By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
NOVEMBER 7, 2008
ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV

[Q1]

-The show opened with clips of last week's casket match between Undertaker and Chavo Guerrero. Then they went to Vickie Guerrero backstage saying he gets Triple H at Survivor Series if he can beat Vladimir Kozlov, who was standing behind her.

-The Smackdown opening aired. Jim Ross and Tazz introduced the show as the camera panned the crowd. Ross hyped the Undertaker-Kozlov match. Tazz plugged Shelton Benjamin defending the U.S. Title against R-Truth.

-MVP was in the ring with his full MVP Lounge set. He was talking on his cell phone. Tazz said, "Uh, we're on the air." MVP hung up eventually and went into his routine. He said lately he's been getting a lot of flack for his "so-called losing streak." He said Hurricane seems to only be able to talk trash while popping up in a bubble and not to his face. Hurricane then popped up and mocked MVP by pretending to talk. MVP said his contract said he had to win a certain number of matches within a certain timeframe or he'd be issued a standard contract, "which is still more than you all make, but not enough for me." He said he wants to assure everybody in the WWE universe and the media that there is nothing will stop him from getting what he's due. The Great Khali's music interrupted. Khali and Ranjin Singh walked out. Tazz said they're not the scheduled guests. Ross said at Khali's size, nobody tells him what to do.

Singh announced upon entering the ring that it's time for the Khali Kiss-cam. MVP dropped the mic and walked out. The camera panned the crowd for possible Khali kiss victims. They picked a large woman wearing an ECW hockey jersey. Singh then said they wanted to find a second woman to also be kissed. The camera showed women laughing and shaking their head no and pointing to their wedding rings. They found one very eager woman who made her way to the ring. Let's put it this way: Neither of the women would make the cut in WWE Diva tryouts given the usual standards. The saxophone music that plays incessantly throughout the search process makes me want to leap out of a ten story window. Khali kissed both women. MVP winced at ringside. Singh then asked if the fans want to see Khali kiss both women at the same time. Khali didn't like that, but the women were game. Khali then gave in and did it. This isn't disturbing or funny or offensive or anything other than terribly boring. MVP charged into the ring and threw a couple forearms at Khali, then bailed out. We're 15 minutes into the show at this point. Man, just 15 minutes nobody will ever get back.

[Q2]

-Backstage Vickie laughed and said she loves the Great Khali. "Maybe I got the wrong giant to take care of my business," she said. Big Show popped off the chair and approached her, offended. She said she was just kidding. MVP barged in and said that was his VIP Lounge. Vickie said the Khali Kiss Cam is one of the highest rated segments on her show. She said MVP has less than three weeks to win a match or else he has to pay back that multi-million dollar signing bonus. MVP said he's ready for a win anytime now. Vickie offered a match tonight against Khali. Who saw that coming!? MVP wasn't pleased, but walked out without further protest.

-Ross hyped the Shelton-Truth match-up.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed Ross and Tazz at ringside. Ross said he has buddies in the NBA and NFL and they say there's nothing like being in the crowd for WrestleMania. He plugged a Triple H & Jeff Hardy vs. Miz & Morrison match coming up later. They just keep adding to this line-up with big matches. There's half of a solid PPV line-up here.

1 -- SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. R-TRUTH - U.S. Title match

Truth sang his way to the ring and was as off-beat as he's been since his debut. It's like he's got a completely different song playing in his head at times. No promo clips aired to set the stage for this match, which is too bad. I don't get why WWE refuses to put together the type of video package that UFC does before their fights which can instantly make you interested in a fight between two fighters you've never seen before, and get you especially interested in a fight between two fighters you know well. It's such a simple, basic formula that could enhance emotions when watching these TV matches. Shelton hit his Pay Dirt finisher out of nowhere for the win.

WINNER: Shelton in 4:00 to retain the U.S. Title.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- What you'd expect in four minutes from these two. Some nice signature moves, but not enough time to feel like a fight.

-Backstage Brian Kendrick and Ezekiel got in Jimmy Wang Yang's face and quoted Samual L. Jackson's character in "Pulp Fiction."

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

2 -- EZEKIEL JACKSON (w/The Brian Kendrick) vs. JIMMY WANG YANG

As he entered the ring, Hurricane said: "Hey, Zeke, seriously. Michael Phelps called. He wants those tights back. I'm just sayin'." Ezekiel just dominated Yang with his power moves for a minute and then finished him with uranage for the win. Kendrick dancd and pranced around the ring afterward. Tazz said, "It's like he thinks he won the match." Kendrick gave him The Kendrick afterward.

