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Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling report - Week 7
Originally aired Nov. 29 on CMT
Report by Lee Stevens, PWTorch specialist

One of the best parts of Thanksgiving week is the food. If you eat around 3:00 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day, you can set your clock for 7:00 that night as you make a return visit to the turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes. The next day brings yet another trip to leftover land and even a fourth visit later that day is quite satisfying.

Eventually, you reach a point when you're simply tired of looking at the sweet potatoes in the back of the refrigerator. The aluminum foil doesn't quite cover the entire bowl and there's a strange crust developing. You thought the whole experience was behind you, but a week later, you find a small plate of stuffing which has turned a rather odd color and it smells like your Uncle Earl's feet.

In a related story, Danny Bonaduce is still here.

Despite being eliminated, Bonaduce has survived the old fashioned way. He simply refused to leave. Apparently Trishelle had other things to do as she didn't return this week after being told to leave the ring in the previous episode.

Before training, four of the final five take the time to complain about a missing member and his irresponsibility, but for a welcome change, it wasn't Bonaduce. Dennis Rodman was the one late for practice and he gave everyone else an opportunity to complain about his less than delicate technique in the ring. This isn't a new complaint as Trishelle questioned Rodman's intensity before she was eliminated.

Rodman has always been an enigma. Whether it was his time in the NBA, his dealings with the media or his experience as a wrestler, he continually swings back and forth from appearing to not care at all and performing as if his life depended on it. With video evidence of stiff knees, forearms and clotheslines, apparently we're enjoying the "caring era" from Rodman.

Todd Bridges voices his concerns about Rodman's work with the kendo stick in last week's hardcore match and apparently he doesn't think his words are painting the picture, as he drops his pants to show Rodzilla's handiwork and offers his entry for quote of the week.

"He ripped me a new butthole."

Happy Thanksgiving, Todd.

Even the celebrities with the biggest complaints understand that Rodman isn't going to suddenly change on his own and the subject quickly turns to revenge. Later, the trainers steer them to another "R" word, receipts. Surprisingly, Bridges isn't the biggest supporter of the Rodman receipts. That honor goes to Butterbean whose eyes light up at the thought of extracting receipt revenge on Rodzilla.

He gets his first chance during training as the celebs try to learn the three moves of the week. The arm drag, the chop, and the body slam are performed with varying degrees of success, with Bridges really impressing me with his arm drags as they are very quick and tight. The judges are very unimpressed with most of the chops with Diamond insisting that they are saving it for the match.

Finally, The Hulkster comes in to demonstrate his signature move, the body slam. He reminds us of the body slam that made him famous as Andre the Giant "passed the torch" to him. Of course, Hogan was already quite famous at this point and the body slam itself wasn't the prettiest thing in the world, but even years after Andre's death, it's nice to see Hogan respecting his legacy. It's a refreshing change considering that the big man isn't around to do anything about it.

Hogan also admits that the body slam isn't necessarily the most dramatic move, but it could be one of the most dangerous. If you remember Beth Phoenix and Johnny Knoxville earlier this year on Raw, you know how it can end in near disaster. Diamond has trouble keeping his balance and Rodman has trouble keeping it safe as he drills Bonaduce to the mat. It's time for receipts. Butterbean quickly offers to practice on Rodman, but after his first attempt, Rodman insists that his effort was "weak." Keep your receipts, you'll need them later.

Several people try and fail to body slam Mean Bean. Taking most of the abuse is Brutus Beefcake and dishing out most of the laughter is Brian Knobs and Hogan. I probably wasn't the only one to notice that neither man came close to even attempting to lift Bean.

Before the matches, the remaining celebrities get a last minute check-up from Hogan's doctor. All have bumps and bruises, but Diamond's list is longer than most. He has complained about injuries for weeks and apparently the doc agrees. Diamond has a bad back, broken ribs, problems with his MCL, his rotator cuff, his neck, and possibly his ovaries. He's in bad shape.

As for the matches, Diamond, Bridges, and Bonaduce face off in a Triple Threat match, with the only drama coming in practice as Diamond wants to direct, much to the chagrin of his opponents and Knobs. Diamond makes good points, but he gets a failing grade in "works well with others."

The Triple Threat match is the usual mix for the celebrities, with moments of greatness comfortably packed around more moments of mediocrity. Bridges impresses by going over the top rope and switching up his usual cartwheel and elbow in the corner, while Diamond and Bonaduce fail to inspire with some of the worst chops you will see. Any wrestling fan knows that a solid chop will produce a Whoooo from the crowd. These would have brought a Whaaaaa?

The remaining big men square off with Bean and Rodzilla one-on-one. Despite the conflict earlier (real or manufactured), both men perform professionally. Bean does toss Rodman around a bit, including a few well placed shots outside of the ring and there was a special cameo appearance by a trash can, but there aren't any real receipts in the match. Bean, make sure you keep them for at least 30 days or you will be stuck with store credit.

After the matches, Rodman, Bean, and Bridges are correctly saved for next week's finale. Although neither Diamond nor Bonaduce impressed the judges, Diamond looked a little better this week, so for the second time in three weeks, Bonaduce is eliminated. I believe this one just may stick. Next week brings the return of the eliminated contestants (even Frank Stallone) and they're in full character (especially Frank Stallone!), plus the final four will battle for the CCW championship.

The Final Four

Butterbean-- He has never embarrassed himself in the ring, but like many big men, he hasn't distinguished himself either. He deserves to be in the final four, but it's very unlikely that he will win the title next week.

Dustin Diamond -- He obviously respects the business and tries to do things the right way even if his attitude and whining sometimes get in the way of his success. He has shown flashes of ability, but just because he's been better than the previously eliminated celebrities, doesn't mean he should walk away with the belt.

Todd Bridges -- Despite the fact that he wrestles while wearing a hat, I have enjoyed watching Bridges. From what we have seen, he has shown good ring presence, solid moves without actually hurting anyone and frequent flashes of acrobatics, inside the ring and over the top rope. If this contest is legitimate, Bridges would be a deserving champion.

Dennis Rodman -- Since I don't think this contest is legitimate, Rodman will likely be crowned the champion. He has ties to Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan and if you don't know about their loyalty, there is a reason why Brian Knobs and Brutus Beefcake were chosen as trainers and it wasn't because of their training. Rodman hasn't been awful in the ring, but he came in with the most experience and I believe others have performed better.

Next week also brings the return of the eliminated contestants (even Frank Stallone) and they're in full character (especially Frank Stallone!), plus the final four will battle for the CCW championship.

Comments, questions or concerns can be written below or you can write to me directly at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com

Lee Stevens recaps Hulk Hogan's CCW and goes "Under The Microscope" with Raw and Smackdown.

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