TV REPORTS KELLER'S SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/14: Ongoing "virtual time" analylsis of broadcast
Oct 14, 2004 - 9:03:00 PM
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By Wade Keller, Torch editor
OCTOBER 14, 2004
TAPED TUESDAY IN MANCHESTER, ENGLAND
-The show opened with Teddy Long addressing the entire Smackdown roster in the back. He explained to them that John Cena was hurt in an "after hours club" incident last week after Smackdown in Boston, including several puncture wounds including one to his kidney. He said doctors said tremendous damage was done and they are fighting hard every day to save his kidney. He told them that Cena said the show must go on. He said they had to crown a new no. 1 contender to the U.S. Title so there would be a battle royal later to determine who could a U.S. Title shot later. Everyone left the room except for Long and champ Carlito Cool. Carlito told Long that it's just a matter of time before hip hop thugs end up getting in trouble. It was fun watching everyone in the room try to steal the show with their facial expressions. Eddie Guerrero won that contest. It's also strange to see RVD as the third tallest wrestler in the room. At a time, the rap on him was he was too short to be a main eventer, yet only Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak were noticeably taller than him now.
-The Smackdown opening montage aired. Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the show and previewed the main event of JBL vs. Hardcore Holly in a hardcore match for the WWE Title.
1 -- ROB VAN DAM vs. RENE DUPREE
It was nice to see the arena lit up all the way to the upper deck again rather than blacked out. Before the match Kenzo Suzuki did another goofy dance and singing performance to James Brown's "Living In America." The ref kicked him and Horuko to the back. Dupree took a nasty bump on the back of his head on an RVD back suplex early on. He did his silly dance, then got a chair. RVD avoided getting dropped on the chair, then hit the Five-Star for the win.
WINNER: RVD at 4:52.
STAR RATING: 1/2*
-Cole and Tazz talked about Heidnereich attacking fans in the crowd last week. Cole said that breaks a sacred trust. Tazz said the same applies to fans crossing the barrier - it's just not considered acceptable at all. They said they couldn't replay the footage, but they could show the reaction of a boy in the crowd who was crying.
-Teddy Long confronted Paul Heyman backstage. He said he got a call from the Board of Directors on this matter and since his job is on the line, he was going to take it out on Heyman and Heidenreich. He told Heyman that the fans thankfully aren't pressing criminal charges, but they do face a lawsuit over his psychotic behavior. He insisted that Heidenreich apologize in the ring later. Heyman asked, "What if at that time Heidenreich gets confronted by the Undertaker." Long just laughed and a flustered Heyman walked off.
-Tazz said he almost got hit by a car because it was driving on the wrong side of the road.
2 -- CHARLIE HAAS vs. BILLY KIDMAN
Haas limped to the ring. Cole acknowledged that Haas had hurt his knee on the Europe tour. Kidman worked over Haas's knee the entire short match, including ramming it into the ringpost. Dawn Marie ran to ringside to cheer on Haas. When Kidman hit the Shooting Star Press for the win, Dawn got distraught.
WINNER: Kidman at 2:10.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-Tazz and Cole talked over a replay of Kidman's SSP and Marie's distraught reaction.
-Luther Reigns, while rubbing his nipples, told the "UK Sun Newspaper Girls" he is a fan of bare-breasted females. He invited the giggling girls to party with him after the show. "Don't worry, I don't tire easily," he said. "I have lots of stamina." The Girls told Reigns they all already have plans with Eddie Guerrero. Reigns told them they all made a bad mistake. All four had better facial reactions than Torrie Wilson. He told them when he said they were hot, he was lying.
-Josh Matthews interviewed JBL. He wasn't happy that Undertaker almost ended his career at No Mercy. He said his head is so swollen he can't fit his cowboy hat on his head. He said it's insane that he has to come back so soon and defend the WWE Title for the first time ever on Smackdown in a hardcore match. He said he is a Wall Street Icon who has transcended the genre. JBL said England probably likes hardcore matches because they're the most violent people in history. He said now they're just a doormat for Europe with a queen. He said if he were to give an enema to England, he'd stick it in Manchester.
-Cole said it's shameful what JBL said to the great fans of Manchester. Cole and Tazz then got into serious mode (Tazz even took off his sunglasses; I barely recognized him) and talked about the Cena stabbing incident. A lot of fans are going to feel jilted when they find out it was all an angle because they sure are playing it up as an angle.
-A recap aired of the Cena-Carlito stuff last week including the U.S. Title change.
-They showed Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns, and Mark Jindrak arrive at the ring for the battle royal.
