By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
FEBRUARY 21, 2008
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR

-A video package aired with clips of last week's Impact. These videos just include information overload. A refresher is a good idea, but it's just too much in two minutes. The show is titled "Alligator Honeymoon."

-Backstage, Kurt Angle yelled at Karen Angle for kissing A.J. Styles in front of a minister last week. He said she has two hours to fix things "or else." Karen said jealousy might be the only reason he pays attention to her. Angle threatened to punch Jeremy Borash for trying to intervene. Angle said he doesn't like the "boys" laughing about him behind his back. He told her to take her drama somewhere else, such as to her other husband. She said she will, to someone who appreciates her. Watching them yell and scream at each other every week is also just getting to be unpleasant. Nobody really wants to watch this type of thing between couples, certainly not a wrestling show. I don't even think soap operas feature that much grating arguments.

-Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show and hyped the Angle vs. Booker T main event.

1 -- A.J. STYLES & TOMKO vs. "BULLET" BOB ARMSTRONG & KIP JAMES (w/B.G. James)

B.G. came to the ring on crutches. The announcers had the challenge of recapping everything going on with Styles, Tomko (and Christian), and Kip and the James family. Styles gave Kip a Pele out of nowhere followed quickly by a Tomko running clothesline in a nice sequence at 2:00. Karen then walked to the ring. Bob tagged in and threw some chops. If Ric Flair sees this, he's never going to retire. B.G. tossed a cutch to Kip, but Kip turned heel and hit Bob with it. Tomko rolled on top of Bob for the opportunistic pin.

WINNERS: Tomko & Styles in 3:00.

-After the match, B.G. tried to get into the ring to tend to his dad, but Kip hit him with crutches, too. Tenay said ten years of history just came to an end.

-Crystal interviewed Gail Kim and ODB. Kim said last week they had some communication problems, but now they're on the same page, with their goal being to bring down Awesome Kong. ODB said she'd going through anybody to get to Kong. She pointed at Kim off camera as she said that. Styles and Karen walked into the picture. Crystal asked Styles about kissing Karen. Styles said he got caught up in the moment. Karen said Styles should kiss the person he's married to. Styles acted surprised that he was married to her. "Is this even legal?" he asked. Karen told him to get ready for the honeymoon. Styles said he had nothing planned. She said that was okay, just be spontaneous. He suddenly got an idea and got excited and scurried off.

[Commercial Break]

-They replayed Kip turning on B.G. Crystal then interviewed Kip backstage, who was in a rage. He yelled at her to shut her mouth. He said he just got rid of a 250 pound "bag of sh--." He said where he comes from, friendship is more important than family. He told B.G. to bring it because he's going to need it. Too much yelling at the top of lungs once again this week. No one should reach that volume and intensity more than once every month or two so it really stands out. Too much and it's numbing and annoying. He could have accomplished the same thing by being more full of himself and proud of his double-cross without being in such a red-faced yelling rage.

-Jim Cornette, flanked by Matt Morgan, stood mid-ring with Black Machismo, Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Sonjay Dutt. Cornette ran down his credentials and accomplishments in TNA. He said he's made his mark in TNA and deserves applause. Machismo took off his sunglasses and talked in his human voice. He mentioned Christopher Daniels and Jerry Lynn and A.J. Styles for being trailblazers and founding fathers for the division. He turned to thank Shelley and Sabin, also. He said they are two of the toughest guys he's ever known and they fought alongside him for something important. He said it was a privilege to stand in the ring with his best friend Sonjay Dutt. He said he's never known true friendship until he met him. They hugged. Sonjay was in his amped up character. He then said there is another person to mention, someone who warmed his world with a glance. He addressed So Cal Val and asked her to enter the ring. She bashfully entered the ring. Lethal got down on his knees and asked her to go out with him. The crowd laughed at his production. She said, "Ohhhhh, yeahhh!" Lethal then let out an "Ohhh yeahhh! Dig it!" Poor So Cal Val. Her character should study some late 1980s wrestling history to find out what she's in for.

-Crystal interviewed Kaz. Eric Young interrupted and nervously told Kaz he's fighting Rellik, "which is killer spelled backwards." He "broke kayfabe" and called him "Frankie" Young hyperventilated and told him he's going to eat his brains. Kaz slapped him and told him to calm down. He said Rellik is just another wrestler, a man like they are. He said he appreciates his concern and walked off. He rambled about monsters chopping heads off from behind. The whole thing with Rellik being a monster would carry more weight if he didn't promise brutality last week and then after scoring a win, just saunter to the back without anything resembling his promises.

