By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
NOVEMBER 14, 2008
MANCHESTER, ENGLAND
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV

[Q1]

-A video package aired on Jeff Hardy going hardcore at Vickie Guerrero's nudging by bashing Undertaker with a chair at the end of the Undertaker vs. Vladimir Kozlov match, then vowing to Vickie that he'll take out Taker this week if she makes it an "extreme rules" match.

-They went to the ring with the blue Undertaker lighting shining down on a casket. Jim Ross introduced the show, noting they were in Manchester, England. Undertaker's voice explained what it would be like to be stuck in a casket, gasping for air with a racing heart with nothing by darkness, "sealed by your own hand." You gotta love WWE's commitment to kid-friendly programming! Undertaker then popped open the casket.

Hardy's voice sarcastically said, "Ooooh, that's spooky, Undertaker. But you should be concerned about me, Jeff Hardy." On the big screen he appeared in black light with make-up that made him look like a cross between Sting, Vampiro, and the Insane Clown Posse. He said he's lived his life off of pure emotion. He said, "Tonight, this emotion, this frustration, this rage, this recklessness, this insanity is exactly what will beat you. I have nothing to lose. Tonight it's extreme." Taker replied, "So it will be. Tonight, Jeff Hardy, you will rest in peace."

-Ross plugged the match and wondered if Hardy will meet his maker. The music then went to the Smackdown theme as Tazz plugged Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin in an ECW Champ vs. U.S. Champ match.

[Commercial Break]

-Ross and Tazz plugged a Triple H-Vladimir Kozlov contract signing and Michelle McCool defending against Maria. The women's match means so much more because they've spent a couple weeks building up a personal issue between the two.

1 -- MATT HARDY vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN

Hardy came out first, wiggling his fingers in the air wearing his ECW Title belt around his waist. Ross plugged the Team Orton vs. Team Batista match at Survivor Series, which Hardy and Shelton will be part of. Tazz said he loves the traditional Survivor Series style tag matches. Hurricane popped up and said, "Shelton, about that hair, you look like the love child of Gary Coleman and "Hacksaw" Butch Reed. I'm just saying." Actually, he meant "The Natural" Butch Reed, not the "Hacksaw" incarnation, because it was the Natural who had the bleached hair. The Hurripop segments are good. It's building him up nicely to have a lot of enemies when he returns to the ring, and provides a little snarkiness Sarah Palin style in the mean time to entertain or agitate viewers, depending on the target of his jokes. Tazz said both Hardy and Shelton stumbled a bit early in their singles careers, but now both have really proven themselves. Methodical star to the match with mainly armbars by Hardy. At 3:00 they cut to a break.

[Q2]

After the break, Hardy caught a charging Shelton with a boot to the face. He then came off the second rope with a forearm, but landed awkwardly and sold a leg injury as he went for a cover. Shelton kicked out, then escaped a suplex attempt and kicked Hardy's leg to take control of the match. Not a particularly exciting opener, with a long stretch of Shelton working a leglock. Hardy teased a comeback at 10:00, but Shelton cut him off with a kick to the face. Shelton hit a Stinger splash to Hardy in the corner two times. On the third attempt, Hardy hit a flying Side Effect for a two count. When Hardy went for a Twist of Fate, Shelton escaped and drove the back of Hardy's head onto his knee. Shelton went for a superplex, but Hardy battled out of it, knocked Shelton to the mat, and hit a moonsault for a near fall. They went into a series of counters to pin attempts, ending with Shelton putting Hardy in a single-leg boston crab. He went back to concentrating on Hardy's leg, but then Hardy hit a Twist of Fate out of nowhere for the win.

WINNER: Hardy in 13:00.

STAR RATING: * -- Fundamentally okay, but more plodding than exciting.

[Commercial Break]

-Ross called some video game simulated action between Hardy and Undertaker on the new "Smackdown vs. Raw" game.

2 -- THE BRIAN KENDRICK (w/Ezekiel) vs. CARLITO (w/Primo Colon)

Carlito kipped up out of a Kendrick head scissors. Tazz said he was impressed. Ross said, "I can honestly say I've never kipped up once in my life." Primo is wisely growing his hair out. Kendrick dominated the body of the match until he missed a running high knee in the corner. Carlito then hit a running kneelift, clothesline, and springboard back elbow for a two count. Carlito kicked Kendrick into the corner. Ezekiel took a cheap shot at Primo at ringside, which distracted Carlito, leading to a The Kendrick by Kendrick for the win.

WINNER: Kendrick in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Some nice exchanged packed into five minutes.

-Tazz plugged that the Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov contract signing was coming up next.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

-A Kizarny vignette aired where he laughed and pointed at an old man at a carnival pounding a nail straight into his nostril.

-Ross and Tazz were shown at ringside chatting about "Swell Guy" John Cena returning to action at the Survivor Series. Then a video package aired on Cena with comments from Triple H who said he knew Cena's strengths and flaws and that "he was given nothing," plus soundbites by others including Shawn Michaels, JBL, Batista, Maria, and his brother and father. Maria said, "He gets a thrill about making everybody happy." It's great for WWE that such a swell guy also happens to be so tough and skilled at being a wrestler, huh? Ross and Tazz then plugged the rest of the PPV line-up.

-Vickie Guerrero sat in a wheelchair mid-ring with Chavo Guerrero standing behind her. She introduced the contract signing. She said she invited the two wrestlers to come to the ring as long as they don't get into a physical confrontation of any kind. They cut to a break before either came out.

