By Lee Stevens, PWTorch Specialist

Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling report - Week 3
Orignally aired Nov. 1 on CMT
Report by Lee Stevens, PWTorch specialist

This week's show starts by reminding us that Frank Stallone did not have "The eye of the tiger," so he had to get out of Hulk's ring. If he would have just taken a closer look at Stallone's bio, he would have realized this earlier. Obviously, Sylvester had "The eye of the tiger." Frank was "Far From Over," you know, the key song in the "Saturday Night Fever" sequel, "Staying Alive." This was the movie that found John Travolta wearing leg warmers, trying to dance for his ultimate survival. It's surprising that someone who sang on that movie's soundtrack wasn't tough enough to make it on this show. Stunning. Actually, the opening lines of the song would have been a fitting conclusion to his time on the show. "This is the end. You made your choice and now my chance is over. I thought I was in. You put me down and say I'm goin' nowhere." Farewell Frank.

The remaining eight contestants kick off the show lamenting the various injuries, aches, and bruises, but they still have the strength to hit the weights. Danny Bonaduce is isolated in the gym, with a voice-over similar to those of the former champion who is fighting back from an injury and will compete against all odds to regain his belt. To his credit, Bonaduce appears to understand the business and respect the chance he's been given to train with legends of wrestling. To his detriment, he appears seconds away from snapping at any given moment. There's probably a reason why he was working out by himself.

This week's challenge is to create a persona. Each celebrity is given access to Jimmy Hart's expertise and his closet to create more of a ring personality. For one, Dustin Diamond is impressed. "He is a lifeline in the veins that make wrestling breathe and live." Percy Pringle is the spleen, Downtown Bruno is probably a ligament, perhaps a torn one, and Slick is clearly a pituitary gland. Hart gives detailed advice to the men as they look through, capes, costumes and hats, while his advice to the women is sadly predictable. "Sex it up a bit." For once, Nikki Ziering was listening. Uh oh.

One of the finalists for quote of the day, "If you are dressed like a chicken, you are a chicken. You act like a chicken." Somewhere Terry Taylor is looking at a picture of him dressed up as The Red Rooster and cursing under his breath.

Just because it's Halloween doesn't mean it's dress-up time, as Hart catches the celebrities apparently enjoying themselves and refuses to stand for it. Later, Eric Bischoff echoes his sentiments by insisting that "this is the part where I start to really get pissed off." Wait, you put eight celebrities in a room with executioner's masks, Viking hats, and a giant zebra head and you were surprised that they didn't take it seriously? Sorry, my mistake.

Once we start treating the giant Zebra head with the respect it has earned, we head to the practice ring to learn the basic tie up, working the arm and working the ropes. Dennis Rodman left training last week with an injured rotator cuff, this week the injury is suffered by Ziering. "Ow, I got a rope burn." Team Captain Brian Knobs is having none of that, quickly yelling, "This is CELEBRITY Championship Wrestling, not Barbie Doll Championship Wrestling." I think it would have worked better if he stressed the wrestling part of it, but then again, I'm not from Nastyville. Maybe their celebrities are tougher than mine.

Both sides get a chance to show their work in front of Hogan, with varying results. Butterbean gets compliments on his headlock, while Diamond and Rodman get crossed up on a simple push into the ropes. Diamond feels that Rodman refused to cooperate, Rodman feels that he's friends with Hogan and has main evented with him before and is biding his time until the payoff. The first part was on the show, the second part was in my head. Sorry, I'll try not to listen to those voices.

Hogan doesn't just observe the matches, he jumps in and exchanges moves with Diamond and later, Bonaduce. This is where we see Hogan's form and listen to his selling, which takes the form of outbursts of "Russia," or perhaps it's "Trisha," then again it could be reminding his opponent about the benefit of good dental hygiene with "Brush Up." Regardless, it's solid work.

Now, to the ring. Remember, the matches will be judged by Hogan, Bischoff, and Hart. Hogan is the man who once wore a helmet with a giant fist on the front of it, so he knows good gimmicks. The first match is Team Nasty, with "Candy Girl" Nikki Ziering & "The Winner" Dustin Diamond facing Erin Murphy, "The Mistress of Mayhem" (M.O.M) & "Rodzilla," Dennis Rodman. Ziering obviously listened to the advice about "sexing it up" and I'm not sure how I can describe her outfit while still managing to get Wade to print this recap. There wasn't much of it and what was there fit snugly. There. I did it. Let's move on. Diamond wore a shirt which said "The Star of the Show" and played to the crowd as the arrogant celebrity. Murphy sported the lingerie as she went for the sexy mom look and Rodzilla looked like former NBA star Dennis Rodman. To his credit, he did get announced as "From Parts Unknown". Classic. I miss that. The match was decent by CCW standards with the good guys winning after Rodman pressed Murphy off the top rope. Murphy had asked for more in the match and she showed more than in previous weeks.

Team Beefcake countered with "Mr. Not So Perfect" Todd Bridges & "Mean Bean" Butterbean vs. "The Red Hot Redneck" Trishelle Cannatella & "Dangerous" Danny Bonaduce. Points to Bridges for wearing a cape and acknowledging his prior brushes with the law (alleged bomb plot? not so perfect) and points to Trishelle for committing to a sexy, yet workable outfit. I never felt that we were in danger of bumping up from PG-13 with Trishelle's outfit, unlike the first two women. Bean wore the same trunks he wore to the boxing ring years ago. Imagine his good luck. In the midst of the gladiator outfit and the welder's mask, he found rainbow trunks, with his name already embroidered on the waistband AND they were his size. Well done, Bean. Bonaduce basically played himself. Solid match from Team Beefcake, featuring good exchanges from Bridges and comedy spots from Trishell and Bean. (Big man, pulling down the shorts, and embarrassing underwear; what's not to love?) And a nice flying cross body from Bonaduce to get the pin. In the end, it was enough for Team Beefcake to remain safe.

As for the elimination, Diamond and Rodman were quickly spared and deservedly so, which left Ziering and Murphy. I understand that there is likely footage that the judges saw, but we won't see. That's their right to do that, but they must have left out a flying, spinning Bolivian inverted pile driver from Ziering, because otherwise, I don't get it. Murphy did a double axe handle off the second rope, went off the top rope with the help of her tag team partner and begged to do even more. Ziering slapped Rodman. Then slapped him again, performed a slow school boy and then tagged out. Hogan said her moves were "Right On Point," which must translate to, "I really liked your shorts and your t-shirt." Ziering is safe and Murphy is going home.

Ziering won't escape the spotlight next week as the previews indicate that both of her teammates get frustrated with her as does her coach. As for us, we'll remember her quote as she was talking about her character to Nasty Boy Knobs. "So, I need a character that can go both ways."

She has the eye of the tiger.

Eliminations

Week 1--Tiffany

Week 2--Frank Stallone

Week 3--Erin Murphy

So, did Murphy deserve to go home? Who is your favorite to win the belt? Who is your favorite wrestler from "Parts Unknown"? Write to me at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com
Lee Stevens recaps "Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling" and goes "Under The Microscope" every Monday night for Raw.

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