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First, I should give some preliminary apologies to my regular fans. Due to Jewish high holidays and ill-timed weddings, my schedule is going to continue to be off for the next couple of weeks. I realize the weeks around Bound for Glory are a suboptimal time to have difficulty getting your TNA fix, so I'll try to stay as on the ball as possible. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Where We've Been: Not to reiterate, but: Foley Foley Foley Foley! Some people were annoyed by the bait-and-switch last week, but as they never actually said he'd be there I wasn't all that bothered (compare to Sting's first appearance on Impact, which occurred a week after it was actively advertised). In any event, it's not quite clear what Foley's role will be, with Jarrett having stepped up as Angle's opponent at Bound for Glory. I'm sure whatever they do with that angle will be fine; this show should concentrate a bit more on the undercard, which is woefully underdeveloped. Daivari is going into BFG as X Division Champion, and there's no obvious way to make the women's division seem fresh now that Wilde has repeatedly vanquished the only two heel challengers. The tag division should be okay, but they need to find a way to make another Beer Money title match not seem like old hat.

The Show: Welcome Mick

The Beautiful People come down to the ring. Somehow Angelina Love has found a way to make her pants fit even tighter. I'm impressed. Tenay tells us that Taylor Wilde will be defending against both Awesome Kong and Roxxi. That's pretty good actually.

(1) ANGELINA LOVE (w/VELVET SKY & CUTE KIP) defeats AWESOME KONG

Love starts off in control as ODB has to watch the sidekicks. ODB takes over for a second, but the distractions keep her from sustaining any offense. Love tosses her from the ring, and Kip distracts the ref as Velvet Sky lays in some boots. How awesome is it that it's Kip who distracts the ref and Sky who hits the offense? They roll ODB in for a two count, then redo the distract-and-double-team bit. Love slams ODB to the mat by the hair. She takes a minute to pose though, which lets ODB retake control with a kick to the rump and some clotheslines. She hits a Fall Away Slam, but before she can follow up with a Running Power Slam Velvet Sky spits a swig of her own booze back into ODB's face, and Love nails the Lights Out for the kill.

Jarrett is coming out to address Angle's interview with the UK Sun, which I completely missed due to the aforementioned holiday-ing. By the way, happy New Year!

[Commercial Break]

Not-Crystal is in the back with Traci Brooks and ODB, who wants another shot at the Beautiful People. After some minor woman-on-woman sexual harassment, Traci gives her a tag match against Love & Sky, on the condition that she stays the away from Kong, Wilde, and Roxxi. ODB says that she's confident she can find a partner. Do you get the feeling that TNA just remembered that Roxxi was in line for a big push a few months ago, and figure they can just pick up where they left off without anyone noticing?

Jarrett's in the ring, and they hype TNA.com for getting the exclusive story about Jarrett's reaction to Angle's interview. Is it really that impressive to get an exclusive with your own boss? Jarrett says that people have been saying that he doesn't stand a chance against Angle, but those people don't know Jeff Jarrett. They said he didn't have a chance to succeed at his size, but they didn't know Jeff Jarrett. They said TNA could never stand up to WWE, but they didn't know Jeff Jarrett. He says nothing and no one will ever bring down TNA, but we don't know Jeff…oh, I guess the refrain doesn't work as well there. He says that while Angle was on a promotional tour to Europe he chose to air some dirty laundry about the back office in TNA. Jarrett reads to us from the article, where Kurt talks about how he's thinking of leaving TNA, how Vince McMahon is the most successful and intelligent promoter of all time, and how Vince is like a father to him. Jarrett says this has something to do with Angle's realization that he'll have to fight Jarrett at BFG, which seems like a reach. They air what is supposedly the unused portion of Angle's angry post-WWE interview two years ago, that Jarrett had deemed too damaging to Kurt to air at the time; I don't know if it's legit, but I'm skeptical. It shows Angle talking about how he wants to kick Vince's ass, but saying it in far more colorful language. Jarrett says that after he's done with Kurt, not even Vince will take that broken shell back.

[Commercial Break]

JB catches up with Angle arriving at the Impact Zone, and fills him in on what Jarret had to say. Angle wants to go handle that matter now, but before he can, JB says that Cornette wants to see him in his office.

