By James Caldwell, PWTorch columnist

TNA Impact on Spike TV
March 22, 2007
Taped March 12 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist

We open with a recap of last week's show, focusing on Lethal Lockdown.

Backstage, Kurt Angle, Rhino, and Samoa Joe were joined by Jeremy Borash for a promo. Angle said they're made up of three huge egos and they take pride in being the very best. He told Christian Cage to imagine what happens when three huge egos unite to become a machine that will run over Team Cage at Lockdown. Angle was cut off mid-promo for the usual Impact intro.

1 -- THREE HUGE EGOS (KURT ANGLE & SAMOA JOE & RHINO) vs. SEROTONIN (KAZ & HAVOC & MARTYR)

Ego #1, Rhino, came out first. Samoa Joe then walked out, followed by Kurt Angle. So much for "the machine" uniting when they can't even come out together as a team. Ego #2, Angle, gave Kaz a German suplex early on, then he landed repeated right hand blows. Joe then tagged in and Serotonin showed fear for Ego #3. Joe ran over Havoc (Johnny Devine) with hard blows, then Havoc (Matt Bentley) tagged in and took a snap suplex. Rhino then landed a Gore before Joe gave Martyr the Musclebuster for the win.

WINNERS: THE in 3:00. Good showing from Team Angle to get in signature moves and prove dominance. Serotonin's supposed psychological advantage didn't seem to work. (1/2*)

Backstage, Leticia held the mic as A.J. Styles and Christian Cage argued. Styles said THE looked like a well-oiled machine and in far better shape than Team Cage right now. He said he doesn't know what Christian got him into. Styles brought up the NWA Title shot that Christian guaranteed, and Christian snapped on him for bringing that up again. Christian threatened to rescind his offer, which Styles didn't appreciate. Christian then told him to trust him. He walked off and Styles gave chase like a confused dog looking for his master.

[Commercial Break complete with a disturbing, disgusting, and downright annoying trailer for The Hills Have Eyes 2.]

[Q2]

The cameras caught up to Raven with Serotonin backstage. Raven told his group members that to become transcendent like him, they have to suffer. He poured wax from a candle onto Martyr's back as Kaz looked on while chained up.

Backstage, Borash found Steve Borden and Abyss. Borden said he's tried to point Abyss in the right direction for months, which means he no longer needs his cage. Borden said Abyss would overcome tonight. He said everything he's done has been for his own good. Borden took off his dark sunglasses and revealed a severely bruised and cut right eye. He said the pain he suffered was for Abyss's own good. Borden said they would take out Styles and Christian tonight.

In the ring, Team 3D stood in front of a couple of boxes. Ray then called out LAX. Ray gave LAX their props for beating them the majority of the time, which the fans clapped for. Ray said they did whatever it took to retain the belts, even pissing them off to the nth degree. He said they understand LAX because they're just like them. Ray brought up Konnan's promo from last week when he said LAX wants to take Ray's legacy. Team 3D then opened up their boxes and pulled out old WWE, WCW, and ECW Tag Title belts. Ray pulled out the ECW belts and the fans chanted, "E-C-W." So, basically what Ray is saying is that to be considered a legit wrestler with any credibility, you have to come from a WWE background. Also, completely absurd for TNA wrestlers to encourage a chant for the competition. Right now, it's every man for himself with no one in this company dedicated to making this company seem like a legit promotion. It's about self-preservation and getting yourself over. LAX's music hit again, then Konnan was wheeled to ringside. He then walked into the ring on crutches and circled around Team 3D before standing next to Homicide and Hernandez. Konnan took the mic and said they don't shake hands with nasty gringos. He said Ray's belts don't mean anything because they're already TNA tag team champions. Konnan then suggested they have an electrified cage match just like the borders on the U.S.-Mexico border. Ray then finished Konnan's promo with a middle finger. Backstage, Jim Cornette crumbled up a piece of paper and threw it at the monitor while Leticia stood there holding a mic. Why is she even there? Completely absurd. They cut back to the ring where both sides had a stand off. A lot to like and a lot to hate about this segment.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage, Bob Backlund begged Jim Cornette for a wrestling match at Lockdown. Leticia stood there holding the mic as usual. Backlund then pulled out a urine sample and said he's clean and has never snorted whatever those people snort. Cornette said Backlund can't wrestle at the PPV, but he could referee Starr vs. Senshi. He then said that if Backlund interferes in Starr's match tonight, he wouldn't be able to referee at Lockdown. Backlund stood there with his finger extended for several seconds before leaving.

Eric Young walked out for a match and covered his ears to avoid hearing the pyro. He then started walking down the ramp and the pyro went off to scare him. Starr came into the tunnel and Robert Roode pulled him aside momentarily to discuss something before Starr walked out to the ring.

