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CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 8/7: A whole lot of stuff to preview Sunday's PPV
Aug 8, 2008 - 12:52:36 AM |
By James Caldwell, PWTorch columnist
TNA Impact on Spike TV
August 7, 2008
Taped July 29 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
The show started with a recap of last week's show leading to tonight's gimmick match show a few days before TNA expects people to pay $30 for a gimmick-centered PPV. The two-hour blood bath begins now with the video game intro.
In-ring: Mike Tenay was standing in the ring to promote the Hard Justice PPV on Sunday. He called it the most-hardcore PPV of the year. I thought that was Lockdown, but whatever. Tenay sent it over to Jeremy Borash standing in the crowd to promote tonight's gimmick match show. He didn't pick the best sample of the audience to stand next to. And now over to Lauren and B.G. James in the grandstands to hype more action on the show. B.G. predicted violence tonight.
Impact Zone: Traci Brooks came out first to be special referee for a bimbo brawl. Jacqueline, then Roxxi came out as the participants. Roxxi brought a shopping cart full of weapons for this deal.
1 -- JACQUELINE vs. ROXXI -- Bimbo brawl -- Traci Brooks referee
I wonder how much Roxxi is paying her stylist to keep the head shaved for TV. She almost looks normal without hair, but not quite. Traci was solid on the mat counting nearfalls here. Good form, clear call to the timekeeper, and she held firm in discussions with the participants. In other words, she's better than the male referees due to TNA depending on the referee incompetence formula in the majority of matches. Roxxi ended this in four minutes with the voodoo drop after taking a few trashcan lid shots to the head.
WINNER: Roxxi in 4:00. Totally fine. Traci > TNA refs. (1/2*)
Backstage: Rhino had his hands in his pockets staring off into space while Lauren interviewed Christian Cage about tonight's eight-man tag tables match tonight. Christian said he's the champ, so that's why he wants to take the chance against Team 3D again after they put him through a glass table. Christian said Team 3D sees him and Rhino as a threat, which is why they keep trying to take him out. Rhino took the mic away from Lauren in a heelish manner, then he screamed into the camera that 3D needs to ask a question of what they're going to do when he puts them through the glass table with the Gore?
Backstage: Super Eric and So Cal Val discussed Val's engagement ring situation, leading to some awkward TV. Young told Val that Sonjay Dutt stole her ring. He told her to find Sonjay and find the ring.
In-ring: On cue, Sonjay Dutt came out for a singles match against Curry Man. Tenay dared us to stay seated during Curry's ring entrance. Thanks, but no thanks, I'll sit right here and keep typing.
2 -- SONJAY DUTT vs. CURRY MAN
Bell never sounded, so this match isn't official. Not that it matters. Val came to ringside a minute into the action looking for her ring. Dutt told her to hit the bricks, giving Curry an opening to take control of the match. Dutt then used his feet on the ropes to score a pin with the roll-up.
Post-match: Dutt gave Curry a low blow, then Val slipped into the ring to demand answers on where her ring is. Dutt backed out of the ring, only to find Shark Boy attack him from behind. Super Eric then provided back-up to give Dutt a press slam in the ring. He reached into Dutt's trunks to find the wedding ring. Why in the world Dutt would wrestle with a ring in his tights is beyond me. Val then screamed at Dutt after defending him for so long. Dutt gave an excuse that when Val visited him in the hospital, the ring dropped into his lap for safe-keeping. He said maybe it was a message that she was ready to leave Jay Lethal for him. Dutt said he cares about Val, and he's thrilled she got her ring back. They shared a nice hug with Dutt breathing a sigh of relief that he lied his way back into Val's good graces. West had a random voice-over about this guy.
WINNER: Um, oh yeah, there was a match. Dutt in 3:00. Just more of the same with this program. (1/2*)
Backstage: Team 3D and Beer Money insulted Lauren about her sex life to keep with TNA's theme of berating and insulting women on this show. Brother Ray tried to peek down Lauren's shirt while Storm cut his promo on beating up Christian & Rhino and LAX tonight.
[Commercial Break]
Political ad: Daivari talked about oil companies fueling American's selfish desires to use up natural resources.
Impact Zone: Motor City Machineguns came to the ring wearing their crazy masks. Jay Lethal, then Consequences Creed came out as the opposition.
