By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
NOVEMBER 20, 2008
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-Clips aired from last week's major angles mostly centered around Scott Steiner and Christian Cage.

-In the parking garage, the Main Event Mafia were standing by a casket. Jeremy Borash asked what that was all about. Kurt Angle, the clear-cut leader of the MEM at this point, explained that they're prearing for his burial.

-Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show as pryo blasted in the arena. They plugged Matt Morgan & Abyss vs. Kurt Angle & Kevin Nash as the TV main event.

-Two solemn-looking men in suits rolled a casket to the ring. Angle led the MEM to the ring. More clips aired of Christian being overwhelmed. This is a lot of attention being paid to someone they are concerned might jump to WWE. He said unfortunately last week on Impact, Christian refused to commit to the MEM and TNA. He said therefore they had no other choice but to beat Christian within an inch of his life and send him back to "the WWE" in an ambulance. He said the same will happen to anyone who crosses the MEM.

Rhino walked out and said he's got something to say. He said if any of them had a problem with the decision Christian had with "leaving TNA," they should have taken it up with him face to face and one on one. He said he has a problem with him dropping his friend and leaving him for dead. He said he won't stand for it. Nash spoke up and said there isn't one of them in the ring who gives a damn what he will or will not stand for. Some fans cheered. Rhino said he's a veteran, "and dammit, you respect me!" He sound like he was a sentence away from saying, "It's still real to me, dammit!" Rhino, said, "I've dealt with people like you, and you guys are a bunch of egomaniacs. Apparently Rhino thought that was quite controversial and edgy because he added, "Yeah, I said it!" Okay. He said this had nothing to do with disrespect or TNA. He said he sees standing in the ring a bunch of guys who are scared to "lose their spots and their big contracts." He then went to the decibel level of yelling that just became unpleasant and annoying. He then said, "When I look in the ring, I just see a bunch of bitches." Bitches was bleeped. He said Booker T is the biggest of them all.

Booker told Rhino, "You got balls the size of my little Chihuahua." If someone had balls the size of a Chihuahua, that's probably well above average. I know Chihuahua's are small for a dog, but testicles the size of a Chihuahua would be, like, bigger than even grapefruits. Booker told Rhino to show he's a man in the ring, not standing way back there on the stage. Rhino charged to the ring. They immediately overwhelmed Rhino, who may be brave, but he's not very smart. He charged into the ring where the entire MEM were waiting. They attacked him. Booker hit him with his fake belt and then they punched his forehead until he bled. They cut to a split screen of Jeff Jarrett, Borash, and Mick Foley watching on a monitor. They rolled Rhino into a casket and closed the lid. I hope they practiced that and there is air flow in there.

-They went back to Foley, Jarrett, and Borash. Foley said he's been around DX and the NWO and he's never seen anything like that. Foley asked Jarrett when he's going to face Angle again. Jarett yelled that Angle lied, he's not going to wrestle him again. He told Foley he didn't come on board to put up with this crap, he wanted to help TNA grow. Jarrett said, "We're taking our house back tonight."

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

-A.J. Styles proposed to Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin that they go to the ring and take care of this the old fashioned way. Samoa Joe stood by silently and watched. Shelley and Sabin laughed. Foley walked out and kept talking about them being obsessed with is ass. He really needs to drop that supposed ongoing joke. It's so not even close to amusing or funny or clever. Foley said tonight he's putting Styles & Joe against Shelley & Sabin. Sabin got sad lower lip. Why was Joe just standing there? They're making him look like such a sideshow mute buddy of the smart ass feuding kids.

1 -- SONJAY DUTT (w/So Val Val) & TANAHASHI vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED & "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL

Dutt and Val made out in the ring. Tenay got excited talking about Tanahashi's IWGP Title history in New Japan. West said Creed is so positive and sets such a good example. Creed finished Dutt with a TKO at 2:00.

WINNERS: Creed & Lethal in 2:00. What was the point of that two minutes other than to establish that Lethal is a jobber now? No context regarding who or what Tanahashi is doing n TNA. Dutt, who was part of a major storyline not long ago that used up a lot of TV time, now jobbing in two minutes in a tag match. Tenay said that win shows Creed and Lethal "have momentum on their side," whatever that means. So many things could have been useful in that four minutes this entire segment took to sell tickets or establish characters and this looked like a WCW Battle Bowl random draw tag match.

[Commercial Break]

-Cute Kip and The Beautiful People made fun of Sojournor Bolt's name. They made sexual innuendo about her including Kip gesturing toward his crotch that had to be digitized. They designed some elaborate royal set. The things they spend money on (sets, Kip's salary, etc.) and the things they don't (a respectful contract offer to their proven top ratings draw through most of the last 12 months, Gail Kim) says a lot about where this promotion's growth could be compared to where it is. The Beautiful People are best when being interviewed, minus Kip, minus a skit, minus a needless set.

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

-Tenay threw to a "Feast of Fire" video explaining the "Deal or No Deal" concept that led to Christopher Daniels being fired last year.

