By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
FEBRUARY 28, 2008
AIRED ON SPIKE TV - TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR


-After a video recap aired of last week's angles, they went to Kurt Angle doing squats backstage with Jeremy Borash kneeling and counting. With every squash, Angle said, "Kevin Nash, Kevin Nash, Kevin Nash." Karen walked in and said it'd be good for them to remember what brought them together when they were first dating. "I want us to start over," she said. Angle said, "Oh, I get it, the jealousy thing with your 'other husband' didn't work, so now you're crawling back to me?" Karen said that's not it. Kurt said it is simple. He said when they got married he said two things: "I do" and "I'm the boss." Karen said sometimes you don't know what you have until you don't have it. Kurt responded, "You must be talking about the TNA World Hvt. Title because I know I can live without you." He kicked her out of the room. Kurt went right back to counting the squats while saying Kevin Nash's name.

-The TNA Impact opening montage aired, then Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show as pryo blasted in the arena. Tenay plugged Awesome Kong vs. Angelina Love, Eric Young vs. James Storm, and Team 3D vs. Curry Man & Shark Boy. West plugged Scott Steiner & Petey Williams vs. Black Machismo & Sonjay Dutt and Nash vs. Angle for the first time ever.

-Booker T made his full ring intro. Tenay hyped Booker vs. Robert Roode at Destination X. Booker said he wanted to establish one thing. He said he's tired of all of the back jumping and underhanded tactics. He said he knows Roode is in the building, so he wants to do things face-to-face. Peyton Banks walked out and said Roode was on his way to the arena, but he hadn't arrived yet. He wanted her to send Booker a message. She slapped Booker. Ms. Brooks then charged to the ring and jumped on and beat up Banks. Tenay called it a cat fight.

-A video aired of Brother Devon trying to get Brother Ray to cut back on his food at a buffet. When the total rang up at 2.75, Ray yelled at Devon for telling him about the "275 pound gimmick." Devon introduced Ray to the salad bar. Ray said, "You're diet sucks," then bit on a carrot.

[Commercial Break]

-A commercial aired for the new TNA Home Video release, "TNA Global Impact."

-Borash interviewed Petey Williams and Scott Steiner backstage. He told Steiner what he did last week was unexpected, and thanks to him he has an X Division Title shot. He thanked him. Steiner said he's willing to forget he's a "short, squaty bastard from Canada" and then said he has a the heart of a lion. He took a dig at Sonjay, saying he needs to join the Hair Club for Men. He told Petey to be ready for the initiation. Petey wanted to know what that meant.

1 -- SCOTT STEINER (w/Rhaka Khan) & PETEY WILLIAMS vs. SONJAY DUTT & "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL

Steiner walked to the ring with Rocka Khan. Petey stepped onto the stage and began posing. Steiner corrected his posture. West's wheezing was bad again this week. Two minutes in, Machismo dove through the ropes onto Petey at ringside. So Cal Val walked over to check on him. Rocka Khan backed So Cal Val back as the cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Back from the break, Steiner pressed and then clotheslined Lethal over the top to the floor. Khan then whipped Lethal into the ringside steps. Steiner and Petey double-teamed Lethal in the ring. At 7:00 Dutt got the hot-tag and went to work on Petey including a springboard back splash for a two count. Steiner intervened. Lethal superkicked him to the floor. Petey shoved Lethal off the top rope to the floor. Dutt gave Petey an enzuigiri, but Steiner then hit him with his briefcase. Petey then finished Dutt with the Canadian Destroyer.

WINNERS: Steiner & Petey in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2

-The went to another skit with Team 3D finding themselves in a candy store. Ray discovered the fudge section. He couldn't contain himself. They both poured candy into their mouths. Johnny Devine off-camera told them to spit it all out. Rey held a couple gumdrops in longer, but Devine caught them. He tried to hold them in his hand when he pretended to throw them out, but Devine caught that, too.

[Commercial Break]

-A panicked Eric Young told Borash the monsters, Rellik and Black Reign, are there. He said, "Death is in the air." Kaz walked up to him. Young hugged him and said, "You're okay!" Kaz said he got his ass kicked last week, but he'll kick some ass next week. He said that's what he does. He showed off pictures of famous monsters such as Dracula and Frankenstein's monster. He said they're all made-up-monsters. He included Hillary Clinton on his list. Young told Kaz he won't like the Gremlins when you get them wet. Kaz said Rellik and Reign are just alter-egos, and everybody has them; even he has one.

[Commercial Break]

-Back to a Team 3D skit on the street. Ray tried to talk Devon out of joining a secret society back alley BBQ. The secret word to get in was "testify."

