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KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
JULY 18, 2008
CHARLOTTE, N.C.

[Q1]

-A video feature aired on the Edge-Vickie Guerrero relationship. The narration said that the couple must surrender to their desires because their flame is so intense it cannot be extinguished.

-They cut immediately to the end of the wedding. Chavo Guerrero searched in a panic for the rings, but then laughed and pulled them out of his jacket pocket. Edge said "I do" and put the ring on Vickie's finger. Vickie then said "I do" and put the ring on his finger. They were pronounced man and wife. They kissed and posed for pictures. Jim Ross invited viewers to join the reception later.

-They went to the stage where the wedding party was set up. Chavo was given a formal introduction. Would you like entrance music and a big screen intro video every time you entered a reception hall? The wedding planner, Bam Neely, Curt Hawkings, and Zach Ryder were among those at the reception. Then Edge and Vickie walked out onto the stage for the first time in public as a married couple. Chavo spoke first. He told Vickie she found herself a keeper in Edge, and Edge is the brother he never had. Cliche-city. Chavo said Edge is right for the Guerrero family because he has a wild side. Chavo quickly assured Vickie that he's a changed man and doesn't party anymore. He said they can't get him to turn off his cell phone anymore because he's always awaiting a call from her. Chavo said he feels privileged to watch their relationship blossom and grow. He said it's an honor to be his best man and be by his side on Sunday when he celebrates winning the WWE Title from Triple H. Chavo said that celebration could end up being bigger than this one here. He showed them a WWE Magazine cover shot of Edge holding the WWE Title belt and proclaiming him the winner at the Bash.

Edge said this is the most wonderful day in his life, and he's happy to make Vickie the happiest woman in the world. He said she loves her action, "if you know what I mean... in more ways than one." The crowd laughed. He said it's time to get the show under way. Finlay and Hornswoggle's entrance music played.

1 -- FINLAY & HORNSWOGGLE vs. ZACH RYDER & CURT HAWKINS

Edge said he's tired of Finlay and Hornswoggle cheating with shillelaghs and squirt guns, so he was assigning himself special referee.l Hawkins and Ryder, still dressed formally for the wedding, entered the ring. Foley mocked himself by saying it was unheard of for anyone to wrestle in street clothes. When Finlay moved in on Hawkins, Edge pulled him away and claimed he pulled his hair. Hornswoggle speared Hawkins. Foley said, "Oh, me so horny!" As Finlay had Hawkins up for a Celtic Cross, Edge speared him, then Finlay was pinned. Vickie smiled from the stage.

WINNERS: Hawkins & Ryder in 3:00.

-After the match, Edge and Vickie had their first dance as husband and wife. A woman and man sang sidestage live. They danced for nearly three minutes - a pro wrestling first, I believe - and then Big Show made a surprise appearance. He moved in to dance with Vickie. Edge yelled, "Cut the music!" He said he doesn't blame him for wanting to dance with Vickie, but he said he has a match to prepare for. He said Show doesn't know who his opponents are for his next match, but he does. Show smiled and encouraged fans to cheer him, then headed to the ring.

[Q2]

[Commercial Break]

-A highlight video aired of the JBL-John Cena angle at the end of Raw on Monday which then plugged the Bash on Sunday.

2 -- THE BIG SHOW vs. MVP & SHELTON BENJAMIN & VLADIMIR KOZLOV & THE GREAT KHALI

Ross at first said Show would have to face three opponents, but then Khali's music played and a fourth was added. Foley said this is punishment for Show having the audacity to cut in on the dance of Edge and Vickie. Show tossed Shelton aside with a collar and elbow hook-up. MVP tagged in, but then tagged out immediately to Kozlov. Kozlov attempted a judo throw. Show didn't budge. I can't believe they built up for months Kozlov's first time in the ring against a serious opponent and that was the payoff moment - something which diminished him immediately as "just another wrestler." Kozlov quickly tagged out to Khali, but Show took him down with a clothesline. Show then fended off quick attacks by Kozlov and Shelton. MVP remained on the ring apron, so Show yanked him into the ring. The ref called off the match. The four heels eventually got the advantage against Show. Kozlov finally took him off his feet. They gang stomped him on the mat as Edge and Vickie laughed from the stage. Khali then gave Show what Ross called a "tree-like chokeslam."

-Foley then plugged Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy coming up later. Really? That story gets buried a half hour into the show with a passive plug? Talks about defining down a match as no big deal when it could have been a ratings-drawing TV main event with a week or two of hype and a backstory to explain why it's happening. Really inefficient, lousy booking going on right now on several fronts.

[Q3]

-Vickie stood mid-ring in her wedding dress. She told the fans they were so rude to boo her. She said it's a wedding tradition to throw the wedding bouquet to the bachelorettes. Michelle McCool and Natalaya brawled at ringside. Vickie protested. Ryder and Hawkins sent McCool to the back. Vickie then threw the bouquet backwards from center ring to ringside. They battle over it, and Cherry ended up with it. Vickie said she was so happy for her because she never thought she was going to get married. She said catching the bouquet has entitled her to a special match tonight against her. Ross said, "What did she just say?" Vickie said first, though, she has to face Natalya. She said the match was to begin immediately. Cherry made a cartoon sad face.

