TV REPORTS KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 3/6: Christian vs. Angle in cage, Tomko vs. Joe first blood, Nash vs. Styles
Mar 9, 2008 - 6:16:34 PM
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By Wade Keller, Torch editor
KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
MARCH 6, 2008
AIRED ON SPIKE TV - TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR
-The show opened with highlights of key storyline advancements from last week's show including Kurt Angle tossed wife Karen Angle to the floor. The show is titled "Fighting for the Edge."
-Backstage, Jeremy Borash held the mic for Kurt Angle as he gave A.J. Styles and Tomko a pep talk about their chance to get the edge in the six-man tag on Sunday. Styles asked where Karen was. Angle scolded him for worrying about Karen with so much on the line for the Angle Alliance. Angle said she's at home. Styles said he tried to call her. Tomko laughed. Angle didn't like her calling his wife. Styles said according to Karen, she's married to both of them. Angle told him to take off his stupid crown. He told him the key to taking Kevin Nash out is taking out his knees. He told Tomko that he needs to make Samoa Joe blood. He said, "Samoans love to bleed, so make him bleed." He said tonight they'll make history.
-After the Impact opening aired, Jim Cornette stood mid-ring and announced the three big main event singles matches with stips added to each. It's a bit sad that the three matches they announced probably would have sold more PPVs than the plain ol' six-man involving all three. Cornette said the team that wins two out of three singles matches tonight will enter the match with an advantage. He didn't elaborate. Cornette then introduced Booker T. Cornette asked Booker about his match against Robert Roode in a ten-foot leather strap match with a special stip that if Roode wins, Peyton Banks can strap Traci Brooks ten times and if Booker wins, vice-versa. As Booker was about to talk about "that chicken-head," Roode's music played and he and Banks stepped out onto the stage.
Roode said, "Screw you Cornette and you Booker T." He added the fans into that as they chanted "you suck." Roode said it's against his moral fiber to partake in a match with a stipulation that leads to a woman getting strapped. West said, "Moral fiber? He broke Sharmell's jaw and he can care less." (He meant he could NOT care less. I don't get why people get that backwards, especially professional broadcasters.) Roode added, "Stop hiding behind your skanks, stop hiding behind your wife, stop hiding behind Traci, and for once in your life be a man and fight your own damn battles." Cornette's facial reactions next to Booker added to the impression Roode's comments were making. Booker charged out of the ring and met Roode in the aisle. They had a pullapart brawl with security and Matt Morton intervening.
-Crystal interviewed Kevin Nash, Samoa Joe, and Christian Cage. She said if they win two out of three matches, the Angle Alliance have to start short-handed. Joe said there's no escaping the match without bleeding first. Christian said they may not be friends, but they've come to an understanding and they understand business. He said they're working the system. He said their way may not always be popular with everyone. He said Cornette cringes when he hears a knock on his door that it might be one of them knocking. He said he's returning the favor against Angle in a cage for costing him the World Title twice. He closed with, "If you don't know, now you know." Nash said he can't follow Christian's promo, but then he broke into a Hulk Hogan-style promo that cracked up Christian and Joe. "Whatcha gonna do when the Kevster and his 17-times surgically repaired knees come down on you."
1 -- KEVIN NASH vs. A.J. STYLES
The two entered in jeans and a t-shirt. Styles charged at Nash, who swatted him away. Nash took Styles down with several punches, knocking Styles to the floor. Nash followed, ramming Styles into the railing. They fought into the crowd where Nash gave Styles a series of kneelifts. They cut away for a commercial.
Back from the break, Styles had Nash on his knees inside the ring. They showed a clip from during the break of Styles flying at Nash with an elbow to take control followed by ramming Nash's head into the steps. Nash came back with a side slam for a two count. Nash lifted and dropped Styles face-first over the top turnbuckle. Nash lited Styles for a Jackknife, but dropped him as his left knee buckled. Styles dove off the top rope at Nash, but Nash caught him and chokeslammed him for the three count.
WINNER: Nash in 7:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Three of the seven minutes were cut out for a commercial, but what aired didn't add up to much. The idea that Styles lost to an opponent who appeared practically crippled isn't a positive. The idea seemed to be to make it seem like a fluke, but Styles looked weak by going down clean to Nash after he could barely stand seconds earlier.
-Crystal interviewed Black Reign. She said she didn't like to be around Reign and Misty. He asked her if Misty stinks. He said she stinks. He said he's not a movie, he's the real thing, and Kaz will not get away with what he's done to Misty. He said, "If you make it to Destination X, I will eat your face."
-Crystal asked Black Machismo when the first date is with So Cal Val. Machismo said Crystal is like the paparazzi. He said it's business first and he's going to win the battle royal, then he and his lady will "get a little freaky with it." Val said Machismo said something about next week, "and I can't wait."
