By James Caldwell, Torch columnist

TNA Impact on Spike TV
January 10, 2007
Taped Jan. 7 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist

The show opened with a video package recap of the Final Resolution PPV.

Crystal tracked down Robert Roode backstage, who was trying to leave the building. She said Sharmell is in the hospital with a broken jaw. Roode said Booker should be blamed for allowing his wife to get in the way of the action. Crystal asked if he has any remorse. Roode stopped, turned around, and said s--- happens in the wrestling business. He said things are going his way tonight when he faces Mrs. Brooks tonight. Roode said he's done with her after tonight.

Ringside, Mike Tenay and Don West plugged an interview with Booker T, Roode vs. Brooks, and Gail vs. Kong in the main event. But, they start with a tag match.

1 -- SENSHI & ELIX SKIPPER vs. CHRIS SABIN & ALEX SHELLEY

Tenay opened the match by talking about Sabin & Shelley getting screwed at the PPV by Team 3D. Senshi and Skipper jumped Detroit's finest before the match started, then Skipper cut off Shelley with a knee to the gut. This match is going short with the babyfaces on the disadvantage to start things off. Shelley, who didn't even have a chance to remove his ring jacket, was double-teamed in the heel corner. He finally caught Senshi with a jawbreaker before hot-tagging to Sabin. The action picked up, with Shelley and Sabin doing a bunch of double-team spots on the opponents. They did a double enziguiri kick on Senshi, then Shelley made the pin for the win. West offered the scripted lines about Sabin and Shelley doing things in the ring that no one else can do.

WINNERS: Sabin & Shelley in 5:00. Fast-paced action to repeat the basic X Division formula match. (*1/2)

After the match, Christian Cage stormed the ring, as opposed to Team 3D. Christian cleared Senshi and Skipper from the ring, then he cut a promo about Styles stabbing him in the back. He said he gave Styles everything in wrestling, so now he takes it back.

And now to backstage, where Chris Harris screamed at Jim Cornette about not having his own locker room yet. He said that everyone in TNA knows he's better than how he's booked. Cornette said he wanted to commit suicide having to listen to Harris. He then booked Harris in a match against Judas Mesias tonight. Harris mocked Judas's gimmick, then Cornette told him his match is next. Harris took off his jacket and said he didn't even have time to eat the crappy catering. Cornette started complaining about his job, then Samoa Joe then stormed in and asked if Cornette set him up. Cornette said all he did was make a match to sell tickets. Sell tickets? Sell tickets in Orlando? How do you sell a free ticket? Joe screamed at Cornette that he will handle Nash tonight.

And now for a video from earlier. They showed Jeremy Borash pulling up to the garage area, driving the Angle caravan. Styles, Karen, and Kurt hopped out. Kurt said the whole world will witness Styles's official coronation into the Angle Alliance. He's now Prince A.J. Styles. Angle, with a giant shiner over his eye, clapped it up for everyone, then told Borash to get the bags. So, this must be setting up Prince Fergal vs. Prince Styles in a prince vs. prince match.

They aired a Global Impact promo for next Thursday after Impact.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

Kurt and Karen Angle were changing in the Angle locker room while Borash cut a promo on Styles for costing Christian the TNA Title. Styles asked for some advice. Styles then asked Kurt for some advice on handling Christian. He blew it off and told him to get dressed for the coronation. Styles then asked Karen for her advice. She said he has nothing to worry about. Karen told him to fix his hair, put on his tux...and hide. Oh, this is going great so far. There was a knock on the door, then Tomko walked in and Styles went for a big hug. Styles said he doesn't like Christian's words about killing him. Tomko said he has to pay up if he wants to dance with the Angles. Styles went to hide, but he told Karen she smells great. Karen smiled and went back to helping Kurt with his tuxedo.

