By James Caldwell, PWTorch columnist

TNA Impact on Spike TV
December 18, 2008
Taped Dec. 9 in Orlando, Fla.
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist

We start with Lance Rock coming to the ring for the opening bout. Christy Hemme is still in his intro video. I suppose he's not worth the investment upgrading the video, which probably means he's not winning the following match against Rhino, who came out as the opposition.

1 -- RHINO vs. LANCE ROCK

Tenay and West quickly discussed the end of last week's show when Brother Ray took a vicious beating and the Frontline would have a chance at revenge against the Mafia with Nash and Sting locked in a steel cage against Joe & Styles. I like that transition from last week. Match was a basic squash, with Rhino scoring the Gore in 2:00 for the easy win.

WINNER: Rhino in 2:00. Just happened. (n/a)

Post-match: Rhino took the mic and called for the Frontline as Tenay over-hyped the beat down on Ray as something they had never ever seen before. (They said that the previous eight times it happened to Abyss back in the day.) A.J. Styles, Samoa Joe, and Eric Young led the Frontline wrestlers to the ring. Rhino is apparently getting a TNA Title shot against Sting at the next PPV despite losing to Kurt Angle at this month's PPV. He cut a promo defending Ray and said the Frontline is raising the bar tonight.

Joe then took center of the ring with Styles, who said Steiner & Booker have Morgan & Abyss as their punishment for what happened last week. Meanwhile, Nash & Sting have Joe and him inside six sides of steel. Styles suggested they be like animals and do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Okay, he didn't go that far. Joe said he's tried to sit back and fight the good fight, but he can't take it anymore. He understands violence. Their surrender will not be accepted and boys, when you step into that ring, when you walk that aisle, when you style and profile, you will realize one thing: Joe is going to kill you. Well, I hope police are available in Orlando to be witness to a pre-meditated murder with verbal confirmation of intent to end the life of another. Oh, it's wrestling. Sorry, I forgot to suspend my disbelief.

Announcers: Tenay and West listed the card tonight, then voice-overed footage of Ray being stretchered out of the Impact Zone at the end of last week's show.

Backstage: Borash was with Kurt Angle to talk about tonight's events. "There will be blood" he said. Angle asked if the Frontline didn't see what they did to Ray last week because they wouldn't be so confident. He said he's doing what he has to do: pay tribute to Jeff Jarrett. After the PPV in January, Jarrett will be extinct. And he has a special guest after the commercial. Bang bang.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Lauren brought in the Guns to discuss the X Division Title situation. Shelley has already advanced to round two and Sabin gets his chance tonight. Sabin suggested he and his heterosexual lifemate will enjoy an X Division Title victory no matter which one of them takes the belt. He told Shelley to savor that flavor, which drew an "oh gross" look from Lauren. But, if they meet in the finals? Shelley said when they meet in the finals, he's sure Mick Foley will love to see them tear each other apart, but it's win/win for them. Shelley said the talk in Detroit is which one of the sons of the Motor City will win the belt and that's a win for them.

Impact Zone: Sonjay Dutt came to the ring with So Cal Val. They teased a not-believable kiss in the ring, then Guns music interrupted and Shelley walked out with Sabin.

2 -- CHRIS SABIN (w/Alex Shelley) vs. SONJAY DUTT (w/So Cal Val) -- X Division Title first round tournament match

Former X Division champion Sheik Abdul Bashir came out on stage a minute into the action to sit down on a chair and get a closer look. He had the towel with ref Shane's blood draped over his face from last week. In the heel vs. heel match-up, Dutt worked in control for the first three minutes before Sabin tried a come back with Cradle Shock, but Dutt countered into a DDT for a two count. Dutt followed with a step-up kick, but Sabin blocked a huracanrana into the Cradle Shock in center ring. Sabin scored the pin, Bashir was non-reactional, and Val might need a new source of money with Dutt's losses piling up. Sabin gets Kiyoshi or Creed in the second round.

