By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor

Where We've Been: I should really just paste the "Foley Foley Foley Foley" comment to the top of the page, cause I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling that way for the foreseeable future. Anyway, tonight they finally announce his role in the company. The ideal spot would be Don West's, but Foley explicitly said he wasn't taking it. The most likely role then would be Jim Cornette's, or maybe (more lamely) some sort of go-between under Jarrett but above Cornette. In any event, tonight is TNA's HD debut, which should be very exciting for those of you with HD TVs…and HD cable…and ideally an HD Tivo. But even without that, the Foley announcement, in addition to a fairly loaded card live from Las Vegas, should make for some pretty good TV watching.

The Show

We have a new Cross the Line video, and a PPV style history-of-TNA intro. We're also treated to a new opening video, which isn't great, but is still a decent step up from the old version.

(1) CHRISTY HEMME defeats VELVET SKY (w/ANGELINA LOVE & CUTE KIP)

Someone in the crowd has a "Cute Kip" sign. Christy starts things off quickly with a Spear. She chops Sky in the corner till the ref pulls her off, then nails an awkward looking Monkey Flip. Kip distracts the ref while Love sprays Christy in the face, which allows Sky to take control. She slams Christy against the mat, steps down on her, and lays in with some Knife-Edged Chops. She stupidly goes for a Corner Mount, which allows Christy to drive her to the mat with a Power Bomb. Sky tries to charge back, but Christy dodges and knocks her to the mat. Christy Matrix-es under an attempted clothesline and takes Sky down. She goes to the top, fights off attempted interference by Cute Kip, and nails the FFG for the win. That was a little fun, if pointless even by Impact standards.

Tenay and West run down the card for tonight. For those who don't remember, we've got: Lethal vs. Bashir for the title, Kong vs. Wilde for the more serious title, Nash & Sting vs. Joe & AJ, the Monsters' Ball rematch, and dueling announcements from Mick Foley, Booker T, and Kurt Angle.

We go to JB in a mysteriously abandoned lobby to hear Kurt's huge announcement. He says that after hearing Jarrett and Foley talk about changing the face of TNA forever, he decided he'd have to do them one better by changing the face of all of wrestling. So he made a few a phone calls, and as of midnight, it's done. JB asks what that has to do with Booker T. The camera pans out to show Booker T, who mutters incoherently about where he's from in Africa. I honestly didn't believe that his gimmick could get more silly/racist, but damned if they didn't find a way. The camera pans back further to reveal Kevin Nash, who talks about how he had to come back, given Joe's lack of respect. Booker shouts along whenever anyone says "respect", which is actually surprisingly funny. JB points out that while they're all legends, they're still vastly outnumbered by the Young Lions. Kurt answers that when he goes into battle, he doesn't bring a stick—he brings the heavy artillery. He invites Sting into the room, and Mr. Borden comes in wearing a suit, sans makeup. He's finally committed full throttle to the heel turn, talking about how they've tried to go it alone the right way, so now they're going to seize respect forcibly as a group. He wanders off, as Angle proposes a toast to the newly formed "Main Event Mafia".

[Commercial Break]

Not-Crystal is outside the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, awaiting the arrival of Mick Foley. Either that, or she couldn't get past security. A limo pulls up, but then Mick gets out of the…Gremlin?...behind it. He says that they've actually undersold his big announcement so far. Mick, unless Eddie Guerrero's been secretly living in your basement for the last three years, I'm not sure that's possible.