2 -- JUDAS MESIAS (w/James Mitchell) vs. CHRIS HARRIS

Mitchell on commentary with Tenay and West. Harris went to the announce table to complain about whatever, which allowed Judas to jump Harris on the floor. The action went into the ring as Tenay quizzed Mitchell on "the secret". Mitchell said either himself or Chris "Abyss" will reveal the secret next week. In the ring, Judas went for a top rope splash, but Harris moved out of the way. Mitchell moved to ringside for a closer look. Harris with a big left-arm clothesline, leading to a spinebuster for a nearfall. Harris went for the catatonic, but Mitchell had the ref distracted. Judas then spewed the mist in the eyes and hit the go-to-hell slam for the win.

WINNER: Judas in 4:00. Basic TV match. Harris showed good energy to cover for him not being in the greatest of shape. (*)

They went backstage where Crystal tried to interview a despondent Mrs. Brooks. She said Brooks couldn't possibly get in the ring with Roode. Brooks's voice cracked as said she can't run and hide because it means he has power over women to make them look weak. Brooks said she has to go to the ring to show Roode she's not afraid.

[Commercial Break]

They came back and recapped Mitchell's ultimatum to Chris Abyss for next week. They went to Tenay and West ringside to talk about Roode vs. Brooks. Tenay asked why Jim Cornette would allow that. (A reference to man vs. woman violence.) West became excited as he talked about the Gail vs. Kong feud. They showed a nice video package of their Final Resolution match.

[Q3]

VKM's music hit. They came out on stage for a tag match, but Kip and Roxxi stormed right past B.G. to the ring. Kip was in more "normal" trunks this week. They skipped the usual pre-match pose for the hard camera. Petey Williams came out as one of the opponents. He's still holding the case for the TNA Title shot. Sonjay Dutt came out as his partner.

3 -- VKM (B.G. JAMES & KIP JAMES w/Roxxi) vs. PETEY WILLIAMS & SONJAY DUTT

Kip took a double-team to start things off, then he tagged out to B.G., who looked at him like he's washed up. B.G. then took a dropkick from Petey, who posed on the mat. Kip ran in and missed with an elbow smash, leading to Petey posing with push-ups. Petey did more posing in the ring as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

They returned with Kip working over Petey. Suddenly, Scott Steiner hobbled to ringside with his X Division case. With Petey down on the mat, Steiner swapped cases and hobbled away with Petey's Hvt. Title shot case. Petey tagged out, then saw that his case had been jacked. Why did he even bring his case to ringside to begin with? In any event, Petey bailed from ringside to find Steiner. Back in the ring, Dutt rolled up Kip for a quick win.

Afterward, Dutt walked over to So Cal Val and gave her a big smooch on the lips. She acted shocked for a second, then sorta liked it. In the ring, B.G. and Kip argued about how over-the-hill they are. Kip then took the mic and said next week, he wants B.G.'s answer on his partner for the tag title shot. "Another deadline for next week?" Tenay asked. Yes, more deadlines. Just what we all need.

WINNERS: Dutt & Petey in 8:00. Ah, look at Dutt. His partner bails on him and he wins a tag match. Samoa Joe's partner bails on him and he loses a tag match. Too short to amount to much. (3/4*)

Backstage, Crystal chased Christian around backstage as Christian tried to find Styles. Suddenly, the camera swung around to find Styles and Borash hiding with two dudes in cargo shorts underneath a table. Styles told them to be quiet.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

They returned with Borash and Styles now by themselves underneath the table. Suddenly, Eric Young found them and talked about hiding at the Universal Studios park. Styles said he's not going to the ring where he'll have a huge target on his chest. Styles and Borash left, though, and Young remained underneath the table.

Now for a video package on the Team 3D vs. X Division feud. They went to the ring where Team 3D was mid-promo. Brother Ray made a proposal for the next PPV: Team 3D vs. Shelley & Sabin & Lethal in a hardcore street fight. If S&S&L win, then Team 3D hands back the X Division belt. If Team 3D wins, the X Division disbands forever. Tenay rhetorically asked if that could mean the end of the X Division.