2 -- ERIC YOUNG vs. THE AUSTIN STARR

Starr landed a corner dropkick early on, then he raked Young's back. Roode and Ms. Brooks then came to ringside for a closer look at the match. Starr went for the pendulum elbow, but Young moved. Young fired up, then landed a back body drop. He went up top and landed an elbow, but Ms. Brooks got on the apron to distract the referee. Roode then entered the ring and gave him a Northern Lariat from behind. Starr followed with a brainbuster suplex for the win.

After the match, Roode and Brooks gave Young a brow-beating, then Petey Williams entered the ring and traded blows with Roode. Brooks then jumped on Petey's back, but Petey flipped her to the mat. Petey and Young shared a moment before Roode pulled Young to the outside. West speculated whether Petey was Young's "friend".

WINNER: Starr in 3:00. Basic match with the focus nowhere near Starr's PPV match against Senshi. Let's hope Petey as Young's "friend" is a red herring, otherwise we're looking at yet another Jackie Gayda blackmail tape storyline with no pay-off. (1/2*)

[Q3]

Backstage, Borash interviewed Jerry Lynn about his upcoming match with James Storm. Lynn said that if Storm brings his beer into the match, he's going to drink his beer and smash the bottle over his head. Lynn told Christopher Daniels to come find him face-to-face and not sneak attack him. The lights suddenly went down, then we heard loud noises. The lights came back on and Daniels was standing over Lynn's fallen body. Daniels then choked out Lynn before security intervened. Don West questioned what the connection is between Daniels and Sting.

[Commercial Break]

Backstage, The Pirate Chris Harris screamed at Jim Cornette while Leticia held the mic. Cornette said TNA cannot take responsibility for Harris possibly being blinded for good. Harris screamed at Cornette that he doesn't know how he feels. Cornette answered that he has to do what's best for the company and when a doctor hands him a note that says Harris has 100 percent vision, then Harris would get his match against Storm. Harris paused then said Cornette's best isn't good enough. He stormed off.

James Storm and Miss Jackie came to the ring, then another referee entered the ring and said Jerry Lynn is injured and can't wrestle. Storm grabbed the mic and said there are only two things he likes to do. 1) Drink beer. 2) Beat people up. Storm said he's out of beer, so he wants to fight someone from either side of the tunnel. Chris Harris then came to ringside to answer the challenge before Gail Kim cut him off. Jackie set off Gail by calling her a slut, then Gail jumped Jackie in the ring. Harris followed suit and chased Storm around the ring like Tom and Jerry. They left through the entrance tunnel while Gail and Jackie continued to fight until referees intervened. West gave us some insight that Gail and Jackie don't punch like girls; they really hit hard. He then suggested they lock up the women in a cage at Lockdown.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

We saw a preview for A.J. Styles Volume 2. Styles spent time in jail during high school and he had a horrible mid-90s haircut to boot.

Backstage, Gail Kim stormed into Cornette's office and demanded a match with Jackie. Cornette couldn't get a word in before Jackie jumped Gail from behind. They tore up Cornette's office before the security guards intervened again.

We saw a video package on Sting revealing Abyss's secret about shooting his dad in the back.

3 -- NWA champion CHRISTIAN CAGE & A.J. STYLES vs. STING & ABYSS

The wrestlers paired off to start the match. Abyss and Sting landed dual Stinger Splashes in opposite corners before Sting pounded on Christian with right hand blows in the corner. Styles then jumped Sting from the apron allowing Christian to hit a dropkick from the second rope. Styles scored with a nearfall before they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

The fans were clapping for something right out of the break. Christian then caught Sting with knees to the gut before going up top and missing with a terribly awkward diving headbutt attempt. Sting then tagged to Abyss, who ran over Styles and Christian. He then caught Styles with a big boot to the face before dropping him with the Shock Treatment. He made a cover, but Christian broke it up with a weak right hand jab. Abyss went for the Shock Treatment on Christian, but Styles cut him off. Abyss came back with a double clothesline before Sting hit a top rope cross body block on both opponents. James Mitchell then brought a woman out on stage. Abyss grabbed his haris and walked up the entrance ramp as Sting watched from inside the ring. Some seriously bad acting from the woman before Mitchell led her back up the ramp. Abyss followed up the tunnel like a zombie. Tenay said the woman had some sort of power over Abyss. Unless that woman was packing some heat, the only power she might have had was a powerball lottery ticket in her purse. Styles and Christian then jumped Sting from behind. Sting did his Superman comeback, though, and put Styles in the Scorpion Deathlock. But, Christian had the ref distracted, which allowed Scott Steiner to enter the ring with a gimmick and nail Sting in the back with it. Sting dropped to the mat, then Styles made the cover for the win.

WINNERS: Christian & Styles in 10:00. Abyss gave us a completely unnatural response to re-discovering a woman who we presume to be his mom. Considering the fundamentals of Abyss's character, then it worked. Good match until the bizarre acting took over. For Styles and Christian to work as a serious main event tag team, they can't take these beatings on a weekly basis. They need their hired big men to take the poundings while they stand back and direct traffic and talk themselves up in their promos. Steiner should be taking the pounding because he has built-in credibility as a badass heel, not making the save for his two smaller buddies. (*3/4)

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