Booker T is out to the ring, along with Sharmell, the briefcase, a mic, and a really nice tux. Las Vegas loves them their Booker T, though if there weren't any dark matches he could just be the first male wrestler they've seen who isn't Cute Kip. He says it's time to reveal the one thing that will change the landscape of TNA, that's near and dear to his heart, and that will immortalize Booker T forever. Sharmell opens the briefcase, and Booker T pulls out what appears to be the Smackdown Divas' Championship. Booker T-Michelle McCool will totally be the best feud ever. Oh wait—it turns out that it's actually just the new Legends' Championship. That's a pretty concept. Not surprisingly, Booker declares himself champion. Rachael randomly points out that the live broadcast is a bit more exciting feeling, and I have to say I agree. Christian Cage has heard enough. He comes down to the ring and says that when he thinks of legends, he doesn't picture a Little John impersonator with a fake accent. He says that a real legend is someone who comes out and commands respect, and while Booker has had the requisite career, he doesn't command anything. Now Booker wants us to respect a title that he never beat anyone for (Rachael points out that it probably cost him a good $50). Booker T wants to know if he can ask a question, so Cage gives him a Little John style "Yeaaahhh". Booker says he serious, so Cage lets out an "ooookay!" Booker forgets he's supposed to be African and threatens to bust one open on…he catches himself, and instead invites Christian to join the Main Event Mafia. Cage says he's not interested in picking sides. What he is interested in is wrestling for "Booker's" title at Turning Point. He doesn't want the title, and he certainly doesn't need it, but he does know that when he wins it will really piss Booker off. Cage says that in his country, they call that a challenge. As Christian walks away, Booker makes his counter-offer: if Cage wins he gets the title, but if Booker wins Christian will have to join the Main Event Mafia, "no questions asked."

Not-Crystal is in the back with Abyss & Morgan. She wants to know how they'll hold up in their match, but Morgan says only one of them will be going down to the ring. Abyss said he didn't want anything to do with weapons, but Morgan pressured him into it and now he's got 3rd degree burns. Abyss counters that he's talked with his therapist, and realized that he has to make decisions for himself. Abyss also reminds Morgan that they have to do something about Kurt Angle. Morgan reiterates that he's going to the ring alone.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the back in Jeff Jarrett's suite. You know they might be able to afford to pay Gail Kim if Jarrett didn't get a suite—I'm just saying is all. JB asks what the announcement is, but Jarrett says that he wouldn't spoil it for Foley. JB reminds Jarrett that Angle wants him in the ring, but Jeff counters that he's got lots of things he wants but can't have.

(2) SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR defeats "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL

This match is for the title, and I think now is the time for a change. Well, Bound for Glory was the time for a change, but this comes in a close second. Bashir jumps Lethal right at the start, nailing him with a Back Drop. The crowd is entirely behind Lethal, who comes back with a Tajiri-like Handspring over Bashir's knee. He tosses the champion from the ring and nails him with a Suicide Dive into the barricade. He rolls Bashir into the ring and goes for the Savage Elbow, but Bashir rolls out of the way and nails his finisher for the win. Seriously? Rachael thinks Lethal must be hurt, but I think they're just incompetent with respect to the X Division Championship. Someone reminds me take off a grade for this.

Not-Crystal is in the back with Samoa Joe & AJ Styles, and she wants to know how the newly formed Main Event Mafia will affect their tag match later. AJ doesn't know how it's come to this. The young guys were lured to TNA with the promise of opportunities to headline and be mentored by the best, but now everything's coming apart at the seams. Joe talks through the camera right to Nash. AJ tries to calm him down, but gets brushed aside. Joe tells Nash to look at what he's created, cause Frankenstein is coming home. Nash taught him that when they hit one of your guys, you put one of theirs in the hospital. So tonight he'll put Nash on the shelf, along with anyone else who gets in his way.

[Commercial Break]

Suicide is coming for payback. Wow is that costume lame. I mean for a wrestler—it might look okay on, say, Spider-man.

Not-Crystal is in the back with Rhino, who is busy molesting Bashir for utilizing his First Amendment rights. He says he'll take the open challenge Bashir's been talking about all night, and then deport him. As Rhino turns to walk away, Bashir turns him back, kicks him in the groin, chokes him out with his keffiyah, then throws a light-stand on him. In one of my favorite ever TNA moments, Not-Crystal then asks the near-unconscious Rhino if he's okay, then waits a couple seconds before going to get help.