WINNER: Ezekiel in 1:00. Not sure where they're going with Ezekiel and Kendrick at this point. They've switched their roles lately with Ezekiel in the ring and Kendrick as the little agitator at ringside. Ezekile is about as gimmick-free as you can get, a bit of a throwback actually.

-A short video feature aired on Vladimir Kozlov.

[Commercial Break]

-After a plug for "Spoilin' for a Fight" by AC/DC, the official Survivor Series theme, they went backstage to Michelle McCool talking to one of the largely interchangeable Diva contest winners (Eve Torres) who said she wants to train to become a wrestler. Michelle said it's not just about beauty and athleticism, you have to want it and work hard for it. McCool said Maria, for instance, is a Playboy pinup model who doesn't have a lot of smarts. Maria then walked in and McCool acted all friendly to her.

-The Raw Rebound aired.

-Jeff Hardy approached Vickie Guerrero backstage and asked for another chance at the WWE Title. He said he just needs another chance. Vickie said he's had his chance and he's "all promise." She added, "You're not even that extreme anymore." Hardy took offense. She told him to prepare for his tag match "because, let's be honest, that's what you do best." Hardy huffed and puffed and stood up and said, "Fine! I'm going to blow your mind."

-Ross plugged the Hardy & Triple H vs. Miz & Morrison tag match.

[Q4]

[Commercial Break]

-WWE Fact: WWE has sold over 39 million videogames this decade. They can't just round that up to 40 million?

-They showed Ross and Tazz on camera. Tazz bragged that SD has outdrawn college football on ESPN2 and the NBA on ESPN. There's NBA on ESPN on Friday nights? Oh... bye now... Ross went on to plug the great graphics on the new "Smackdown vs. Raw" videogame. He touted the new feature of being able to create new tag teams and perform new double-team moves. They showed Triple H (who's nose is way smaller in videogame land than in real life) and Jeff Hardy as a tag team.

3 -- TRIPLE H & JEFF HARDY vs. MIZ & JOHN MORRISON

Tazz told Ross to check out Morrison's abs. He said, "We need a set of those." Ross replied, "I don't think I was born with abs. I'm ab-less." Tazz said, "I've got some, they're just really under there." Morrison had his abs sequined with diamond-like sparkly things glued to his skin. Triple H laughed at them. When Miz and Morrison bailed out early, Hardy flip dove onto both of them at ringside. They cut to a break at 2:00.

[Commercial Break]

[Q5]

At 8:00 Hardy avoided a Miz charge in the corner, then knocked Morrison off the ring apron. He kicked Miz in the chest, hit the Whisper in the Wind, and then scored a near fall. Miz went for a Reality Check, but Hardy blocked it and slammed Miz face-first to the mat. He climbed to the top rope. Morrison shoved Hardy off balance. They double-teamed Hardy. Triple H entered the ring and made the save. Hardy brought a chair into the ring and hit the heels with it. The ref DQ'd Hardy. Triple H stood back and watched as Hardy went berserk. He threw a chair at Morrison as Morrison flew up the ramp. Ross wondered what got into Hardy. Triple H gave Miz a Pedigree mid-ring. Ross and Tazz expressed confusion over Hardy snapping like that.

WINNERS: Miz & Morrison via DQ in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-Eve interviewed Vladimir backstage. She asked him how he plans to compete with the mystic powers of the Undertaker. Vlad said he's looking forward to crushing his body and soul, then decimate Triple H at Survivor Series and capture the World Championship. Very broken English made some of what he said impossible to understand.

[Commercial Break]

-They replayed Hardy's actions at the end of the match in the previous segment. Then backstage Hardy went up to Vickie and asked if that was extreme enough for her. Vickie gave him credit for being extreme. She said Vladimir has the chance to get a World Title shot and that won't change. She said, "Close but no cigar. That's the story of your life, isn't it?"

