ECW Report
SEPTEMBER 2, 2008
PITTSBURGH, PA.
Report by Dominick Mayer, PWTorch.com Contributor

The Killer Kowalski tribute airs at the beginning of the episode, and this time is not followed by a commercial interruption.

The show starts off with a plug for The Dirt Sheet, and we cut to the ring, where Morrison and Miz are already set up. Morrison says he beat Stephen Hawking at Parcheesi forty-something times in a row, and Miz talks about being the hometown boy for the ECW Scramble on Sunday. Miz points out that Morrison didn't qualify for the Scramble. They shift to talking about the other challengers. Mark Henry and Tony Atlas make their way out. Thank God, no Conan faces this time.

Atlas is allowed to talk for Henry, and I really don't understand why. Miz makes a crack about Henry's belt extender. Miz then brings down Chavo Guerrero, with Neely, to the tune of a cover of his entrance music that Miz and Morrison sang. Already, this is better than the last Dirt Sheet. Chavo says that he has the chance to reclaim his ECW title. They bring in Finlay's "brothers" via satellite, and again, Miz and Morrison in costume. A good idea, wasted with an overdone gag about Finlay wetting the bed, followed by another about how tiny Hornswoggle is. Edgy.

Finlay comes out with a smile on his face. He tells Hornswoggle to say hello to his uncles, which leads to Miz getting kicked in the knee. Morrison introduces Jeff...no, Matt Hardy, who as Finlay points out, beat Morrison to get into the scramble. There are now far too many guys in this ring. Hardy points out that Neely and Atlas seem to be out to give support to their male partners. Seriously? That sounds like something Brian Gerwitz would make John Cena say, Hardy's better than that. He makes his way around the ring with insults, until Henry tells him to shut his mouth. Henry says that after Unforgiven, he'll still be the World's Strongest Champion. Hardy responds by saying that Atlas should be well-rested so that he can break up pinfalls for Henry. Miz tries to break up the impending fight, but Morrison nails Hardy with a microphone, and a fight breaks out. For some reason, Tommy Dreamer and Evan Bourne make their way out to join the fray, and we cut to commercial. This started off strong, came unglued as the humor got more sophomoric, and just got way too chaotic at the end, with eleven or twelve men in the ring brawling.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

After the commercial, the faces and heels are still arguing and swinging at each other. Teddy Long intervenes and books an eight-man tag match: Morrison, Miz, Chavo and Henry vs. Dreamer, Bourne, Finlay and Hardy.

Super Crazy comes out as Striker and Grisham talk about the implosion of The Dirt Sheet.

1. SUPER CRAZY vs. GAVIN SPEARS

I forgot all about Spears. Huh. A sidebar promo features Spears talking about how he made a bad impression, and how he's the crown jewel of the Superstar Initiative. Because, you know, Evan Bourne hasn't made an impression or anything. Spears starts off with an armbar, which Crazy counters into some kind of leg hold. Grisham and Striker talk about how Crazy, along with Mysterio, brought the luchador style to WWE. It's amazing how, in a match as mediocre as this one, this commentary team can generate interest based purely on backstory. Maybe if Michael Cole wasn't force-fed canned lines, he'd be able to do the same. Probably not, though. Striker: "Crazy's face is turning ruby rojo." The crowd is absolutely dead for this. Meanwhile, Crazy hits a dropkick to Spears' jaw. Crazy gets a series of spinning heel kicks, and follows up with a kick to the head and a second-rope moonsault for the win.

WINNER: Super Crazy in 3:00.

Striker touts the main event for tonight.

[Commercial Break]

Ricky Ortiz comes back out after being MIA last week. The rally towel is still present in the audience, here and there.

2. RICKY ORTIZ vs. RYAN BRADDOCK

Grisham mentions that Braddock's previous only match involved him getting squashed by Big Show. Grisham says that he tried to find out about Braddock, but was blown off. It's the little touches like that which really put over even the smallest of characters. Some rough offense by Braddock early on. Ortiz with a hard shoulderblock. Braddock looks like a jacked-up CM Punk, but without the wrestling skill. Grisham compares Ortiz to Zach de la Rocha from Rage Against The Machine. Okay, that's awesome, even if it would've been more timely a decade ago. The crowd is once again dead, because tonight is illustrating the one problem with ECW: the amount of marquee talent can still be counted on one's hands, and when they're all in one match together, not a whole lot remains. As I've been making these points, Braddock has been employing rest holds. However, Ortiz is selling pretty well.

[Q3]

Ortiz gives Braddock the spinning elbow and a powerslam. Ortiz goes up top and hits a flying shoulder tackle, followed by the running splash (The Big O) for the win.

