By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
DECEMBER 6, 2007
TAPED 12/3 IN ORLADO, FLA.

-The show opened with highlights from the PPV on Sunday, then a quote "Can't we all get along." If that phrase is never said again, especially under the mistaken guise of being "clever," I will be a happier person.

-They showed Kip James and B.G. James getting out of a rental car out back. They were arguing. Then Scott Steiner arrived with his briefcase alone. Then Petey William got out of a car with his case. And finally, all three members of Triple X got out of a car. Christopher Daniels seemed upset, too. That whole sequence exposed the ridiculousness of the stip. The wrestlers worked hard to capture the briefcases, and now they'll all acting like they were losers saddled with a boobie prize. Mike Tenay narrated the clips of the wrestlers arriving with the cases.

1 -- RELLIK & BLACK REIGN vs. LAX (Homicide & Hernandez)

Don West said a mere mortal man wouldn't be able to wrestle this soon after the PPV, but they aren't mortal men. In other words, he's trying to explain away the obvious ridiculousness of those two being part of a 10,000 thumb tacks match and then wrestling a few days later. Of course, for that gimmick and gimmicks like it to really be a draw on PPV - or at least have a chance - wrestlers who participate in them should take a couple TVs off afterward as the effects of the mac are sold. West talked about LAX's failure to acquire one of the cases in the Feast or Fire match-up. They really pushed that someone would get the pink slip tonight. Tenay plugged that a backstage confrontation took place at the PPV that they can't talk about on air, but can on TNA Mobile.

WINNERS: LAX in 4:00.

STAR RATING: * -- It's strange that they're jobbing Rellik every week.

-After the match, Lance Hoyt, Jimmy Rave, and Christy Hemme jumped into the ring and attacked LAX. LAX's short mystery member with child-bearing hips ran in and jumped Christy. Tenay said that won't sit well with Jim Cornette because he doesn't like male on female violence. They just sound like complete idiots for assuming it's a man under that mask and outfit, especially since "the LAX member" has female breasts.

-Backstage, Jeremy Borash interviewed Jim Cornette and Matt Morgan. Cornette talked about the cases. Morgan was in charge of watching them. Morgan told Cornette he gave them to Cristal to watch. Cornette freaked out that someone might be able to fiddle with them. He said his blood pressure was shooting up. Team 3D and Johnny Devine walked in. He asked for the X Title belt back nicely. Brother Ray told Cornette he has no balls. "You are the head of this company and you lack what it takes to be a man," he said. He handed him the belt and accused him of crying like a baby. "How do you expect them to become real men if you just hand them the belt back." Jay Lethal walked in and suggested he win it back in a ladder match with the belt hanging above the ring. Ray told Lethal that if he knew his wrestling history, he'd know that was a bad challenge. Lethal said he knows his wrestling history, then he referenced Earthquake and Slick. Ray mockingly laughed at him, then said they're the king of matches with ladders. Cornette said, "You guys settle it." That was a better explanation for the actual belt being at stake in the match, but Cornette still looked weak by not just using his authority to get the belt back without a fuss or having to beg.

-Kurt Angle came out in a suit with his TNA World Title. A.J. Styles and Tomko followed behind with their tag title belts. They promptly cut to a commercial.

[Commercial Break]

-TNA plugged their daily internet TNA Today show as one of the most watched internet shows in the world.

-Angle stood mid-ring and said at Turning Point he made a mistake. He told Christian that he let their opponents divide and conquer them. "You need me and I need you," he said. He said standing in the ring are three of the most dominant wrestlers in the planet, but they were joined by Christian and Robert Roode, they've never be able to be beaten. He said it's time for them to avenge their losses. He made him one hour to come out there and meet him face-to-face and "make this thing right." He said it was a one-time offer. Tenay said he'd love what Christian has to say. Good to know.

-Borash interviewed Christian backstage. Christian said Angle sounded like he was begging. Roode interrupted and told Christian he liked the idea of alligning with the Angle Alliance. Christian told him, "When did you get the right to speak up. You speak when spoken to." He blamed him for not following his lead and screwing up their lead. He told him since he hasn't won any world titles, he should shut up. Roode said he's not A.J. Christian said, "Right. He's much more intelligent than you are." Roode walked away. Christian looked into the camera and told Angle he'd be at his pow wow.