WINNER: Sabin in 5:00. Nice match for only five minutes of time allotted. At least it wasn't a three-minute quick-and-over match, but here's to hoping some of these second round matches get at least 10-15 minutes. (*1/2)

Backstage: Fake Sarah Palin was with Beautiful People in the locker room area. Angelina and Velvet were concerned about their drab clothes and blue-haired-lady make-up, then Palin suggested a make-over. Cute Kip stepped in and said they don't need any make-over artists because he is their professional consultant. Palin tried to intervene, then Kip tried to tell BP that this chick is not --- they cut her off and told him not to worry because they had this under control to get into the White House.

[Commercial Break]

ODB's Angle: ODB was with Christy Hemme, who was dressed like...um...I dunno. ODB said Hemme was a trampoline girl on the "Man Show," so Hemme did a demonstration. ODB wanted to know about the Diva Search and doing Playboy, so cue up the dirty jokes. ODB suddenly got serious and said the Playboy Diva girls think they can show up in the ring and do what she does. Hemme said she hears ya, girlfriend, so she feels incredibly blessed to have a chance to learn and practice in the ring. ODB gave it up to her for getting in the ring with Kong, but then Raisha Saeed interrupted and attacked Hemme with Rhaka Khan. Khan kinda stuck her shoe on ODB to pretend like she was doing something. As a result, it's those four in a brawl match tonight.

Backstage: After Tenay and West reset things at the Impact Zone, they sent it back to Borash in the Mafia locker room. Kevin Nash was giving Foley a little back rub, then Foley laughed things off and said he's a little concerned about what they did last week to Ray. See, they Crossed the Line. Foley says Ray challenged Kurt Angle to a wrestling match last week, not a gangbang. Well, that was bleeped, so I'm assuming that's what he said. Angle then repeated the term and suggested he would have faced Ray one-on-one, but this whole business is built on brotherhood. Sting remained silent, then walked off. Foley needed their word on no more beat downs. Steiner laughed it up, then everyone shared some champagne, including Borash.

[Commercial Break]

TNA Rough Cut: Tonight, we got Robert Roode sitting in an office conference room. He was into hockey growing up. He hated to lose. After high school, he got into wrestling and watched wrestling on TV in Canada. Roode said he started training formally ten years ago and no one believed he could make it because he was a shy kid growing up. First time he stepped into a ring, he felt like he was meant to be there. They showed clips of Roode walking around his place of residence in a suit. Clips of the Nashville days where Roode had a short haircut.

Impact Zone: The siren blared, then Scott Steiner came out by himself, followed by Booker T with Sharmell for a feature tag match. Abyss came out for his team, then Matt Morgan bounced out.

3 -- Legends champion BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) & SCOTT STEINER vs. ABYSS & MATT MORGAN

Basic tag match to start things off with the babyface Morgan & Abyss team in control, then we got a break.

[Commercial Break]

Back from break, Abyss broke free of the inevitable post-commercial break double-team work before making the hot tag to Blueprint. Morgan cleaned house and talked trash in the process, then he landed the bicycle kick on Steiner for a two count. Action broke down, as expected, then Abyss clotheslined Booker to the floor. On the floor, Sharmell tried to get involved, then Abyss nearly slapped her on accident. The ol' "did he or did he not?" slap angle with Sting and Booker from a while ago. In the confusion with the ref checking on Sharmell, who was complaining about an injury, Booker smashed Morgan with a pipe then he hit the axe kick for the win. Sharmell was suddenly recovered and she jumped up and down. Abyss nearly broke down into tears realizing he had one put over on him and he let Morgan down.

WINNERS: Mafia in 7:00. Going-through-the-motions TNA tag match. Nothing that will be remembered by next week. (*)

Backstage: They showed Jeff Jarrett pacing around in his big office with a comfortable-looking white couch. Not bad.

[Commercial Break]

Impact Zone: Kurt Angle came to the ring to pay tribute to Jarrett prior to their PPV match next month. First, he plugged his TNA DVD available in national retailers. Angle then narrated a slideshow of Jarrett starting his wrestling career in 1988 before finding himself in WWF as J-E-F-F where he won seven WWF IC Titles and a tag title with the late Owen Hart. TNA's inferiority complex instance #138 on display here. Angle then plugged Jarrett's accomplishments in WCW. And when he couldn't prove anything else inside the ring, this man started his own wrestling company. TNA was Born.