Back to Crystal, who followed Samoa Joe with security. Joe stormed into Nash's locker room where Nash was holding a baseball bat to fend off Joe. Nash said he isn't doing the dance for free backstage. He said if Joe wants a match, then he needs to get Cornette to pony up a check for each of them. Joe said Nash screwed him. Nash said it was a wake-up call because he's been running around the locker room acting like an angry child. He said Joe needs his wisdom. Nash then handed the baseball bat to Joe and told him to take a shot. Joe clutched the bat as Nash casually walked away, saying Joe doesn't have the guts to take him out right now. The lines were forced considering the promos are scripted line-for-line, but the message was pretty clear.

Kurt Angle did a voice-over promo for the Kong vs. Gail match tonight. He picked Gail because she has heart. Nice use of Angle to give his rub to another title match.

[Commercial Break]

They went to a random sit-down interview with Mike Tenay and Booker T from the hospital in Orlando. Booker was despondent as some dude hooked him up with a mic. Tenay asked for an update on Sharmell's condition. Booker said it's pretty bad. She has a shattered jaw. They showed a still photo of Roode's blow on Sharmell at the PPV. Tenay asked Booker about his thoughts and emotions. He said he blames himself for this. He said she wanted to participate in the action, but it may have been the biggest mistake of his life to allow her to make that call. Booker said he's been beating himself up day in and day out about it. He said the day that Sharmell walks out of the hospital is when he transfers the pain from himself onto Robert Roode. Booker with the classic Russo line about "it's personal, it's not about wrestling." He casually ended the interview and took off his mic to return to Sharmell's bedside.

Robert Roode came out to the ring and grabbed a mic. He said he just watched Booker's interview, which he called pathetic. Roode said his opinion is boo-hoo. He said Booker agreed to the match and he put Sharmell in the ring, knowing full well that anything could happen. Roode said so-what that he broke her jaw because now she can lose a few pounds. He then brought up an overweight skank, Ms. Brooks. He said it's official that Brooks is fired. Roode said it's over and they are done. He said that's not enough, though, because Robert Roode Inc. is going to do something that RR, Inc. should have done a long time ago. He said the broken jaw is going to seem like a splinter to Brooks once he's done with her tonight.

[Q5 -- second hour]

Some random dance music hit, then Brooks came out to the ring. What's Lawler's line about her pouring her heart out of her shirt? Brooks choked back tears as she cut off Roode before he could start talking again. Tenay interjected his I'm-so-mad lines. Brooks said she's petrified right now. She said every single day they were together, he verbally abused her. Brooks said Roode has everything he wants in life, but none of that matters because at the end of the day, he's just a prick named Bob. Tenay and West together: "ahahahaha!" Roode snapped back at her to shut up. He said she was in the presence of greatness for so long, but she never learned anything. Roode said it's time for her to find out that it pays to be rude.

Suddenly, Jim Cornette stormed out and told Roode not to move or breathe. Cornette said he's not putting one finger on that poor girl. "Poor girl" is quite the demeaning label. Cornette said the fans, Spike TV, TNA, and he's not going to allow it. He called Roode an embarrassment to the male species, then said he should suspend Roode for the rest of his career. Brooks got cocky all of a sudden, then Cornette said he should probably have someone run him over with a truck. He's not doing that, though. Cornette said he wants to see Booker pull him apart piece-by-piece because that will give him more pleasure. He told Brooks to take a walk to the back while security escorts her out of the building.

She left the ring and taunted Roode, but the crazy Roode fan hopped over the guardrail and jumped Brooks. She beat up Brooks on the entrance ramp, then grabbed a chair and playfully tapped Brooks on the back with the chair. Roode then grabbed the chair and chased Cornette away. Crazy plant fan continued to beat up Brooks until Roode announced her as Mrs. Banks. Matt Morgan eventually came to ringside with Cornette to run Roode off. So, they're doing the old storyline where a heel does something so dastardly that it should warrant his firing, but the authority figure would rather see the babyface deliver more of a punishment than a firing would entail.

Jay Lethal did a silly promo on Kong vs. Gail, saying it would be Wendi Richter vs. Moolah with Cyndi Lauper making an appearance.