2 -- MOTOR CITY MACHINEGUNS (CHRIS SABIN & ALEX SHELLEY) vs. JAY LETHAL & CONSEQUENCES CREED
Tenay provided some notes from Cornette that Daivari will be at Hard Justice this Sunday, and some information is available on him at TNA's website. Also from Cornette, the main event eight-man gauntlet match tonight will start with A.J. Styles and Kurt Angle. This turned into a video game-style match with a lot of spots in sequence without a whole lot of selling. Creed nearly finished off Shelley with the TKO, but Guns came back with a Swanton Bomb combo on Creed for a nearfall. Shelley tried to finish off Creed with Sliced Bread #2, but Creed rolled up Shelley in the corner for the win. Afterward, Creed wanted to shake hands, but Shelley piefaced him and walked away. We need follow-up on that, instead, they cut to Karen's Angle.
WINNERS: Creed & Lethal in 8:00. A team teaming together for the first time beat one of TNA's only good tag teams. Just a video-game style match that was fun, but had zero psychology and was there for what it was worth. (*1/2)
Karen's Angle: Karen brought in Frank Trigg for an interview that she wanted to keep professional. Trigg said he started in MMA because he was trying to support his wrestling career. He basically put himself in Kurt's body and talked for him. Karen had enough of Frank, who tried to bully her and some security dude who looked like one of Dusty Rhodes's old hunting buddies with the fraternity tag team name. Phi Delta Slam, was it? Frank finally walked off the set after calling her pathetic.
[Commercial Break]
Video package: They recapped the Angle-Styles relationship and how it went from student/teacher to feuding rivals. It's last man standing at the PPV. ... Announcers: Tenay and West broke down the PPV coming up on Sunday.
Backstage: Borash brought in Kurt Angle to discuss the match on Sunday against Styles. Angle said he's a wrestler; it's what he does. He called himself the best ever and now Styles wants a last man standing deal. Angle said he's not going to be responsible for what he does to him. He accused Styles of sleeping with his wife, and if Styles wants last man standing, he's going to come after him like he's never come after someone before. Of course, this is personal now. He said the pain game starts tonight.
[Commercial Break]
Backstage: Beautiful People and Kong were set up for an interview with Lauren. Angelina sent Lauren packing before cutting a promo on Tyler Wilde, Gail Kim, and ODB. She called them Beautiful and the Beast, with Kong being Queen Kong. She called Kong an animal and said she loves Chinese and pure white bread. Velvet said in three days, they will be the victims. There was enough racism in that promo to fill a sequel to Blazing Saddles.
Impact Zone: Beer Money, then Team 3D came to the ring for the eight-man tables match. LAX came out, followed by Christian and Rhino.
3 -- TEAM 3D (BROTHER RAY & BROTHER DEVON) and BEER MONEY (ROBERT ROODE & JAMES STORM) vs. CHRISTIAN CAGE & RHINO and LAX (HERNANDEZ & HOMICIDE w/Hector Guerrero) -- No DQ tables match
Rhino delivered a Gore to all of the heels to start things off. Heels rolled to the floor to recover, but Homicide nailed a suicide dive. Christian splashed Ray, then Hernandez flew over the top rope with a splash on Rhino and Roode.
[Commercial Break]
A lot of spots ensued after the commercial break, as men flew all over the ring and floor. 3D tried the what's up diving headbutt on Hernandez, but Hernandez escaped. Christian then spit beer into Storm's face, leading to Homicide nailing the Gringo killer on Storm for the pin and the win.
Post-match: Johnny Devine came to ringside and gave Ray a kendo stick to use to blast the winners. Hernandez took a 3D, then Christian took a hangmen's neck breaker from Beer Money. Devine and Devon then brought the glass table into the ring. Instead of going for Christian, they grabbed Homicide and put him through the glass table with a combo powerbomb. Tenay and West with canned voice-overs that they hope it's not too bad with Homicide's obvious injuries.
WINNERS: LAX & Christian & Rhino in 6:00. Just another example of the actual wrestling match not even mattering, as the post-match usually takes precedence over anything from bell-to-bell. Post-match gave reason for the heels to get their comeuppance at the PPV, though.
[Commercial Break]
Rough Cut: They focused on Taylor Wilde, with Gail Kim talking about the bull's-eye being on Taylor's back. Traci and ODB said she has to step her game up. Roxxi talked out of kayfabe, as if Taylor was simply handed the belt instead of how it played out in the storyline of winning the belt. Taylor said she has to prove to the fans that her title victory wasn't just a fluke.
4 -- AWESOME KONG (w/Beautiful People and Raisha Saeed) vs. SALINAS
Salinas was dressed for a fiesta or a night at an L.A. club rather than a wrestling match. Tenay said Homicide was taken to a hospital. Kong nearly knocked Salinas out of her booty shorts right away with the Awesome Bomb in center ring. Quick pin for the win.
