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CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 11/20: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Spike TV broadcast
Nov 20, 2008 - 10:00:16 PM |
By James Caldwell, PWTorch columnist
TNA Impact on Spike TV
November 20, 2008
Taped Oct. 11 in Orlando, Fla.
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
The show started with a recap of last week when the Main Event Mafia beat down Christian Cage at the end of the show.
Parking garage earlier: The Mafia showed up and Kurt Angle promised to give Christian Cage a proper burial tonight. Booker T and Sting stood over a casket to signal what they were talking about.
Impact Zone: After the regular TNA intro aired, Angle led the funeral procession to the ring for Kurt Angle to give Christian Cage his final and proper burial. Dark lighting here, ala an Undertaker segment. Angle said Christian refused to make the commitment to the Mafia and TNA last week, therefore, they had no other choice but to beat Christian within an inch of his life to send him back to WWE in an ambulance.
Suddenly, Angle has a match against Jeff Jarrett at Final Resolution? He must be heeling with an assumption here. Angle then offered the mic to anyone for final words regarding Christian. Rhino's music answered the call and Rhino came out on stage. Rhino said if any of them had a problem with Christian leaving TNA, they should have faced him man-to-man in the back. He said he won't stand for them jumping his friend in the ring and leaving him for a dead.
Kevin Nash stepped in and said there's not one of them standing in the ring who gives a damn about what he has to say. Rhino's a veteran! I'm a man! I'm 40! Whoops, channeled OK State head coach Mike Gundy there. Rhino said he sees a bunch of guys in the ring who are afraid of losing their spot and their fat contracts. He said the fans feel and he feels the younger generation is a whole heck of a lot better than what he sees in the ring.
Rhino dropped some sort of swear bomb on all of them, calling Booker the worst bleep of them all. Booker said he's talking a lot of crap from on stage. He's apparently dropped the African king accent. Or he forgot. Who knows. Booker said Rhino has no balls, so come into the ring and tell them to their faces. A whole lot of talk, then Rhino stormed the ring and went right after Angle. Mafia eventually ganged up on Rhino, then Booker gave him a belt shot to the head with the Legends Title.
Rhino was opened up on the forehead, then Angle went punch for punch for punch into Rhino's forehead. No help? Cue up Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett watching backstage on a monitor. Mafia then rolled Rhino into the casket. No sign of the Young Lions here.
Backstage: Jarrett and Foley said this thing is getting out of hand. Foley said they were around DX and NWO, but this is getting out of hand. He asked Jarrett when he accepted Angle's challenge. Jarrett said he didn't; it's just Angle playing his games. Jarrett told Foley to get their house back tonight.
[Commercial Break]
Backstage: Mick Foley was in the Young Lions locker room discussing things with Styles & Joe and Shelley & Sabin. Shelley asked Styles if he's so far up Foley's backside that he can get whatever he wants. Foley said Shelley is a little too concerned with his posterior, then Foley booked a little tag team match for tonight. Joe & Styles vs. Machineguns. Shelley asked why he has to deal with him this week. Foley said he has not yet begun to deal with Shelley yet. Foley left, then Styles told Shelley to get dressed.
1 -- SONJAY DUTT (w/So Cal Val) & TANAHASHI vs. JAY LETHAL & CONSEQUENCES CREED
Val got on the apron less than 30 seconds into the match to distract Lethal, who took the bait, allowing Dutt to capitalize and attack Lethal from behind. Hey, look, ref Shane is back in the ring calling matches with no punishment or reprimand from TNA officials for placing himself in the middle of a title match last week. Finish was Creed blocking a reverse DDT from Dutt and nailing a powerslam for the pin and the win.
WINNERS: Lethal & Creed in 2:00. I have no idea what the point of this match was. Nothing on the line, just some highspots, and no one will remember this in five minutes. (1/2*)
Backstage: Lauren joined Beautiful People in their "palace" to discuss issues. Kip just posed and such while Angelina and Velvet ripped apart their competition in classic BP fashion. Lauren was the victim of the usual jokes, of course.
[Commercial Break]
Suicide promo: Suicide is still around. We still don't know what his purpose is.
Announcers: Feast or Fired is back in TNA. Oh gosh. The deal with the briefcases containing title shots or a pink slip. They proceeded to take us back through months of absolute horror as this played out on TV. And the result was Christopher Daniels being fired. The only way to get this back is if Daniels returns to carry the Young Lions.
Backstage: Jim Cornette is back! Sheik Bashir was complaining about the X Division Title deal regarding Bashir and Eric Young. Cornette told ref Shane that he can't interfere in matches like he did last week. Bashir received his X Title belt back after putting Shane on probation. Cornette told Shane not to go over his head either. Finally, Eric Young. He was a victim of circumstances, but what he'll do tonight is have a match against Booker for the Legends Title. Young wasn't all pleased, but he talked himself up.
2 -- CHRISTY HEMME & SOJOURNA BOLT vs. BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY w/Cute Kip)
Your basic two-minute divas tag match here with Kip running interference so Angelina could finish off Christy with a distraction from Kip.