WINNER: Ricky Ortiz in 4:00. The Big O would be a bad name for a finisher in the womens' division, and it's laughably awful when it belongs to Ortiz. Also, it's really not a legit finisher. It seems more like a false finisher (i.e. the Side-Effect) than a lethal manuever.

Raw Rebound: The Jericho-Michaels contract signing. Disregarding the logic of a contract signing for an unsanctioned match, this was one of the standout exchanges in a feud that's been a highlight reel of them. The Michaels bump made me cringe, not just because it looked bad, but because the only real reason to order Unforgiven (other than morbid curiosity regarding the Scramble matches) might have just gone right out the window. This being said, I'd rather Michaels save this match for Survivor Series, have Jericho feud with Punk (who had better retain on Sunday), and thus Shawn wouldn't be pulling a Kurt Angle and making the audience wonder if he's going to be permanently injured. Also, I question having the rebound center on this match, because if it doesn't happen, they haven't promoted their other main event nearly enough to sell a PPV on it.

[Commercial Break]

Josh Matthews brings in the Smackdown Your Vote program with Mickie James and Mr. Kennedy. I know many of the other writers have already touched on this, but I really like the involvement of WWE in the election. Grisham: "Remember to Smackdown Your Vote". Striker: "And vote Republican". A brief awkward silence ensues, and they officially get the MVP award for tonight.

Matt Hardy comes out for the main event with just over twenty minutes left in the show.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

Did You Know: Something about DVDs reaching #1. I was too busy observing that Finlay and Dreamer didn't get televised entrances, but Bourne did. I used to see ECW as the WWE's island of misfit toys, but now I'm starting to feel like it's the only show that really cares about talent above shoddy plotting, and that's not just because I'm designated to cover it. Disregarding the opening segment, when's the last time ECW had a "slaughtered" wrestler come back without any explanation or injury, or a woman being filmed while supposedly trapped in a room? Chavo comes out, follwed by Miz and Morrison (individually) and Henry to round it out.

4. MATT HARDY, TOMMY DREAMER, FINLAY & EVAN BOURNE vs. CHAVO GUERRERO (w/Bam Neely), THE MIZ, JOHN MORRISON & ECW CHAMPION MARK HENRY (w/Tony Atlas)

Hardy and Morrison start the match off. This could eventually be the ECW championship feud, if the right cards are played. Hardy tags in Dreamer, who hits Morrison with a suplex and a running elbowdrop. Dreamer throws Morrison into Finlay's boot and tags him in. Morrison forces Finlay into the heel corner and tags in Chavo. While the ref warns the face side, the heels work him over. Finlay gives Chavo an atomic drop and a clothesline for a brief two. Chavo dumps Finlay outside, and goes for a baseball slide, but Finlay traps him in the apron and has Hornswoggle hit a flying clothesline off the apron onto Neely.

[Commercial Break]

Out of commercial, Chavo gets a dropkick from Bourne. Some back and forth offense. Chavo tags in Miz, who takes a standing moonsault for two. Bourne goes up top, but Miz throws him off and drags him into the heel corner. Henry gets the tag, and looks like a monster next to Bourne. Henry gives him a press slam, and then brings Miz back in. Striker continues to try and explain the King of the Moun...Championship Scramble match rules. At least there aren't any penalty boxes. Yet. Guerrero comes in and throws Bourne around. After only getting two, Guerrero argues with the ref and tags in Morrison. Bourne gets tossed to the outside and takes a hard kick from Morrison. I had a feeling Bourne would be the one getting isolated by the heels, though I'm surprised it's not Dreamer. Bourne's more likely to get a crowd behind him, though. Morrison brings in Chavo. Bourne finally gets the hot tag to Dreamer, who hits the bulldog on Chavo for two. Dreamer goes to get Chavo in the corner, but eats a boot, leading to Henry getting tagged in. He corners Dreamer and gives him a headbutt. Henry tags in Chavo, who's worked the majority of this match for the heel team. A little surprising, but he's done well. Dreamer squirms to the corner and gets the hot(ter?) tag to Hardy, who gives Chavo the second-rope elbow. Hardy with a Side-Effect for two. Grisham has learned not to push the Side-Effect as a match-ender, at least explicitly. Chavo tags out to Henry, who takes Hardy down but misses with a splash. Bourne gives Henry the shooting star press and then kicks Morrison. Dreamer then tags in and gives Henry a frogsplash. He tags out to Finlay, who does some more damage before bringing Hardy in to hit the Twist of Fate for the win.

WINNERS: Hardy, Dreamer, Finlay and Bourne in 15:00. The feel-good ending is a little questionable, given that Henry's been built up as such a monster so far. This really didn't feel like the final sell for the ECW Scramble.

Comments? Feedback? Email me at mayerdom@hotmail.com.

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