(2) LAX defeats THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS

This is to qualify for the Monster's Ball match, which we're told is for the #1 Contender's spot for the tag team titles. Shouldn't this match right here be the Bound for Glory Main Event? Homicide takes it to Shelley, and after a pair of tags a Train Wreck Backbreaker from Hernandez puts Sabin down for two. Shelley comes in to try to help out, but Hernandez just Suplexes both of them. He then foolishly tags in Homicide, who gets taken to the outside and eats a Suicide Dive from Sabin. MCMG hit some double team action, but Homicide fends Shelley off with a head butt, knocks back Sabin, and gets in the tag to the big man. Hernandez kills everyone, including hitting a Crackerjack on Sabin and some cool Overhead Arm-Wrench Suplex I can't identify. Shelley climbs up Sabin's back for an Ensuguri, and things break down. Cool things start happening faster than I can type, most notably Shelley nailing a simultaneous DDT/Flatliner on both members of LAX with the help of a Springboard Dropkick from Sabin. Homicide goes for Sliced Bread #2 on Shelley, but gets tossed. They fight to the outside; when Hernandez tries to follow them out with a Plancha, Sabin cuts him off with a Superkick. Sabin then foolishly tries to put Hernandez away with a Springboard Cross Body Block, but just gets caught in a Sit Out Powerbomb for the three count. So who gets the title shot at the PPV?

[Commercial Break]

In this week's Rough Cut they recap Roxxi's bleeding and head-shaving a few months back. Her family thought they should have stopped the match, which is a nice, humanizing touch.

Tenay runs down the card for Bound for Glory—the graphic for Monster's Ball looks complete, so there might only be three teams in it this year.

JB is in Cornette's office with Kurt Angle. Cornette informs Angle that "you know who" has ordered Cornette to fine Angle $25,000. Angle takes that to refer to Jarrett, so he's got one more issue to take up with him now.

[Commercial Break]

(3) SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR defeats ERIC YOUNG and JIMMY RAVE (w/LANCE ROCK & CHRISTY HEMME)

Shane Seoul is ref-ing this match, which could lead to big fun. Bashir and Rave isolate Young for a moment to start, but then Rave tries to pull a fast one and Bashir tosses him from the ring. You know what a three-way X Division Championship Match needs 20 seconds in? Apparently a rest hold. Young powers out and tosses Bashir, just in time to eat a Tile-a-Whirl Arm Bar from a returning Rave. Then Bashir returns, and they try to work over EY, but he sidesteps, and Rave ends up getting Bashir with an STO. Young nails a flurry of clotheslines on everyone in sight, then takes down Bashir with a Moonsault off the top rope which Rave breaks up at two. Bashir tosses Rave and nails his kneeling DDT on EY for the surprisingly clean win. He makes Shane Seoul raise his hand, and Seoul reluctantly does so.

JB is in the back with Jay Lethal, AJ Styles, and Christian Cage, who later tonight will be fighting Team 3D and Booker T. Cage tosses the interview over to Lethal, who thanks him for the opportunity to hang with the big boys, and says that he won't let them down. He has no excuses for losing to Booker last week, but when he went back and watched the tape he realized that by the end of the match Booker was sweating too. So now Lethal knows he can hang, and tonight he's going to make his name by taking out a legend in Booker T. He walks off, and AJ asks Christian if they're cool. Cage responds that he's the champ, and he's always cool. AJ does his best impersonation of a presidential debate moderator and ignores the fact that Christian didn't actually answer the question.

[Commercial Break]

(4) BOOKER T (w/SHARMELL & MYSTERIOUS BRIEFCASE) & TEAM 3D defeat CHRISTIAN CAGE, "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL, & AJ STYLES

There's something wrong with the world when ten days out from Bound for Glory, out of these six guys, only Team 3D have a match. For those who are curious, Cage gets to come out after AJ. Lethal and Booker lock up to start. Lethal takes control early, Booker tries to take over with a poke of the eyes, but Lethal strikes back with an Arm Drag and a dropkick for two. Booker tags in Brother Ray as we go to break at 10:01. I guess that's a bit of an improvement over starting the hour during a commercial, but not much.