[Commercial Break]

Back to the Universal Studios park where Jeremy Borash was hanging around with tourists. Styles was hanging around dressed as a pharaoh from the Mummy exhibit. Styles asked Borash if Karen and Kurt were looking for him. He said Karen was in the men's bathroom doing business. Borash and Styles left to find her.

4 -- LAX (HOMICIDE & HERNANDEZ w/Selenas) vs. JIMMY RAVE & LANCE HOYT

West excused his inability to figure out that the random gangster was a woman because she was wearing a real baggy shirt all those weeks. It was baggy, but not that baggy. No Christy Hemme ringside. Tenay and West plugged Gail vs. Kong later tonight. In the ring, Homicide walked into a big toss and big boot from Hoyt. Homicide then tagged out to Hernandez, who ran over folks. He choketossed Rave across the ring before pushing him to the opposite side of the ring.

The action broke down as Hoyt went for a moonsault attempt, but Hernandez shoved him to the floor. Back in the ring, Homicide went for the Cop Killer, but Rave countered into a roll-up for a nearfall. Homicide came right back with the Cop Killer for the win. The camera focused on Selenas after the match.

WINNERS: LAX in 3:00. Fine, but not memorable. How silly of us to believe that two hours of Impact would mean longer matches. Now, it's just 100 percent more shorter matches. (1/2*)

ODB did a promo on Gail vs. Kong. She said she hopes they kill each other so she can take the Knocked...up title. So, the gimmick is that she's one of those crazy women on COPS arguing with the officers.

[Q6]

[Commercial Break. Booker got a local spot to promote his PWA Slammuary show next Friday. Team 3D will be there.]

Crystal interviewed Tomko backstage. She skipped right over his match against Shark Boy, then Tomko said Styles got into his mess and now he's in his own mess. Crystal asked why Syles picked the Angles. Tomko sniffled, then said he it's a schoolboy crush. Crystal didn't get it. It doesn't matter.

Shark Boy's music hit, then he hobbled out on crutches. His arm was in a sling. His body was covered in bandages. The story is that Shark Boy requested a match against one of the biggest and baddest men on the roster so he could get beat up more. Tenay and West said Shark Boy has a death wish. So, is Shark Boy supposed to be the cartoon characterization of Abyss?

5 -- SHARK BOY vs. TOMKO

The bell sounded and Tomko gave Sharkie a big boot to the face. Tomko put his hands on his hips following a fallaway slam, not sure whether he should let him breathe or inflict more damage. Tomko with a torture rack slam into neck breaker for the win. Afterward, Tomko casually left the ring while security put him on a stretcher. Security is now certified to handle medical

WINNER: Tomko in 1:00. Squash. Move along. (n/a)

They cut to video of Styles and Borash storming into a stall where Karen was putting her dress on. Styles helped her tie the back of her dress, then she turned around and adjusted his Pharaoh outfit. She sent Borash away so she could have some quality time with Styles. Karen then rubbed Styles's chest and shoulders as she cut a promo about Styles needing to rise up and become the man she knows he's capable of. She said Styles has acted more like a man than Kurt has lately. Styles asked if he knows about this. She told him not to worry about that right now. Styles got excited and said he would go get his tux for the coronation. He left, then Karen licked her lips and looked to the ceiling with a frustrated smile.

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

They went backstage where Crystal asked Kaz about his new pet rat called Marlena. Kaz said this is a mouse, not a rat. Connection: Dustin's old gimmick was Goldust, managed by Marlena. Kaz stormed off with the mouse in the cage.

The Angles and Styles walked out to the ring where Borash stood beside a giant throne. Kurt took the mic and stopped when he was booed. Kurt then told Styles to sit down in the throne so he could be introduced as Prince A.J. Styles. Kurt commended Styles on his decision to join the Angle Alliance when it came with tough consequences. He said Styles's grace, dignity, and honor when he screwed Christian was great. Styles meekly shook his head that he didn't like the verbiage Angle was using. Kurt said what caught his eye was how Styles executed the back-stab on Christian.