-Jim Cornette returned and yelled at Eric Young, Sheik Abdul Bashir, and the referee Shane Sewell who was a meanie and beat up the X Division Champion last week, costing him his title. Cornette made Young give Bashir his belt back. Cornette said he still has "a little authority around here" and will be sure Shane is fired if he touches a referee again. Cornette told Young that he can wrestle Booker T later and will have a chance to take something away from the Mafia - Booker's phony made-up title that suddenly TNA is treating as a legit title.

2 -- THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (w/Cute Kip) vs. SOJOURNOR BOLT & CHRISTY HEMME

Tenay talked about how every media outlet from Alaska on down covered The BP's offer to Sarah Palin. Not only was that an exaggeration, but Sarah Palin is sooo last month. Tenay then talked about how much fun it was to hang out with Yankee Johnny Damon as his annual charity event. The strung out sexpot, Hemme, is now apparently a great role model for girls and women everywhere all of a sudden. Sky and Love blew kisses to each other just before the match. After Hemme slapped Kip on the ring apron, Love hit her Lights Out finisher by surprise for the win.

WINNERS: The Beautiful People in 3:00.

-"Rough Cut" aired on Homicide. He talked about being an altar boy as a kid, but then he ran with the rough crowd. He talked about discovering pro wrestling on channel 47 when he was five years old. He said, "Basically these guys were beating each other up, and I liked it." He started wrestling in 1993 in South Side Brooklyn. Friends of his talked about his dedication to training. Homicide told a story of getting shot in the leg, then having a friend stick a tampon into wound wrapped with duct tape. He said having his son changed his life. To be continued...

[Commercial Break]

-"ODB's Angle," her new talk show, debuted. Sharmell, her guest, complained that she was going to catch something sitting on her lawn chair for guests. ODB swigged beer. She asked, "Boxers or briefs." Sharmell asked how dare she ask about her husband that way. ODB said she wasn't talking about her husband. He said she "freeballs." ODB asked Sharmell to let the young guys take over the company. Sharmell said the young boys started it, but they didn't make it. She said the young boys need to respect the Main Event Mafia because they "made this company." ODB challenged her t a match at Final Resolution. ODB told Sharmell to stop by her house because her husband left his shoes next to her bed.

[Q4]

-Tenay and West were shown on camera with the fans behind them. It was a good angle, but the crowd noise and fan enthusiasm was over the top given that Tenay and West were simply talking. They previewed the rest of the show.

-Jeremy Borash interviewed Kurt Angle backstage with the rest of the MEM standing behind him. He talked about Final Resolution being the final chance of the young boys to step up.

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay said Petey Williams will be "sidelined indefinitely" after the concussion Scott Steiner gave him. West said "the young lions" can ill afford to lose another soldier.

3 -- THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs. SAMOA JOE & A.J. STYLES

After a nice dive through the ropes by Sabin at Joe, they cut to a break at 1:00. Back from the break, the Gunns were in control.

[Commercial Break]

Joe hot-tagged Styles after the break. Four-way action broke out a minute later. Styles hit Sabin with a Pele kick. Joe then nailed him with a clothesline. Meanwhile, Styles finished Shelley with a Styles Clash.

WINNERS: Joe & Styles in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- It felt rushed, as these four should be given more than five minutes of airtime.

[Q5]

-Afterward, the MEM came out and attacked all four wrestlers. Sting and Scott Steiner were in suits at ringside while Angle, Booker, and Nash did the dirty work. Steiner actually then joined in while Sting remained at ringside. Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal ran out to attempt a save, but they were beaten down, too. Nash gave Lethal a Jackknife Powerbomb. Angle gave an Angleslam to Creed. Angle then put Lethal in an anklelock. Lethal sold it like he was in the climax scene of a "Saw" movie.

-Backstage in Traci's office, Ryesha Saeed asked for a new challenge for Kong. Traci said Kong isn't a professional athlete, she's an animal, and anyone who gets in the ring with her could suffer a career-ending injury. Saeed said she will keep her promise of sending Kong after innocent civilians. Haven't we been down this road before, just a few months ago?

[Commercial Break]

-Backstage Lauren was about to interview "the young lions" when Rhino barged into the locker room with a bloody face and a taped head. He yelled at the top of his lungs about how he fought with other soldiers to build a company called ECW. He said now his concern is helping them build TNA. He got in Styles's face and told him he can be champion again. He yelled in Joe's face about how he knows what it's like to bleed in front of 100 people. He was on the verge of saying, "Dammit, it's still real to me!" He said they all have a chance to stand up and be men. He said he'd bleed with each and every one of them. When he threw out a "dammit" I thought he really was going to break into "it's real to me."

-Tenay said the question is whether the TNA Originals will learn from the real life experience of Rhino.

[Q6]

4 -- ERIC YOUNG vs. BOOKER T (w/Sharmell)

Not a lot to this. The rudimentary moves you get from most matches with Booker. Young made a comeback at 4:00 after avoiding an axe kick and hitting a Death Valley Driver for a two count. Sharmell grabbed Young's leg. Booker then took advantage of the situation with an axe kick for the win. ODB ran out to protect Young for any antics after the match by Booker and Sharmell.

