By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
JUNE 12, 2008
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

WHATT HAPPENED: HOUR ONE

-The show was dedicated to Kevin "Angus" Sinex: 1963-2008.

-A video package aired recapping Slammiversary's top events including Sonjay Dutt attacking Black Machismo, Kurt Angle attacking A.J. Styles with a chair, and Samoa Joe retaining his TNA World Title in the King of the Mountain match.

-The show is titled: "I put a hit out on my wife." Ugh. Then the TNA Impact opening montage aired.

-Mike Tenay and Don West introduced and previewed the show.

1 - SAMOA JOE vs. KAZ - TNA World Hvt. Championship

What's wrong with this sentence? Dave Penzer, the ring announcer, said: "Ladies and gentleman, this is the opening contest of TNA Impact. It is for the TNA World Hvt. Championship." What better way to demean to the title, Kaz, and even Joe than having their match open Impact without any build up or comments from wrestlers or analysis and contest from the announcers? It's not a traditional slot for a World Title match, so it by definition defines down the value of this match. Had the announcers said something as simple as, "For the first time ever, we are kicking off Impact with a very special feature attraction - a World Title match." Then throw to locker room comments from both Kaz and Joe (and Kevin Nash), then brief analysis by the announcers, and then go to ring introductions. They showed Nash watching the match backstage. Good pace to the match. Kaz escaped a Muscle Buster at 6:00 and scored a near fall seconds later. Joe blocked a subsequent DDT attempt and then gave Kaz a Muscle buster for a three count.

WINNER: Samoa Joe in 7:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- That didn't really do Kaz or Joe any good. Nice match, but it felt "small" for a World Title match.

[Commercial Break]

-With Joe still in the ring, Booker T stepped out onto the stage and mockingly congratulated Joe for his win. He said, "Whoopdeedo! You just won a trip to Universal." He said the fans don't give a damn about him, then told him to explain to the fans and him what is going on with him and Nash. As Joe began to answer him, Booker told him to "shut the hell up." He said he doesn't need to hear any lame excuses. He asked Joe if he can look him in mirror and say he beat Booker T straight up at Slammiversary. He then said the door to his locker room will be wide open and he welcomes him to visit him man to man. After saying his door would be open, he said "there is no door on my locker room." I assume he meant there is no lock. Tenay said Booker T just got into the head of TNA Champion Samoa Joe.

-Lauren interviewed Kurt Angle. She looked like a make-up cabinet blew up in her face this week. She said many in the locker room think she got exactly what he deserved when Karen played an instrumental role in Styles beating him. Angle said, "That's exactly why I hate women, because of the stupid, idiotic comments that come out of your mouths." He asked if she knows anything about what he does for a living. He asked her how many times she's laced up the boots. He said she's there because Spike TV thinks hot chicks equals ratings. Angle said he just got a letter from Spike TV's president saying Karen just signed a contract as a talent. He said that means he can't hit her because of their policy against man on woman violence. Angle then said he put a hit on his wife. Lauren was put in the awkward position of selling this silly proclamation. He said he envisions her lying on her back with her stupid boyfriend A.J. next to her and both of them comatose. He said she will feel the embarrassment he felt over the past couple of months. Nothing like elevating things to overt criminal behavior outside the bounds of the typical wrestling environment to set the bar so high that nothing else on the show seems relevant in comparison, nor does it the "hit" itself feel the least bit realistic. It's a double-loss.

[Commercial Break]

-Jeremy Borash interviewed Daivari, the captain of Team International for the World X Cup. He spoke in Farsi with captioning on the screen. He announced his partners. Ryesha Saeed walked in next and said that next week Awesome Kong will go back to working taking out one American at a time.

2 -- NARUKI DOI & MASATO YOSHINO vs. THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS

Has the Gunn's entrance theme always had vocals? This version did. Tenay said this is the first time Doi and Yoshino, known as Speed Muscle in Japan, have appeared on national U.S. television. Yoshina ran the ropes as fast as anyone ever. West said it's like someone hit the fast-forward button on that guy. Good description. Tenay said they've wrestled in Japan, China, Mexico, and England previously. At 3:00 the Gunns took control. Sabin hit a springboard clothesline for a two count at 4:00. Doi and Yoshino took over with rapid-fire action and Tenay seemed as excited as you'll ever hear him. The Gunns came back with a double superkick with Sweet Chin Music stomps in stereo preceding it leading to a pin by Sabin on Doi. Tenay said that's just a taste of the World X Cup coming to TNA.

WINNERS: Gunns in 6:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Lots of novel moves and rapid movement, but it felt like a highspot showcase more than a match because they had to fit it into six minutes. A few awkward spots, too.