2 -- GAIL KIM vs. ODB - Non-Title Match

ODB didn't grab her crotch during her ring intro this time, but she was more butched up than usual and was still falling out of her top. A clip aired of Kim vs. Awesome Kong from Turning Point. Tenay said wrestlers and announcers touted the Kong vs. Kim match as the "greatest women's wrestling match ever in history." Wow, it was really good, but that's a crediblity-stretcher to be sure. ODB shoved Kim's face into her crotch, called "The Dirty Dozen." Kim blocked it after just a few. ODB blocked a huracanrana attempt and then dove at Kim with a spear of sorts with an awkward landing. Tenay and West touted the TNA women's division as being superior to any other in wrestling. He said, "It matters." They did a nice job, hypebole aside, of really making it seem as if TNA is serious about their women's division.

WINNER: ODB in 5:00 with a flask shot in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-After the match, Kong walked out to the ring. ODB stepped aside as Kong set up an Awesome Bomb. Kim escaped and showed great spirit as she fought back against Kong and seemed to get the better of her for a second or two before a ton of security ran into the ring to pry them apart. Kim broke free and charged into Kong. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky came out and pulled Kim out of the ring.

-Crystal talked with Morgan backstage where the four briefcases were set up kind like "Deal or No Deal." Triple X walked into the room. Daniels and Senshi argued. Daniels demanded Senshi give him the case because it was his gameplan that led to him acquiring it. Morgan proposed that they fight each other with the winner getting the case. Elix Skipper asked to be the guest referee. Senshi just stood there as if that was a fair proposal. Why would he agree to put the briefcase he won on the line where the best case scenario is he ends up with the briefcase. It's stuff like that, which happens all the time in TNA, that makes TNA so frustrating to watch so often and irritating to fans who want some semblance of a decent IQ level to the booking. Crystal told Morgan that he just made a decision that perhaps Cornette only has the authority to make. Morgan said Cornette put him in charge and he just did what was best for TNA.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash interviewed Tomko backstage. He asked him for his take on the Christian-Angle war. Tomko said, "Christian is Christian. He'll do what he always does." He said he thinks he's going to start doing what he wants to do.

3 -- CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs. SENSHI -- Briefcase at Stake

Hermie Sadler joined Tenay and West on commentary. He's the first guy you think of when you want expert analysis on a Senshi-Daniels match. It figures Senshi would be best featured by TNA in a showcase match against a wrestler who can work with his style well on his last match in the company. They cut away from the match to show that Eric Young just arrived in a limo with Booker T, Sharmel, Samoa Joe, and Kaz. They cut to a break at 2:00.

[Commercial Break]

Daniels covered Senshi after hitting Angel's Wings. Skipper hesitated counting the pin, but did. He looked disappointed, but we have no idea why. Daniels grabbed the briefcase to celebrate.

WINNER: Daniels in 6:00.

STAR RATING: * -- Not much aired on TV, so so much for it being a showcase of Senshi and Daniels. Probably better that was at this point with Senshi leaving. There was no attempt to explain why Skipper hesitated before counting Daniels's pin.

-Backstage, Crystal interviewed B.G. and Kip backstage. B.G. asked Morgan if he gets to pick any partner if gets the tag title shot. Kip said he's his partner. B.G. said they have some things to discuss. Kip looked nervous. Roxxi pointed at B.G.'s case and said it's cursed. B.G. said the only thing cursed is his current company, Kip and Roxxi. Kip wanted to know what that meant.

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay conducted a sit-down interview with James Mitchell. Mitchell talked about Abyss's childhood. He said he had a great father who gave him all the tools he needed to be a successful human being. He said the problem was Chris's mother. It was really short.

-Back at ringside, Tenay said the interview with Mitchell gets more interesting at every turn.

