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KELLERS TNA IMPACT REPORT
AUGUST 3, 2008
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

-Booker T and Sharmell backstage told Jeremy Borash he’s going to give a tour to Samoa Joe of his six-sided ring of steel and weapons. He said he’d invite another friend. Borash said, “You mean Sting?” Booker refused to answer, instead asking Sharmell for more champaign. They made mad faces at each other as they held their glasses.

-The TNA Impact opening aired, but it was videogame images of the wrestlers instead of the usual opening. It kinda looked cheesy because some might think that is their actual opening now instead of just a promotion for their new videogame.

-Mike Tenay and Don West introduced and previewed the show.

1 -- BEER MONEY (Robert Roode & James Storm w/Jacqueline) vs. RHINO & CHRISTIAN

During entrances, clips aired from the TNA videogame. West said Christian and Rhino are happy to be in this match and teaming together. Tenay said the Beautiful People have guaranteed a surprise tonight in the main event. West said he has no idea what they're up to. He said they're self-centered and want revenge on what happened with getting pinned three times last week. Christian backdropped Roode onto Storm at ringside at 4:00. Rhino then rammed their heads together. They cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

At 10:00 Christian gave Storm an inverted DDT. He went tot he to rope, but Brother Ray charged to the ring. He had to shove a camera man out of his way. Christian turned to dive on hm. Rhino fended off Johnny Devine charging at him with a kendo stick. He then gave a Gore to Storm for a near fall. Roode yanked the ref out of the ring by his leg. Rhino was ticked off. Devon then charged into the ring and attacked Rhino. Christian made the save and they doubled on Devon. Jackie then grabbed Rhino by his hair. He shoved her to the mat. She got into it with the ref. Roode bashed Christian and Rhino with the kendo stick. Team 3D then gave Rhino a 3D and Storm scored the pin.

WINNERS: Beer Money in 12:00 to earn a tag title shot.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Decent tag match. The ending minutes, like many TNA matches, was overbooked for an opening TV match. Now and then that type of finish can work, but it feels like business as usual, and thus merely a stack of excuses to have a babyface lose. It seemed everyone was in the right place at the right time for a complex finish, so they credit for that, too. At least in this case it served a purpose to set up the Team 3D vs. Christian & Rhino tag match. Speaking of which...

[Q2]

-After the match Christian told Team 3D they screwed them for the last time. He proposed a tag match in their back yard of New Jersey in their type of a match, a New Jersey Street Fight. He said they can bring everything they've got and they'll bring everything they've got, and they'll see who finally ends whom. Tenay wondered if Team 3D would accept the challenge.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed the Rock 'n' Rave Infection. Christy Hemme said, "We don't know where we're going or what we're doing, but we are living the gimmick. We are rock stars! Wooo!" They really are convincing in their roles, although it still hasn't been established whether we're supposed to believe they're an actual small time band with delusions of grandeur or if they're hallucinating or if they're liars and con artists. They're so over the top, they're funny, but their characters do need that context added.

2 -- JOHNNY DEVINE & JIMMY RAVE & LANCE ROCK (w/Christy Hemme) vs. SHARK BOY & CURRY MAN & BLACK MACHISMO (w/So Cal Val)

Rock, holding an unlit cigarette, said before the match, "All we want to know is who wants to get infected tonight." Lots of fast paced chaos early, but it felt like a spotfest that had limited time and six guys who came up with a lot of spots to fit into that timeframe. The Lethal Combination finished Devine. So Cal Val applauded at ringside.

WINNERS: Curry & Shark & Machismo in 3:00.

-After the match, Machismo asked Val to enter the ring. He said, "How about we try this again?" He got down on one knee and was about to ask her to marry him again. He noticed her ring wasn't on her left ring finger. He asked where the ring was. She said she lost it. He freaked out and said he can take a hint; he realizes she never wanted to marry him in the first place.

-Borash interviewed a host from CMT. He said it was exciting to be filming CMT's Top 20 backstage. Super Eric walked up and did his schtick. He referenced the So Cal Val-Machismo incident and said it was sad. "I know what I must do: Find the ring, save the love."

[Q3]

[Commercial Break]

-An ad aired for the on sale date Saturday for Bound for Glory in Chicago, Ill. on Oct. 12 at Sears Centre.

-Borash caught up to Samoa Joe as he arrived at the Impact Zone. Borash updated him on Booker saying he wants to give Joe a personal tour of the cage. Joe then started yelling for no apparent reason and hyperventilating. He said he wanted Sting to be there, too. He said if that's what happens, three will walk in and one will walk out and it will be him.

