By James Caldwell, Torch columnist

ECW on Sci-Fi TV Report
March 11, 2008 - Year 2, Week 40 (Week 92 overall)
Chicago, Illinois
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist

American Idol in one sentence: What were you thinking, Archulleta?

In-ring: They start the show with John Morrison coming to the ring for the WWE Tag Title match. The Miz came out next while Styles and Tazz hyped the match as Extreme Rules. Tony Chimel officially announced them once they were in the ring, then Tommy Dreamer and Colin Delaney came out wheeling a shopping cart full of weapons. Dreamer was sporting a Cubs jersey while a White Sox jersey hung from the shopping cart.

1 -- WWE tag team champions THE MIZ & JOHN MORRISON vs. TOMMY DREAMER & COLIN DELANEY -- WWE Tag Title match -- Extreme Rules

Less than a minute into the match, Dreamer clotheslined Morrison to the outside, then Miz got mixed into the battle. Suddenly, Delaney went flying over the top rope with a cannonball dive onto the champs. That didn't get near as much heat as I would have expected. Back in the ring, the champs cornered Delaney, but Delaney ducked a double-team and they crashed into each other. Dreamer then handed Colin a Kendo stick and whacked the champs in the gut and back. Dreamer then landed trashcan lid shots to the head. Colin did Dreamer's ECW pose, but walked into a hard uppercut from Morrison. The champs then smashed up Colin with weapon shots and he cried like Mr. Kennedy. Dreamer blocked a double-team move, then gave Colin a Chicago Bears helmet. They set up the Team 3D diving headbutt and Colin landed a helmet shot to the groin on Morrison. The announcers were speechless.

Suddenly, Miz missed a running elbow smash and Dreamer landed the basement dropkick on both men with a trash can involved. They scored stereo nearfalls, then Dreamer slid a table into the ring. The kids were screaming as they set up a four-man Tower of Doom powerbomb spot out of the corner at 7:00. Colin then tried to channel Spike Dudley with the Acid Drop, but Morrison shoved him to the floor. Morrison then landed a moonsault from the apron to the floor and used a trashcan on the way down. With Colin out of commission on the floor, Miz and Morrison chucked Dreamer through the underside of the table, which was propped up in the corner. They covered Dreamer for the win.

WINNERS: Miz & Morrison in 9:00 to retain the WWE Tag Titles. A watered-down hardcore match that was simple enough for a mainstream WWE audience, where I thought I was watching Impact at times. Basically a nod to the WWE Hardcore Title matches of years gone by. It didn't even advance the storyline, as I thought it set back Delaney, who gave away lot here. His gimmick has been built on slow progression, and this was too much for one night if they weren't going to change the belts. As Simon would say, I didn't get it, sorry. (*1/2)

[Q2]

[Commercial Break]

In-ring: Armando Estrada was in the ring to announce a new match for Mania. He announced a 24-man battle royale featuring Raw, ECW, and Smackdown talent. The winner gets a match against ECW champion Chavo Guerrero immediately after the match. So, what he meant to say was, "We didn't want to book a legit ECW feud or give ECW a legit Mania match, and we want to make sure all 100 wrestlers on the roster get a payday, so we're throwing in a battle royale." Armando then brought out one of the participants, Great Khali. Huge groan. Khali came out alone, then Stevie Richards came out as the opponent.

2 -- GREAT KHALI vs. STEVIE RICHARDS

Khali landed a big boot and pinned Richards. Styles speculated whether they just saw the fate of Chavo Guerrero. Of note, Styles is back to being produced like he's in a library and the librarian is standing over his shoulder. Immediately after the match, Mike Knox hit the ring and tore Stevie apart. He gave him the corkscrew facebuster and the fans booed him.

WINNER: Khali in 10 seconds. Again, I don't get it. Just like Mr. Kennedy, they've done a complete 180 on Richards's push. At least Knox got heat, which means either fans still care about Richards or they really, really hate Knox's "3:10 to Yuma" goatee. (n/a)

[Commercial Break]

In-ring: The Greasers were in the ring with innocent Cherry. Why are they on my TV? Kofi Kingston then came out to face Snuka's kid.

3 -- KOFI KINGSTON vs. DEUCE (w/Domino and Cherry)

The bell sounded and there was a "Kofi" chant. Good sign. Kofi flipped Deuce to the apron, but Deuce caught him throat-first across the top rope. Deuce then did this zany head scissors submission across the top rope. Kofi made a comeback with his boom-boom leg drop, then tried to monkey flip Deuce out of the corner, but Deuce held onto the ropes to block. Deuce tried to capitalize, but Kofi met him with the Jamaican buzzsaw roundhouse kick for the win.