-The Big Show walked out with a mic in hand. He said he has something to say and he might as well express it now. He said he has a message for Undertaker. He told Vladimir to save a little piece of Taker for him. He said he has thought a lot about Taker lately and he's figured out that he gets his power from fear. Show said when you tell someone he's going to burn in hell, it freezes them up (interesting choice of words). Show said Taker has no power over him because he's beaten him twice and pounded him into the canvas. He said he knows he's made of flesh and blood. He said he's going to challenge him to a match in his own little creep depraved playground. He challenged him to a Casket Match at Survivor Series, a match in his own "depraved little playground." Show told Taker to work very hard at holding his breath because he plans to lock him into that airtight brass box.

[Q6]

[Commercial Break]

4 -- MVP vs. THE GREAT KHALI (w/Ranjin Singh)

MVP ducked between the ropes in the opening seconds to stop Khali's attack. He circled Khali and threw some kicks and punches. Khali replied with a forearm to the head. He followed with a short-arm clothesline. Tazz said if MVP loses his bonus, he'll have to return a lot of his more spendy items such as oceanfront condos in Miami, custom jewelry, cars, and more. Ross said MVP is known to squander his money and spends more than he makes. MVP got in a flurry of offense, but Khali dropped him with a big chop. He followed with a head vice chokeslam for the clean pin. Hurricane popped up and said, "MVP, you were that close. I'm just saying."

WINNER: Khali in 2:00. I'm curious to see where they're going with the MVP storyline. It's going to take a lot of rebuilding for him to get back where he was six months ago after all of these clean jobs. If it's a riches to rags story and he repents his arrogant ways, then turns babyface, maybe the losses won't ultimately matter.

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

5 -- VICTORIA (w/Natalya) vs. BRI BELLA

Bri lifted her knees on a standing moonsault by Victoria. She followed with a monkey toss. Ross plugged that Maria would face McCool next week for the Divas Title. Bri applied a small package out of nowhere for a leverage win. fterward, Victoria and Natalya pulled on Bri by her arms and legs under the ring. They ended up pulling out two identical versions of Bri. Ross and Tazz observed that they are twins. The crowd seemed a little bored by the whole thing. They worked together to knock Natalya and Victoria out of the ring, then celebrated together.

WINNER: Bri Bella in 2:00.

-Backstage the Colon brothers were happy that their prospected doubled.

-They aired a John Cena is a Swell Guy video package with a theme about how he made it against all odds and predictions.

[Commercial Break]

6 -- UNDERTAKER vs. VLADIMIR KOZLOV

The closest WWE gets to a UFC-like ring intro is Kozlov's. He just carries himself like a foreign fighter entering an Octagon in an American city ready for a real fight. Tazz pointed out that nobody's knocked out the Undertaker before. Ross touted this being their first-ever meeting. After ring intros, just as Taker took off his hat, they cut to a break 48 minutes into the show. That was going to leave under ten minutes for the actual main event to air.

[Commercial Break]

The bell rang and they locked up. Ross went into his "big match" announce mode. They stalemated on a collar and elbow hook-up. Kozlov applied a headlock. Ross said Kozlov "seems void of human kindness." At 1:00 Taker shoulder blocked Kozlov to the mat. Taker then kicked and clotheslined Kozlov to the floor. He followed him to the floor. Taker gave him a guillotine legdrop on the edge of the ring apron. Kozlov showed signs of life, but Taker stopped him with a clothesline as he charged. He followed with a quick cover and a short two count. Ross said they haven't seen many two counts on the undefeated Kozlov. Kozlov belly-to-belly suplexed Taker, then battered his chest with repeated headbutts. He dropped him with a front thrust kick and then scored a two count of his own at 5:00. The crowd was pretty dead for this, which hurt the "big match feel" they were going for. Taker gave Kozlov a snake eyes, but Kozlov fired immediately back with a desperation powerslam as Taker charged. Both were slow to get up. Kozlov crawled over to Taker, but Taker surprised him with his Devil's Triangle submission. Kozlov grabbed the bottom rope to force a break. Jeff Hardy ran into the ring and attacked Kozlov with a chair. He gave each blunt chairshots to their skulls, dropping them both. Taker sat up. Hardy fled with the chair. Taker pursued him, but when the DQ announcement was made, he returned to the ring and chokeslammed him.

WINNER: Kozlov via DQ in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- That was well done for the backstory and where these two are right now as characters. The finish was acceptable as it'd have been ridiculous to do a clean job either way in this one.

-Hardy went up to Vickie backstage and said he wanted an extreme rules match next week against Undertaker. Vickie said, "You got it."

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