WINNERS: BP in 2:00. Good to see Christy back in the ring, but this was too short and formula to mean much. (1/2*)
Rough Cut - LAX: Homicide said he grew up in a great family as a great kid, but he suddenly turned into a bad kid. He still has a great family. When he was five years old, his mom turned to wrestling and he liked it. Homicide said he started wrestling in 1993 in South Brooklyn, N.Y. where he trained and trained. Homicide said one time he got shot in a leg before a match, then he pulled out a tampon and taped it up in his leg so he could wrestle. Now, his kid has changed his life.
[Commercial Break]
ODB segment: ODB brought in Sharmell for the debut of her little talk show in the backstage area. Sharmell wasn't all too comfortable sitting on a lawn chair. ODB asked about her name origins, like the toilet paper. Sharmell said it means a name of strength, not Charmin. ODB said she goes commando. A little freeballin' with easy access. Oh my gosh. No thanks. ODB turned her attention to Main Event Mafia. Sharmell said Styles and Joe might have started this company, but the Mafia made this company. She said ODB needs to start respecting her. Fake weave talk. Sparkly trash talk. ODB said they earn respect with a little dance in the ring at the next PPV. Sharmell said anytime. Cue up the ghetto brawl.
Backstage: Jeremy Borash sat down with the Mafia to discuss some PPV main event opportunities for Mick Foley to book. Angle said he can book him vs. Jarrett and in another match, the winner of Joe & Styles vs. Machineguns will pick two partners to take on four of them - Booker, Sting, Steiner, and Nash. Sting remained silent. Angle chuckled.
[Commercial Break]
Video package: They showed footage of Petey Williams taking a beating from Scott Steiner last week. Petey is out indefinitely after suffering a concussion. Further update next week on his condition.
3 -- A.J. STYLES & SAMOA JOE vs. MOTOR CITY MACHINEGUNS (ALEX SHELLEY & CHRIS SABIN)
We got a solid minute here with the Guns charging Joe & Styles to start a brawl. Styles then hit a flip dive onto the Guns on the floor. Let's grab a break.
[Commercial Break]
Back from break, Guns were working over Joe until Joe came back with a hard chop to the chest. Styles then took a tag and nailed the flying forearm smash on Shelley. He wanted the Clash, but Sabin stormed the ring and nailed a step-up kick on Styles. Joe then came in for a two-part combo kick and punch on Shelley to knock him to the floor. The action broke down with the Guns then hitting a double team combo on Styles. They wanted to finish off Styles, but Styles hit the Pele kick on Sabin before Joe turned him inside out with a clothesline. Styles then dropped Shelley with the Clash and scored the pin for the win.
WINNERS: Styles & Joe in 8:00. Quick battle without much time to establish a memorable story in the ring here. Good while it lasted. (*)
Post-match: Kurt Angle, Booker T, and Kevin Nash stormed the ring to beat down Styles and Joe while Sting and Steiner looked on. Sting simply watched silently from the floor as Booker nailed the axe kick on Joe. Creed and Lethal then jumped into the ring, but Mafia cut them off as well. Nash then picked up Lethal and gave him a Jackknife powerbomb. Sting simply watched as the other Mafia members stood tall over the Young Lions body. Angle then decided to get another piece of Lethal with an anklelock while trying to snap his leg. Total domination. Total carnage. Total package, Tenay? Not quite.
Backstage: Traci Brooks was holding court in her office while Raisha Saeed asked if there is a new challenge for Awesome Kong. Traci tried to step up to answer, but Rhaka Khan cut her off. Raisha said Kong will prey on civilians tonight, just as they promised.
[Commercial Break]
Locker room: Lauren was trying to get a word with Joe and Styles after the beating, then Shelley and Sabin were thrown into the locker room. Suddenly, Rhino stormed in and told them not to say another word. Rhino had a bandage around his head with blood dried up on his head. He told them to shut up while he takes. We're soldiers! We built a company called ECW! Geez, how about some GLOW, AWA, or All Japan Women's references on the show to make sure the TNA inferiority complex is more clear? Rhino stormed through his promo challenging Styles and Joe to remember their past and remember when they were proud of fighting for what they believed in before crowds of 100 people to get to this point. Rhino said they need to ask themselves whether they will stand up and be men. He'll fight and bleed with each and every one of them if they'll fight with him. It's a choice man. Make the right choice.
[Commercial Break]
4 -- Legends champion BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) vs. ERIC YOUNG -- Legends Title match
Booker dominated things here to start the match, then Young made his comeback. Booker tried to comeback with the axe kick, but Young ducked and hit the Death Valley Driver for a two count. Young was shocked to only get a two on his finisher. Sharmell then tripped Young from behind to distract Young, who turned around to take the axe kick from Booker. Booker with the cover for the win. ODB then jumped into the ring to check on Young.
WINNER: Booker in 5:00 to retain the Legends Title. Decent match. Young didn't have too much offense, but he had a convincing nearfall. Continue the storyline of the Young Lions being just a step behind the Mafia on the chess board.