[Commercial Break]

The fans have voted for James Storm and Brother Ray to start the match. We can now vote for what weapon can be used for the final part of this gauntlet. This rapid-texting could be cool if I had an unlimited plan.

(3) BEER MONEY INC. (w/JACQUELINE) defeat TEAM 3D, MORGAN & ABYSS, and LAX

Ray and Storm brawl a bit, but Roode is the first to come out at the minute (?) marker. Storm kicks Ray in the back of the head and Roode hits a Float Over Neck Breaker from the top rope. Are we supposed to care about any of these people? Here's Brother Devon, who is at least usually good for a laugh. He takes down Roode with an elbow and Storm with a Neck Breaker. Storm gets back up, but walks right into a Flying Clothesline. Ray holds Roode across his knee so that Devon can hit a mid-ring Guillotine Leg Drop. Hernandez is out, and he takes out both members of Team 3D with a Slingshot Double Clothesline on his way into the ring. He shoulder blocks Roode down, and catches Storm, who's coming off the top rope, in a Sit Out Power Bomb. He then goes for Mounting Punches on Devon, which is even stupider in a gauntlet situation than it is normally. Thankfully, rather than just pushing him out of the ring, Brother Ray hoists him up for a big Doomsday Device. Homicide is in. He takes Devon down with a Tornado DDT and Ray with a Swinging Head Scissors off the top rope. Morgan is finally in, and not surprisingly dominant. He tosses Homicide to start, clotheslines Devon out of the ring, Back Body Drops a charging Hernandez out. Did Storm get eliminated? Abyss comes down, and while Morgan argues with him he (Morgan) gets tossed from the ring. The announcement comes in that tables have been voted legal, but I don't even know which teams are left. I guess Beer Money got tossed while I was typing? Team 3D set up a lighter-fluid covered table as the crowd chants for ECW. Before Ray can light it Abyss comes in and takes both men down. If he's in this match, then where is Morgan? Oh, I guess we're not at the tag team stage, as they toss Abyss and it is announced that we're down to Team 3D and Beer Money. The crowd chants for fire, but, meanwhile, Team 3D have already 3Ded Roode through the table. That was a waste of good lighter fluid. Jacqueline drags the ref out of the ring before he can count the three, and while Ray goes to check on that Storm spits his beer in Devon's face. That's somehow enough for a pin. I assumed I must have missed a finisher, but nope—I just rewound, and Devon was kept down for a three count by liquid in the eyes. Couldn't he have at least still writhed around some?

[Commercial Break]

Rachael wants me to give TNA props for actually having a match going at 10 o'clock. It's weird that the timing is better when they're live.

Kurt Angle is coming down to the ring, mic in hand. Ring announcer Dave Penzer is scared to see him. That would have been more poignant if they had reminded me who Dave Penzer was before randomly putting him cowering on camera for thirty seconds. Angle says that tonight is a special night, because of the birth of The Main Event Mafia. But he doesn't want Jarrett to think he forgot about him. Did Jeff think Kurt was kidding when he said he'd pay his kids a visit? Bleh. You know what always works well in wrestling? Child endangerment storylines. I mean it's not like they managed to make even an Eddie Guerrero-Rey Mysterio feud suck or anything. Jarrett hits the ramp, and says that with all the talent in the back there's just no reason for him to be wrestling anymore. This isn't about him and Angle, it's about people like Jay Lethal and AJ Styles and The Motor City Machine Guns. Is that the same Jay Lethal who you just jobbed out in 30 seconds, the same Guns who probably won't even be on the show tonight, and the same AJ who…well, I guess they treat AJ alright. Kurt says this is about him, and he doesn't give a damn about the rest of the company. Jarrett says Angle will have to settle for someone else, as there is a whole locker room full of wrestlers who want a piece of him. In fact, one is here right now. Abyss is behind Kurt Angle, but Kurt slithers away before eating a Black Hole Slam.