-Mike Tenay and Don West were shown at ringside hyping the rest of the show. Tenay said he understands something is going on backstage, so they threw to it. Peyton Banks and Traci Brooks were brawling backstage.
-They went to Borash interviewing Eric Young who looked like he had been in a sauna. Young said he gets paralyzed and can't breath or move when he thinks of the monsters. Young got confused when Borash told Young that Kaz said to "reach down deep inside and pull hard." Young thought that meant the monsters were going to give him a wedgy. Borash said that's not what he meant. Borash said he has an alter-ego deep inside and he needs to find it.
-Wrestlers began walking to the ring for the battle royal.
2 -- BATTLE ROYAL where the winner adds a stipulation to their match on PPV
Team 3D were not allowed in the match as their failed to make weight before the match. Brother Ray said the reason they're not making weight is muscle weighs more than fat. West said Ray can't see his muscle because it's covered in fat. Curry Man eliminated Jimmy Rave, which left just him and Rellik. Rellik tossed Curry over the top, but he landed on the back of Rave, so he was able to re-enter the ring. Curry gave Rellik a jaw breaker, then clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor to win.
WINNER: Curry Man.
-Curry Man grabbed the mic after the match. Tenay's voice cracked as he wondered if Curry was going to speak English. Curry began talking in Japanese. Curry Man yanked the mic away from Shark Boy and said, "Nobody understands the Chinese you're speaking." Tenay, totally needlessly, explained the joke, saying it's Japanese "if you're scoring at home." Shark continued his Stone Cold speak, saying the step for the tag match at the PPV would be if Team 3D loses, they have to leave TNA for good. He got the crowd to shout "Shell Yeah!" Shark said if they make weight, they'll have a good old-fashioned "fish-market street fight." He said, "We're going to throw so much seafood at you, you're going to think you're at a Red Lobster buffet." He said they're not going to shove the fish in their faces, but "up their basses."
-Borash interviewed Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, and Roxxi Laveaux. Love and Sky apologized to Roxxi, who seemed crushed and sad by being mocked last week. Love and Sky said next week, to make it up to her, they're giving her a makeover free of charge. "We are going to make you one of the beautiful people, just like us, the beautiful people."
3 -- TOMKO vs. SAMOA JOE - First Blood Match
Joe went right after Tomko at ringside to jump-start the match. Joe rammed Tomko head-first into the announcers' table. Tomko swung at Joe with the bell ringing hammer, but Joe ducked and threw Tomko into the ringpost. Tomko slammed Joe onto the rampway a minute later, then swung a chair, but Joe moved. Joe piledrove Tomko on the ramp. Tomko sold an impact on his head, although it didn't really look like his head hit any steel. Joe rolled Tomko into the ring. Tomko came back with a surprise clothesline on Joe in the ring.
WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR
Tomko propped a chair in the corner and threw Joe toward it, but Joe stopped short and instead used a drop toe hold to send Tomko face-first into it. Tomko held a chair, but Joe kicked it into his face before Tomko could swing it. Tomko seconds later swung the chair at Joe. Joe blocked it with his arm. Joe then locked Tomko into a rear naked choke and forced a tapout. The ref called for the bell. There was brief confusion. The ref pointed at the blood on Joe's arm from blocking the chairshot and then raised Tomko's arm.
WINNER: Tomko in 6:00.
STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Good intensity and high-impact work throughout what was a relatively short first-blood match. The whole thing was in third gear, but appropriately so given what was at stake and the stips of the match. The finish was well done, too. Clever and logical.
-A video feature aired on the Rhino vs. James Storm "Elevation X" match. West spoke about the possibility of fans witnessing something bad happen. Good video to get across the selling point of the match, which is the possibility of someone falling to serious injury.
-A video feature called "Rough Cut" aired profiling B.G. James and Kip James. Kip - who stood by a monster truck for some reason - said he was the work horse who ate right and lifted, whereas B.G. did all the talking. He said B.G. was better on the mic than him, but he never had much of a chance to talk because B.G. is always yapping. B.G. said they're just two totally different people. The segment was pretty short, but well produced. The question is how many makeovers and how much TV time do those two deserve at this point in their careers?
-Borash interviewed Jim Mitchell backstage with Judas Mesias standing in the far background. He told viewers never to doubt him again. He said Mesias does what he promises. He said in a fit of shame, Abyss removed his mask and walked away with his tail shoved firmly up his (bleeped). He said he can go join his mother in the looney bin. He said that brings them to "everyone's favorite dipsomaniac, Rhino, or should I say wine-o." He said he never listened to him years ago when they were on speaking terms when he told him the key is "indulgence, not compulsion." He said Judas never drinks wine, but he does have a taste for blood. He said he'll take great pleasure in watching him bite chunks out of his flesh. He said he'll giggle maniacally as he chokes on his own blood. "Bottoms up!" he concluded with his signature laughter. Good promo, as usual, from Mitchell.