Christian's music interrupted and he walked out on stage. He said everyone saw Kurt tap out when the ref was down during the match. Christian said he would deal with Kurt later, but he wants to address Prince A.J. now. Christian said Styles made his decision. He was cut off by a "Princess A.J." chant. Christian then asked Styles if he's ready to man up. Karen whispered in Styles's ear what to say. Styles said he grew up and now he's ready to take on anything. Christian then made a joke about Karen using her mouth after $4 and some booze. Kurt got mad, then Styles stormed back that she's a lady and they can take him.

Christian started to walk out to the ring, but Samoa Joe's music hit and he slowly sauntered out on stage. Joe said he came here tonight for his title shot. Styles took the mic and told him too shut up. Styles said "we" call the shots, not you. Joe said it looks like Styles put on his big boy boots tonight. Joe said he has no problem smacking another man's b---- to get what he wants. Christian said he doesn't like Joe, but they can agree on one thing - taking Styles and Angle out.

Jim Cornette then stormed out and said both Christian and Joe deserve a title shot. Cornette said A.J. Styles - the royal pain in the butt - doesn't really deserve a title shot, but he wants to see Styles get whupped. He booked a three-way dance next week with Styles vs. Christian vs. Joe. If Christian or Joe wins, one of them gets a title shot. If Styles wins, he gets a choice of title match or giving Angle two months off without having to defend the title until Lockdown. Kurt was all giddy about getting a two-month break. Joe smiled and clutched his wrists while Christian stood confidently on the entrance ramp.

They cut backstage where Gail and Kim were on a split-screen approaching the entrances to the Impact zone.

[Commercial Break]

[Q8]

Tenay did the tale-of-the-tape on Kong vs. Gail. Awesome Kong then slowly walked out to the ring first. Suddenly, a woman in traditional Middle Eastern clothing came out behind her. She slowly walked to the ringside area as Kong entered the ring focused on the match. Gail came out next and held up the Women's Title before slowly walking to the ring favoring her neck from the PPV beating. Jeremy Borash handled the formal ring intros. How many different hats does JB wear? Borash couldn't finish Gail's intro before Kong charged her in the corner to start the match.

6 -- TNA women's champion GAIL KIM (125 lbs.) vs. AWESOME KONG (272 lbs.)

Gail avoided Kong's pre-match attack, but Kong nailed a spinning back fist to the face. They fought to the floor where Kong threw Gail on the entrance ramp. They moved to the stage area where Kong measured Gail for a big splash against the wood boards supporting the stage, but Gail moved and Kong went crashing through the wood. Referees spilled to ringside to check on Kong as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

They returned with neither lady counted out despite being on the floor for three minutes. Back in the ring, Kong ran over Gail with a hard clothesline to the throat. Kong went for a corner move, but Gail blocked and nailed a tornado DDT in center ring. Gail made a cover for a nearfall. She then came off the top rope with a leaping back splash for a nearfall. Gail then went to the corner and pointed down at the lady. That gave Kong an opening for a chokeslam when a distracted Gail came off the top rope. Kong dropped Gail with a double underhook for a close nearfall. Gail then came back with kick strikes. She went for a top rope huracanrana, but Kong blocked into a powerbomb. She maintained contact with Gail and executed a second powerbomb, she then finished off Gail with a third powerbomb for the pin and the win to capture the belt.

WINNER: Awesome Kong in 9:00. Maybe my expectations were too high for TNA to execute a simple TV main event title match, but this came off pretty anticlimactic. The opening of the match was brawling on the floor. Then, after the commercial, they went right into the finishing sequence of big spot, nearfall, big spot, nearfall, big spot, announcers dejected, nearfall, repeat. There was no middle to this match. It just continues to me amaze me how TNA wastes so much time on this show that they could only devote six minutes of actual wrestling to a main event TV title match. That said, the action was good, as expected. There was just so much potential for this to be more than just good. (**1/2)

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