Rachael just decided to go to the other room in protest of involving the little Jarretts in the plot again. I almost lure her back with the Sham-Wow commercial, but even that is not sufficient to overcome the distastefulness of this plotline. Someone should remind me to take off at least a grade for that later.

[Commercial Break]

Kurt Angle reminds us to Cross the Line. It's a little awkward to have a video package where he talks about everything he'd give for TNA wrestling right after he cut a promo about how it's all about him, but I guess we fans can differentiate well enough between in plot/out of plot for it not to matter.

Not-Crystal is in the back with Kong and Raesha Saeed, who wants to know how many times Kong will have to go through Taylor Wilde. After tonight, there will be no more Taylor Wilde, as Kong takes back what belongs to her, the TNA Women's Championship. I always thought it belonged to Gail Kim.

JB is in another room with Taylor Wilde. She doesn't know how she can respond to that, and talks about how if Kong wants to beat her she'll have to end her career to do it. Somehow Taylor Wilde seems to have missed out on the Canadian-awesome-promo-skills-gene.

[Commercial Break]

(4) AWESOME KONG (w/RAESHA SAEED) defeats TAYLOR WILDE

Taylor dodges an attempted Splash to start, but when she comes off the top rope she gets caught by a clothesline. Or at least she's in the general area of a clothesline, so we'll be generous. Kong chokes her against the ring post as the crowd gets dueling chants going. Taylor is flattened by a charge in the corner. Wilde tries to fight back, but Kong comes back with a Choke Slam for a long two count. She signals to the crowd that she's done, and goes for the Awesome Bomb. Wilde reverses it into a Face Plant, and comes back with a pair of dropkicks, and a third off the top rope for two. She hits a beautiful Hurricanrana for two. Saeed grabs her leg at ringside, so Taylor goes to fight her off. Kong takes advantage of the distraction, nailing an Awesome Bomb for the win. That wasn't an anticlimactic end to that title reign or anything. Again, I say bleh.

[Commercial Break]

(5) STING & KEVIN NASH defeat AJ STYLES & SAMOA JOE

AJ somehow gets to comes out last. He and Nash start things off. AJ avoids the big-man-offense for a second, but then foolishly tries to Irish Whip Big Sexy and eats a knee for his troubles. He tags in Joe, and Nash rushes to tag Sting. The champion and former #1 contender brawl in the center of the ring, with Joe gaining the advantage and kicking Sting in the head. Joe tags in AJ, who hits a Knee Drop and then…really, we have a commercial now? I guess the one thing shorter on live TV than a title match is the first segment of a main event match.

[Commercial Break]

AJ is clearly being isolated when we come back, with Nash & Sting trading tags. He gets Sting with a quick Pele though, and makes a leaping tag to Joe just as Nash comes into the ring. Joe's on fire, beating down Nash, hitting a leaping kick and a Senton Splash for a two count. He tries to set Nash up for a Muscle Buster, but Sting tries to take advantage of Joe being in the corner by nailing a Stinger Splash. Joe sidesteps and tosses Sting from the ring. Sting and AJ are doing something off camera, and when the ref looks over for a second Nash gets in a quick shot with the title belt and makes the cover just as the ref comes back to count the three.
After the match AJ comes in, dropkicking Nash's leg and taking it to Sting. Joe comes from behind and locks in a standing Rear Naked Choke as Angle and Booker come down to help out their posse. It's four-on-two, and both AJ and Joe are busted open. If I were The Motor City Machine Guns I would totally come down now to get on TV. The beating goes for a minute or two, before we get a shot of the four of them standing triumphantly over the fallen bodies of their foes. I'm not sure, but I don't think Sting ever raised his arms with the other three.