[Commercial Break]

-Samoa Joe met with Jim Cornette in his office. He said they have privacy and security now, so he can sign the contract now and be legally bound to TNA on his own terms. He said over the course of the contract negotiations, he's thought through what's really important to him. He said he wants to become champion more than anything else. He said he needs the title shot to be fair. He said at Destination X, he, Kevin Nash, and Christian Cage want to face the Angle Alliance. He said after he wins that match and secures his title shot and wins the title, he will then sign the contract. He said if he's not champion after Lockdown, there's not much of a point in him being in TNA anyway. Cornette expressed dismay and frustration that he couldn't get Joe to sign the paperwork there. Some loose ends were tied with this storyline there that finally explained why Joe has seemed to be acted so counter to his own best interests lately in not signing the contract that gave him everything he wanted and then some.

2 -- RELLIK vs. KAZ

After an early dive by Kaz onto Rellik on the floor, Rellik reversed Kaz into the steel rail twice and then threw him back into the ring. Tenay said a camera will be following Styles and Karen on their honeymoon. Rellik applied a Cobra Twist, Kaz kicked backwards off the turnbuckle and bridged into a pin.

WINNER: Kaz in 2:00.

-After the match, Black Reign joined Rellik in attacking Kaz. Rellik nailed Kaz with his Sickle finisher. Young ran out for the save. They played his intro music for his save, which goes against the wrestling handbook. Young paused with fear before entering the ring. Tenay said he's intimidated.

-Crystal asked Booker if he can switch gears and concentrate on Angle tonight. Booker said his first title shot came when Rick Martel forgot his wrestling boots and he replaced him and won the TV Title. He said 38 championships later, here he is still standing. He said he'll meet Angle one-on-one and "do you like you're supposed to be done, make you pay, make you say, Daddy I don't want none." He said Bobby Roode didn't show up again tonight, but Cornette has assured him he will show up next week or be suspended indefinitely.

[Commercial Break]

-A video hyped the Elevation X scaffold match at Destination X on March 9. Then the went to a video on Abyss, showing him falling onto barbed wire and thumb tacks. It recapped the storyline with Jim Mitchell.

-Tenay and West said they don't know why Abyss walked out of the Impact Zone last week. Tenay plugged his Rhino sitdown interview. (I hope he yells really loud so I know he means it!) They also hyped the rest of the show.

3 -- SONJAY DUTT vs. JOHNNY DEVINE vs. PETEY WILLIAMS - X Division No. 1 Contender Match

After early rapid-fire action, Steiner and Rhaka Khan. At ringside, Steiner hit Dutt with a briefcase as Kahn distracted the ref. Petey, meanwhile, gave Devine a dropkick from behind. Steiner punched him. Petey small packaged him for the win. After the match, Steiner offered a handshake to Petey. Petey hesitated, but shook hands.

WINNER: Petey in 3:00 to become top contender for the X Title.

-They went to handheld footage the start of the honeymoon with Styles and Karen. It was what looked like a submarine shop. He lit a candle, but almost burned himself lighting it. Styles pulled out fake flowers. When Karen said they're not real, he said they'll last forever. Styles pulled out a snow globe. He said there was a story behind that. He said growing up in Gainsville, they never got snow. He said on Christmas Eve he prayed for snow, and Christmas morning, nothing. He said he was heartbroken, but there was his grandma handing him the snow globe. She said as long he has that, he'll have snow anytime. He said he wanted her to have it. He said as long as she has that, she'll have him. He called out for steak and gravy.

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay interviewed Rhino, who spoke in his indoor voice. Tenay asked where he'd been. Rhino said sometimes people make mistakes and a person has to step away for a little while. Tenay asked if James Storm was responsible. Rhino said he made fun of an addiction he had. Tenay asked about Elevation X. Rhino said he'll be afraid, but block it out and get revenge. He said, "A dirtbag like him needs to be stopped." He said sometimes you have to stand up and be a man. He said at Destination X, Storm will fall and not get up.

-Crystal interviewed Curry Man and Shark Boy. Curry danced and then spoke in Japanese. Crystal asked Shark what he said. Shark said he has no idea, but it better have been about stomping a mud hole in someone. He said Curry Man is all right in his book, and "that's the fishing line because Shark Boy said so."

4 -- SHARK BOY & CURRY MAN vs. TEAM 3D

Tenay said there are communication problems between Shark and Curry. Tenay said Curry's dancing is infectious. West said if you're not entertained by Curry Man, you don't have a pulse. Ring introductions took place. Just as referee Earl Hebner was about to enter the ring with a scale for the weigh-in, they cut to a commercial break. Once again, TNA managed to go to a commercial break just as the second hour was about to begin.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

[Commercial Break]

Ray prayed as he was weighed. The ref said he made it. West said Ray broke the scale. Tenay said it's a new scale this week. Devon the stepped on the scale and posed. The ref said he didn't make the cut. Brother Ray asked, "You fat bastard, how could you do this to me? I saw you the other night. You got up and I saw you with the Twinkies. Stop eating the Twinkies." West called Ray a nutritional guru. Devon began walking to the back. Ray said he'd get him help with Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Curry schoolboyed him for a near fall. Ray fired back with a clothesline. Ray then did the Worm. Curry ducked and blocked some Ray punches after his grandstanding. As the ref was distracted by Shark Boy, Ray gave Curry a low kick. Ray threw Curry out of the ring where Devon threw him into the guard rail. Tenay plugged that later they'd have post-wedding footage after last week's show went off the air. At 3:00 Shark got the hot-tag and went after Ray with the Stone Cold-style Thesz press. Curry dove off the top rope onto Devine after he attempted to interfere. Devon was going to hit Shark with a scale, but Shark gave him a Stunner. Ray then hit Shark with the scale as the ref tried to get Devon out of the ring.

