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By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
MAY 9, 2008
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR

[Q1]

-Perhaps in an attempt to try to stop the dropoff in viewership in the first quarter hour, the show opened without a highlight video recapping last week. Instead, after the opening montage, Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show as pryo blasted. They hyped Sacrifice with one message: Samoa Joe defends against Scott Steiner and Kurt Angle on Sunday, but first the challengers to Joe must team together. He hyped the TV main event of Joe & Kevin Nash vs. Steiner & Angle. Then they went to Jim Cornette in mid-ring with the tag team title belts set on a table along with a fish bowl full of slips of paper. He said he wanted the Egotistical Eight to walk to the ring.

Matt Morgan walked to the ring first to his terribly generic intro music. Kip James followed with equally generic intro music. B.G. James, James Storm (w/Jacqueline), Booker T, Robert Roode, Sting, and Awesome Kong followed. Cornette complained that he thought he made himself clear last week regarding the rules of the tournament, yet everyone except Sting has been calling him to rattle his cage. Cornette said he's going to reward their complaining and "as a favor to them" announce two teams on this show - one now and one at the end. He said the other two would be revealed at the PPV on Sunday.

He drew the first name: Sting. Sting walked to the ring. West said it'd be great if his partner could be Booker T. Sting got to draw the name of his partner out of the fish bowl. He drew Storm. Storm entered the ring. Cornette said, "I'd like to let both of you know before we go any further…" Storm yanked the mic out of his hand and told Sting he's not his buddy. He said he was never a little Stinger fan "because unlike you, my mama didn't let me play with make-up." Sting punched him. Storm punched back. Sting knocked Storm down and grabbed his baseball bat to counter Storm's beer bottle. Cornette revealed next that the two teams that are announced on this show will fight their partners in a one-on-one match, so Sting vs. Storm would take place later. He added that it'll be a no-DQ match.

-They went to Jeremy Borash outside the arena in a limo. Petey Williams, Rhaka Khan, and Scott Steiner walked out of the black stretch limo. Steiner said tonight he and Angle will coexist as one to eliminate Joe. Angle then walked up to Steiner and said, "So we have an understanding?" He said they will team up for one night only to beat up Joe so badly that he'll have nothing left at Sacrifice. That would mean it'll be essentially a singles match between them and "then, and only then, will we proceed to kill each other." Steiner said, "Deal." They shook hands.

[Commercial Break]

-The video aired hyping the Terror Dome. It stands 30 feet above the floor. It has the brute strength to contain a great white shark. It will be revealed at Sacrifice.

[Q2]

1 -- CURRY MAN vs. JIMMY RAVE (w/Christy Hemme, Lance Hoyt) vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED vs. JOHNNY DEVINE vs. SHARK BOY vs. PETEY WILLIAMS (w/Rhaka Khan)

Tenay said Curry man would be in the Terror Dome. West said there will be nine other X Division wrestlers. Well, if ring entrances draw ratings, this show will do well. This makes 14 ring entrances in the first 20 minutes of the show. West noted others in the match: These five other than Petey, plus Jay Lethal, Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, and Kaz. He said the winner will be the no. 1 contender for the X Division Title. At 6:00 Creed did a flip dive over the top rope onto a crowd on the floor. In the ring, Shark gave Devine his Stunner. Creed gave Shark the CreeDT. Petey then surprised Creed with the Canadian Destroyer. Curry came up behind Petey and set up a Spice Rack, but Petey escaped. Rave intervened with a Shining Wizard. Curry and Rave exchanged punches. Curry gave Rave a slingshot suplex and went for the cover. Christy Hemme distracted the ref, who should be fired for being lured into her flirting. Raven came up behind Curry, but Curry escaped and went for a Spice Rack. Hoyt grabbed Curry's leg. Rave finished Curry with The Move that Rocks the World (best name for a finisher ever!) for the win.

WINNER: Rave in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Hey, we got to see a whole match uninterrupted with X Division wrestlers! Some nice highspots, but it's tough in eight minutes with six wrestlers to have a semblance of a storyline to a match.

-Borash interviewed Sting backstage who said he likes wrestling when it's like a three-ring circus. He said he and Storm will beat each other up until they've worked things out and he falls into line as a "good little soldier" so they can become tag team champs. Good Sting promo. Just the right length and his mind didn't seem to wander five seconds in.

[Q3]

[Commercial Break]

-A video package aired on the history of LAX. Well, except for Konnan. They highlights the key moves of Homicide and Hernandez. Tenay and West talked about the new alliance with Hector Guerrero. Tenay named the four "established teams" in the tournament on Sunday. West plugged Sting vs. Storm again.

