By Lee Stevens, PWTorch Specialist

Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling report - Week 4
Orignally aired Nov. 8 on CMT
Report by Lee Stevens, PWTorch specialist

Life is not fair. You will do more work than someone else at your job, yet they will get promoted. Your baseball team will scout prospects, train them and just as they're going to help your team, a team from a larger market will "buy" your hard work. You will get a free weekend of Cinemax and they show only Oscar-nominated movies. Life is not fair. With that in mind, Nikki Ziering is still here, while Erin Murphy was eliminated.

I'm not the only one thinking the wrong person was sent home last week, as this week's episode starts with Ziering asserting her claim as a deserving competitor, only to be countered by a doubting Dustin Diamond. "Erin should have stayed." At least there's no room for interpretation. Dustin questions Ziering's effort and insists that she will either "step up or half-step it." The production team doesn't help as we quickly cut to the gym where "Candy Girl" is on the losing end of a battle with a machine. We don't know who started it, so we'll give the weights the benefit of the doubt.

Before we get to our weekly challenge, the celebs are asked about their favorite wrestlers from when they were growing up. Diamond offers up Hulk Hogan, which is not only an obvious choice given the time frame, but also smart considering the game. He also names The Undertaker, which also seems logical. I can only imagine that the producers were expecting those answers, plus a Randy Savage or even The Rock or Steve Austin depending on the age of the contestants. Todd Bridges decided to go off the board with his choices, "The Great Mephisto and Peter Maivia." Eric Bischoff even seemed a bit surprised by his answer. The Great Mephisto has his fans nationwide, but he really became famous in California, where Bridges was born. Maivia was known as "The High Chief" and he's known as "Grandfather" to The Rock. Anyone who can get "The Great Mephisto" on CMT deserves to advance. My hat is off to you Mr. Bridges...even if you won't take yours off for us.

Our challenge this week is to cut a promo, in character. This not only gives the contestants a chance to showcase their verbal skills, it gives the ring announcer Todd Kenley a chance to get plenty of air time as he is our guest expert of the week. Apparently, he teaches classes in giving wrestling promos, which goes to show that I simply chose the wrong college. I took Intro to Music 102, which wasn't nearly as interesting. Kenley gave a strong, but unoriginal, promo as the Hulkster just before a battle with Andre The Giant. So, celebrities, what you gonna do when Hulkamania asks you to leave the script and ad lib thoughts?

Nikki reaffirms our questions about her desire to stay by laughing through her promo. "I don't know what to say." (Goodbye would have worked.) Dennis Rodman also has problems completing a thought, which is surprising for someone used to being in the public eye, but he was never known for the content of his interviews. Dustin and Danny Bonaduce decided to stand face to face for their promo which proves that either the producers know what they're doing by putting these two together, or the producers are very lucky that the two loosest cannons decided to fire on each other.

Dustin stuck to the script, claiming that he was addressing "Dangerous" Danny Bonaduce and not Danny Bonaduce. Got it? Dustin apparently forgot that Danny Bonaduce is much for dangerous than any wrestling character. After Diamond talked about what was going to happen later in the match (despite the fact that the men are on different teams and wouldn't be facing off later), Bonaduce got a look on his face that could be described several ways, but none of them would be "stable". Amidst several lame "Saved By The Bell" references, Danny mentioned Dustin's dead agent. Nice. Obviously, Bonaduce is auditioning for a job as Kurt Angle's promo writer. (I have an idea: mention his dead wife; the crowd will eat it up!)

Diamond slapped Bonaduce, which is understandable, if not a bit weak. I haven't been in too many fights in my life, but if you can't hit someone with a fist in the middle of a ring, where can you? Then, the pull-apart brawl became the bonus move of the week. After cooler heads prevailed, Diamond produced the most obvious line of the year. "Danny's got issues."

As for the actual moves of the week, the celebrities needed to master the hip toss, taking the turnbuckle and the elbow smash. The elbow and the turnbuckle didn't stump too many people, but I was pleasantly surprised to see so many of them stumble with the hip toss. I didn't take any pleasure in seeing them struggle because I want them to look bad. In fact, it's just the opposite. I would never want the casual viewer to believe that after an hour in the ring you should be able to have a good match. Even the simplest move takes time, effort and courage. Surprisingly, Trishelle and even Danny hesitated on the hip toss. Not surprisingly, so did Ziering. "I'm too scared, my back is killing me. I'll vote myself off this week." Ziering's vote brings this week's total of people who think she should have been voted off to 2. Polls are still open; it's too soon to project a winner.

Ziering's frustration finally boils over, resulting in her storming out of the locker room. After a well thought out strategy sessions with her advisor's (actually, it was a cigarette break), she returns only to be chastised by Brian Knobs about smoking during training. Add Capt. Nasty to the list of people who feels that they sent the wrong person home. One person who doesn't agree is the man whose name is on the show. Hulk Hogan takes the time to work with Ziering before the big match giving us cause to fear that Z will be around for weeks to come.

As for the matches, Team Beefcake showcases Red Hot Redneck & The Mean Bean vs. Mr. Not So Perfect & Dangerous Danny Bonaduce. The promos before the match were solid, with a slight advantage to Redneck & Bean. My only concern with their team is that she is hot and Bean is cute and funny. They're the bad guys? Bonaduce and Bridges don't embarrass themselves, but they could slow down as they have the speed of the guy who does the disclaimer at the end of car commercials. The match itself is very watchable, with strong tag moves from Bridges and Bonaduce, including a nice handspring/back elbow from Mr. Not So Perfect. Bean heads to the locker room at one point in a classic heel move, but he returns and gets the pin on Bridges with a splash in mid-ring.

Team Nasty counters with a handicapped match: The Winner & Candy Girl vs. Rodzilla. Candy Girl's promo ends with the quote of the week, "We can't be licked." Let's move on. Rodzilla's promo is just like my neighbor, short and weak. As for the match, Team Nasty doesn't come close to the precision of the first match, but the judges seem to enjoy it. Up until this point, Ziering's best move was her choice of outfits, but she actually throws herself into this week's match, including a double axe handle from the second rope. In the end, Rodzilla gets the pin with a "flying" clothesline. It looked more like a "oh no, I'm falling" clothesline, but he gets the 1-2-3.

For the first time, no team is safe and all of the celebrities are on the chopping block, at least in theory. The judges quickly and accurately send the best performers to safety, leaving just Trishelle and Nikki. After a few seconds of manufactured drama, the correct move is made and Ziering is sent home. In her closing interview she insists that she enjoyed her time and that people will remember her "shoulder takeover." I'm assuming she meant the hip toss, but at this point who can be certain?

Next week, Rob Van Dam will teach the contestants about finishing moves and it appears that Dangerous Danny makes another visit to the medic.

Write to me at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com. Lee Stevens recaps "Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling" and goes "Under The Microscope" every Monday night for Raw.

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