By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
MARCH 7, 2008
AIRED ON THE CW

-After the Smackdown opening, Edge and Vickie Guerrero sat mid-ring, with a dispirited Teddy Long standing in the background. Michaels Cole quickly introduced the show, then Edge told Vickie she looks fabulous. He said WrestleMania 24 is shaping up to be one of the most depressing events in WrestleMania history. He said this year two legacies come to a tragic end, beginning with Undertaker's undefeated streak. When it comes to facing Undertaker, he said he is the true phenom. Vickie objectively said, "That's right, baby. That's right." She said tonight's main event will prove that as Undertaker will face Edge, Zach Ryder, and Curt Hawkins in a three-on-one handicapped match. Edge said, "Baby, you're so hot when you make main event matches." Vickie giggled like a schoolgirl.

Edge said Undertaker's loss is just half of the tragedies at WrestleMania. He said his guest will see his 35 year career come to screeching halt. Out walked Flair. Cole said Edge is getting ahead of himself. Flair came out to a full ring intro. Edge told him he looks dapper. He invited him to have a seat and relax. Flair said he was feeling good and thanked him for his kind words. Edge told Flair in a few weeks, it's over for him. "The Showstopper is going to put a stop to the show," he said. Flair calmly said, "Edge, with all due respect, the show will go on." The crowd cheered. "I will beat Shawn Michaels and wrestle long after WrestleMania." Edge said, "Oh, and after that, there will be peace in the Middle East and Britney Spears is going to finally put on some underwear."

Edge said he didn't have Flair on to talk to "Ric Flair, the retiree." He had Flair on his show to talk to "Ric Flair, the loser." The crowd booed. Edge snapped at them to shut up. Edge brought up that he's lost to Undertaker at WrestleMania; he's one of his 15 previous victims. "How does it feel?" he asked. Flair said it doesn't feel good. He said it hurt like hell to lose to Undertaker. He said it's a moment he'll never forget. Flair told Edge he has to worry about avoiding the chokeslam and losing his World Title. Flair said losing to Undertaker didn't hurt him, it enhanced his career. Flair said he's in a sham of a relationship to advance his career. "It's a sham, it's a scam," he said. "You're using her to enhance your career, and you're still going to lose your title at WrestleMania!" Flair tripped a bit over the delivery in the last few sentences.

Vickie Guerrero asked Flair how dare he criticize the love they share. She asked if he knows who he's talking to. Edge told her to calm down. "Calm that Latin blood down, baby," he said. Edge said he won't let Flair talk to his fiance like that. He asked him to watch the three-on-one handicapped match closely because it'll be against him. Vickie smiled and nodded. Edge said they'll make an exception and not jeopardize his career, just his physical well-being. He checked with Vickie. Vickie said she'll tweak it a little. She said it won't be a regular three-on-one. She suggested it be a three-on-one cage match. She laughed. Edge said she's the greatest. Edge then got up and whoo'd in Flair's face. Flair slapped him. Vickie pretended to hold Edge back as Teddy broke into a smile in the background. Fun segment.

[Commercial Break]

-Cole and Coach hyped WrestleMania's line-up.

1 -- JESSE & FESTUS & C.M. PUNK vs. JOHN MORRISON & THE MIZ & CHAVO GUERRERO

As soon as the bell rang, Festus transformed and chased the three heels out of the ring. Jesse held him back and talked him into relaxing just slightly. He paced anxiously on the ring apron as Punk opened against Miz. After two minutes of babyfaces in control, they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Festus covered Miz and the other two heels jumped him. He easily threw them aside, then Punk dove onto Chavo on the floor. Jesse then dove through the ropes and speared Morrison. Festus then planted Miz for the pin.

WINNERS: Punk & Jesse & Festus in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *

-Backstage, Michelle McCool told Jamie Noble she's been wanting to talk to him. She said he doesn't have to prove anything to her. Noble said he knows how she really feels about him. She sighed with relief. "I mean, who can blame you for being hot for Jamie Noble. Most women are." He bragged about his accent, being an Old Spice man, and added, "You should hear women talk about my behind." The crowd laughed. Michelle's reaction was great. Noble wanted to be sure she's okay that they have to go their separate ways. He said it's time to let her off the hook and his time to recast his rod. He said he's not a one-woman man. A relieved Michelle said she understands. He said women can't resist him, and he can't resist them. He wished her luck later. He awkwardly said bye and walked away. Michelle took a deep breath of relief.