Angle said it started with a two-hour prime time TNA Impact. Um...Nashville...FSN... streaming Impact on TNA's website that took three hours to download? Guess that doesn't count. Angle skipped a ton of history and then jumped to Jarrett screwing him during his return match at Bound for Glory. Angle said Jarrett has done everything possible for TNA, but he will drown in his own pool of vomit...er...blood at Genesis.

Angle said wrestling can live without Jarrett, but will they (his three daughters) be able to? Cue up a slideshow of Jarrett's daughters trying to live normal lives without having to be involved in a tasteless wrestling angle. Angle said Uncle Kurt might have it in his heart to adopt them when they become orphans. Tenay and West were angered, then Jarrett walked out on stage to no music.

Jarrett said he's heard that s--- for the last time. Angle smiled as Jarrett started to walk to the ring, but some dudes in backward caps jumped out on stage to hold him back. Where's security to get these men off the stage? Oh, they're with TNA. List was D'Amore, Terry Taylor, B.G. James, and ref Earl Hebner. Angle smiled, then jumped out on the entrance ramp to go after Jarrett, but plainclothes security guards intervened to hold Jarrett and Angle back from each other.

[Commercial Break]

Jarrett's office: B.G. James was mad about a bad deal with Jarrett, then Jarrett cleared his own office in frustration and tried to walk the line between being emotional and keeping his cool. Borash got yelled at for holding the mic, then Mick Foley barged in and Jarrett stormed past him. B.G. then pointed the finger at Foley and said this is his fault.

Impact Zone: Great Muta came to the ring. Check that. Kiyoshi is the man behind the black-and-white facepaint. Tenay said Muta is his tag partner and mentor. That explains it. Consequences Creed out as the opponent in the X Division Title tournament.

4 -- KIYOSHI vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED -- X Division Title first round tournament match

Tenay informed us Borash has the scoop on TNA Mobile. Don't worry about what the story is; just know he has the scoop. Creed was on the defensive from the beginning. He didn't get a scouting report on the newcomer making his in-ring debut. Creed finally made a comeback when Kiyoshi missed with a diving headbutt from the top rope, then Kiyoshi kinda slumped to the mat following a kick to the head. Not a natural reaction. Kiyoshi then blocked a CreeDDT and kicked Creed in the back of the knees in the corner. Kiyoshi followed with a top rope moonsault for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Kiyoshi in 5:00. I'll take Kwang for $100, Alex. Semi-finals are Young vs. Shelley and Kiyoshi vs. Sabin. (*)

Backstage: Lauren back with the Beautiful People and a ton of people. Angelina and Velvet were complaining about their make-up to fake Palin. Angelina was stripped of her make-up and couldn't stomach the look in the mirror. Palin asked if they want to be wrestlers or role-models to every young woman. They thought it over as Palin suggested they could be hanging out with Barack Obama in the White House. Just listen to me, she said. And everyone giggle.

[Commercial Break]

Last Week: Angle beat up Brother Ray, then Brother Ray beat up Angle, then the Mafia sneak-attacked Ray to save Angle and send Ray to the hospital and Sting back home not wanting part of it. Doctor's report is that Ray will be sidelined indefinitely. That dang busted ear drum got him. West said that beating was the most vicious and most brutal that they had ever seen.

Impact Zone: Tenay and West had a serious look on their face as Tenay set up an interview he recently had with ref Shane Sewell. ... Cue up the sit-down format with Tenay and Sewell earlier today. He asked about the transition from wrestler to referee. Sewell said he always had a dream of making it to the big leagues, but he injured his neck in Puerto Rico and that set him back. So, how was he going to support his family? TNA offered him a spot as referee.

Sewell said he can't remember anything that happened last week after Bashir slapped him in the face. Now, Jim Cornette has suspended him and another incident could lead to termination. Sewell said he needs this job, but he can't stand Bashir putting his hands on him. He said he doesn't want to referee Sheik's matches, but it's not his decision. He won't back dwon from Sheik or anyone, and if Sheik causes him to lose his job, he won't leave TNA peacefully. "Not now, not ever." Tenay soullessly wished him good luck when he returns.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- CHRISTY HEMME & ODB vs. RHAKA KHAN & RAISHA SAEED

Didn't take long for the brawl to begin on the floor with Hemme paired off against Saeed. Hemme then slipped into the ring to help ODB against Khan, but Khan drove her big leg into ODB. Hemme then tackled Khan before ODB tried to rip her head off or give her a neck massage. Couldn't tell and Khan wasn't co-operating. Hemme then went up top and knocked Raisha off the top rope, and ODB set up Khan to take the firecrotch leg drop for the pin and the win.