3 -- NATALYA vs. CHERRY

Natalya yanked Cherry to the mat hard and destroyed the bouquet. She then applied a sharpshooter. Cherry tapped out immediately.

WINNER: Natalya in 1:00.

Vickie then covered Cherry and got a three count win.

WINNER: Vickie. The whole segment was pretty lame.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- BRIAN KENDRICK (w/Ezekial) vs. JIMMY WANG YANG

Kendrick had his new "advisor/second" with him at ringside. Ross and Foley said the nature of their relationship would become clear over time. Ross said Kendrick has undergone a metamorphosis since coming back to Smackdown. Foley said he's assuming Kendrick was a good guy all along, but in his experience, he's always been a jerk. Ross said a veteran told him earlier that Kendrick reminds him of a young Shawn Michaels. Kendrick leaped onto Wang at ringside as Ezekial distracted him. Foley compared Kendrick to Ole Anderson for working on Wang's left arm. Kendrick applied a keylock on the mat. Wang armdragged out of it and scored a near fall with a backslide. Wang then hit Kendrick with a second rope missile dropkick for a near fall. Wang followed with an enzuigiri for another near fall. As Wang trash talked Ezekial at ringside, Kendrick powerbombed him off the ropes and then tag him Sliced Bred No. 2. Ezekial put a jacket on Kendrick. Foley said he reminds him of an Attitude Era Shawn Michaels. Michaels wasn't around during the Attitude Era; that era is pretty defined by the time he was absent with a bad back.

WINNER: Kendrick in 4:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Good short match. The push of Kendrick is encouraging to see as he's undersized, but super talented. His mic work will be the key to him overcoming the disadvantage inherent in his size.

[Q4]

[Commercial Break]

5 -- MR. KENNEDY vs. UMAGA

Kennedy introduced himself. This context-less match began with back and forth punches and forearms. Within a minute or so, Umaga took offensive control and didn't stop, with three long nerve holds. Ross basically wrote off Kennedy as dead. The ref dropped his arm twice, but Kennedy showed live and broke free. When he charged Umaga, though, Umaga quickly gave him a Samoan drop. They cut to a break right at the very top of the hour, which is always bad timing because people channel surfing see the start of shows on other channels but a commercial on The CW; not to mention that Smackdown viewers have a chance to switch to the very start of another show if they channel surf during the top of the hour break. It seems like it'd be worth paying attention to that detail when post-producing the show.

[Q5]

[Commercial Break]

Umaga was still in control after the break. At 11:00 Kennedy showed some signs of life, but when he lifted Umaga for a slam, he fell backward and was nearly pinned. Ross talked up Kennedy by saying few WWE Superstars would have survived this long against Umaga. Ross noted that Umaga has scouted Kennedy well because he knows Kennedy is right handed and he's focusing his nerve hold on his right shoulder. So now we're supposed to believe Umaga scouts his opponents, or that if someone goes after the right side that's because they've scouted that their opponent happens to be among the vast majority who are right-handed? At 13:00 Umaga went for a second rope splash, but Kennedy moved. Kennedy made a full-fledged comeback, hitting Umaga with a spinning roundhouse kick leading to a near fall, which popped the crowd. Kennedy went for a Mic Check, but Umaga blocked it and finished Kennedy with a Samoan Spike.

WINNER: Umaga in 14:00.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- It picked up in the second half. The early portion with the long nerve holds made sense in the context of the match, but wasn't particularly compelling viewing. Not sure whom they're building up Umaga to face down the line, but it's surprising to see Kennedy sacrificed in a thrown-out-there-without-hype singles match against Umaga.

-They showed Ross and Foley at ringside. They had a box of Slim Jims and threw to a commercial starring Edge as the new spokesman for the snack product that "Macho Man" Randy Savage famously once represented.

-Ross hyped Matt vs. Jeff coming up as an "amazing match." Nice to see someone thinks so.

[Commercial Break]

[Q6]

6 -- MIZ & JOHN MORRISON vs. JESSE & FESTUS

The wedding party continued on the stage with the wrestlers walking past them on their way to the ring. In the end, at ringside Festus slammed Morrison on the floor, but in the ring Miz finisheed Jesse with the Reality Check. Ross hyped the PPV four-way tag match, sort of, without getting into detail. This show has been remarkably void of anything at all - anything - to get a viewer excited about Sunday's PPV. It's like a show mid-way between two PPVs with no sense of purpose.

WINNERS: Miz & Morrison in 4:00.

STAR RATING: *

[Commercial Break]

-Ross and Foley did the obligatory PPV line-up rundown. It's the first real sense all show that there's a PPV on Sunday.