WINNERS: Team 3D in 5:00.

-Crystal interviewed Kurt Angle backstage. He said he doesn't care about Styles and Karen right now. "They can have each other, for all I care." He said his primary concern is keeping the TNA Title. He said Booker isn't coming into his house. He said after he beats him later, it's off to Destination X to face the Three Stooges.

[Commercial Break]

-They went to Styles and Karen. Karen was losing her enthusiasm for being taken to Gatorland. Styles bragged up the smoked Gator Ribs. "This is the best honeymoon, ever!" he said. He proudly said they're fried. Styles brought her to the wrestling pit where the gators are. Styles knew the gators in the water around them by name. He poked one of them with a rake. Karen told him not to hurt them. Styles said they're fast, but if they try to get any of them, they'd go after Borash. Styles said he wanted to show her birds now.

5 -- MISS JACKIE & ROXXI LAVEAUX vs. ODB & GAIL KIM

Tenay said it seemed as if Karen was falling for Styles's boy-like innocent. West said he's got charm. Kim and ODB showed cooperation and teamwork early on. When Jackie punching ODB on the mat, they cut to a break at 3:00.

[Commercial Break]

Gail had Roxxi down for a pin attempt, but Jackie interfered. ODB threw her out of the ring. Kim went for a top rope dropkick, but Roxxie yanked ODB into the path of the kick. Jackie beat on ODB at ringside as Roxxi pinned Kim after a fallaway slam.

WINNER: Jackie & Roxxi in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *

-After the match, ODB got upset at Kim for kicking her, even though it was obviously not Kim's intent. They brawled. Security separated them. They broke free and fought some more before being separated again. Kim then dove onto ODB and two security guards on the floor.

-Crystal interviewed Joe, Kevin Nash, and Christian Cage. She said they're an unlikely trio. Christian said he remembers that Nash called him after he lost his last match and invited him to be part of the six-man match. Christian said they may be unlikely ingredients, but they're unstoppable. He said Styles and Tomko were more than friends to him, they were family. He said he always had their best interests in mind. He said it's great that they want to venture out on their own. He said it's kept him up at nights, wondering why they've left him. He said no matter how much he kept those two in the spotlight, they knew no matter what they did, they'd never be as good as him and neither could live with that. He said the table has been set for Destination X. He said they are three guys who don't get along much and may never be friends, but they will end the Angle Alliance.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash continued to film Karen and Styles as they walked into the hotel. Styles wished her good night and went into his room. He quickly came back out and said he's a little confused about being married to her, but so is Kurt. He said if she was his wife, every day would be his honeymoon. He said he needed to get some sleep. He went into his room alone. Karen looked love-struck by his innocence, reverence for her, and not chasing her just for sex. Borash off-camera asked if she was okay.

-Clips aired of Angle destroying the wedding set last week after the show went off the air.

[Commercial Break]

6 -- KURT ANGLE vs. BOOKER T

There wasn't much of a backstory on why these two were matched up against each other or what was at stake, but on the good side, both were given promo time to talk about the match. Yet, on the bad side, both basically said they're looking past this match because there are more pertinent matters awaiting them at Destination X. It just felt like a thrown together main event drawing inefficiently on their star power.

[Commercial Break]

Booker was on offense after the break. West said this match isn't for the title, but one day it will be. West said both guys entered the match with baggage, but now they're focused on each other. At 10:00 Angle made a comeback, then grounded Booker on the mat with a waistlock. They cut to another break.

[Commercial Break]

Angle remained in control after the second break. He went to the top rope. Booker caught him up there and superplexed him. Booker played to the crowd, but then had to fend off a surprise appearance by Robert Roode on the ring apron. Angle jumped Booker from behind and gave him a quick Olympic slam for the win.

WINNER: Angle in 17:00.

STAR RATING: *** -- Solid TV match. It felt like they were filling time until the run-in more than fighting to win, but they are two pros who can even make that worth watching.

-Afterward, Christian ran out to save Booker. Angle and Roode stomped on Christian in a corner as Booker caught his breath on the other side of the ring. Kevin Nash and Samoa Joe then came out to be sure order was restored. Tomko came out and stood next to Angle. Nash challenged Angle to a singles match next week. West screamed that we have to be there next week.

-No video recap this week. They went right to "Pros vs. Joes."

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