WINNERS: Hemme & ODB in 2:00. Well, that was rather decisive and short. (n/a)

Post-match: Knockouts champion Awesome Kong showed up and took out the victors before giving Hemme an implant buster. ODB got the boots for good measure before taking an implant buster of her own. Suddenly, the lights went down and out and Suicide swung into the ring. Kong was indecisive, then she slipped out of the ring. The lights went back off, then came back on, and Suicide was gone. Kong was freaked out.

Backstage: Borash was with Sting and Nash for a chat before the main event cage match. Borash asked TNA champion Sting about his campaign to earn respect from the younger wrestlers. It's gotten out of hand, hasn't it? Sting didn't have any words, so Nash stepped in and asked Sting what's up. He said he knows Sting has more integrity than anyone in this business, so how dare Borash question him. Nash said he's tried to beat Sting down before, but he's always respected him. All he wanted was the money Sting was making, but he never spit in his face. And another thing, they asked Team 3D to join them, but they spit in their faces. Nash said Frontline started this war, not Mafia. He said his foot is jacked up with Cortizone and he can't do this himself, so you with? Nash grabbed Sting's ball bat and handed it to him, then Sting nodded and walked off with Nash.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Borash stood by with Mick Foley, the executive investor...of shareholder relations...of talent relations...of left-field. He wanted to know why Foley is buddying up to the Mafia? Foley said he's on no sides here and he's just tired of being disrespected by a little punk kid like Alex Shelley and sometimes he has to go with the prudent winners in this tough economic time, so he needs to weigh his options. So, you good with what happened to Ray? Foley said he's not happy and he made himself perfectly clear to the Mafia not to do it again. His only choice is to take them at their word, so now he will go make decisions that are right for business. The biz, man!

Impact Zone: Kevin Nash came out first for the main event Six Sides of Steel Tornado...Tuesday in Texas...Superbrawl Sunday...um...Cage Match of Doom. Sting then came out as West recapped Nash's promo for Sting to get in that clean-up spot in the batting order and hit the cages. You think Sting likes the 50 MPH or 60 MPH speed baseball? Really can't beat 15 pitches for a buck. Samoa Joe then stormed out ahead of A.J. Styles.

6 -- SAMOA JOE & A.J. STYLES vs. TNA World Hvt. champion STING & KEVIN NASH -- Six Sides of Steel Tornado Cage match

Back and forth, then a break.

[Commercial Break]

Odd camera shot back from break with Sting trying to work over Styles in the corner, but Styles's head was right in Sting's crotch. Meanwhile, Nash pounded away on Joe until Joe came back with trademark offense. Sting then broke up a pin and worked on Joe, but Styles nailed Sting with a dropkick. Styles then jumped off Nash's shoulders and hopped onto the cage wall and quickly climbed down the cage. He jumped to the floor and we have a winner.

WINNERS: Styles & Joe in 6:00. That's it? Post-match that followed was pretty good use of the cage, but the actual bell-to-bell use was a total waste. (*)

Post-match: Styles realized Joe was trapped inside the steel cage, so he tried to get back inside, but Nash slammed him in the face with the cage door. Nash and Sting tried to double-team Joe, but Joe fought them off. he put Nash in a rear naked choke, but Kurt Angle stormed the ring with chair inside and hopped inside the cage. Booker followed suit after Joe kicked the chair into Angle's face. Joe smacked Booker, then crotched Steiner before Joe picked up the steel chair and slammed it down in center ring. He wanted Angle for the Musclebuster, but Nash smacked him with the chair from behind.

Steiner then locked the cage door...well...he tried to. Could have used an edit there to clean that up. Mafia then beat down Joe while Styles fought Sting, who was bumped out of the cage earlier, on the floor. The beat down continued as Sting fought off Frontline members who tried to make the save. West wanted to know where Mick Foley was in all this after Mafia vowed no more beat downs. They closed with Mafia in control once again.

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