By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT (Hour 1 of 3)
DECEMBER 8, 2008
LIVE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PA.
AIRED ON USA NETWORK

[Q1]

-A video showed great highlights from WWE's past year. Then the narrator welcomed us to the Slammy Awards, followed by the typical Raw opening.

-Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. They hyped Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy. Jim Ross and Tazz were shown standing at ringside. They hyped Triple H vs. Batista. Back to Cole and Lawler to plug Edge vs. John Cena in a champion vs. champion match.

-Lilian Garcia introduced the first presenters, Maria and Festus. They walked out onto the stage and stood at the podium. Festus was powered down, frozen with his tongue blocking his mouth opening. After Maria read her line, Festus leaned in to read his line, but he said nothing. Maria threw to the video package for tag team of the year: Carlito & Primo Colon, Priceless (Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes), Miz & John Morrison, and Cryme Tyme. Maria announced Miz & Morrison were the winners. Certainly the right choice. They ran onto the stage, celebrating and hugging one another. Morrison took the Slammy and said, "I can't believe it. Finally!" Miz insisted Maria kiss his hand. Miz made fun of Festus. He moved his jaw up and down and mocked him. He spanked him as he walked away with Maria. Morrison thanked the Academy, his mom, Chuck Norris for the inspiration, and I think Scandar Akbar. He said there were a lot of people early who said they couldn't do it, but he said, "We said, 'Yes we can!' We're here to tell those very same people, 'Yes we did!'" Morrison began crying. Miz told him to take a moment and breath. Miz held the Slammy and said this award means they're not only the best team of 2008, but they are the greatest tag team of the 21st Century. Morrison said, "In life there are winners and there are losers." They closed with "Be jealous!"

1 -- JOHN MORRISON vs. C.M. PUNK -- Intercontinental Championship Tourney Semi-Finals

Cole and Lawler reviewed the tourney brackets, which also included Rey Mysterio vs. Kofi Kingston. At 1:00 they brawled to the floor where Punk hit Morrison with two hard knees, then springboarded off the ropes backward with a bodyblock onto Morrison. They cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

After the break, they showed a clip of Punk landing awkwardly on his ankle on the floor during the break. Morrison worked over the ankle. Punk escaped and kicked Morrison, but then cringed and grabbed at his sore ankle. Morrison stomped the ankle and then climbed to the top rope. Punk met him at the top and gave him a huracanrana off the top. Punk looked like he landed on his head, but he must've been fine as he clutched at his ankle again. Punk crawled over for a cover and got a two count at 6:00. He followed with a running knee in the corner, but again sold his ankle injury. Morrison came back and scored a near fall with a face plant. Morrison ducked a Punk kick and nailed a spinning hook kick to his head for a believable near fall. Punk fired back with a snap powerslam for a near fall. Punk hit a crossbody block for a near fall. They cut to the back where William Regal watched the match on a monitor with Leyla next to him. Punk set up a Go 2 Sleep, but Morrison countered with a victory roll for a very near fall. Lawler said he knew this would be a great match. Punk caught Morrison with a roundkick to the head. Punk followed with the Go 2 Sleep for the win.

WINNER: Punk in 13:00.

STAR RATING: *** -- I liked that match a lot. Good selling, exciting athleticism, hard-hitting, realistic, well-paced, with believable near falls.

-They went to Cole and Lawler at ringside, who were dressed up for this event. They threw to a clip of the John Cena-Chris Jericho happenings last week on Raw.

-One half of the Slammy Announcing Team of the Year, Todd Grisham, interviewed John Cena backstage. He asked for his reaction to the footage. Cena said, "Hustle. Loyalty. Respect." He said Jericho doesn't believe those words still exist. He said when he was at home healing his neck, his dog Lou became a big fan of Raw. He said every time Jericho walked to the ring, he'd clean himself. Then he'd throw up. He said that made him sick. He said he banned him from watching Raw until Armageddon. He said he's sorry about Jericho's son and he didn't mean to cause him any turmoil at home. He asked him if he realizes that he was running around imitating him because his father had become a smug, snot-nosed punk who needed his teeth knocked down his throat. The crowd cheered, then boos surfaced. Cena said if what happened to him happened to Jericho last week, Jericho would be demanding Cena be stripped of the title. He said he's going to take care of business the only way he knows how by fighting Jericho. He said he's not going to be sneaky about it. "Tonight, I am coming to get you," he said. He pointed at his t-shirt and repeated the HLR motto. He said he will get a reeducation tonight of the definition of the word respect. Cena knows he's the ratings king right now in this industry and it shows. He's never been more confident and sure-footed in delivering a promo than that. He's figured out who he is and what works. Hopefully this means the "Poopy" version is dead for good.

[Commercial Break]

-After a really nice arial shot of Philadelphia, Lawler and Cole threw to the stage for the next Slammy award.