2 -- TEAM 3D vs. CURRY MAN & SHARK BOY

Tenay said Curry Man is absolutely infectious. He said everybody in the Impact Zone is on their feet to dance with Curry Man. West said, "You get caught up in the vibe." Christopher Daniels goes all out with the gimmick; it's hard to imagine anyone hamming it up better than he does. The videos they produce for him are so cheesy, they're perfect. Earl Hebner walked to the ring with a scale. Devon didn't make the cut. Tenay, scripted to sound like an absolute idiot, jumped in quickly and presumed it'd be a handicapped match. Of course, Ray hadn't weighed in yet, so the obvious punchline was he wouldn't make the cut, either. West said, "Finally a scale that works." Ray began taking off his boots and clothes. Tenay said there has to be a limit. West said children are watching. Ray stripped down to his boxers, adjusting himself first. Devon ordered him to remove the sock in his shorts. Devon did the same himself. Devon didn't make the cut, nor did Ray, on the second attempt. Hebner disqualified both of them.

WINNER: Curry & Shark via DQ - no match took place.

-Borash asked Karen where things go with her and Kurt from here. She hugged him and cried. A.J. Styles walked up and asked Borash what he did to her. Styles put his arm around Karen. He said wrestlers aren't the most sensitive people in the world. He said that fire from needing to fight for a living comes out in their every day lives. Karen said Styles isn't like that and he makes her feel special. Styles said she is special. He said he'd talk to Kurt because he'd listen to him. At what point did Styles go from being oblivious to being used and having a huge crush on Karen to being a marriage counselor and having no desire to be with Karen?

[Commercial Break]

-Shark Boy and Curry Man remained in the ring after the break. Shark, doing the Stone Cold voice, said he didn't come out there to get his arm raised by some referee. He wants to kick some "bass." He asked the crowd for a "shell yeah!" He said it can be Tenay & West, Hall & Oates, Fred & Barney, or Brad & Angelina. He said they aren't scared of anybody. Out came Rellik & Black Reign.

3 -- RELLIK & BLACK REIGN vs. CURRY MAN & SHARK BOY

Curry hit Reign with a top rope crossbody block. Ray ran out (so to speak) and distracted the ref as Devine hit Curry with a cane. Curry still kicked out before three. He then dove over the top rope onto both Team 3D members. Kaz then jabbed Reign in the stomach with a stick and Shark finished him with a Stunner.

WINNERS: Shark & Curry in 3:00.

-After the match, chaos broke out with everyone. Ray was still in his underwear as he set up a table mid-ring. Young's music played and he charged into the ring, bypassing his natural fear. He punched Ray, but as soon as he noticed Reign and Rellik, he froze. Then he ran to the back. Ray drove Kaz off the ropes through the table.

-Crystal caught up with the arriving Roode. He said tonight the running stops and the legend of Booker T falls.

[Commercial Break]

-A video package aired on the history of B.G. James and Kip James in TNA including the name change from James Gang to VKM and their challenge of their "former employers." WWE wasn't mentioned by name. Tenay and West were shown on camera for the first time all show. They plugged a special "Rough Cut" feature debuting next week on James and Kip, where a camera follows them around 24/7.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

-Robert Roode walked out to the ring with Peyton Banks. He said if Booker wants him, he's waiting. He said he's tired of being stalked and tired of his idle threats. He told him to come out and meet the fist - "the same fist with your skanky wife's blood on it." Booker's music played and he charged to the ring. After beating up Roode for a minute, Banks distracted Booker. Roode then gave Booker a DDT. Roode handcuffed Booker to the top rope. Roode stomped him, West wheezed, and Roode took his belt off. Traci Brooks bounced to the ring and jumped Banks. Then she unleashed on Roode. Banks took her down and choked her with Roode's belt. Banks then handcuffed Brooks to the middle rope on the opposite side of the ring. Too bad every other wrestler in TNA was in a locked-door, sound-proof meeting room being lectured by Jim Cornette or they could have stopped this carnage. Security ran to the ring. West asked what took them so long.

[Commercial Break]

-A video feature aired on the Elevation X match.

-Crystal interviewed Storm and Miss Jackie. Jackie told him he can't afford to be afraid. He shouted that he's not afraid. She told him to take that bass out of his voice because "it's no big whoop." Storm said it's not big whoop to her because she's not in the match where her career and her life is on the line. Jackie told him to take it one day at a time.

