By James Caldwell, Torch columnist

TNA Impact on Spike TV
April 3, 2008
Taped Mar. 29 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist

Video recap: They showed highlight clips of folks crossing the line last week on Impact. Tonight, an Icon seeks Redemption for what James Storm did last week. Tonight, it's "Morgan' Mess".

Backstage: Jeremy Borash was outside of Jim Cornette's office wearing a goofy shirt to break down tonight's card. There was a lot of yelling behind the door, then Cornette stepped out and said he was at the doctor today, and showed up for work two hours late. He said Morgan booked some matches while he was gone. Cornette said he's a mess - a broken down man who is sick. He left, then Morgan stepped out and said he made some decisions and everyone will have to live with it. Casual fans must feel real confident in this show knowing Cornette is a broken man who keeps around a blithering idiot named Matt Morgan.

In-ring: A.J. Styles and Tomko walked out with Team 3D to start the show. Tenay recapped last week's biggest-show-ever-until-next-week. He had to recap it since everyone missed last week's biggest-show-ever. With Team Tomko in the ring, Tomko took the mic and said they've come up with a new philosophy: we all do some thinking. Ray took the mic and said it's incredible having the tag champs and the greatest tag team of all-time in the same ring. He thanked Matt Morgan for adding their fifth member to the Lockdown match, then he thanked that fifth member for smashing Sting with the beer bottle last week.

James Storm came out with Jackie Moore and shook hands with the Team Tomko members. Before Storm could open his mouth to speak, Christian Cage's music interrupted. He then walked out on stage with Sting, Rhino, and Nash. How cute, they're all sporting "Team Cage" t-shirts. Apparently Storm's promo was cut out, as Christian said he doesn't understand what Storm was saying. Christian then called out Matt Morgan to explain himself. More funny editing as Morgan stood with Team Tomko to draw boos from the crowd. Christian asked Morgan what he's going to do for their team to even the sides. Horrible TV ensued with Morgan talking. If anyone can translate, drop me a line. Christian tried to save the segment, but it was already dead. He said they have a fifth man up their sleeve.

Backstage: Borash found Kurt Angle arriving in the building. He asked Angle what the deal is with the sparring match between them. Angle said he's going to let Borash off the hook...this week. He said him and A.J. Styles let their competitive spirits get out of the way last week. And Karen Angle doesn't exist. He said tonight's task is to get Joe to Man Up about leaving the business if he loses at the PPV. Eric Young stepped in and said he can feel the presence of Super Eric. Angle called him an idiot, then left.

[Q2]

[Commercial Break]

Parking garage: Scott Steiner drove a vehicle to the parking area with Petey Williams trying not to die on while on the roof of the car. Steiner and his freak then stepped out and Steiner said he's going to cash in his title shot tonight.

Backstage: They put Rock 'n Rave together with the Monsters. So, it's Black Reign cutting a promo while Christy Hemme made fun of their entire gimmick. Rellik had his first promo. He's officially the least scariest monster ever. Christy kept interrupting Rellik, which upset the monsters. Lance Hoyt pretended to be drunk and/or high, while Hemme was apparently just high. I think you have to be high to get a laugh out of this.

In-ring: Christy led out Rave and Hoyt for the opening eight-man tag match. Hoyt asked who wants to get infected tonight. The Monsters came out to join them. First out to face them were Sabin and Shelley. They showed Eric Young standing in the crowd with the fans. LAX came out next. Hector Guerrero was shown at the Spanish announce table.

1 -- LANCE HOYT & JIMMY RAVE (w/Christy Hemme) & BLACK REIGN & RELLIK vs. CHRIS SABIN & ALEX SHELLEY & LAX (HOMICIDE & HERNANDEZ w/Salinas)

Two minutes into the match, Young bailed from ringside. Cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Homicide made a tag to the "Mexican Superman", Hernandez, at 6:00 and Hernandez cleaned house while there were random screams from women in the building. Hernandez dumped Rave with a powerbomb. The action broke down and TNA decided now would be a good time to earn a few bucks off Robbie McAllister by having Tenay plug a TNA Mobile alert on the wrestler who was in the building last week who wasn't supposed to be here. Homicide finished off Rave with a powerbomb for the win.