-Tenay and West talked about Joe seems convincing Sting has turned on him. They've written Joe to look like a total idiot in this storyline, not to mention a hothead with the temperament of a four year old and the deductive skills of a simpleton.

-A video package aired on the Booker-Joe feud with another reminder of why Joe is letting Booker carry around his TNA World Title belt all month - which is still irritating even with the attempted context. It just cheapens the whole concept of winning and cherishing the belt as a symbol of being the best.

-Borash told Nash that he tried to talk to Joe and "he lost his mind." Nash walked up to Joe in the locker room and told him not to be upset. Joe was still steaming mad to the point of nearly being in tears. They might as well dress him in a diaper at this point. He huffed and puffed that Booker is punking him out and every time he turns around, Sting blindsides him. Nash asked if he's sure it's Sting. Joe said he was looking Booker in the eye when the lights went out, so he knows it was Sting. Nash said if there's two of them, then they need to unite also and go to war. He said he has Joe's back. Joe said, "Alright, we'll do it your way." The heart of this storyline of Nash ostensibly guiding Joe through the minefield of wrestling's battleground with the mystery of whether Sting is with or against Joe makes sense on paper, but it's been poorly executed in several ways. One, the idea that Sting turned heel on Joe has almost no credibility based on the way everything played out. (However, if Sting were on Joe's side, he would have maybe placed a call to him by now to let him know rather than let him suffer all this time with the wrong idea.) Two, Joe is being directed and produced into overacting and overreacting so badly, it's going to be tough for him to be seen as cool for a long time by his fans. Three, if Sting isn't responsible for all of this, they need a good explanation for why he's been away all these weeks and not trying to stop accusations about him from going on and on unanswered. Sting saying he's stood back and watched in disappointment as his supposed friends showed a lack of faith in him isn't enough, because that would make Sting a prick for not letting them know early on it wasn't him.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

-Booker T walked out to the ring with Joe's title belt. He said he's going to prove what a gentleman he is by inviting Joe to "my six-sided ring of steel." He said he wants Joe to know the lights will not go out. Joe then made his way to the ring and said Booker is sadly mistaken. He paced around ringside and said if he wants him to join the tea party, he needs to warn him that he's beating the living hell out of his ass. He said the lights will go out. "Unfortunately, they'll be yours," said Joe. Booker told Joe to wait a minute, then he insulted him for being a sucker and coming out there without any backup. Joe told him he has back-up. He pulled out a Chinese yo-yo. Then Nash walked to ringside and guarded the door. Joe attacked Booker with the Chinese yo-yo weapon stick. He beat Booker for a minute, then Sharmell ran to the ring and called for Joe to stop. Nash held the door closed, then carried her to the back. When Joe turned around to see Nash walking away, a bat lowered from the ceiling and Booker used it to KO Joe. Tenay inexplicably shouted, "How dare you, Sting!" Seriously, they're just making Tenay out to be an idiot here by having him assume in such an over-the-top way that Sting is doing this, without a hint of any other possibility.

-Another video feature aired on Sheik Abdul Rashir (Shawn Daivari). He walked through a bad neighborhood and insulted homeless people. He said big business is outsourcing labor because Americans are all fat and lazy and escaping into their worlds of sitcoms and idols and superheroes like a bunch of cowards running away from the slightest problem. "In war, cowards are shot," he said. "They're made an example of. Maybe that's what needs to be done. Maybe an example needs to be made. The American people are to blame for the problems that face this country. They say if you don't learn the lessons of history, you are doomed to repeat it. Maybe the problem is you don't have a history of your own." Heavy stuff, but fair game.

-They showed Joe being tended to in the ring. A.J. Styles was in the ring with a mic in hand. Tenay said he'd speak after the break.

[Commercial Break]

-Styles stood mid-ring as Joe continued to recover from the baseball bat blow. He addressed Sting and said he's been sticking up for him for several weeks, and he wants to know what's going on with him. He said he wants to know what the reason is for his actions. He asked how it is his bat keeps knocking Samoa Joe out. He said it's a coincidence perhaps the first time, but after three times, there's no explanation that satisfies him. "Now you're hiding? What are you afraid of? Feeling guilty? Feeling bad about something." He called Sting a coward. Sting's music then played and the lights went out. When the lights came on, Styles was looking in the air. Kurt Angle then gave Styles an Olympic slam. Then another. He got down and yelled at Styles for sleeping with his wife. When Styles struggled to his feet, Angle gave him a third Olympic slam.