-Crystal interviewed Petey Williams about winning the briefcase. Petey talked about Maple Leaf Muscle. Crystal asked what that meant. Petey said he's achieved great success in bodybuilding in his hometown of Windsor, Ontario. He said one of the judges was Arnold himself. He then imitated Arnold. He said he's already been X Division Champion, so now he's aiming for the TNA World Title. Petey flexed and then grabbed his briefcase.

[Commercial Break]

-Angle stood mid-ring with Styles and Tomko and said he wanted Christian's answer. "Are you with us or are you against us," he asked. Christian's full ring intro took place and he walked to the ring with Roode. Roode said he knows there is power with numbers; "look at my bank account," he said. Roode accepted his offer and shook hands with Angle, Tomko, and Styles. Christian said, "See, Bobby, that's where you and I are different. You need these three right here. I on the other hand do not." Christian said Angle wants to be his buddy like "Brady and Moss or Owens and Romo." Good current sports references. He said Angle plays the aloof guy really well, but he knows he's a conniving son of a bitch. In case we didn't know Christian was serious, Tenay and West made exaggerated "whoa!" noises. Christian said he is the real world heavyweight champion. Christian looked Tomko in the face and said he makes him sick to his stomach. He told him not to look at him, then ordered him to look at him when he talks to him. He talked about taking him out of near bankruptcy and turned him into somebody. He said his wife and kid ought to be thanking him for putting food on his table. He said without him he will be what he was before, a nobody. West said he was tired of being his shadow. Christian turned to Stles and said he saw the most potential in him. He said Styles may have seen him like a father-figure, but if he was his father, he'd disown him. He said they all need him in order to be somebody. Styles looked crushed. Christian said he'd join the team on one condition - he's the leader. He insisted Angle admit he's not half the man he is. Angle shook Christian's hand. West exclaimed, "What!?" Christian then shook hands with everyone else. Tomko, who just told Crystal he's going to begin thinking for himself, shook Christian's hand. Styles hugged Christian.

WHAT HAPPENED: HOUR TWO

Samoa Joe walked out next as his music played. He was joined by Sharmell, Booker T, and Eric Young. Kevin Nash walked out, too, and put his hands on Joe's shoulders, totally ignoring Joe's rant and the resulting tension between them the night before. Joe proposd a ten-man tag match at the Jan. 10 TNA Final Resolution. It's still uncanny how much Joe sounds like Tim Duncun. Karen Angle said they shouldn't wait, and instead they should have the match tonight. Karen told Booker to bring his skank of a wife with him. She said she knows the real reason she's in TNA. Sharmell said if she's referring to their past, it's her perverted husband who wanted to put his hands on her. They met in the aisle and pulled on each other's hair until their husbands separated them. Booker's music played.

-Crystal interviewed Devon, Ray, and Devine. Ray told Crystal to shut up. He said she's just Devon's type - short, dumb, and white. Ray said if left up to Cornette, he would have spoon fed Lethal the X Title. Ray told him to come do something about the fact that he stole his X Title. He said his problem is he hasn't fully grown into men. Devine was kinda funny making facial expressions along with everything Ray said. Ray said, "We're the baddest mothers on the planet and we take what we want when we want." He then forced a kiss on Crystal. Ray earns a big chunk of his paycheck with those promos. He's better when he's not being vulgar, too. The kiss was a little much, though.

[Commercial Break]

-Crystal interviewed Scott Steiner, who said he'd become TNA Champion and box office records would be set. Crystal told Morgan there's a problem - all of the briefcases Cornette wanted him to protect were gone. Morgan said they're back in the hands of those who won them, so who better to protect them?

4 -- TEAM 3D & JOHNNY DEVINE vs. JAY LETHAL & MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin)

Shelley, Sabin, and Lethal hit a flurry of moves early. Shelley powerbombed Devon of the ladder and the cut to a break at 3:00.