-Cryme Tyme and Candice Michelle walked out to present the next award. After some banter between CT and Candice, J.T.G. and Shad offered up some classic finishers. Candice said it's their honor to present the Slammy Award for the Best Finishing Maneuver of 2008. She asked who wants to see her finishing maneuver. Candidates: Hell's Gate (Undertaker's submission), R.K.O. (by Randy Orton), Shooting Star Press (by Evan Bourne), and Knockout Punch (by Big Show). Candice asked where the Slammy was. J.T.G. and Shad tried to hide it behind their backs. Candice found it and waved them away. Then she read card revealing the winner: Evan Bourne. Wow, management likes him. Good. Candice said Evan can't be there because "he's suffering from a severe ankle injury." She was about to accept it on his behalf when Mike Knox walked out and stared her down. He took the Slammy from her. She walked away. He snorted. He looks a lot bigger than he did a year ago. He's mean and nasty looking, too, but not quite in a Snitsky way; more like a Bruiser Brody way, although there will never be another Brody.

[Q3]

-Lawler said Knox is one of the main reasons Bourne isn't here tonight, and now he takes his Slammy. Cole brought up the backstage attack by Knox on Bourne. Randy Orton's music interrupted and he walked out onto the stage. Lawler wondered if he was upset with not winning a Slammy.

-Orton said, "You'd think being WWE Champion four months of the year and winning the main event match at WrestleMania was impressive, but apparently it's not good enough to warrant a nomination for Superstar of the Year, even though I've beaten all of the nominees. So, tonight is like any other night. It's about me being shown a lack of respect, but I'm used to it." He said it all started with Evolution, where Triple H was the star, Ric Flair was the legend, Batista "the muscle," and "I was the crown jewel." He said Batista and Triple H were so jealous, the group imploded. He said when he become the youngest World Champion ever, they turned on him. He said as a result, he, Manu, and Cody Rhodes are challenging Batista & Triple H to a handicapped match. He closed: "Tonight, The Legacy is born." That's odd to challenge someone to a match where you have the one man advantage. If they go through with it, it's better than giving away Triple H vs. Batista, although it counts as a "bait and switch," even on a free show. But not a bad one.

-Cole plugged Jericho vs. Hardy.

[Commercial Break]

-WWE Fact: ECW was the Sci-Fi Channel's most watched telecast last Thursday for the tenth week in a row.

-MVP stood in the ring and began: "This whole losing streak thing has been blown out of proportion, but it ends tonight." He pointed at Jimmy Rollins of the Philadelphia Phillies at ringside. He said his team's win was a fluke. He ripped on Philadelphia sports teams and said he is a dynasty, something Philly will never have. Charlie Haas then walked out, dressed like MVP, calling himself MVC. This is pretty funny, actually. MVP went after MVC quickly and aggressively. Haas fought back, but MVP chopped him in the throat, kneed him, and then hit the elbowdrop for barely a two count. MVP threw MVC over the top rope to the floor. MVP and Rollins trashed talked each other from a distance. When MVP turned back to the ring, MVC took over with a flurry of offense. He did MVP's pre-elbow routine. MVP caught him with an elbow, though, and then popped him in the ribs a few times. He missed a running boot and then cradled MVP for the win. Rollins laughed at ringside.

WINNER: Most Valuable Charlie in 3:00.

-Ross hyped that the Slammy Award for Extreme Moment of the Year was up next.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

-Lilian Garcia introduced Matt Hardy and Tiffany to present the next Slammy. Hardy walked out in Big Daddy V's sports coat. He said it's great to be back in the Home of Extreme, Philadelphia. The nominees are: JBL-Cena parking lot brawl (ugh - the attempted vehicular homicide incident), Undertaker's crash landing (when Edge tipped him off a ladder through four stacked tables at ringside), Jericho throwing Shawn Michaels through the Jeritron mid-ring, and Jeff Hardy's Plunge off the rafters and being stretchered out. Matt announced the winner was - with a smile that gave it away - Jeff Hardy. Jeff walked out and Matt presented the award to him. Jeff said it all started years ago on a trampoline in North Carolina. He said on Sunday, he doesn't care if he walks out or crawls out, he will walk out Armageddon WWE Champion. That's quite a promise. Matt told him to go do his business. Did he sense he had to poop? He is his brother, after all. Oh, his match was up next. Hardy left the Slammy behind.

-The ring intros for Hardy and Jericho took place.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- JEFF HARDY vs. CHRIS JERICHO

The match was joined in progress. Hardy was on offense, ramming Jericho into the ringpost. Jericho ducked a charging Hardy, who fell to the apron. Then he dropkicked him off the apron to the floor. Nice sequence, well executed. Jericho settled into an odd cobra sleeper type hold center ring.

[End Hour One]

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