Post-match: Angelina and Velvet cut a promo on Gail, ODB, and Taylor to take a good look at this preview of the PPV six-person tag match. Angelina ordered another attack on Salinas, then Kong delivered the implant-buster. She said they haven't made their point perfectly clear yet. Velvet then pulled out a steel chair and Kong set up for another Bomb, but Gail Kim, Taylor, and ODB made the save. A brawl broke out, with ODB's hair all over the place here. Kong and Taylor fought in the ring, then Kong chopped her in the face.
She wanted a Bomb on the steel chair, but Abyss's music hit. Well, this is random. Abyss made the save for Taylor, then Abyss and Kong went face-to-face. Raisha then stepped in to prevent Kong from getting mixed up with Abyss. Raisha's identity was nearly revealed, then she slapped Abyss across the face. Abyss slowly looked to the chair, then he picked it up in a threatening manner. Suddenly, a security guard stepped into the ring to grab the chair, which prompted Abyss to give him a Black Hole. That was a bush league moment from the security guard.
WINNER: Kong in 1:00. I'm still not sure why wrestling matches occur on this show. I liked the set-up to the six-woman tag match until Abyss randomly became involved. I'm fine with Abyss on the show, but we have no context for his random appearances. (n/a)
[Commercial Break]
Booker T locker room: Borash sat down on the couch to interview Booker T and Sharmell about tonight's gauntlet deal, then facing Joe at the PPV. Booker, with the TNA title belt on his lap, paused after Jeremiah finished his line of questioning. He said he told the world two months ago that Joe cannot beat him. Who is this Joe guy they keep talking about? One week, Samoa Joe is in every segment. The next week, he's in zero segments. There's just no balance. Booker said he will be the official TNA champion this time next week, then he's going to hurt Joe like he's never been hurt before tonight. Borash asked Booker if Sting will be there on Sunday. Booker said the real bat man will show up at the PPV as well as tonight. Booker and Sharmell then allowed Borash to sip some champagne in a toast to Booker.
Announcers: Tenay and West broke down the PPV card once again. ... Backstage: Hey, there's Samoa Joe. Lauren brought in Joe for a pre-main event interview. Joe asked Sting why he couldn't show his face the past three weeks. He said he's figured it all out that Sting is a coward, and when he gets his hands on Sting, he's going to turn that white clown make-up red. Joe said he showed mercy to Booker at Victory Road, but come Hard Justice, he's coming for his belt and there's nothing Booker can do about it.
[Commercial Break]
Video package: They focused on the Joe vs. Booker program, including Sting's involvement in the feud. ... Backstage: They cut to Borash with A.J. Styles. Borash said he has never seen Angle as focused for a match as the last man standing match at the PPV. Styles said he helped build this company, so how could Angle say he turned a nobody into a somebody. He said Angle jumped on the bandwagon, and he befriended Angle. Styles said Angle is a punk who got lucky and got a gold medal. He told Angle to bring Tomko, Trigg, and himself to Hard Justice because at the end of the night, he'll be the last man standing.
Backstage: They showed Samoa Joe leading B.G. James and Matt Morgan down a dark hallway for the main event.
[Commercial Break]
5 -- GAUNTLET
A.J. Styles and Kurt Angle started things off with a fight in the ring. Matt Morgan and Tomko then came out as the third and fourth participants. They had a sword fight with Morgan scaring Tomko out of the ring. Morgan then got all giddy and chased Tomko out of the ringside area to the outside. B.G. James and Kip James came out as the fifth and sixth participants. Where has Kip been? They picked up their feud with a brawl on the outside. This is a battle royale last I checked. B.G. then carefully placed a chair into Kip's throat for both men to take a breather. Back in the ring, Angle started bleeding like a leaky faucet when he took a ladder shot to the head. The editing showed that he immediately started bleeding. Scary scary stuff. Booker and Joe were the final two participants in the deal.
[Commercial Break]
During the break, Kip was eliminated. Styles then eliminated Angle and Booker eliminated Styles. On the floor, Angle put Styles in the anklelock with Angle still bleeding profusely. Final four were Morgan, Tomko, Joe, and Booker. Morgan is just so not-fluid in the ring. Tomko and Booker then mercifully eliminated Morgan. The heels then double-teamed Joe in the ring. Booker started talking trash, but Joe eliminated him. So, now it's Joe vs. Tomko in a one-on-one deal. Joe hit the musclebuster, then made the cover on Tomko for the win.
Post-match: Joe took the mic afterward and screamed Booker's name. He said he's taking back his belt at the PPV, then Sting is next. Sting's music hit, the lights went down, then Sting appeared at the top of the rafters looking down at Joe.
WINNER: Joe in 13:00. Just your good 'ole fashioned TNA gauntlet match with a lot of extracurricular activity before Joe finally looked good with a solid victory. Rushed, but fine for putting a cap on the Hard Justice PPV hype. (*1/4)
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