[Commercial Break]

The heels are attempting to work over Christian Cage, but he makes the tag to AJ as we come back. He hits a Stinger Splash/clothesline on Booker in the corner, then tags in Lethal. Lethal hits a couple chops, but he takes too long and Booker whips him into Team 3D's corner. Booker distracts the ref as Ray and Devon catch Lethal in a Wish Bone Split around the ring post. Booker nails a Spinning Heel Kick for two. He tags in Devon, who hits a quick Falling Headbutt, a choke, and a Spinning Elbow for two. Devon works the Chin Lock, but when Lethal tries to power out Devon just slams him back to the mat and tags in Brother Ray. Ray hits a quick low blow behind the back of the referee, then tags back in Devon. Lethal catches Devon with a Standing Ensuguri and makes the tag to Christian just as Devon tags in Brother Ray. Team 3D try to double team him, but he hits a Double Clothesline. Ray goes to the top rope, but Cage stuns him with a questionably low blow and nails a Frankensteiner. Devon breaks it up at two, and AJ comes in for the full pier-six brawl. Ray hits successive Back Body Drops on Cage, Lethal, and AJ, but Lethal and AJ respond with a Flapjack as Cage nails a Super Cross Body Block for two. Lethal sees Booker getting up on the outside, but when he tries to take him out he eats a briefcase to the face. Booker blind-tags himself in. Cage rolls him up, but the ref is busy getting Brother Ray out of the ring. AJ goes to help out with a Flying Forearm, but Brother Ray dodges and Cage eats it. Booker rolls him up for the three-count.
After the match, AJ tries to check on Cage, but he's not having it.

[Commercial Break]

Security is restraining Kurt Angle in Jeff Jarrett's office. When did Jeff Jarrett get an office? Anyway, he plows through security, but Jarrett's not there anyway.

Earlier today, Mike Tenay "moderated" a sit down interview with Sting and Samoa Joe. Sting starts off, but doesn't say anything new. Joe wants to know why someone who's already supposedly accomplished everything in his career would be worried about the actions of the likes of Samoa Joe and AJ Styles? Sting wants to know why they would treat legends like Angle and Booker T the way they did, and Joe responds that they would do the same to him. Sting argues that he respects his predecessors and the fans, but Joe wants to know why, if Sting respects the fans so much, he doesn't bother to show up anymore. Sting doesn't have an especially good answer to that one. They talk really fast through this whole segment, which is better than talking too slow, but still a little awkward.

Not-Crystal is in Abyss's lair with him and Matt Morgan, and she wants to know whether Abyss's therapy demands that he never use weapons. He says that at Bound for Glory he'll stick to wrestling, and Morgan volunteers to handle the weapons. The Blueprint adds that as a tag team no one can touch him and Abyss. Team 3D forgot to mention in their self-serving promo last week that they lost those tag team titles 20 times. Abyss says that his therapist has promised that if he can make it through this match he'll be a top guy in TNA, and Morgan tells "Aby" he agrees. Morgan is getting more comfortable on the mic every week.

[Commercial Break]

I didn't notice till just now that BFG tickets are being sold directly through the Sears Center's website, thus seemingly bypassing the omnipresent TicketMaster. Good for them.

Beer Money are out, and Roode has a cowboy hat and a mic. He says that while the members of Beer Money are doing well, not everyone else is. Salinas is still in the hospital, and Hector Guerrero has been forced back to the announcing booth. Beer Money would like to announce an open invitation to any tag team in any wrestling company on the planet. Team 3D hit the entranceway. Adding Beer Money to the Monster's Ball would solve a couple problems at once. Devon is about to say something, but before he can Abyss and Matt Morgan come out. LAX figure a party's getting started, so they mosey on down too. Homicide is about to talk, but Cornette comes down to interrupt before anyone will have to admit that LAX never needed a bloody mouth-piece in the first place. Sure enough, Monster's Ball is now a tag team title match, just because Cornette can. He says he doesn't know which team will beat Beer Money, but he's willing to bet one of them well. Crap—I guess that means Beer Money's retaining.

The knockouts are big on crossing the line.

The Beautiful People hit the ring, followed by ODB. ODB introduces her partner, Rhaka Khan.

[Commercial Break]

(5) ODB & RHAKA KHAN defeat THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (w/CUTE KIP)

ODB starts things out teeing off on Velvet Sky. She tags in Rhaka Khan, so Velvet Sky rolls out of the ring to get moral support. Are we supposed to pretend that this is Khan's first match? Anyway, she pulls both members of The Beautiful People into the ring by the hair, then clotheslines them both to the mat. Kip comes into the ring, but Khan doesn't back down. Sky tries to land a cheap shot from behind, but Khan kicks her rather stiffly. I'm not impressed. ODB tags in, and interference from Kip on the outside lets The Beautiful People take control. Love tags in and slowly works ODB over. Love then tags in Sky, which is just not a good idea. Sky can't land two moves in a row without ODB knocking her back, so Sky just tags Love back in. This match is not very good. Love and Sky whip ODB into the ropes, and she slowly reverses into a couple of clotheslines. She tags in Khan, who kicks in the general vicinity of Anglina Love, who plays along as if she got hit. Khan puts Velvet Sky away with a Standing Inverted Fame-Asser.
After the match, The Beautiful People decide to use their three-on-two advantage, but Rhino comes out for no real reason to make the save. Is Rhino trying to feud with Kip James? That's never a good idea.