-Cole said it's starting to feel a lot like WrestleMania as he plugged the three-on-one main event, plus MVP vs. Batista in a U.S. Title match.

[Commercial Break]

2 -- MVP vs. BATISTA - U.S. Title match

After a flurry by Batista, MVP took a breather at ringside. Batista followed him out, threw him back in, and applied a half Boston Crab. Coach talked about the type of pain that inflicts, which again taps into his being miscast as a color commentator. It just lacks credibility to have Coach pretending to be able to add anything beyond conventional wisdom to how much a hold hurts. He just doesn't have anything to add to this show the way he's cast. MVP reached the bottom rope and they cut to a break at 4:00.

[Commercial Break]

MVP got in sustained offense after the break. At 12:00 from the ringside area he elbowed Batista's throat and kicked his head as Batista lay vulnerable on the ring apron. He tossed Batista back into the ring and went for a cover. Batista kicked out. When MVP charged Batista in the corner with a big boot attempt, Batista moved and made comeback. He hit a clothesline and sideslam at 14:00 for a near fall. He followed with a spinebuster to thwart another MVP comeback attempt. He shook the top rope and then set up a Batista Bomb. MVP went for a low blow, but Batista knocked it and knocked MVP to the floor. Batista tossed MVP into the crowd, then followed him to toss him back to the ringside area. MVP ran into the ring, then kicked Batista several feet back, causing him to get kicked out. It was a bit of obvious overacting on Batista's part. Batista re-entered the ring at 11. The ref counted him out. MVP walked up to the stage with his belt as a frustrated Batista leaned on the top rope and caught his breath inside the ring.

WINNER: MVP via countout at 16:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Decent match. A little formula and not always graceful or athletically innovative in any way, but still solid.

-Coach and Cole introduced the segment from Raw that revealed that Hornswoggle was Finlay's son, not Vince McMahon's.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

[Commercial Break]

-Edge flirted with Vickie backstage, caressing and massaging her shoulder and whispering in her ear. Noble barged in and said he wanted Chuck Palumbo in the ring. Vickie said Chuck beat him the last two times they wrestled. She said he's bigger than him. Noble said he's not afraid to get in the ring with people ten feet taller than him. He said he'd take on Edge. Noble said he's beaten Palumbo four times before he beat him twice. Vickie said Palumbo was facing Kane tonight. VIckie asked Noble if he'd face Big Show instead. Noble freaked out and stormed off. Edge and Vickie shared a laugh.

-Cole and Coach discussed what just happened. Then they talked with a glimmer in their eyes about the upcoming big WrestleMania weekend. They talked about the Hall of Fame and ran the induction announcement on Mae Young.



-Cole and Coach plugged the three hour special. "All matches are going to be WrestleMania rematches," said Cole. A commercial then aired for "WrestleMania Rewind Night." The narrator said, "Every match a rematch from a WrestleMania."

[Commercial Break]

-Cole announced Kim Kardashian as the Guest Hostess at WrestleMania.

-Coach stood mid-ring to host a sexiest diva contest. Eve Torres was introduced first, the 2007 Diva Search Winner. Cherry was next, followed by Maryse, Victoria, and Michelle McCool. He said they'd have a weekly elimination until there is a single winner. He said they aren't battling just for bragging rights, but also a custom built motorcycle courtesy of Beverly Hills Choppers. They aired a music video of the owner of the business with various celebrity customers. Fans were then encouraged to text cote for their favorites. Each of the women stripped a little and danced. Victoria was flustered by the negative fan reaction and slipped and fell on the ropes. Maryse shoved Torres during a final group dance. McCool helped Torres shove Maryse to the floor. Maryse yanked Torres to the floor. Victoria and McCool then faced off and shoved each other. McCool kicked Victoria through the ropes to the floor.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed footage of Rey Mysterio's surgery in San Diego, Calif. Rey said he loves the WWE world because nothing gives him a high like the cheers of WWE fans. He said they can expect a better Rey when he returns. He didn't sound sure of himself, though. He's got to still be dejected over losing the prime spot in the WrestleMania storyline with Floyd Mayweather and Big Show. I'm not sure Rey could have saved Mayweather from being booed, but he would have helped.