[Commercial Break]

Ray and Lethal fought on top of the ladder. Ray suplexed Lethal off the top of the ladder. West screamed, "Oh my god!" Devine climbed the ladder, but Shelley stopped him from grabbing the belt. He gave him a jawbreaker off the ladder. Devon moved the ladder and then climbed it. Sabin springboarded off the top rope and clotheslined Devon to the mat. Lethal and Devine climbed opposite sides of the ladder. They both ripped it down and fought over it. Lethal brought the belt down. The ref was preoccupied by Devon. Ray hit Lethal with the kendo stick and took the belt. The ref saw Ray with the belt and awarded his team the win.

WINNERS: Team 3D & Devine in 10:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- Lots of crazy moves and athleticism with a finish the keeps the storyline going.

-Back to Tenay's sitdown interview with Mitchell, Mitchell talked more about Abyss's mother screwing him up. Mitchell said he's tired of being made out to be the bad guy when and if Chris (Abyss) looks him in the eye and reveals in front of the world the secret only they know. He said he's always wanted the world to know it, so next week they'll put an end to it in the ring.

[Commercial Break]

-Cornette wanted to know where the briefcases are. Morgan told him that they are back in the hands of the winners. Cornette seemed to think it was a bad idea. "You blithering idiot! Those are the idiots I was worried about!" He said they'd fiddle with the locks and gimmick them and mess with the contents. He said if he gets fired, Morgan is, too. Cornette told Morgan to chase them down and keep the cases in his pocket. Cornette took a deep breath and said, "He's gonna be the death of me."

-Ring intros took place for the ten-man tag main event. During Roode's ring intro, they showed the "crazy fan," the blond woman who is stalking Roode and Brooks. Christian's got a great ring intro outfit. Nothing outrageous, but it's a good fit for him and his image and bodytype without seeming off the rack or indy-like.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- SAMOA JOE & KEVIN NASH & KAZ & BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) & ERIC YOUNG vs. KURT ANGLE & CHRISTIAN & ROBERT ROODE & A.J. STLES & TOMKO

After a couple minutes of rapid-fire action with everyone, the faces dove onto the heels at ringside as Nash directed traffic inside the ring. Then Nash ran the ropes and teased he was going to dive next, but he stopped and smirked and shook his head, "No way."

[Commercial Break]

Back from the break, Styles hit Young with a nice dropkick. Tenay said he just received word that Morgan had retrieved all of the briefcases and the contents of them would be revealed next week. He said Cornette also sent word that if there's any further screwup with the briefcases, Morgan would be fired as well. They are really dragging out the bait and switch with these cases too long. Young landed hard on Styles's chest off the top rope. Styles crawled over and hot-tagged Joe. Tomko tagged in and powerslammed oe suddenly. Joe fired right back with a powerslam of his own. When he made the cover, Styles broke it up with a flip off the top rope. Nash got the hot tag against Roode. He knocked down one heel after another. Nash gave Roode a big boot, then Christian, and then Angle, each getting a little higher and timed better as he rolled through them. Next came a big side slam on Roode. Christian broke up the pin. Booker T entered and went after Angle. He set up an axe kick. Tomko yanked the top rope down and Booker fell to ringside. Joe flipped onto the Tomo and Styles at ringside. Nash gave Roode a big boot and made the cover. Christian yanked the ref out of the ring. Roode then gave Nash a low-blow from behind. Christian slid a chair to Roode. Christian entered the ring and wanted the chair. Young dropkicked Christian into Roode. Nash then gave Roode the Jackknife Powerbomb for the three count. All five babyfaces held their arms up in center-ring afterward, then left.

WINNERS: Nash's team at 14:00.

STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Pretty chaotic, but the timing was mostly good on a lot of complex sequences. Definitely a satisfying TV main event.

-After the match, Angle separated Christia and Roode as they argued. Christian tried to order Angle around. Angle put his arms up submissively and began to leave the ring, but then hit Christian from behind with his belt. Styles tried to stop Roode and Angle from beating on Christian as Tomko just walked away. As Styles held Angle down, Roode pounded on Christian. Angle then applied an anklelock on Christian, but Styles intervened.

-They cut away to a plug for next week's supposed reveal of the contents of the brief cases including soundbites from each of the briefcase holders, plus Devine vs. Machismo.

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