[Commercial Break]

Foley is out, and about to play a game of "how crappy a show can Foley carry on his back single-handidly?" He hasn't played that game since, well, he was on Smackdown a few weeks ago. They finally gave him real theme music—I guess it actually makes some sense in the plot that they wouldn't have bothered till he signed a longer term deal. The crowd is happier to see Foley than they were to see Booker T, which shows that people in Vegas still have some taste left. He says it's time for a major announcement, so he's going to take us behind the scenes to his meeting with Jarrett last week. Jarrett told Mick that he must have made a lot of money over the years between his main events and #1 best-sellers, and Mick grudgingly admits that he has. Jeff had also heard the rumors that Mick is the cheapest man to ever lace up a pair of boots. So if Mick made a lot of money, but didn't spend much of it, then he must have some to invest…holy shit he's "buying" the company. However, rather than unload with the exciting moment, they give us a minute to figure it out by sending The Main Event Mafia to the ring. Kurt says how a few weeks ago he heard Mick say that he's going to take a Kurt and wipe his Angle. Kurt head butts him, and asks if it's funny now. Mick gets up, saying that it's still kind of funny, and what's really funny is that, after the investment Jarrett had him make, Kurt just head butted his new boss. And with his first act as boss, he wants to say to Kurt (channeling Vince McMahon) "You're f…you're f… you're f…ree to work in TNA as long as you want." Because Mick knows that when you invest in something, it can't just be a pipe dream. Mick believes in this company. He believes in the X Division. He knows Kurt can feel it. They felt it in WWE, something great; they know what it was like to be there when the business exploded. He reminds all the members of The Main Event Mafia that they know what it's like too. And now they're there again, so it's time for Kurt to decide if he wants to be a part of history, or if he wants to be history. Confetti drops, as Kurt stands around looking pensive. He slowly leaves the ring.

Where We're Going: At the end of the show, Mike Tenay runs down all the historic events of this show: the X Division Championship was defended, the women's title changed hands, a new title debuted, a new major stable formed, and TNA got a new owner. How on Earth did they manage to make all of that seem anti-climactic? Mick's assurances aside, the main event promo was decent. The announcement was fairly big by wrestling standards, but they managed to tease it out slowly instead of spitting it out all at once. I realize there might have been a logic hole if they didn't announce how Mick had enough money to buy part of the company, but: A) since when do wrestling companies care about logic holes? and B) couldn't they have plugged it after the announcement? When Ric Flair "bought" half of WWE, he managed to do it at the single most dramatic moment possible. Vince McMahon was just about to strip Austin of the then-WWF World Heavyweight Championship and hand it to Kurt Angle, when suddenly Flair's music hit and he announced that Vince had a new business partner. Here, the news was very slowly teased out in an overhyped promo. I keep going back to the point that wrestling is all about creating moments, and I'll probably continue to keep going back to it till someone at TNA gets the freak'n memo.

Star of the Night: Rachael, for having the fortitude to tell Impact to shove it till they lay off Jarrett's kids. Seriously—go back over the recap—who else could I pick?

Overall: What standards should we use to judge this show? By general Impact standards, a lot of exciting stuff technically happened. However, for a show where a lot of interesting stuff was explicitly billed as certain to happen, I think this show needs to be judged more in line with a PPV. By that standard, it failed miserably. The new title belt could be cool, but was somewhat undermined by the absurdly stupid booking surrounding the other two lesser singles titles this same show. The new stable could be cool too, but is hardly Earth-shattering. Foley's announcement was pretty big, but it was drawn out and sort of meandering. The wrestling wasn't even in line with a typical Impact, and the timing decisions were baffling. This show clearly set out to do something; that is the standard by which it shall be judged. It didn't quite fail miserably (Al Wilson, Katie Vick, and the faux ten-bell salute for the "dead" Mr. McMahon have forever raised the bar for doing that), but it sure as hell didn't pass either. D-

Daniel is a graduate student at The Ohio State University. TNA is really not good for his schoolwork. Who schedules classes on a Friday morning anyway? Answers can be emailed to dawilk316@gmail.com

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