3 -- CHUCK PALUMBO vs. KANE

They began with a collar and elbow hook-up. Palumbo threw an early barrage, but Kane came back right away with punches, an elbow, and a low dropkick. Someone please tell Cole to stop describing punches to the mouth as "right in the kisser!" Gorilla Monsoon barely got away with that, and Cole definitely can't. Palumbo caught a charging Kane with an elbow and a clothesline himself. They were really laying them in stiff. Good opening minutes. Cole said this could be a statement-making match for Palumbo. Kane took control and climbed to the top rope. Palumbo charged and kicked him down. He followed with a big boot. Kane sat up almost immediately, grabbed Palumbo by the throat, and stood. Palumbo headbutted himself free, but Kane came right back with a quick chokeslam for the win.

WINNER: Kane in 4:00.

STAR RATING: * -- For a short match between two bigger guys, this was all right. Kane met Palumbo's intensity level and it resulted in good, fast-paced, high-impact action. Palumbo lost, but looked strong in the process.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed the exterior of the arena in Cleveland, Ohio, then went to a video of celebrities talking about the Mayweather vs. Show fight including Hitman Hearns, Freddie Roach (a trainer), and Michael Buffer. Buffer said, "David vs. Goliath, four-thousand years later."

4 -- THE BIG SHOW vs. JAMIE NOBLE

Too bad they broke up Jamie and McCool. That storyline had more legs. Now Noble is back to taking big bumps for bigger guys, it appears. Show tossed Noble around and threw him hard to the mat. The ref checked on Noble. Show kicked him into the corner. Noble writhed in pain. Noble kicked Show between the legs, prompting the ref to call for the bell. Afterward, Show winced but still chopped Noble in the chest hard, followed by a belly punch.

WINNER: Show via DQ in 2:00.

-Afterward, Show said, "Let's face it. Most of you don't like me. But Floyd Mayweather, they like you even less." He said he's not just talking about the general public, but also the entire WWE locker room. He said he's getting 20 million dollars for WrestleMania. "That's a lot of money," he said. "But is it worth risking your entire career? It's risk vs. reward." He said when he's through with him, Mayweather's career will be bankrupt. When Show finished talking, they panned back to a group of refs checking on Noble on the floor, who was still in great pain.

[Commercial Break]

-A video recap aired of the unveiling of the Maria "Playboy Cover" on Raw earlier in the week.

-Cole announced that next week Batista will face MVP in a rematch with no countouts, no DQs, no holds barred.

5 -- EDGE & ZACH RYDER & CURT HAWKINS vs. UNDERTAKER

The match began with Taker vs. Hawkins. Taker lifted him by the throat and threw him into his corner. Hawkins tagged in Ryder. Coach said he was hoping to get Edge. Taker threw him over the top rope, then kicked him in the head followed by a guillotine legdrop. At 4:00, Taker charged and squashed Ryder in the corner. Edge yanked Ryder out of Taker's path on a second charge in the corner. Taker flew to the floor, giving the heels their first advantage of the night. With Taker down, Edge tagged in. Taker reached up and grabbed Edge's throat. Coach wondered if Taker was playing possum. Taker DDT'd Edge. Taker went for the top rope walk. When Hawkins tried to interfere, Taker leaped off the ropes and armdragged Edge to the floor. He followed with snake eyes. Taker fended of attacks from Ryder and Hawkins. He went for a submission on Edge. Ryder and Hawkins made the save. Taker chokeslammed both of them at once. Edge surprised Taker with a spear and scored the three count.

WINNERS: Edge & Ryder & Hawkins in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Expected three-on-one, but overall well-done with a surprising pin for Edge on Taker. It's the right move to give some sense of Taker being vulnerable, but it's always surprising when Taker's shoulders are down for three.

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