-Backstage, Cornette addressed a room full of TNA Knockouts. He said ever since he announced the big Makeover Battle Royal where one of them gets a title shot, but another gets shaved bald, he's been accused of being a mean, bad person. He said he wants them to think of him as a father-figure. He said he's concocted a match to give them a prize - an immunity match. The "girl" who wins the match is immune from getting her head shaved at Sacrifice. He said there will be a ten foot pole in the ring. He joked that looking around the room, a lot of those women have practice using a pole. He said barber shears would be at the top of the pole. Cornette said the TNA fans are paying their good money to see one of them get their head peeled like an egg in the middle of the ring, and he vowed it would happen no matter what.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash interviewed Christian Cage and Rhino backstage. Borash said a lot of people are picking them to be the odds on favorite to win the tournament. Christian said they've known each other half their lives and know what it's like to beat each other up. He said they have the advantage because of that. "Do the math," he said. Brother Ray and Team 3D interrupted and made fun of the "do the math" line. Christian said, "I'll do the match, 346, 412. Your total combined girth. Do you need a bra, by the way?" Ray said, "More comedy from Skinny Minny over here." Ray asked what's 19 plus 1, 15 plus 5, 16 plus 5? Rhino corrected him that 16 and 5 add up to 21. Ray said he was testing Christian, not Rhino. Ray said they're nobodies. He said, "Twenty is the number of times my brother Devon poked your wife." Christian and Rhino jumped Team 3D. They had a backstage brawl. LAX joined in the brawl after a minute. Hernandez gave Christian a Border Toss into a dark corner of the room. Homicide declared that they're the favorites in the tournament.

[Q4]

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay and West reset the show with a preview of upcoming matches.

2 -- ANGELINA LOVE vs. VELVET SKY vs. SALINAS vs. JACQUELINE vs. TRACI BROOKS vs. CHRISTY HEMME vs. ROXXI LAVEAUX vs. GAIL KIM vs. ODB

Lots of climbing to the top rope and trying to scale the pole with other women yanking them down. ODB gave Traci an overhead suplex to take her down from the top. ODB and Kim teamed up to set up Christy for a superplex, but Sky and Love gave all three a Tower of Doom powerbomb to the mat. At 5:00 Jackie knocked a number of women out of the ring and climbed to the top rope. ODB dropped her to the mat. Gail quickly scaled to the top rope and grabbed the shears.

WINNER: Kim in 6:00 to earn immunity.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

-Crystal interviewed Joe and Nash backstage. Nash held onto Joe's title belt, draping it over his shoulder. He said he will DIE!! before he gives the belt up to Steiner and Angle. He said tonight he doesn't go into battle alone. Nash said strength won't kill that animal. It will take a hell of a lot more than that.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- STING vs. JAMES STORM

They brawled into the crowd at the start. Storm brought a table into the ring at 2:00 and leaned it in the corner. Sting made a comeback and went for a frog splash, but Storm moved. Storm went for a superkick, but Sting ducked and the ref took the kick. Sting applied a Scorpion. Jacqueline slid a chair to Strorm. Sting ducked the chair swing and set up a Death Drop. Storm kicked Sting and then bashed him flush over the skull for a very near fall. The ref counted slowly, as he was still groggy. Storm went for a lousy-looking Stinger Splash. Sting moved and delivered one of his own. He followed with a top rope splash for a near fall at 5:00. Jackie distracted the ref with bat in hand. Sting took the bat, hit Storm, and then gave him a Death Drop. Sting lifted Storm and set him on a table because nothing increases his chances in the tag tournament more than injuring his tag partner. He splashed Storm through the table, then gave him another Scorpion Death Drop for the win.

WINNER: Sting in 6:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Good match. Fast-paced, intense, convincing near falls.

-Borash interviewed Kip James backstage. Borash looked at his trunks and said, "Really?" Kip said, "Don't be jealous. Just don't touch." Borash said it's a family show. Kip said no matter who his partner is, it won't live up to his standard. He said he's carried three partners to tag team gold. He said he made DX: "Not the Redneck. Not the I'm Glad I Still Have a Heartbeat Kid. Not Waltman, even though I like the kid. Not even that walkin', talkin', big-nosed, water spitting piece of… well, you know who I mean." He said his partner, whoever it is, should be thankful they get the megastar for one night." It was one of Kip's better promos.

