by James Caldwell, PWTorch columnist

ECW TV on Sci-Fi Alternative Report
January 23 in Mobile, Alabama
Week 33 on Sci-Fi

We start the show with The Sandman having a few drinks with the fans. Sabu came out, followed by Kevin Thorn with Ariel, Tommy Dreamer, and RVD for a battle royale. Joey Styles let us know that Test has been added to tonight's main event against Lashley in place of Hardcore Holly. So, now they can give away ECW's Royal Rumble title match on free TV.

1 -- THE SANDMAN vs. SABU vs. KEVIN THORN (w/Ariel) vs. TOMMY DREAMER vs. RVD -- battle royale. Sabu went for a top rope huricanrana on Dreamer and eliminated himself with Dreamer. Thorn then tossed Sandman over the top rope to the floor. It came down to RVD vs. Thorn and RVD dropped Thorn with a swift kick to the face. He followed with Rolling Thunder. Thorn then dumped RVD over the top rope to the apron and RVD held on for dear life. RVD then went up top and jumped over Thorn back in the ring. He followed with a spin kick to the face. Thorn then caught RVD with a glancing blow and tried to dump him over the top, but he was unsuccessful again. RVD then kicked Thorn over the top rope and knocked him off the apron to the floor with a top rope thrust kick. WINNER: RVD IN 5:00. Standard battle royale. About what you'd expect with fans getting the warm, fuzzy feeling that RVD has a chance to win the Rumble.

Styles and Tazz said they don't know why the main event changed. Hardcore Holly's name is apparently a bad word now, as they haven't even mentioned him as Lashley's originally scheduled opponent.

[Commercial Break]

2 -- MARCUS COR VON vs. WEST ADAMS. So, now Brown is from Detroit and it's Marcus not Marquis. I guess Marquis Cor Von was already copyright. Brown told the young jobber across from him that he needed to hit the bricks. Marcus ran him over with a clothesline, then missed with a corner splash. Adams landed a punch or two before Marcus worked on his face with forearm blows. He then hit a butterfly suplex and landed the Pounce to no reaction. He hit a Russian legsweep then rolled him into an arm bar for the tap out. WINNER: BROWN VIA SUBMISSION IN 2:00. Seriously, no one knows who Brown is despite having a good run on national television with TNA. I saw it live on Saturday night at the Smackdown house show when only a few people knew who he is. It's a commentary on the lack of mainstream awareness of TNA, but also that WWE deciding not to use introductory vignette packages for newer wrestlers means fans don't know what a debuting wrestler stands for or why they should care about the person.

[Q2]

Hardcore Holly got in Test's face backstage and asked him how he got the stroke to change the main event tonight. Holly screamed that he was going after the ECW Title no matter what it takes or who he has to go through. He then stormed off.

[Commercial Break]

Kelly Kelly walked out with Leyla and some new girl named Brooke. They announced themselves as Extreme Expose. They pulled out an old school jam from Ice Cube and did a choreographed dance number. I haven't heard Put Your Back Into It in years. Suddenly, the music stopped and a video package for Test started. That was quite the weak segment.

Matt Striker walked out in his short tie and teacher's outfit for commentary on C.M. Punk vs. Elijah Burke.

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

3 -- C.M. PUNK vs. ELIJAH BURKE. Striker claimed an indecent exposure, not Punk, beat him on last week's show. Before the match, Punk appeared in an inset promo to discuss the biggest competition of his life at the Rumble. He said 2007 is his year. Wait, I thought it was Kenny's year. Burke walked out to new music and without Terkay. Striker said Punk's straight edge lifestyle shouldn't be commended because he's living how people should be living. Punk attacked Burke with kicks before taking out Burke with a back leg sweep for a nearfall. The fans began a "C-M-Punk" chant - or mindless chatter, as Striker called it - before Burke dropped Punk to the mat and worked on his back. He applied a modified Cobra Clutch and the fans started up more mindless chatter for Punk to help him rally. Burke went back to the submission hold two more times as the crowd became restless. Punk escaped and hit a neck breaker before landing back hand slaps to the face. He then hit a running bulldog out of the corner for a nearfall. Punk went for a victory roll, but Burke countered and tried to hook the tights, but Punk rolled forward and scored a roll up for the win. WINNER: PUNK IN 10:00. Basic ECW singles match. Burke is showing good personality, but fans just aren't reacting. Punk is just another mid-carder right now.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

Styles and Test broke down the Royal Rumble card before Test walked out for the main event. Lashley walked out and they had a quick staredown with neither man moving or blinking. Test then bailed to the outside and Lashley chased him out. Lashley clotheslined Test hard to the floor, then took him back into the ring to start the match.

4 -- LASHLEY vs. TEST -- non-title match. Test took control initially before Lashley sent him to the outside. Test then tried to sneak back into the ring, but Lashley caught him with a powerslam attempt. Test slipped out, though, and bailed to the outside.

[Commercial Break]

Test was in control out of the break. Test was greeted by chants of "steroids" as he went up top and missed an elbow drop when Lashley got his feet up. Styles stated that he hopes Lashley retains the ECW Title at the Rumble. Lashley then came to his feet and ran over Test with a clothesline. Test avoided an elbow smash, then he pulled a Mr. Kennedy and tried to remove the turnbuckle pad. The referee tried to fix Test's work, then Test went to the other corner and worked on the turnbuckle. Test then slammed Lashley headfirst into the exposed turnbuckle and hit a pumphandle slam for a close nearfall. Styles talked about Test trying to soften up Lashley before their Rumble match. On cue, Test grabbed a chair and tried to hit Lashley, but Lashley speared him to the mat. Lashley fired up and landed a knock down clothesline. He scored with a delayed vertical suplex, then called for the end, but Lashley wisely rolled to the outside. Lashley gave chase and threw Test into the ring steps. Lashley took Test back into the ring and connected with a running powerslam for the win. WINNER: LASHLEY IN 9:00. Fortunately, they're not promoting a single brand ECW PPV with Lashley vs. Test as the main event. Otherwise, they would have hurt any chance of selling a PPV by giving away the babyface victory and presenting a mediocre-to-slightly acceptable main event match on free TV.

[Q5 - over-run]

Lashley celebrated and left the ring with the two minutes of over-run this week.

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