WINNER: Kofi in 3:00. Slowly, but surely, Kofi is going to get there. This is a 20-week project, not a 2-week project, so it's going to take time to go through the WWE circuit where the live audiences get a look at his character and pick up on what he's doing in the ring. (3/4*)

[Q3]

Backstage: Styles did a voice-over while they showed Matt Striker getting dressed and Big Daddy V rubbing his wrists menacingly. Big Daddy V vs. Punk in a MITB qualifier is later on.

[Commercial Break]

Raw Rebound: They focused on the Mayweather vs. Big Show angle from last night. Interesting to see how this was produced. They gave Big Show the depressing heel music as background for his promo, then turned up the beat to a funky re-mix for Mayweather's promo. They used the blurry, slow-motion "movie fight scene" presentation for Show tossing Mayweather over the top rope. They didn't focus too much on Mayweather selling the elbow injury, though.

Announcers: Tazz hyped the match and recapped Show tossing Mayweather over the top rope. He said if he were Mayweather, he'd have second thoughts about facing Show. Styles said highlights of the Mania press conference earlier today will air on Smackdown. Styles did mention that Mayweather had his arm taped up. They then plugged the Mania card.

Backstage: Lena and C.M. Punk were standing by backstage. Awkward. Awkward. Lena got her cue and gave Punk a softball question that was ten feet short of home plate. Punk waited patiently then cut a confident promo about having the advantage against Big Daddy V tonight because he's in his hometown of Chicago and, well, he's C.M. Punk.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

Video package: They showed clips of Maria's Playboy signing in New York City last week. Some people came from England to see Maria. Someone had been in line for 12 hours. Typical male comments like, "Dude, she's so fine" and "Wow, she's so hot."

And they segued that to Jesse and Festus coming to the ring. Styles noted the interesting segue with a chuckle. Elijah Burke came out as one-half of the opposition. Actually, the only opposition. It's one-on-one against Festus.

4 -- FESTUS (w/Jesse) vs. ELIJAH BURKE

They cut out Festus's shine and went straight to Burke on the offensive with a mat hold, so you know this is going short. Burke worked on the left arm, then nailed a hot-shot dropkick for a nearfall. Festus fired back with a rear corner splash and leaping shoulder tackle. He then landed the step-up boot to the face and finished him off with the modified F-5 for the win.

WINNER: Festus in 3:00. Again, I don't get it. They just never can decide whether to push Burke or use him as fodder. He has a good look, a decent promo, and can wrestle a good match, which is a valuable three-part combo considering how thin the WWE roster is. (1/2*)

BTW, where is the gold standard, Shelton Benjamin?

[Commercial Break]

Video promo: They promoted Raw for next week featuring Cena & Orton vs. everyone.

Announcers: Hey, look, it's Shelton Benjamin on guest commentary. See, I just needed to be patient. Big Daddy V came out first with Striker and surveyed the audience. Shelton talked about his MITB experiences and said he's stolen the show every time. Tazz brought it back to winning the match, and pointed out that Shelton hasn't grabbed the briefcase in the two matches he's been in. Nice touch from Tazz. C.M. Punk came out next and got the hometown pop.

[Q5 -- over-run]

5 -- C.M. PUNK vs. BIG DADDY V (w/Matt Striker) -- Money in the Bank qualifying match

Shelton said it's mission impossible for Punk tonight. The gold standard said he could take either one of them, but he'd like to see Big Daddy V in the MITB match to change things up. Daddy landed the Black Hole Slam in the first minute, but he didn't make a cover. Daddy continued to dominate Punk, while the fans tried to rally behind the hometown star. Shelton talked himself up on commentary, then Daddy missed with a corner splash and Punk nailed successive knees to the face. Punk teased the G2S, but he couldn't get Daddy off the ground. He tried again, but Daddy collapsed right on his back. Yikes. Punk rolled to the apron, then he managed to slip Daddy to the floor. The ref then applied the fastest ten-count in WWE history and Punk won by count-out.

Post-match: everyone jumped for joy, including Punk. "You gotta be kidding me. You call that a win?" Shelton asked. And to send everyone home happy, Striker jumped into the ring to attack Punk, but Punk gave him the Go 2 Sleep. Nice sell from Striker, who tipped over like a tree in the forest. Punk then posed for the crowd and stared down Shelton to close the show.

WINNER: Punk via count-out in 3:00. Boy, would that have been impressive if Punk got Daddy up for the G2S, like Cena on Big Show a few years ago. Alas, Punk might need to do some more squats and hang cleans before he pulls that off. They achieved the desired result of Punk qualifying for the match and giving everyone a happy ending to the show, but it was silly to see Punk rejoicing after a count-out win. Shelton came across a thousand times better than Chavo on guest commentary a few weeks ago, but to be fair to Chavo, he wasn't produced to stand out on commentary. Shelton has improved significantly behind a microphone. (3/4*)

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