-Borash interviewed Karen. She was smiling about being signed to a TNA talent contract. She said Kurt will call off his hit once he thinks it through. She told him to find out what he's thinking. Borash said he'd find out. The whole tone of this was like Angle had threatened to dress like a clown from now on and Borash was supposed to talk him out of it, not that Angle had revealed he took out a hit on Karen. The Beautiful People walked into the picture. They mocked Karen signing a TNA contract. Velvet Sky said the rumor is she's making twice what the other woman are making. Karen said her pay is none of their business. Love called Karen a bitch, which was bleeped, then complained that she can't get more TV time than them. She said there's a pecking order in TNA: "The Beautiful People and then everybody else." Karen said she doesn't need that tonight. They grabbed her hair and tried to put a paper bag over her head. A.J. Styles walked in for the save. He said anyone who wants to get to Karen will have to go through him first. Love said the Beautiful People are above his and Karen's high school musical drama. She said if he ever wants to experience real women, he knows where to find them.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Nash backstage. She said Booker claims he'd be champion if not for him. Nash said things happen. She asked if that means Booker would be champ if not for him. Nash said that's for her to decide. She said that's not a good enough answer. Nash said he doesn't want to be the one to say this. Then Samoa Joe walked out onto the entrance ramp and said if he has something to say, say it to his face. Why was Joe so angry? He was in a rage as he entered the ring. Tenay said there has been friction between the two in recent weeks, but it's still not clear why Joe's anger is at level 8 or 9 suddenly. Nash entered the ring and said they could discuss things in the back, not here. Joe said he wants him to say it in front of the world. Nash got intense and told Joe that maybe he doesn't want to hear what he's got to say. He said perhaps the only reason he still has "that strap" on his shoulder is the big man took care of business. He said instead of running his mouth, a simple thank you might be in order. Joe said maybe Nash needs to thank him for letting him ride his coat tails every week. "I'm riding your coat tails? I'm Kevin Nash!" he shouted. "I didn't want to say this, but I'm going to say it. You can't beat Booker T!" He said it's not physical, it's mental, because Booker is already in his head. Joe said, "To be quite honest, you can take your opinions and put them together with your predictions and shove them up your ass." This is 80 percent good stuff as part of the evolution of Joe as a new, young champion facing a multi-time former world champ veteran top contender in Booker, and Nash warning him that he doesn't have the experience to counter his mind games, but 20 percent of the ingredients are missing in that it feels rushed and the relationship between Nash and Joe still isn't entirely defined since it's not clear what was or is in it for Nash. If it's friendship, it doesn't match his proclamation that money is what defines him. If it's money, it isn't clear how he gets any from being Joe's mentor. That needs to be reestablished and reenforced as this progresses from here.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- ROBERT ROODE & JAMES STORM (w/Jacqueline) vs. LAX (Homicide & Hernandez w/Hector Guerrero) - TNA Tag Team Title match

Jackie interfered by choking Homicide with a belt twice in the opening minutes as the ref was distracted. At 4:00 a four-way brawl broke out. Storm wrapped a belt around his boot to create a weapon. Hernandez lifted Roode for a Border Toss, but Storm superkicked Hernandez with the loaded boot to win the TNA Tag Team Titles. Hector protested to the ref and explained what happened. The ref listened.

WHAT HAPPENED: HOUR TWO

[Commercial Break]

After the break, the match was restarted. It won't do much for the Q5 rating to have started the second hour with a commercial break in progress. Hernandez caught Roode in mid-air and powerbombed him for the win.

WINNERS: LAX in 12:00 to retain the TNA Tag Team Titles.

STAR RATING: **

-Tenay declared justice had been servede. Roode began bashing everyone with a chair mid-ring in anger. Homicide didn't protect himself at all. At some point, TNA management needs to step in and threaten to fine or fire wrestlers who participate in unprotected chairshots to the head. It's just not necessary and the risk, no matter what technique they use, just isn't worth the risk. Afterward, Roode took the ref belt off of the ref's pants. The heels tied Hector, Hernandez, and Homicide to corners of the ring and each took turns whipping them and choking them. Tenay called the long beatdown revolting.

-They cut to the back briefly where Gail Kim and ODB were brawling with Love and Sky. TNA is wise to get the TNA Knockouts in as many segments as possible. However, they may be missing the point that their viewers tune in to TNA Knockout matches because it's wrestling matches with fresh talent that hasn't been as tainted by being burned out with bad storylines and overexposure.

[Commercial Break]

-A commercial aired hyping the TNA Bound for Glory PPV on Oct. 12 from Chicago. The graphics made it feel like a big event, plus hyping it four months ahead makes it feel big, too.