-The ring announcer Justin Roberts said that by order of the bride and groom the next match is "a brother versus brother match." I think if Jeff wrestles Matt, it's a brother vs. brother match no matter what, regardless of whether the bride and groom declare it such. As the Hardys came out together to Jeff's music, they threw the wedding cake on Chavo. The cake almost didn't make it to Chavo before tipping over. The streak lives! The streak lives! That's 276 straight wrestling weddings where the wedding cake was destroyed.

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

7 -- JEFF HARDY vs. MATT HARDY

Ross told fans not to adjust their set, because this was a brother vs. brother match at the orders of Vickie and Edge. Foley said everyone is going to be entertained by this decision by Vickie and Edge. Foley said he had a chance to talk to Magnum T.A. backstage. Jeff hit an early Whisper in the Wind on Matt, then scored an early two count with a cool pin attempt. Jeff followed up with a neckbreaker for a one count. Ross said Jeff may be tired of hearing how great of a U.S. Champion Matt is. As Jeff attempted to Skin the Cat into the ring, Matt nailed him with a clothesline. Foley said the brothers know each other's moves so well. Back in the ring Jeff went on offense. At 4:00 he went for a Swanton, but Matt moved. Matt went to the top rope and landed a moonsault for a two count. Edge, Chavo, Neely, Ryder, and Hawkins jumped both Matt and Jeff, leading to a no contest decision. Up to this point, you would never know that Triple H was on Smackdown other than the PPV match rundown in the previous segment, much less defending his title in a main event on Sunday.

WINNERS: No contest in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Good start.

[Commercial Break]

-Edge and Vickie sat mid-ring. Edge said he didn't understand how a wedding day is the happiest of your day until now. He told Vickie words cannot express how much he loves her. He said he loves her from the bottom of his heart. He said he can't show her physically - "at least not right now" - his love, but he can show her another way. He said he's had the Smackdown production team put together a package. He said they've worked hard all week just so he could present this gift to her. He threw to the big screen. A video aired of Edge and Vickie spending good times together making out in parks and taking romantic strolls.

[Q8]

Edge and Vickie began making out after the three minute video aired. Triple H's music then interrupted. Oh yeah, him. He walked out onto the stage carrying a big wedding gift box. Triple H said he could tell they're not exactly happy to see him. He said that's understandable because he has "a bit of a reputation for these weddings and all." He said he's not out there to tell them he's secretly married to Vickie. He said he's out there for the same reason as all of the fans - to celebrate true love. He said their true love warms his heart. He introduced a video of his own to show the true love Edge has for Vickie.

-They went to hidden camera footage of Edge sitting on a couch when there was a knock on the door. The date on the screen said July 17, 2008. He welcomed into the room the wedding planner (who was at the wedding party during the show). He told her Vickie was the love of his life, so he really wanted to plan all of the details with her. Triple H paused the video after a minute. He said he should have cued the video before he came out. He admitted the beginning was a bit boring. He then threw back to the video of Edge holding a white rose while chatting up the wedding planner. He began coming on to the wedding planner. She got stiff and backed away. Edge pretended he threw out a muscle in his shoulder. He asked her to rub his shoulder.

Back in the ring Edge told Vickie she knows he has a bad neck and it tightens up on him. Triple H said it's a perfectly reasonable explanation. "Trust me, lots of guys have women come up to their rooms and give them massages when their wives aren't around," he said. "It means nothing." Edge said he's sick and tired of this. He told his cohorts to go after Triple H. Triple H said he expected that, so he pulled out his sledgehammer. He told everyone in the ring to "come get some."

Triple H threw back to the video where Edge had begun to give the wedding planner a massage. Edge said he could get to the knot in her back easier if her bra wasn't on. Edge said he shopped for bras yesterday. He said it was great stuff, such as see-throughs and garters. He said he asked the clerk for some in Vickie's size, but the clerk said they wouldn't find any. He said the clerk sent him to a shop for bigger women. Edge said, "You see, Vickie wears grannie panites. These things are huge. It takes a lot of material to cover that." He laughed. Vickie cried in the ring. The wedding planner hung her head in shame. Triple H said, "This is awkward." He said he feels a little uncomfortable. Triple H lied and said he didn't know what was on the video. He said it kills gift no. 3, which was a huge pair of panties. He said Edge has her covered, so she won't be needed them. "What the hell, I can always park my car under it," said Triple H.

Triple H threw to the final chapter of the video. Edge moved in slowly and then kissed the wedding planner. The wedding planner smiled and moved in for a follow up kiss. Edge looked quite guilty in the ring, but with a slight comedic tone. He winced as Vickie hyperventilated. She then snapped and began hitting Edge, who bailed out of the ring. "I can't believe you!" she screeched. "How dare you!" And the show went dark.

FINAL THOUGHTS: A good payoff to the whole Edge-Vickie relationship, and everyone played their parts well. The lingering problem is that the ending fo the show didn't leave me needing to see Triple H vs. Edge. The eye wasn't on selling a PPV during this show, it was on executing a soap opera climax.

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