladiator, because my time for glory is upon uuuussssss!"

-Borash interviewed Angle backstage, asking him about what Sting said earlier. Angle said Sting didn't say anything earlier. He shoved Borash and accused him of trying to stir things up. He said they're as tight of a family as a family can be. He said they're too smart to fall apart due to inuendo. He said he doesn't need Sting's help tonight. Borash said he might need Sting's help. Angle insisted he could do it on his own.

[Commercial Break]

-A video packaged aired on the Matt Morgan vs. Abyss feud.

5 -- MATT MORGAN vs. RHINO

Morgan took control early. Rhino fought back at 2:00. Rhino went for a Gore, but Morgan ducked and fired back with his Carbon Footprint big boot. Tenay said Rhino is a step slow and less powerful now because of the MEM's beatdwn. Morgan brought a chair into the ring and signaled for the Hellivator. Abyss's music played. Morgan dropped Rhino. Abyss had bags of tacks with him. West said it was good to see the old Abyss back in the ring, willing to do anything and bring anything to the ring. Abyss gave Morgan a Black Hole Slam. Abyss poured a big bag of tacks onto the mat. Morgan saw the tacks and bailed out to ringside. Tenay said they meet one-on-one Sunday on PPV. West added that it'll be no holds barred.

WINNER: No contest in 3:00.

[Q7]

[Commercial Break]

-During the break Abyss threw a bunch of apparatus into the ring, such as a chair, broken glass, and a kendo stick. Abyss told Morgan he wants to introduce him to his best friend, and his name isn't Chris, it's Abyss. He said he has endured a lot - abusive fathers, prison time, psychiatric treatment, and even a little shock therapy. He said Morgan knew how delicate his situation was and he befriended him with a false sense of trust that does not exist in his world. The camera zoomed in on the thumb tacks sticking into his boots. Abyss said when he adds the Abyss chromosome into his DNA what happens. He then pounded his fists onto the thumb tacks and dozen or so were stuck on his hands. Icky. Abyss brought up the old saying about hurting those you care about the most. "Well, this Sunday I'm going to prove those words never more true and I'm going to kick your ass." That was over the top, and mostly good, but I hate to see him doing that with thumb tacks. That can't feel good. And he probably ended up, as often in TNA, taking things a level or two further in his promo than ideal at the very end. But in general, as odd as they are, Abyss's promos have come a long way and he's connected with his own character.

-A brief vignette aired on the MEM.

-Borash approached Mick Foley backstage in Foley's first appearance of the show. Foley said on Sunday we'll find out if Angle and Sting can coexist. Borash asked how they'll possibly be able to coexist with the World Title at stake. Foley said we'll all find out together. Borash asked for an update on Jeff Jarett. Foley told Borash he can ask Jarrett himself when he returns to Impact next week. Oh boy, that's sure to pop a bigger rating than the return of Mr. McMahon.

-The ring intros for Sting and Kurt Angle took place.

[Commercial Break]

[Q8]

6 -- KURT ANGLE & STING vs. TEAM 3D

After back and forth action early, Angle went for an anklelock at 3:00 on Ray. Ray broke free and tagged in Devon. Sting offered to tag in. Angle gave him an "up yours" arm signal. Devon back suplexed Angle. West questioned Angle's strategy since he's taking a beating just to prove a point to Sting. Sting confronted Angle at ringside, saying he thought they were a family. Scott Steiner ran out to mediate.

[Commercial Break]

During the break, Tenay said, it was all Angle on offense thanks to Steiner tripping Devon coming off the ropes. The ref ordered Steiner to the back as a result. Ray came back with a full nelson sitout powerbomb. Angle fired back with a back suplex a mintue later, and then he mouthed off to Sting. Angle got cocky and climbed to the top rope. Ray lifted Angle on his shouters and then Devon hit a top rope clothesline. Booker T ran in for the DQ before a pin could be made. Sting watched as Steiner joined in the fight. West said this three-on-two attack is a good move on MEM's part. Sting grabbed his baseball bat and watched the beat down. Booker and Angle got into an argument at Steiner held him back. Sting asked Angle, "Friend or foe? What's it going to be?" West asked, "Man, I can't wait until this Sunday." Steiner pleaded, "We're family, Kurt."

WINNERS: Team 3D via DQ (presumably) in 10:00.

-They show closed with a final video package promoting Against All Odds, with a tag at the end of Samoa Joe, close-up, saying, "Main Event Mafia, allow me to introduce you to the real Samoa Joe."

You can be among the first to listen to my 90 minute Torch Talk interview with Hulk Hogan tonight by becoming PWTorch VIP! For more details on this major shoot interview release today, click here.

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