Post-match: The Monsters jumped LAX. Reign then grabbed his Darkness Falls weapon to use on Hernandez, but Kaz made the save. Well, until Hoyt chokeslammed him. The fans chanted for "Super Eric" and he emerged from the entrance ramp. Young charged the ring and knocked around the heels to stand tall with Kaz. Reign was mad on the floor.

WINNERS: LAX in 7:00. Standard TNA multiple-person match that was secondary to the post-match activity. Bad call compounding the classless move with McAllister last week by plugging a hotline membership this week. (*)

[Q3]

Backstage: Borash brought in Sting to talk about being back in TNA. He said he came back a week ago to give back to the company, while seeing changes in Christian that he wanted to be part of. Sting shouted that Storm just lit the fire inside of him. He said it's like he never left.

[Commercial Break]

TNA Rough Cut: They aired another installment of Kip vs. B.G. with clips of Kip turning on Bullet Bob and B.G. Kip said Bullet Bob was just a drive-by casualty being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Well, that's a wonderful analogy considering innocent kids die everyday around schools and their homes as a result of drive-bys between gangs. Kip called B.G. a dumb sonofabitch for trying to latch onto his old man. B.G. said maybe they just need to fight and beat the crap out of each other, then maybe sit down and talk. Kip said he doesn't want a relationship with B.G. after this. So much for just being friends.

Announcers: Tenay and West talked about stuff happening tonight.

Sit-down interview: Tenay brought in Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed to talk about things. Tenay said he's wanted to do this interview for a long time. He then set up all of the special conditions for the interview. No personal questions and the interview can end at anytime. Tenay asked where they are from. Raisha said she was born in Syria and she came here when she was 15 years old. Kong was born in America, but she makes her home in Japan. They met in the Dojos in Japan. Tenay asked about the dress. Raisha said it's none of his concern. Tenay then spent an hour asking if there's anyone Kong could possibly lose to. After Raisha and Kong conferenced, Raisha simply said, "No" and they cut to break.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

Video package: They aired a training video on Consequences Creed after the video failed to play last week. Something happens with Creed next week.

Backstage: Crystal asked James Storm about the 20-foot fall at the PPV. Storm said that was nothing; all it did was give him and Jackie time to catch up on their drinking. He said Sting was in the wrong place at the wrong time last week. Storm said he has no respect for Sting and he doesn't need Sting to make him famous because he's already famous.

In-ring: A.J. Styles and Tomko came to the ring for the non-title tag match. 50 minutes into the show and there's only been one match so far - a gimmick tag. Rhino then ran out as one-half of the opposition. Christian followed out to round out the field.

2 -- TNA tag champs A.J. STYLES & TOMKO vs. RHINO & CHRISTIAN CAGE -- non-title match

Rhino and Christian took turns working on Styles until Tomko snapped Christian's neck across the top rope, setting up Styles with a leaping soccer kick to the head for a nearfall. The heels ganged up on Christian before cutting to a break.

[Commercial Break]

At 8:00, they did the spot where the ref didn't see Rhino's tag from Christian, so Christian took a longer beating. One woman just kept screaming at the top of her lungs.

[Q5 -- second hour]

Tomko and Styles continued to work on Christian until Christian countered a suplex with an implant DDT for a nearfall. He then made the tag to Rhino, and they did the spot again where the ref claimed he didn't see the tag. Yes, let's get the heat on the ref. Rhino then speared the ref in center ring and the action completely broke down. Rhino Gored Styles out of his boots, then Team 3D hit the ring and tackled Team Cage. They beat them down until Nash came out with a steel chair. Nash cleared the heels from the ring, then Cornette came out and called for the bell. Cornette DQ'ed Rhino for knocking down the ref.