[Q6]

[Commercial Break]

-Cornette stood mid-ring to draw the second tag team for the tournament. He brought out the rest of the Egotistical Eight. They did rapid ring entrances for each of them. Cornette said, "Let's see if we can pick another Obama/Clinton ticket like we did earlier in the program." He drew Morgan's name. Morgan entered the ring and drew a name. Cornette laughed and revealed it to be Kip James. Imagine that. Kip entered the ring and told Morgan at Sacrifice he's his daddy. He said he'll tell him what to do and when to do it and he will listen. Morgan nodded in agreement. Cornette asked if he had anything to say in reply. Morgan then shouted, "Suck it!" He punched Kip and choked him on the mat. Security intervened to pry him off of Kip. Kip dove at Morgan and punched him. Security pulled him off. Morgan dove back at Kip and gave him a headbutt. Cornette told security to let them fight and start the match officially.

4 -- MATT MORGAN vs. KIP JAMES

They cut right to a commercial. It was the first commercial interruption of a match all show. Good experiment by TNA. The pattern of a three minute commercial at the three minute mark of almost every TV match really got old.

[Commercial Break]

Morgan went on a flurry of offense against Kip after the break leading to a two count. Kip caught him charging with a boot. Kip mised a corner splash and went head-first into the steel. Morgan kicked him in the jaw with a big boot for the win.

WINNER: Morgan in 5:00.

STAR RATING: Not enough aired to fairly rate it.

[Q7]

-Crystal interviewed B.G. James. She noted that it's down to Booker T, Roode, and Kong as his possible partners. James said his paths never crossed with Booker. He said he used to have dreadlocks, but those don't fly on a fat white guy anymore. He said regarding Roode, he's rich, good looking, and athletic. "I'm D-O-G-Double-G ugly and broke as a convict, so that's not exactly a hand in glove fit." He said the country is ready for a change culturally, "so I say bring Awesome Kong my way. B.G. James standing next to Awesome Kong, it's the only way I'll ever look good."

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay and West hyped the entire line-up for Sacrifice.

-Borash interviewed Steiner and Angle backstage. He asked if they can get along long enough to see this through. Steiner pointed at Angle. Angle batted down his finger. Steiner said they have to work together for a common purpose. He said the World Title needs someone like them, not a fat-ass like Joe. Angle said he's level headed and can handle it. He said he's not sure if musclehead Steiner can handle it. Steiner said he can handle it. They shoved each other. Petey stepped between them and tried to talk them into getting along for ten minutes or less. He had magical powers and talked them down to being calm.

[Commercial Break]

-A video feature aired hyping the Joe vs. Angle vs. Steiner match with background on their interactions.

[Q8]

-With all the TV time dedicated to A.J. Styles and Karen Angle, it's strange to watch an Impact where they get no TV time. No Super Eric, either. When was the last time Eric Young, Styles, and Karen didn't appear on an Impact show? Ring introductions took place for the main event, then they cut to a final break.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- SCOTT STEINER (w/Rhaka Khan, Petey Williams) & KURT ANGLE vs. SAMOA JOE & KEVIN NASH

Tenay and West noted that Rick Steiner would be at Sacrifice in support of his brother Scott's title shot. West noted Frank Trigg, a big Angle fan, would be in attendance, also. Nash was in early. By 2:00 Steiner and Angle took turns working over Nash's legs. Angle settled into a chinlock on Nash. West said if Nash can get a tag to Joe, Joe is fresh and ready to clean house. Nash surprised Angle with a side slam. He was too beaten up to tag Joe right away. He crawled toward Joe, but Angle grabbed his leg. Nash did tag Joe, but Steiner distracted the ref, who didn't see it. Joe didn't care, so he charged into the ring and beat up both Angle and Steiner. Joe used Angle a battering ram into Steiner, then powerslammed Angle. He continued to clean house. When Steiner jumped him from behind, seconds later he had Steiner in a rear naked choke. Angle finally got the best of Joe with an Olympic Slam. Nash caught Angle and set up a chokeslam, but Steiner hit Nash with a pipe. The ref didn't see it. Steiner covered Nash for the three count.

WINNERS: Steiner & Angle in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Good pace and execution.

-Afterward, Angle stared down Steiner for making the cover himself. Steiner brushed off Angle and posed on the second rope. Angle came up behind Steiner and gave him an Olympic Slam and then applied the anklelock. Steiner tapped out frantically.

-A video package aired with final hype for Sacrifice, match-by-match, with soundbites from various participants, including the first appearance of Styles and Young. Good video package.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

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