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Where We've Been: So we're coasting along towards a PPV Sunday. I'm not too enthused so far. The only really well constructed feud is in the main event, where Booker T's absence of discernible wrestling ability since circa 2001 is probably going to make for slow going. Thankfully it's TNA, so there should be plenty of wacky overbooking to make up for in-ring shortcomings—Kevin Nash, I'm looking in your direction here. The big news for tonight is that rookie sensation Taylor has earned herself a shot at Awesome Kong's title. It's actually something of a shame that they didn't save that for the PPV, as it probably would have been the match I'd have looked forward to most. As it is I half expect a screw-job finish tonight, as otherwise I don't see what else Kong has to do this Sunday.

The Show: Victory Road "Drive-By"

Homicide and Robert Roode are already in the back for a parking lot brawl. Storm and Hernandez have been banned from the parking lot. They whack each other's heads into various vehicles, till Homicide gains control with a trashcan to Roode's head. He goes to follow up with some sort of tool, but gets caught with a Knee Lift and driven into a trailer. Roode nails a lead pipe to the back and shoves Homicide into the side of a dumpster. He whiffs with a 2x4, so Homicide hits him with a road sign. He tries to finish things off with a Gringo Killer, but Jacqueline intervenes. A masked figure leaps out and takes it to Homicide. He takes off his covering, and it's James Storm. Apparently the bar from the parking lot was supposed to work via the honor's system. They cuff Homicide and beat him all the way to the ring. He eats a Last Call and some belt shots, till Hernandez decides to run out and make the save. He dominates for a moment, till the numbers game catches up to him. Then he remembers that he's Hernandez, and he counts for at least like twelve other wrestlers, so he just fights them both off. Salinas and Hector Guerrero run down to help Homicide, when Sting's music hits. They say this is the third week his music's been heard, which I guess means I missed it when my DVR misfired two weeks ago. That would have made last week much less exciting. In any event, Sting's in the rafters.

Ignoring the weirdness of Storm's being "banned" from the parking lot, that was a good, fast-paced, opening.

[Commercial Break]

They hype the World X Cup. I don't know why people don't like this more.

(1) DOUG WILLIAMS defeats YOSHINO

This is apparently still a second round match-up, and I officially don't understand this tournament anymore. Oh well, it's still awesome. Yoshimo takes Williams down with a Swinging Neck Scissors, and then follows him to the outside of the ring with a Suicide Dive. Williams slows him down with a strike, goes back into the ring, and then takes Yoshimo down with a high knee for two. A Body Slam followed by a Knee Drop gets two more. A Gut Wrench Suplex gets another two. Yoshino freezes Williams with some elbows to the face, then hits a bizarre Running Takedown and an insane high dropkick off the top rope for two. A wacky Wrap-Around-Octopus-Armbar-Takedown (?) gets two. Yoshino goes to the top rope but gets cut off with a Double Underhook Suplex back down to the mat for a long two. Williams goes to finish Yoshino with a Power Bomb, but gets reversed into a Sunset Flip for two. Yoshino hits a Running Dropkick on Williams in the corner, but then misses a charge. Williams rolls him up into a German Suplex with a bridge for three. Wow.

JB is in the back with Kurt Angle. He finds The Beautiful People preening in the back. They have a match tonight against AJ Styles, Gail Kim, and ODB, so Angle tells them to get serious and do some squats or something. He storms off, and Love treats JB to some slow squats. She feels what he swears is his microphone, so they give him the brown paper bag treatment.

[Commercial Break]

We see a video of Not-Crystal at Sonjay Dutt's yoga class. He has her demonstrate some moves by bending over. Little Petey Pump shows up for a workout, but can't afford the donation. Jay Lethal shows up and just beats the hell out of Sonjay. Eventually his human shield of students separates them. You know how this feud could have been better? If it had been anything else.

Later tonight we'll have Kaz vs. Ultimo Guerrero and Booker T "apologizing" to Samoa Joe.