4 -- JAMES STORM (w/Miss Jackie) vs. ERIC YOUNG -- Ladder Match for Drinking Championship

Young checked for monsters on his way to the ring. The pryo, as always, scared Young. Storm went after Young on the rampway. Young punched back and then brought the ladder into the ring right away. He slidekicked it into Storm's chest. Storm picked it up and hit Young with it. Young suplexed Storm on the floor as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Young bridged a second ladder on the ring apron and security railing. Storm ended up superkicked Young off the ring apron and onto the bridged ladder. Storm then set up the other ladder and climbed it. He was hesitant to climb. Jackie tried to shove him up it. Jackie walked up the other side to encourage him. She took the belt down for him and handed it to him. After the match, Rhino entered the ring and gave Storm a Gore.

WINNER: Storm in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

[Commercial Break]

-Backstage, Styles approached Kurt as he was talking to Borash about facing Nash for the first time. Styles said he had something really important to talk to him about. Kurt asked if he could give him tips about facing Nash. Styles said it was about Karen. Angle was upset, as he wanted to focus on Nash. Styles said Karen is crying. Kurt said she's like any other women, crying to get her way. Styles said she's not just any woman, she's his wife. Kurt said he understands he's sweet on his wife, and it's cute, but he doesn't get the first thing about her. "If you did, you'd realize she's a bitch." Styles said, "Take it back." Angle said, "What, are you 11 years old, A.J.?" Kurt told A.J. he better be prepared to help him in his match against Nash. He walked away mocking him for saying, "Take it back."

5 -- ANGELINA LOVE (w/Velvet Sky) vs. AWESOME KONG (w/Ryesha Saed)

Tenay said he hasn't been able to find out much about Saed, but he did learn she trained with Kong at the New Japan dojo. West said she found someone she can trust. Love put up a spirited fight, but Kong won with the sitout powerbomb.

WINNER: Kong in 4:00.

-ODB stepped out and cut a promo on Kong. She said, "You'll find out the ODB is not just another pretty face." Gail Kim went after Kong from behind, but she bounced off of her. ODB ran in for the save, leaping into Kong's arms. She bounced off of Kong, too, but recovered immediately. Kong, though, laid out ODB with a strong clothesline. Kim saved ODB from a powerbomb, climbing up ODB's back to kick Kong. They double-dropkicked Kong and then double-speared her into the ropes. They tried to dump her over the top, and after some struggling (actually maneuvering Kong so she could land safely), they succeeded. Kong retreated , leaving ODB and Kim to argue with each other. West said they get along with a common enemy, but once that enemy is gone, their pride gets in the way.

[Commercial Break]

6 -- KEVIN NASH (w/Samoa Joe, Christian) vs. KURT ANGLE (w/A.J. Styles, Tomko)

Tenay relayed pre-match comments from Nash since there weren't any promos throughout the entire show to build this up. Angle talked about being focused on Nash, but he didn't really go any deeper into what was at stake. Nor did the announcers or the bumper plugs. Nash didn't speak to it at all. It really diminished the value and impact of the match. This show was more about Karen's feelings than this first-time ever match between two big names of the last 20 years. During a staredown mid-ring, Angle punched up at Nash. Nash fired back with his usual corner routine with elbows and knees. Angle kicked Nash's legs, but as he charged at Nash, Nash met him with a big boot and clotheslined Angle over the top rope to the floor. A brawl broke out at ringside with Joe, Christian, Styles, and Tomko. The ref ordered them all to the back as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

After the break, Angle had Nash in the figure-four. Nash eventually reversed it and Angle grabbed the bottom rope to force a break at 10:00. Nash clutched at his left knee as he tried to stand up. Nash picked up Angle and slammed him to the mat, then returned to his feet. He punched Angle, then sideslammed him for a two count. Nash set up a Jackknife, but Angle rolled through and sunset flipped Nash right into an anklelock. Nash powered out of it, then ducked a charging Angle, who flew into the ringpost head-first. Karen Angle walked to the ring to check on Kurt. Kurt shoved her down. Nash grabbed Angle and followed him into the ring. Borash checked on Karen as Kurt stomped and punched away at Nash. Styles joined Karen on the floor. Nash fired back with a knee and a Jackknife. He was slow to make the cover, and it didn't matter as the ref was at ringside checking on Karen, also. Karen was bleeding. A frustrated Nash yelled for the referee. Angle gave Nash a low blow from behind, then gave him an Olympic Slam for the win.

WINNER: Angle in 14:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- The match itself was acceptable. The downside is this wasn't about the match. The match was merely a conduit to promote the six-man tag team match and even more so forward the Styles-Karen-Kurt drama.

We suggest these recent related articles...

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/8: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Thursday show, including Roman Reigns & Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt & Braun Strowman

METZGER'S ROH TV REPORT 10/4 & 10/7: IWGP World champ Okada vs. Roderick Strong main event, plus Briscoes vs. Time Splitters, more from "Field of Honor," Overall Reax

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 10/7: TNA Title Series kicks off, Bound for Glory fall-out, more; Overall Reax