[Commercial Break]

We don't waste any time when we get back—Mick Foley's out. His music starts out with a "Bang Bang", a different car crash, and a generic rock riff. The crowd is pleased to see him. Tenay tries to run down his qualifications, and for the first time I feel like a TNA announcer is under-selling a performer. Foley says that it is an absolute honor to stand in the same ring where—a few short minutes ago—Cute Kip just stood. He says it's one of the biggest nights of his career, and thanks us all for tuning in. He can only get out about a sentence at a time between bouts of cheering. He thanks Jeff Jarrett for having the faith to sign him, and for calling him the greatest acquisition in TNA history. He also wants to thanks someone very special, without whom this moment would not be possible—Vince McMahon. He wants to thank Vince both for giving him incredible opportunities, and for helping make his decision to leave TNA an easy one. Kurt Angle comes out, and Foley is annoyed that he didn't get a chance to hit his punchline: "I said to Vince McMahon 'thanks, but no thanks, for that bridge to nowhere'". Sadly, the crowd either doesn't get it or isn't in the mood for political satire. Angle is sorry to interrupt Mick's party, but Jeff has put him in a really bad mood, first airing an interview to make him look bad, then fining him. Kurt wants to respond to something else Jarrett said—that Kurt has lost everything. Jeff said Kurt lost his title, and he's right. He said Kurt lost his medals, and he was right. He said Kurt lost his wife—but Kurt's not the only one to lose his wife. WHOA! That's not cool. Kurt wants to know what Foley ever did. He says that he carried this company on his back for the last two years, but Foley's not having it. Angle can talk himself up all he wants, but how dare he belittle the likes of Samoa Joe and AJ Styles. That being said, between the two of them, Foley knows who's been doing the heavy lifting here. The main reason Foley's here is because of Angle. As much as he didn't like having a "bellicose billionaire" telling him to "Say it! Say it dammit!" every week, he did enjoy getting to call some of the best action in wrestling. He saw Edge vs. Undertaker, Y2J vs. HBK, and even the great HHH vs. John Cena. But that got him to thinking that Kurt had not only torn down the house against all of them, but beaten them all. He thinks Kurt might just be the best wrestler of all time, but he has to watch him up close to be sure. Angle thinks that Mick is saying he's here to replace Don West, which is fine with pretty much everyone in the Impact Zone. Foley announces that that's not what he's here for—West might be "a bit overbearing, but [he's] always passionate." No, Foley wants to be a bit closer to the action. Angle thinks he sees where this is going, and thinks Foley wants to be in his corner. Mick lets him know that no, for one night only, he's going to be TNA's special guest enforcer in Angle's match.

Where We're Going: Foley was a bit underwhelming tonight. It was pretty clear he'd be getting the special enforcer nod just as soon as we knew that Jarrett was taking on Angle, and as much as I liked his clever one-liners they seemed to fall flat on the crowd at the Impact Zone. While I'm normally against shoving things down the fans' throats, I would probably try to have Foley keep doing what he's doing. They like him enough that they'll cut him some slack, and hopefully he'll be able to get the crowd behind something other than pointless yelling or juvenile shtick. I do like Foley's siding with the young bloods—as has been pointed out elsewhere, he's temperamentally a much more natural fit for that role than Jarrett.

Star of the Night: Mick Foley. He could have showed up and spent 45 minutes drooling on national television, and I still would have given this to him.

Overall: This show was a bit anti-climactic in several regards. The Foley promo is the most obvious, but the Joe-Sting business felt a bit tired as well. There was good forward motion in the tag team division, but the women's match was a train wreck and the X Division just seems in tatters. And how are we 10 days away without having matches for Cage, AJ, Booker, Lethal, Dutt, Creed… BFG should not feel slapped together at the last second. B

Daniel is a graduate student at The Ohio State University. He is sad that no one sent him birthday well-wishes at dawilk316@gmail.com



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