Not-Crystal is in the back with Taylor. She makes the Rocky analogy explicit. They really shouldn't let Taylor talk. Like ever.

They hype Styles, Cage, & Rhino vs. Team 3D & Angle at Victory Road. I'm half tempted to vote for the Falls Count Anywhere match just to screw with TNA booking.

[Commercial Break]

In today's Rough Cut, Morgan says that he's doing things his way here in TNA, and you can't put a price on that. Cornette claims that he might become one of the biggest stars in the business. Angle says that Morgan has the potential to be a "main attraction", which is different from being a champion—it's when you're so big you don't need the title. That's an interesting remark.

(2) KIP JAMES, PETEY WILLIAMS (w/RHAKA KHAN) & TOMKO defeat BG JAMES, ERIC YOUNG, & MATT MORGAN

In case you're wondering why this match is happening, well, you're not alone. Maybe something happened on Xplosion? It's falls count anywhere. Kip James and Matt Morgan start things off in the ring, and there's no denying Morgan's athleticism. He goes Old School, but Tomko breaks up the pin attempt at two. He takes Morgan to the outside and shoots Petey Williams into him. Morgan just lobs Petey right back. BG and Kip have paired off as Eric Young fights Petey into the stands. Petey turns things around with a Sharpshooter on the steps, and BG James has to come over to make the save. Kip sort of hits a Fame Asser on BG on the ramp, but Morgan breaks up the three count. Petey and EY are back in the ring, where they trade some quick reversals before Young nails a Wheelbarrow Cutter. Tomko breaks up the count at two, so Young dropkicks him to the outside. He tries to follow Tomko out with a Suicide Dive, but Tomko gets up a lead pipe and nails EY in the head. Petey follows up with a Slingshot Hurricanrana and gets the pinfall.
After the match, Tomko and Petey roll Young back into the ring to continue a beat down. Just when this segment couldn’t get any more random, here's Abyss. He clears the ring, then grabs the lead pipe longingly, before getting disgusted with himself and putting it back down.

[Commercial Break]

(3) TAYLOR WILDE defeats AWESOME KONG

Kong charges Taylor to start, knocking her to the mat. Taylor escapes between Kong's legs as the crowd comes alive for her. She unloads a flurry of strikes, backing Kong into the corner. Saeed makes her presence felt early, tripping Wilde up from the outside. Roxxi comes down and gets in Saeed's face.

[Commercial Break]

Kong is still in control, chopping Taylor down. Taylor keeps fighting as Kong tosses her around, but gets floored by a charge in the corner. Kong hits a Scoop Slam, but when she tries to follow up with a Spash off the middle rope Taylor dodges. She stuns Kong with a quick dropkick as she gets up, then takes her off her feet with a Missile Dropkick for two. Kong gets up and just shoves Taylor to the mat. She goes for the Awesome Bomb. Taylor tries to reverse it into a Sunset Flip, which Kong then attempts to re-reverse into a Bonzai Drop, which whiffs. A dropkick to Kong's face gets two. Kong retakes control with some power, shoving the ref down to the mat. Taylor takes advantage of the distraction by going for a Cross Body Block off the top rope. Kong catches her, but trips on the referee, and Taylor falls into a cover for two. Taylor tries to follow up with a German Suplex, but that's just silly. Kong nails her with an Impact Buster instead, but it only gets two. She goes for the Awesome Bomb, but Taylor slips out. Kong goes for the Spinning Back Fist, but Taylor ducks underneath it and hits a School Girl for three. We have a new women's champion.
Holy shit. I actually picked Taylor to win right before the match started, and I'm still shocked. This is extremely reminiscent of Lethal vs. Angle, where I picked Lethal in my PPV Preview but still would never have believed that he would pick up a clean win over such a top star. Here I wouldn't even have believed that she'd win in such a way as to get the title. I thought this had DQ written all over it—I wonder if the ref shove was TNA's way of toying with me?