WINNER: Booker T in 5:00.

-Mick Foley told Jeff Jarrett backstage that Angle won't like what he's about to do. Jarrett said he doesn't care. What was Jarrett wearing? The way Jarrett puts himself on TV with one big name after another over the last six-plus years in an attempt to boost his star power - and having it fail to work each time in any discernible way - has become a parody of itself. This weekly conference between those two is just the latest.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash interviewed Team 3D regarding their brewing feud with Beer Money. D-Von said they can have their 15 minutes of fame with them, but in the end they won't like the outcome. He then did what Team 3D always do - talked up their resume. He said if they want to play, all they had to do was ask. Ray said, "Obama wins, and you've been doing more talking than ever." He then complained about Beer Money costing them matches lately. "We've got more shower time than you've got ring time," he said. Ray told them to "learn some frickin' respect."

-Tenay and West were shown at ringside hyping the main event of the show. Then they threw to a clip of Herme Sadler crossing paths with Lauren. Lauren interviewed Herme about getting his own show called "Herme's Hotseat." That's one of the most ridiculous names for a talk show ever. It actually sounds like a nickname for some unimaginably awful sex act. Awesome Kong interrupted and beat him up. KHOOIA! (Keep... Herme... Off... Of... Impact... Always...)

[Q7]

[Commercial Break]

5 -- MATT MORGAN & ABYSS vs. KURT ANGLE & KEVIN NASH

West said because Morgan and Abyss aren't involved in the MEM vs. Originals feud, they can concentrate on this match as a way to advance their careers and not be distracted by the personal issues in that faction far. Abyss hit Shock Treatment early at 2:00 for a near fall. Tenay said it was amazing Angle was able to kick out. Morgan tagged in and dropped Angle with a big boot for a two count.

[Commercial Break]

Back from the break, Morgan was in control, hitting a legdrop for a two count on Angle. West said it's been amazing during the break as Angle was unable to tag in Nash. Morgan then let Angle, whom he almost had beat a second earlier, tag in Nash. The ridiculousness of that when you think about it is amazing. If you're trying to win, why would be so nonchalant as to let Angle tag in the fresh Nash? After a staredown, Morgan threw punches at Nash. With Nash reeling, Angle interjected with a clip of his knee from behind. Nash kneed Morgan in the corner, yelling, "Suck on this!" first. He did a crotch chop, then shoved his boot into Morgan's neck. Nash tagged in Angle. At 9:00 Morgan hot-tagged Abyss. Beer Money and Jacqueline walked to ringside. James Storm KO'd Abyss with a beer bottle, then Nash delivered a big boot leading to a three count.

WINNERS: Nash & Angle in 10:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4

[Q4]

[Commercial Break]

-Foley walked to the ring for another "major address." Nothing like running into the ground something that can draw a rating once in a while but not every other week much less every week. Foley said the Main Event Mafia "could well be the greatest assemblage of wrestling stars and champions ever to step foot in the ring." He said until the last few weeks he thought change was inevitable, which is why he invested in the TNA Originals. He said for the first time he sees the possibility that the MEM might not only because the past and present, but maybe the future of TNA as well. He said he has come to accept that Final Resolution could be their chance for Final Restitution. He said with that in mind, he has decided to sign and book two huge co-main events for Final Resolution. He said in the first main event, Booker T & Kevin Nash & Scott Steiner & Sting will face Samoa Joe & A.J. Styles and two partners of their choosing. He said if the Joe & Styles team wins, Styles wins Sting's TNA Championship. Foley couldn't hide how stupid that stip is, totally demeaning the stature of the World Title to allow it to change hands in an eight-man tag match. Foley also announced Angle vs. Rhino.

Angle then walked out and got in Foley's face. "Bullsh--! Bullsh--! Why won't Jeff Jarrett face me?" he shouted. He said he's gotten everything in life he wanted from the Gold Medal to World Titles to assembling the greatest group of wrestlers ever. He said the only thing he hasn't done is beat Jarrett. He blamed Foley. Angle said if he can't get Jarrett, he wants Foley. He slapped Foley. Jarrett's music played and Jarrett walked to the ring and said he's had enough. He said as TNA Founder, Angle must play by his rules. He said he won't sit back and let Angle tear down something he built from the ground up. The crowd chanted, "TNA, TNA." Jarrett said as bad as Angle wants him in the ring, he wants him out of his company even worse. He said he can't fire him because of "that clause in his contract," but he can make him an offer he can't refuse. Jarrett said at Final Resolution he will face Rhino. He said if he beats Rhino, he gets his wish to face him again. But if he loses to Rhino, his TNA contract is null and void and he's gone from TNA for good. Jarrett offered a handshake. Angle slapped Jarrett. Jarrett, who looks like he's not getting enough sleep these days, smiled. Rhino then surprised Angle with a Gore.

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