3 -- BATTLE ROYAL TO BECOME NO. 1 CONTENDER TO U.S. TITLE
Order of Elimination: Orlando Jordan, Funaki, Nunzio, Kenzo, Johnny Stambolli, Spike, RVD, Bubba, D-Von, Scotty "Someone Please Kill My Gimmick" 2 Hotty (he got eliminated after wasting time with his idiotic Worm that fans still react to which is really sad; there's no move in wrestling history that should get booed out of the arena more than that after all of these years), Dupree (who eliminated himself after Rico kissed him), Kidman (via Rey headscissors), Rico, Jindrak, and Guerrero. It came down to Angle, Reigns, and Mysterio. Rey dropkicked Reigns out of the ring as he brawled with Guerrero on the ring apron. That left Rey vs. Angle. After two minutes of exchanges, Angle applied an anklelock on Rey as Rey was dangling over the top rope. Rey managed to survive. Angle kicked away at Rey's ribs. Rey came back with a DDT and then went to the top rope. Angle met him up there and attempted to suplex him to the mat. Rey knocked Angle off balance and Angle fell, straddling the top rope. Rey then knocked Angle over the top rope onto the apron, but couldn't knock him to the floor. Great false finish. Angle returned to center ring. Cole then said, "You can sense Kurt Angle is about to put this away," thus guaranteeing that Rey was winning. Rey avoided an Angleslam and head scissored Angle over the top rope onto the apron. He snapped his head over the top rope and then gave him a 619 around the ringpost. Angle bounced into the ropes and then fell to the floor. Really good final five minutes. One of the best closes to a battle royal you'll see.
WINNER: Rey Mysterio at approx. 17:00.
STAR RATING: *** -- The battle royal was above average, but that's not saying much really. The Angle-Rey exchanges at the end were really, really good.
-Matthews interviewed Mysterio backstage who talked about how much the battle royal took out of him. Carlito interrupted and told Rey it was cool that he won the battle royal, "especially for a guy like you." He said guys who hide behind masks aren't cool. He told Rey he wanted to defend his title against him tonight if a "little guy like you can handle wrestling twice." The crowd cheered. Rey said he had no problem wrestling twice. "It's on," Rey said. It was a good idea to have Rey face Carlito in week two because it gave Carlito a chance to look like a monster size-wise and punk out a popular babyface. Carlito attacked Rey from behind and spit apple on him.
4 -- JBL (w/Orlando Jordan) vs. HARDCORE HOLLY
They wrestled in the ring for a minute, then brawled at ringside for four minutes using trash cans, cricket bats, monitors, and more. Back in the ring Holly fended off interference from Jordan, which left him open to being KO'd with a chair leading to the pin.
WINNER: JBL at 4:50 to retain the WWE Title.
STAR RATING: 3/4* - Just a lot of numbing weapon shots that makes it almost impossible to take seriously any future blows from any of those weapons as meaningful to the outcome of a match since they had to work through so many weapon shots during this match. Totally counter-productive.
-Cole and Tazz said the Heidenreich apology was next. They again showed the reaction of a crying boy in the crowd after Heidenreich's attack of fans in the crowd last week.
-They showed UK fans talking about thrilled they were to see Raw in person.
-Paul Heyman led Heidenreich to the ring. Heyman sincerely apologized and said nothing like it would happen again. I like how Heyman is secure enough as a heel to not have to act like a tough guy up against the authority figure, the opposite of Triple H's interaction with Eric Bischoff. Heyman then talked Heidenreich into reading a prepared statement he wrote. He said he had to read it because their jobs were on the line. Heidenreich said he was sorry for his irresponsible and reckless actions last week. Heyman then told the fans they are sorry and he hopes they enjoy the show. Heidenreich said he doesn't apologize for what he did to Undertaker, costing him the WWE Title again. He said, "It was done with malice and intent." Heidnereich then jumped to ringside and tried to control himself, then returned to the ring, hit himself in the head repeatedly, and lay on his back. Heyman tried to talk him into getting up and leaving.
-A clip aired of Eddie Guerrero vs. Luther Reigns at No Mercy to hype their rematch later.
-They went back to the ring where Heidenreich still lay and Heyman still pleaded with him to get up.
5 -- CARLITO COOL vs. REY MYSTERIO -- U.S. Hvt. Title
Rey dove off of the top rope onto Carlito at ringside, then they cut to a break at 4:00.
Carlito regained control during the break. He applied a keylock or armbar several times. Eventually he scored the pin with a roll-up and his arm wrapped around the middle rope for leverage.
WINNER: Carlito in approx. 13:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2
-A segment aired showing clips of several semi-finalists in the Tough Enough contest. I feel ripped off that WWE didn't find a way to turn this into a full-fledged weekly 30 minute series rather than just vignettes on Smackdown. I hope they air extended footage during Velocity each Saturday night, too.
6 -- EDDIE GUERRERO vs. LUTHER REIGNS
Eddie wore a new t-shirt that says "Latino Heat" with the "Tobasco Sauce" logo. Reigns dominated early including a backbender over his knee. After Guerrero made a comeback and set up a frog splash, Mark Jindrak interfered. After Jindrak and Reigns rammed Guerrero into the ringpost, the ref called for the bell. Angle then came to the ring with clippers. Big Show ran to the ring for the save and cleared the ring.
WINNER: Guerrero via DQ at 4:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
We welcome your 1-10 score and comments on this show. To contribute your thoughts on Smackdown, click here.
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