WINNERS: Team Tomko via DQ in 12:00. As if the decision even matters. If the point was to show that refs are to be respected as an authority extension of Cornette, then Rhino should be fined and suspended from Lockdown for nailing the ref. But, that won't happen, so just a sports entertainment finish. Crowd was hot here, which was good. (*1/2)

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Cornette dressed down Morgan for allowing an explosive situation to become more explosive. He said this could be the worst night of his life. Morgan said he's going to get Cornette out of this mess. He said he's refereeing the match between Sting and Storm tonight, and no one from Team Tomko or Team Cage will influence the match. Cornette went off looking for a ref shirt for Morgan, then Morgan laughed and pulled one out of his pants.

Video: They showed Lethal and Val in the hotel Jacuzzi having a little talk. Val rubbed Lethal's hand while Lethal talked about how cheap he is. He wanted to take things to the next level, then Sonjay Dutt jumped out of the Jacuzzi and checked out Val in her bikini before Lethal and Val could get down to business.

In-ring: Elix Skipper came out for an Ultimate Xscape qualifier against Shark Boy, who is still doing the Steve Austin gimmick. Skipper wanted nothing to do with that, so he jumped Shark before the bell sounded.

3 -- SHARK BOY vs. ELIX SKIPPER -- Ultimate Xscape qualifying match

This wasn't that bad of a match. Shark crotched Skipper up top, then hit a huracanrana. He finished him off with a Stunner for the pin and the win. Shark joins Dutt, Curry Man, Devine, and Lethal in the Ultimate Xscape match at the PPV. Final person to be determined next week.

WINNER: Shark Boy in 5:00. Fine TV match. (*1/2)

[Q6]

Backstage: Crystal interviewed Traci Brooks about how she's feeling following the PPV. Traci had the camera focus on the welts and bruises healing from her back after the strapping she took. She said the memory is etched in her mind forever, though. Traci cut a promo on Peyton Banks, then Angelina Love and Velvet Sky interrupted to laugh at Traci for thinking she's hot stuff. Angelina looked down at her for going after a valet (Peyton) and not even a wrestler. They gave her a free pass tonight, but they might give her the Roxxi treatment if she's not careful.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Crystal interviewed Shark Boy about the Ultimate Xscape match. She gave all the rules while Shark rolled his eyes. She then asked about Consequences Creed for some reason. Shark said he wants to talk about beating Skipper, then going to Lockdown and winning the Xscape match. Curry Man's dance music interrupted and Crystal started dancing. He stopped the music and cut a promo in his Japanese accent, including calling the PPV Rockdown. Shark cut him off, then left. Curry asked for the music again, then he danced with Crystal.

4 -- TRACI BROOKS vs. PEYTON BANKS

Traci chased Peyton around the ring before the bell sounded, then they returned to the ring to pick up their fight. Tenay again plugged the Hotline to find out which wrestler got in trouble for being at Impact last week. The action continued with Traci spearing Peyton. Tenay announced Kong & Raisha vs. ODB & Gail at the Lockdown PPV. Traci dropped Peyton with a swinging DDT for the pin and the win.

After the match, Velvet and Angelina jumped into the ring and attacked Traci. Salinas then made the save until Traci got involved. Basketballs were bouncing everywhere until Roxxi jumped into the ring and attacked Velvet. Christy then jumped into the ring and started throwing some right hands at no one in particular. Sharmell then entered with a whip and started smacking folks. The heels bailed, then Booker T stepped out and called for his wife to get out of the ring. Sharmell tried to explain herself as they left up the entrance ramp.

WINNER: Traci in 2:00. Traci gets her revenge, then the post-match took precedent over the match. Just an excuse to get a lot of T&A in one segment.

Outside: They showed Kurt Angle walking around with title belt in hand.

[Q7]

[Commercial Break]

Backstage: Crystal tried to interview Booker and Sharmell, who cut a promo on Booker that he's in the jungle when he's with her. She walked off and Booker shot Crystal a look.

Video package: They focused on Samoa Joe's MMA training in California. Joe said this is his last crack at the TNA Title, so he wants to train with the best fighters in the world. They showed some clips of Angle training in the gym while Joe talked up his opponent. Joe said that in pro wrestling, it takes a lot more than some amateur holds to beat him. He said that when Angle tries to shoot on him, he's going to beat his ass. Joe said he's taking this seriously and dodging paychecks from TV to get ready to kick Angle's ass. Finally, a reason to get excited on this show.