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the back with Team TNA, and he wants to know if Kaz is ready for the pressure. Kaz says that he's not going to let them come into his home. JB wouldn't let someone come into his home, eat his food, and sleep with his girlfriend. Other people might talk about what they did before, but he and the rest of Team TNA have busted their asses wrestling here. No matter what anyone says, they're the heart of TNA.
Do you sometimes get the feeling that TNA knows what people want in respect to the X Division, but can't really get themselves to believe it?

(4) KAZ defeats ULTIMO GUERRERO

Guerrero and Kaz do some chain wrestling to start, with Kaz eventually taking control with a series of Arm Drags. He sets Guerrero up in the corner, but eats a Super Front Suplex for his troubles for two. An Elija-Burke-style suspended drop in the corner gets two. I don't know what this guy's contract situation is, but TNA needs to sign him NOW. In case I wasn't convinced, he hits a brutal looking Inverted Reverse Superplex for two. Kaz turns things around with a few clotheslines and a Spinning Wheel Kick for two. Guerrerro Back Body Drops him onto the apron. He hits a Guillotine Drop on Guerrero and tries to come back with a Springboard…something. We'll never know what, cause Kaz takes a brutal looking fall off the rope. Guerrero makes the cover for two. Kaz gets up and knocks Guerrero to the corner. He sets him up for a Frankensteiner, but Guerrero reverses it into a Power Bomb off the top rope for a long two count. Ultimo tries to finish things off with a Moonsault, but Kaz rolls out of the way and hits a quick Wave of the Future for three. If that fall was staged, it sure looked good, and if it was real Kaz deserves mad credit for playing through.

Not-Crystal is in the back with Styles, Kim, & ODB. She points out that Angle is clearly not on the same page as The Beautiful People, and wants to know if the same is true for Styles and his team. AJ says that tonight is not about him, it's about Gail Kim and ODB. They've built a division, and he has more respect for them than they'll ever know. After tonight, so will Kurt Angle. Kim thanks AJ and says that she's going to teach the Beautiful People about wrestling. It's not about who shakes their ass the best, it's about what you do in that ring. People like her and ODB opened doors for The Beautiful People, and all they do is walk all over them. ODB adds that the Beautiful People are everything she hates, and reminds them of just what her name means.

[Commercial Break]

They run down Sunday night's card, and Cornette swings by to announce that Kong is getting a rematch for her title. In a nice touch, they do not have a graphic ready-made, which makes it feel a bit more spontaneous.

JB is back with Kurt Angle in the locker rooms, where he finds The Beautiful People tanning. JB warns him to tread carefully, lest he get a brown paper bag on his head. Kurt says that they're just like his wife, only caring about their looks and their boobs. Well, forget the boobs, cause they have a match. Angelina Love should cut all her promos from a tanning bed—not because she's ugly or anything, I just think it would be funny.

[Commercial Break]

Booker T is out to the ring, mic in hand. He says that he would like to bring out a distinguished man, the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Samoa Joe. Booker tells Joe that he does respect him, and so in front of all these people he wants to apologize for his past behavior. He's sorry. He's sorry for what's going to happen this Sunday night in Houston. Nash is right about one thing—Joe can't beat him. The crowd seems to disagree. He looks at Joe, and this paper champion has never beaten nobody. He asks Joe who he has ever beaten. Umm…Angle? Well let Booker tell him who he (Booker) has beaten. Should he name a world-class competitor like Rick Martel, or another like Steve Austin, or another like Chris Jericho? He has beaten them all. He's the best in the business today. Man to man, this isn't personal—this is business. So he extends his hand, and says he hopes the best man will win. Joe takes the hand, but doesn't let it go. He says Booker will be sorry. He'll be sorry he ever called Joe out, he'll be sorry he ever spoke with disrespect in his voice, and, in front of his family and his wife, he'll be sorry the words "Samoa Joe" ever came out of his mouth. Sting's music hits, and he makes his way down to ringside. Booker sells the appearance really well, with a mixture of shock and disgust. The Stinger takes the mic, and he admits that Joe and Booker have him hooked. He doesn't know who's going to win on Sunday, but he'll be there to watch. Booker wants to know if he's saying he wants the winner. Sting says those are Booker's words, not his.