-Borash interviewed The Beautiful People backstage. Shark Boy and Curry Man showed up. Angelina Love asked if they were trying to sneak a cheap peak at them. Shark Boy did his Stone Cold bit and told them to produce So Cal Val's ring. Angelina denied having it. Shark Boy said to prove it, it'd require a full body cavity search. Curry said after they find the ring, perhaps "you, me, action, action, action." Love said the only action he'd get is with himself. She said they have to prepare for a match. Shark said if he finds out they're lying, he'll have to stomp mudholes in their asses. Curry said perhaps afterward he can show them how delicious he is. They talked about a "she" being ready. Borash asked who. They told him he'd find out soon enough.

[Q5]

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Petey Williams and Rhaka Khan. She asked how he was preparing to face Consquences Creed. He said the same he always prepared: Wake up, 90 minute on the elliptical, 1,000 reps on the rotary torso, triple compound set of every major muscle group, then breakfast - "no big deal." He said Creed is just like an opponent. Petey then forced his way through a convoluted path to do his Arnold impersonation, saying Creed imitated a weak movie villain, because everyone knows Mr. Freeze was the best. He then talked about his abs. Petey is just goofy and oddball enough to be developing into an interesting character. He doesn't have a lot of dignity to how he carries himself, but it might just work on a level better than other goofball acts like Curry, Shark, and Super Eric because there's more in-ring credibility to what he does.

3 -- CONSEQUENCES CREED vs. PETEY WILLIAMS

Herme Sadler joined Tenay and West on commentary. He immediately made some sort of NASCAR analogy. Nicely paced match. Creed picked up Petey. Rhan stood on the ring apron. Creed looked like an idiot by dancing in front of her. Petey charged at him. He side-stepped Petey and threw him into Khan, knocking her off the ring apron. Creed then gave Petey a finisher for a near fall. Creed then went for a top rope legdrop, but Petey rolled out of the way and then went for a Canadian Destroyer. Creed blocked it and sat down on Petey's shoulders for a leverage upset win.

WINNER: Creed in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Well paced and mostly crisply executed. Sadler didn't add anything but obvious statements and cliches to the mix, but if the NASCAR "connection" and tie-in is that important to TNA that they march him out now and then, it's only a small negative to the quality of the show itself. The less of an outsider like him presenting himself as some sort of expert the better, though, as it's really tough to succeed in the position he's put in.

[Q6]

-Borash interviewed LAX backstage. Curry and Shark walked up and wanted to know where the ring was. Shark got upset and threatened to take it out of some orifice when Curry stepped in and said he is from the streets and can speak their language. Homicide didn't want to hear anything about it. He told him to get to steppin' before he makes them into a "happy kid's meal." Super Eric flew into the picture and said there was a big break in the case.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Styles backstage. He had an ice pack on the back of his neck. She asked if Sting was involved in what happened to him. He said it was either that or magic. Styles said when Sting comes out of hiding, he'll be the first one there to greet him. He yelled that he wants a Last Man Standing match against Angle.

-Jim Cornette joined Tenay and West at ringside to preview TNA Hard Justice. Tenay asked about the status of Christian's challenge earlier. Cornette said Team 3D accepted because how could they not since it's their kind of match. Tenay asked about Sting's involvement in the Joe-Booker situation. Cornette said Sting is the wildcard and perhaps at Hard Justice we'll find out which side Sting is on. It seems Cornette recognizes the utter stupidity of how the Sting situation is being portrayed with people like Joe, Tenay, and now Styles assuming Sting's behind everything without nary a suspicion it's just being made to look that way, so Cornette didn't "assume" anything and made it sound like he was still open to either possibility based on the mere suggestive circumstantial evidence.

-In part two of "Karen's Angle" interview with Kaz, he talked about returning to TNA after a hiatus. He talked about earning a title shot against Angle by beating Christian in a ladder match. He said he's made the best of his opportunities in TNA. Karen asked about him losing the Ultimate X match. He said he feels guilt for letting down his company. Karen said it was a team, not just him. She asked him about his future. He said it's better to burn out than fade away. He said before this interview he met with TNA management and said that as of this interview he is no longer on the TNA roster. He said he made the choice to walk away. He held back tears and said he has to see what's out there for him. He thanked the wrestlers and fans, but said he has to focus on himself now. Karen said she's sorry he made that decision and maybe over time he'll reconsider because there will be "a lot of saddened fans." She got up and hugged him.