In-ring: Kurt Angle walked to the ring in a suit with the TNA Title belt in hand. Angle brought up Joe's proclamation that he would leave the wrestling business forever if he doesn't win the TNA Title at Lockdown. He said that since Samoans are lying s.o.b.'s, he wants Joe to sign a legal document in the ring next week. Before Angle could finish, Scott Steiner's siren interrupted.

Steiner walked out with his freak and with the briefcase in hand. Steiner placed the briefcase down, then cut a promo on Angle. He set Angle straight that after Lockdown, he's cashing in his World Title shot. Steiner said he's going to give the winner of Lockdown one month to prepare for Steiner, which means the winner faces him at Sacrifice in May. Angle extended his hand for a shake, but Steiner said he's not shaking his hand because Joe is winning at Lockdown. Angle stared a hole in Steiner, then Steiner left with the case.

Backstage: Morgan, in a ref t-shirt, talked to Cornette about the girls beating the crap out of each other. He booked a Queen of the Cage match with all of the girls outside of the cage, and they all have to battle into the cage. Basically, a cage version of the Reverse Battle Royale. I think. Who knows. Cornette told Morgan to leave the brainstorming to the professionals. He then talked to Borash about some Lockdown ideas. He repeated Morgan's Queen of the Cage idea to Borash and they pretended like Morgan hadn't just said it before. This whole show is a) a parody of a wrestling show and b) a two-hour exercise in art-imitating-life from the booking meetings.

[Commercial Break]

[Q8]

In-ring: James Storm came to the ring with Jackie for the main event. Tenay said he hasn't felt comfortable with anything that has happened tonight. Well, that makes two of us. Morgan was in the ring as special ref. Sting then came to the ring to face Storm. West combined the words "heroic" and "horrific" to talk about Sting's return last week.

5 -- STING vs. JAMES STORM (w/Jackie Moore)

The bell sounded and Sting knocked Storm to the floor where Sting slammed Storm head-first into the announce table. They did the traditional spot on the floor where the babyface slams the heel through the PPV poster covering the hole at the base of the grandstands. They returned to the ring at 2:00 and Jackie distracted Sting, allowing Storm to bring Sting into the ring with Orton's horizontal DDT.

[Commercial Break]

Sting is still wearing the Team Cage t-shirt out of the break. Sting slammed Storm, then Storm got a thumb in the eye. Sting returned the favor - an eye for an eye - then executed a superplex for a two count. Storm with another eye poke, then he went to work on Sting with power moves. Sting came back with a Scorpion deathlock, but Jackie got involved and Morgan held her back, allowing Storm to nail Sting with a low blow. Storm picked up a baseball bat, but Morgan yanked the bat away. He tossed it to Sting, who used it while Morgan pretended to be distracted. Sting then dropped Storm with the Scorpion Death drop and Morgan counted the three count for the win.

WINNER: Sting in 9:00. Basic TNA main event with more shenanigans than wrestling. Fine set-up for the post-match angle. (**)

Post-match: Morgan raised Sting's arm, then Team Tomko confronted Morgan about what went down. Sting backed away while Ray screamed at Morgan that he's a huge screw-up. Ray shoved Morgan, then Team Cage charged the ring and a brawl broke out. Morgan surveyed the scene while Cage's team took control. Morgan then gave Devon a huge bicycle kick in the face. He picked up Styles and gave him a kinda swinging suplex while Sting watched from the outside. Team Cage hopped into the ring and stood tall with Morgan. Christian then ripped off Morgan's referee t-shirt to reveal a Team Cage t-shirt. The heels screamed and yelled and were mad on the floor. Christian yelled back that it's five-on-five. They wrapped up the show two minutes short of the top of the hour.

We welcome your 1-10 score and comments on this show for an "Impact Reax" feature in the Torch Feedback section of PWTorch.com. To contribute your thoughts on Impact, click here.

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