[Commercial Break]

-Back from the break, she had to say, "Excuse me!" to the very loud and rude audience. Kozlov came out first followed by Triple H. Triple H said it's like a United Nations meeting. He said they had a rep from Russia, Mexica, and Fatlabia. "I'm sorry, I'm must kidding, she's from Bulgegaria." He said he wasn't done yet. "She's from Chunkyslovakia." The crowd laughed and chanted, "Triple H."

[Q5]

Triple H and Kozlov sat at the table across from one another. Kozlov signed first. He's right-handed. He then spoke in Russian and seemed menacing and threatening. Triple H said nobody understood him. He said for him this isn't his first barbeque. He said he's headlined PPVs before with the WWE Championship on the line. As he talked about how nervous Kozlov must be, Jeff Hardy showed up behind him and leaped off the top rope, sending Kozlov through the table. He tore up the contract and threw it in Triple H's face. He then walked to the back as Triple H stood there.

-Ross hyped the Undertaker vs. Hardy "Extreme Rules" match as the main event later.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed the obligatory footage of a bartender at an English pub filling a glass with tap beer.

-Ross and Tazz commented on Hardy's attack of Kozlov and throwing the contract at Triple H. So is the match off?

3 -- MVP vs. KUNG FUNAKI

Ross and Tazz sang "Fung Funaki." You can imagine how that went! Ross talked about the pressure on MVP to end his losing streak or lose his bonus pay. Tazz talked about MVP's high-rolling lifestyle and spending habits. A minute into the match, with MVP in control, The Great Khali and Ranjin Singh walked to ringside. MVP turned to look at Khali. When he turned back to Funaki, Funaki gave him a crane kick (right out of Karate Kid I) for the upset win.

WINNER: Kung Funaki in 2:00.

-Afterward, it was Kiss Cam time. They picked a woman from the crowd who was shaped a bit like Fabulous Moolah, but without the muscle tone. She had red hair and seemed likely drunk. Khali couldn't get himself to kiss her, so after chokeslamming MVP, he offered her to MVP. Singh said Khali was in quite a generous mood. The woman bent over, after some cheering from the crowd, and kissed MVP. She rolled around on the mat with him as if he were struggling to break free.

[Q6]

[Commercial Break]

4 -- MICHELLE MCCOOL vs. MARIA - Divas Title Match

During McCool's entrance, Hurricane popped up and said, "Diva time. Yeah. I'm just sayin'." Ross said the two women are friends. Tazz said, "It's about winning matches and winning championships." Tazz does know what decade it is and what promotion he's in right? It's about being a swell guy and bringing smiles to fans' faces, not "winning championships." How quaint of him. Festus and Jesse walked to ringside. Festus has a crush on Maria. He had a teddy bear in hand to communicate the juvenile nature of his crush. McCool forced a tapout. Festus didn't like that. He jumped up and down and then chased McCool out of the ring. Jesse tried to calm him. He bent over to help Maria to her feet in a scene out of King Kong. He presented her with the teddy bear as a gift.

WINNER: McCool in 2:00 to retain the Diva's Title.

-Ross plugged Hardy vs. Undertaker. He said: "How extreme is Jeff Hardy willing to be?"

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

-The Raw Rebound aired.

-Ross and Tazz hyped the entire Survivor Series line-up.

-The Jeff Hardy ring intro took place. Hardy came out, as he was earlier, with his face painted silver and black with purle streaks in his hair.

[Commercial Break]

-WWE Fact: Last week's Smackdown was MyNetwork's most watched show in history, breaking the record again - for the fourth time in five weeks.

5 -- JEFF HARDY vs. UNDERTAKER -- Extreme Rules match

Undertaker's full ring intro then took place. Taker caught Hardy rebounding off the ropes with a big boot. Hardy avoided a follow-up elbow and then clotheslined Taker over the top rope to the floor. Hardy kicked him to the ground, then ran the ring barrier and dove onto Taker. On a second leap, Taker caught him and rammed him into the steps.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

Back from the break, Taker was in control. They showed a clip from the break of Taker ramming Hardy into the ringpost. The beating continued at ringside, Taker in control. Taker set a chair on Hardy's chest on the ring apron, then he hit a running legdrop. "The devious Dead Man strikes again," said Tazz. Hardy recovered enough to hit Taker three times with a kendo stick, then jab his stomach and throw him back into the ring at 9:00. Taker countered with a big boot. Take used the kendo stick against Hardy, whacking him across the back. Taker fended off a flurry of punches at ringside by Hardy. At 12:00 Taker walked the top rope, but Hardy knocked him off balance. Hardy leaped to ringside and crawled under the ring. He came out the other side with a ladder. Taker kicked the ladder into Hardy's chest as soon as he entered the ring. Taker threw the ladder at Hardy in the corner. Hardy fired back with a surprise Whisper in the Wind. Big Show then ran - yes ran - to the ring. He tossed Hardy out of the ring and gave a weakened Undertaker a big chokeslam. Hardy came back and leaped of the top rope at Show. Show caught him. Taker grabbed a chair and bashed Show across the back, knocking him over the top to the floor. Hardy then swung and bashed the chair at Taker's head. Taker put his heads up to blunt the blow, although it still made a great noise. Hardy then leaped off the top rope over the ladder and legdropped Taker, scoring the pin.

WINNER: Hardy in 15:00.

STAR RATING: *** -- Good match. Not great, but good extreme rules match with the right finish given where they're going with Hardy headed into Survivor Series. The legdrop over the ladder was especially cool looking.

-The camera followed Hardy to the back. Vickie was waiting for him. She said next week he can face Triple H one-on-one and if he wins, it'll be a Triple Threat match at Survivor Series. He said that sounds good. He said if he doesn't make it into the Survivor Series match after beating Triple H, "I might just go extreme on you."

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