-Tenay said cameras kept rolling after Kaz left the set. Tomko walked in and began throwing around the table on the set. He said her husband sent him in to make her life a living hell. Karen shouted for someone to help her.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Nash backstage. She said he knows Sting better than anyone on the TNA roster. He said he's known Sting since 1990 and he's seen this side of him before. He said it's not a pretty sight when he's in this kind of mood. "For some reason he's gone to the dark side. Somebody or something has pissed Sting off." Joe walked into the room panting and hyperventilating about wanting to break every bone in his body.

[Q7]

4 -- MATT MORGAN vs. SAL RINARO

Rinaro dropkicked Morgan from behind at the bell, but Morgan didn't sell it. He finished him seconds later with his Hellivator. He didn't seem to protect Rinaro very well on that move as he landed on his head and neck.

WINNER: Morgan in 1:00.

-Morgan cut a mid-ring promo ripping on Tomko for going after Karen and having his "head is so far rammed up Kurt Angle's ass." He's still rushing everything he says. Tomko's music started and he came out, with a flip airing first of Tomko's ring entrance on the TNA videogame. He walked up to Morgan and took off his shirt. Morgan yapped at Tomko. Tomko acted cool and ten shoved Morgan. When they began swinging at each other, security intervened. Tomko broke free and dove at Morgan, but was then pulled off again. Morgan shoved security off of him, but by then Morgan was at ringside and being escorted toward the back. When Morgan turned his back, Tomko charged back into the ring. Morgan turned around, fended off Tomko, gave him a big boot, and then slammed him with the Hellinator. Tenay and West made a big deal out of Morgan's strength. Tomko lay KO'd on the mat as Morgan leaned over and trash-talked him.

-Super Eric explained to Shark Boy, Curry Man, and Borash the break in the case of the missing ring. Eric showed them on a video monitor the clip from last week's show of Sonjay showing that he had the ring. Curry said, "So Sonjay culprit, he stole the ring." Shark and Curry argued, then Super Eric told them to watch the profanity and think about the kids. Super Eric said they'd pursue a solution next week "same justice time, same justice channel."

[Commercial Break]

-Borash interviewed Team 3D and Beer Money, who apparently requested interview time. The heels were in a celebratory mood. Brother Ray said they just discovered Beer Money are scumbags just like they are so they can get along together just fine. Ray said he and Devon ruined Christian & Rhino getting a title shot, and now they are going to have a big eight-man tag to finish them off. Storm said, "Sorry 'bout your damn luck." Ray then suggested he might put them through a glass table in the match.

-A "Rough Cut" video aired on Taylor Wilde. She said she's always been an underdog, the youngest, smallest. A clip aired of her on the indy scene. A recording aired ofBill DeMott talking about training her and how impressed he was. ODB said she didn't like that this little girl Taylor won with a roll-up. Other TNA Knockouts gave soundbites about her situation, including a lot of jealousy. Traci said she is glad she took advantage of the opportunity she was given, but she wishes the $25,000 challenge was around when she joined TNA. She said there's a target on her back. Very good video feature.

[Q8]

5 -- GAIL KIM & TAYLOR WILDE vs. THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (Angelina Love & Velvet Sky)

Tenay said Kim helped put the TNA Knockouts division on the map and she doesn't like the attitude of the Beautiful People. Taylor got early advantage on Sky, so Sky immediately tagged in Love. Love shoved Taylor. Taylor shoved back. Gail tagged in and tossed Love around the ring, including a nice dropkick. When she leaped to the top rope, Sky knocked her into the ringpost and to the floor. They cut to a break at 2:00, showing a brief shot of Joe climbing to the rafters in search of Sting.

[Commercial Break]

The heel duo continued to be on offense after the break. But in the end, Kim dropkicked Taylor over in the midst of a sunset flip attempt leading to a roll-up victory for Taylor on Love.

WINNERS: Wilde & Kim in 9:00.

-Afterward, Kim and Wilde successfully fended off a post-match attack from the Beautiful People. That led to Awesome Kong coming out. Tenay said that is the surprise the Beautiful People promised. Kong double-clotheslined both Taylor and Kim, then Kong gave Awesome Bombs to both Taylor and Kim. ODB walked to the ring sipping on a bottle in a brown paper bag. She entered the ring and stared down Kong. Roxxi followed with a chair in hand. West said you have to bring back-up. Kong backed out of the ring. They showed Traci standing on the ramp with a smile on her face.

-They went to Joe in the rafters. He was in a rage, yelling, "Sting! Sting!" West said Joe doesn't want an explanation, he wants payback. The camera turned and showed a black crowd in the rafter area.

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