4 -- GAIL KIM vs. VELVET SKY

They came back from the break with a brawl at ringside. Sky concentrated on Gail's wrapped knee at 2:00. At 5:00 Sky tried to put a paper bag over Kim's head. Kim came back with a kick to the gut and her neckbreaker style finisher for the win. Afterward, Kim put the paper bag over Sky's head.

WINNER: Kim in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *

-Tenay and West were shown at ringside. They threw to an interview with Roode, Storm, and Jackie backstage. Storm said they can't be beaten because they have money and beer, life's two more important commodities. Storm said he's from the hills of Tenneesee and drives a 1979 Ford pick-up with a shot-gun in the back window. He said they beat down LAX because they're looking for a fight.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- CURRY MAN vs. ALEX KOSLOV

Tenay talked about his background wrestling in Mexico. Curry and Kozlov had a native-land dance-off in the opening minutes. Kozlov tried to get heel heat by chanting "Russia, Russia." Wrong century. Kozlov hit Curry with a springboard splash offf the top rope for the pin. Tenay said that performance backs up how strong he believes Team International will be.

WINNER: Kozlov in in 4:00.

STAR RATING: *

-Borash asked Dutt for a comment about ruining the wedding. He said, "No comment," then walked away. Joe walked into the locker room and approached Booker T. He said he's never run from a challenge, so he has a title match at Victory Road if he wants it. They shook hands. Booker said he didn't expect that and he's making it easy for him. He said he respects him how. Booker, TNA's top heel right now, bragged about having a hometown advantage in Houston. He said when the match is over, there will be no hard feelings. Joe said he's right, there won't be. He told Booker that it does smell like piss in here. He tossed him a set of keys to his locker room and said he won't be needing it anymore.

[Commercial Break]

6 -- SONJAY DUTT vs. "CONSEQUENCES" CREED

Dutt said this match is a dedication to So Cal Val, his true love. He asked her to come to the ring and seal the deal with a big kiss. Fast paced match, so you knew it was going to be over quickly. Dutt won with a Hindu flip splash off the top rope.

WINNER: Dutt in 3:00.

-After the match, Black Machismo charged to the ring and attacked Dutt. So Cal Val walked out and looked sad, then happy. Machismo then grabbed a mic and said, "Next week, it's me versus you and at the Pink Taco I'm going to split you right down the middle. Ohhhh yeahhh!"

[Commercial Break]

7 -- KURT ANGLE vs. A.J. STYLES -- Lumberjack Match

Did they mention this once since the opening minute of the show? They did nothing to hype this match throughout the show. Team 3D and Tomko were at ringside for Angle and Christian, Rhino, and Matt Morgan for Styles. Frank Trigg joined Tenay and West on commentary. Trigg said everyone knows Karen cheated on Kurt. Tenay asked if he had proof. Trigg asked if you need proof that someone's gonna break in your house before you'll lock your front door. Good answer! At 4:00 the lumberjacks got into a big brawl. Who saw that coming? Team 3D gave Rhino a 3D on the floor, then they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Angle was in control after the break. They replayed Rhyno getting 3D'd. They said he was helped out after the break. Styles came back with a flying clothesline on Angle in the corner, then a nasty suplex into a near fall. Ray stepped on the ring apron as Styles wrapped up Angle after a hurancanrana. Styles eventually got a two count, then gave Angle a twisting backbreaker move for another two count at 9:00. Styles dropkicked Ray off the apron. Devon tried to climb onto the apron, but Christian yanked him down. Tomko distracted the ref as Styles rolled up Angle. Ray then dropped Styles neck-first over the top rope. Angle hit an Olympic slam for the pin.

WINNER: Angle in 10:00.

STAR RATING: **

-Afterward, the lumberjacks brawled some more. Trigg laughed as the heels brought tables into the ring. The fans chanted "We Want Tables," basically encouraging the heels to punish the faces. Ray set Christian on a table. Then Abyss's music played. He went after the heels with clotheslines. The heels were nice enough to cahrge at his arms over and over. Tomko eventually hit Abyss from behind and then choked him full throttle. Abyss chokeslammed Tomko through a table in the ring. Others brawled on the ramp. Styles, meanwhile, hit Angle with the Pele kick, then threw him into a table propped in the corner. He followed by setting up a table in center ring and putting Angle on it. He climbed to the top rope, but when he went for a splash, Angle moved. Trigg said, "That's the smart guy." Angle pulled down his straps and applied an anklelock. Karen ran to the ring to tell Angle to stop. Angle let go. She dared him to hit her because now it's against the rules (but before she was signed to a contract with TNA, it was legal?). Kong then walked to the ring, apparently trying to fulfill the hit Angle put out on her. She charged at Karen and grabbed her hair and threw her to the mat, then punched her.

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