That was an awesome segment. If I believed for a second the match could live up to it I'd be extremely psyched.

[Commercial Break]

The women's interview segment is now apparently "Knocked Out". Gail Kim says that anyone as selfish as Angelina Love will bring down whatever she's a part of. Love thinks that Kim's biggest weakness is that she's not smart enough, and doesn't really know how to play the game. Kim says that everyone knows what that women's title means to her, and she's not going to put up with anyone keeping her from it.

(5) GAIL KIM, ODB, & AJ STYLES defeat THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE & KURT ANGLE

ODB starts things off with Love. Love tries to dominate with forearms, but ODB takes her down with a clothesline. Love goes for a Cross Body Block, but ODB catches her and hits a Fall Away Slam. Velvet Sky and Gail Kim get tags. Kim dominates Sky, who makes the tag to Angle. Gail Kim calls to the crowd, then tags in AJ Styles. He and Angle chain wrestle in the middle of the ring, till Kurt just punches AJ in the face. He whips AJ, but AJ leapfrogs him, takes him down with a Scoop Slam and hits a Knee Drop for two. Angle gets up and hits an Irish Whip, but AJ hits his high dropkick for another two. Frank Trigg comes down to ringside, and then Karen Angle comes down from the other side.

[Commercial Break]

Angle is somehow in command, hitting a Body Slam for two. Apparently he took control off the distraction from Trigg. He locks in a Body Scissors/Rear Naked Choke, but AJ powers out. Angle goes for the Olympic Slam, but AJ reverses it into a DDT. AJ and Kurt get to their feet trading blows. AJ eventually takes Kurt down with a 360-Degree Clothesline, and when Angle gets back up he gets caught by a Pele. AJ goes for the Styles Clash, but Kurt fights him off. They get the same idea at the same time, and we get a Double Clothesline Takedown. Both men crawl to the corners and bring in the women. To make sure we get no man-on-woman violence, AJ takes Kurt out with a Somersault Tope to the outside. Gail Kim wins with a Union Jack on Velvet Sky as ODB keeps Angelina Love occupied.
After the match the heels go on the offensive. Kurt has AJ set up for the Angle Lock, but Karen Angle gets him with a Low Blow from behind. AJ looks for a Styles Clash, but Frank Trigg comes in and slams AJ to the mat. The Beautiful People give Gail Kim the brown paper bag treatment as Angle traps AJ in an Angle Lock.

Where We're Going: For those of you who haven't watched TNA from the beginning, you might not realize how familiar this Sunday's PPV is starting to look. The established champion (Jeff Jarrett or Samoa Joe) defends against random WCW main eventer 4012-A (Kevin Nash, DDP, Scott Hall, or Randy Savage) in a match that's well built up but extremely unlikely to break 3.5 stars. Meanwhile, a lower division (first the X Division, then the tag team division, and now the women's division) is left to pull a lot of weight on the under card. Also, some random under-carders will wrestle in a meaningless but highly entertaining spot-fest. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Except on Raw, where apparently CM Punk is now World Champion, but forget them. Anyway, as I write this, it occurs to me that I used to really enjoy old TNA PPVs, so maybe there's more potential for something special this Sunday than I'd feared.

Star of the Night: Booker T. If there's a reason to care about Sunday's main event, his promo tonight is it.

Overall: This show had a few extreme ups—Booker's promo, Taylor's win, anything involving anyone named "Guerrero"—and a few extreme downs—Sonjay Dutt's yoga class, Storm interfering in the Parking Lot Brawl, anything involving anyone named "James"—so I'm not sure how to average it out. Let's say a B-?



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