-Rhino entered the ring with mic in hand and the drinking championship belt. He said the belt is a lot like him, a piece of crap, and then he whipped it several times against the ringpost. He said at Destination X he'll fall 15 feet head first and the broken piece of the belt represent his shattered skull at Destination X. He called for his opponent to come out so he can warm up his "Gore, Gore, Gore!"
4 -- JUDAS MESIAS (w/James Mitchell) vs. RHINO
Tenay and West talked about how Abyss has gone missing for several weeks since he unmasked on Impact. They said the emotional toll Mitchell's revelation took on him was too much. In the end, Mesias missed a top rope splash. Rhino then hit the Gore for the win. After the match, James Storm snuck up behind Rhino and superkicked him and then leaned over and trash-talked him.
WINNER: Rhino in 4:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Mostly a stand-up brawl. A strong win for Rhino headed into the PPV, but it cheapens everything about Mitchell's "monsters" to have then job so often in such short matches, especially when it's treated as the expected outcome and no big deal when it happens time after time. Tenay and West needed to sell this as a bigger deal for Rhino to beat Mesias in such a short match.
-Crystal interviewed Raisha Saeed with Awesome Kong. Saeed read a statement saying Kong is very sorry for what will happen to her opponents. She said Gail Kim and ODB have both committed an act of war and will pay a price for their acts. Homicide and Hernandez barged into the picture. Homicide touched Saeed's skirt and said, "Let's take a peek." Kong leaned in and went face-to-face with Hernandez.
5 -- AWESOME KONG (w/Raisha Saeed) vs. CELINAS
Celinas opened up with kicks, but Kong immediately knocked her over and threw her to the mat. West said ODB and Kim need to work together against Kong, but ultimately only one of them can be the Knockout Champion. Kong won quickly with a sitout powerbomb.
WINNER: Kong in 2:00.
-Crystal interviewed ODB and Kim. Kim said Kong does seem unstoppable and invincible, but she can be beat. She said she knows first-hand. She said with two of them, they will take advantage of her weakness by taking her off of her feet. Crystal asked who is going to get the pin. ODB said, "Good question, blondie." Kim said the better wrestler. ODB spit tobacco into a cup. Ewww.
-Tenay and West hyped the Elevation X line-up. Ring intros then took place for the main event.
6 -- CHRISTIAN CAGE vs. KURT ANGLE - Six-Sides of Steel Cage Match
The match was joined in progress, and three minutes into it - with Angle in control - they cut to another break.
At 10:00, Christian took Angle down with an inverted DDT. When he climbed the cage, Angle met him up there and went for a belly-to-belly. Christian blocked it and shoved Angle to the mat, then hit a frog splash. At 12:00 Angle tried to back suplex Christian off the top rope. Christian held onto the cage and eventually elbowed Angle to break free. He tried to climb over the top of the cage, but Angle gave him an Olympic Slam off the top to the mat. The crowd chanted "TNA, TNA." Christian scurried for the open door to escape, but Angle grabbed his leg and applied an ankle lock. Angle went for another Olympic slam, but Christian countered with an Unprettier, but Angle blocked it and then hit two German suplexes. Christian blocked the third attempt and countered with a backdrop that flipped Angle to the mat. At 15:00 Angle applied an anklelock while Christian was on the top rope. Christian flipped off of the top rope to escape, and it sent Angle crashing to the mat, too. Christian crawled to the cage door. Ref Earl Hebner opened it for him. Angle knocked Christian down, awkwardly tying up his leg into the ropes. Angle beat on Christian and then tried to crawl out of the door. Christian held on to him. Angle instead decided to climb the cage instead. He got to the top and raised his arms in victory. Christian escaped the ropes and met Angle on top. He crawled over and began climbing down with Angle. They both fell to the ground while tied up together. Tenay said it's a high-stakes judgment call. Hebner ruled that Christian hit the floor first.
WINNER: Christian in 17:00.
STAR RATING: ***1/2 -- Good cage match.
-Afterward, Tomko and Styles joined Angle in beating up Christian inside the cage with the door locked. Joe and Nash tried to make the save, but couldn't get the door open. Neither would be mistake for Spiderman, so they didn't climb the cage. Joe bashed the lock with a chair as Angle had Christian in an anklelock in mid-ring as they cut away to a final video promoting Elevation X. It seemed out of character for Tomko to take part in such a gang attack. His character just has no constitution and it's going to hurt his ability to be a breakout star this year.
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