[Commercial Break]
Backstage: Borash brought in Team 3D to discuss issues. Brother Devon did the talking here that they've done more in this business in the last hour than Beer Money has done their whole pathetic career. So you want to play? All you had to do was ask. Ray was beside himself that Devon is doing more talking than ever. Ray had a question for the Mafia. How can you call yourselves the top faction when you don't have Team 3D? Ray then turned his attention to the tag champs, Beer Money, to learn some respect.
Backstage: Lauren was with Hermie Sadler about his own show dropping on TNA's website. Hermie started talking about taking the fans behind the scenes, but suddenly Kong and Co. jumped into the scene. Hermie made a mistake of putting his arm around Kong's shoulder to talk her up, then Kong shoved Hermie down and beat him down inside a side locker room.
[Commercial Break]
5 -- KURT ANGLE & KEVIN NASH vs. MATT MORGAN & ABYSS
Here we go. An analogy for Morgan and Abyss: it's like Big Show and Kane - two goofs who don't mix well. Abyss wanted the Shock Treatment two minutes into the match, then he connected, and Angle kinda kicked out of a pin attempt with Abyss more or less pulling him up. Morgan then tagged in and the Blueprint entered the ring to miss with a clothesline before nailing the bicycle kick for a nearfall. Can Abyss and Morgan pull off the upset? Can Morgan find some trunks that fit? Will Abyss ever drop the janitor suit? Find out next!
[Commercial Break]
One...two...again Kurt kicked out! Nash finally accepted a warm tag, bringing in the big man to battle against Morgan. Nash sniffed the air, slowly walked into the ring, tested the wind resistance, stared down Morgan, then went eye-to-eye. They had a brief conversation, then a few blows were exchanged. Morgan then fired off a few before Angle nailed Morgan in the knee from behind. Nash took advantage and started working over Morgan, focusing on the ribs and knees. Morgan tried to fight back, but Angle liked the knee attack again.
Suddenly, Beer Money came to ringside for a closer look at the action here. Abyss then accepted a tag and Nash waited for him to start cleaning house. Abyss the janitor cleaned house before splashing Nash with a big ol' running splash in the corner. He then dropped Nash with a sidewalk slam. The action predictably broke down, then Abyss dumped Angle to the floor. Morgan came in. Meanwhile, Abyss picked up a chat with Beer Money. All kinds of stuff happening here. Let's restore some order! Never mind, as James Storm smashed Abyss with a beer bottle while ref was distracted. Nash then hit a big boot on Abyss for the pin and the win.
WINNERS: Nash & Angle in 10:00. This was so clunky, slow, and needed to be watched in fast-forward to be entertained. Just the same formula TNA TV match. Cue up the "Cross the Line" video package right after this talking about doing the same thing over and over again. (3/4*)
Backstage: Foley walking. We're getting answers next.
[Commercial Break]
Impact Zone: Mick Foley came into the ring ready to hand out some poker chips at the blackjack table. He said that in light of the events of the last few weeks, he has to agree that the Mafia might be the greatest group assembly ever in wrestling. Foley said he finally sees possibility that the Mafia is the past and present of TNA, but also its future as well. It was never his intent to play favorites, just to level the playing field so the guys that built this company could have opportunities that for so long were not available. Foley said that at Final Resolution, it will be their chance for Final Restitution. With that in mind, as the executive shareholder, he has booked two huge co-main events for the December PPV.
Foley announced the first main event of Booker & Nash & Steiner & World champ Sting vs. Joe & Styles with two partners of their choosing. It's not just any eight-man tag, but he has a little twist. If the members of the Mafia win, then Sting holds onto the TNA Title. But, if A.J., Joe, or one of the other two dudes comes out on top, then your new TNA champion will be A.J. Styles. Interesting.
In the other huge co-main event, the man who might be the greatest acquisition in TNA history, Kurt Angle, will take on...drumroll...Rhino. Haha, you thought it was going to be Jarrett. Angle's music hit, then Angle stormed out on stage not particularly happy with that call. Angle said that's bulls--- Foley. Bull! He asked why Jarrett is being such a coward about not facing him. Angle said what he wants in life, he always gets. It's Foley's fault for interfering in his business at Bound for Glory, so he wants Jarrett at Final Resolution. If he can't get Jarrett, though, he wants Foley. Angle slapped Foley...
Jarrett's music hit, then Jarrett's music came to the ring, according to Don West. Actually, Jarrett walked out himself. Jarrett said he's had enough. As the founder of this deal, they're playing by his rules. Jarrett said he swore on his life that he'll never let Angle coax him into this ring again, but he won't let Angle tear down what he built from the ground up. I'm a man! I'm 40! Jarrett said that as much as he wants Angle out of this ring, he wants Angle out of his company even more. So, here's what's happening. If Angle beats Rhino at the PPV, then he gets Jarrett at the next PPV. But, if Rhino wins, then Angle's contract is void and he's gone from TNA for good.
Jarrett wanted a handshake, but Angle slapped him across the face. Jarrett turned his back to sell the slap while Angle clenched his fist for a second blow, but Jarrett turned around and smiled. Angle then turned around and Rhino Gored him in center ring. Rhino stood over Angle's show as they closed the show.
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