By Wade Keller, Torch editor

WWE RAW REPORT
NOVEMBER 6, 2006
LIVE FROM COLUMBUS, OHIO

3 -- MARIA vs. UMAGA (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada)

Coach led Maria to the ring by the arm. A fan held up a sign that said, "Free Diva Physicals." Umaga lifted Maria and then gave her a Samoan Drop. She should be off TV for four weeks and then in a wheelchair for six more to sell that move. That should, for storyline purposes, be sold as having snapped her in half for Umaga's offense to have any credibility against real wrestlers in the future. Umaga dragged Maria into the corner, then charged at her with his corner butt splash. Cena's music began playing, and he charged to the ring. How is Cena supposed to surprise anyone if his music plays every time he runs to the ring? It gave Umaga time to prepare for his run-in. AAE restrained Umaga at ringside from going after Cena.

WINNER: No decision announced.

-Todd Grisham tried to interview Cena in mid-ring. Cena held the mic and said he lost last night and had a bad night. He said he has lost matches before, but he'll just go on. He said nothing is really making sense around there. He then addressed Bischoff. He said the last time we saw him, he was in a dumpster, fired, and now he's G.M. for the day. He turned attention to K-Fed. He said he snuck into the building, getting past the crack security team. "Thanks guys," said Cena. He turned to Todd Grisham and said he usually isn't in the ring for interviews. He said he's usually taking naked pictures of himself backstage for his My Space page. He then gave Grisham an FU. He told Umaga if he's run out of people to beat up, his name is John Cena and the next time he wants to try to beat the hell out of someone, try to beat him. Boy, that match would have meant so much more at this point had they not thrown together those TV matches between them a while back. Cena told K-Fed to take that 300 million he stole from Britney when he married her and buy himself an army, navy, and airforce because that's the only way he'll make it out of Miami alive. He said he accepts his challenge. He closed out, saying, "If you want some, come get some."

[Commercial Break]

-Bischoff told Lita backstage that he's not going to get Cena get in his way. Lita agreed that he shouldn't be bothered by him. Bischoff gloated about there being a new IC Champion. He said Eugene "grew a set." He also said DX haven't shown up yet. Bischoff asked her why she wants to defend her newly won title against Mickey James. Lita whispered something to Bischoff. He seemed to like what she said. He said he has a way to guarantee the outcome he wants in the main event. He appointed himself to be the special referee in the main event.

-Torrie Wilson flirted with Carlito backstage. Shelton Benjamin mockingly applauded them. Then he said he didn't get the IC Title shot last night due to racism. Shelton said he's going to show fans what a waste he is by slapping him around the ring later. Carlito shook his head and said he's Puerto Rican. Torrie laughed. Carlito said he won in a landslide despite being a minority. He called him a name. Shelton said he didn't know what he said, but he won't let him make a mockery of him, an icon for black people worldwide. He said black men all over the world look up to him. Shelton turned and noticed Faarooq standing there. Faarooq said, "Damn!"

-The WWE "24/7" segment was from Nov. 7, 1985 featuring the first-ever PPV, "The Wrestling Classic," a 16-man one-night tournament. Junkyard Dog won.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed Cindy Margolis in the crowd.

-Chris Masters stood in the ring. Bischoff appeared on the big screen and pondered who to put Masters in the ring against. Bischoff ordered Ross to enter the ring because he's been calling him a disgrace all night. Lawler stood up and said he's been throwing his weight around all night. He challenged Bischoff to a match instead. Bischoff told Lawler he doesn't want a piece of him. He told him to get in the ring with Masters instead. What are the odds that after all of those years doing color commentary in his wrestling outfit, that on this night, he'd be wearing street clothes. Bischoff said if wants to announce next week, he has to wrestle the match with one arm handcuffed to the top rope. Bischoff sent Coach to the ring with handcuffs. We're up to ten total minutes of in-ring action shown so far 85 minutes into the show.

4 -- CHRIS MASTERS vs. JERRY LAWLER

Lawler was handcuffed in the corner. Lawler slapped Masters early, then kicked him in the gut. Masters eventually took Lawler down and beat on him. He ripped his shirt off. The ref took off Lawler's cuffs at the command of Lawler. Masters then put Lawler in the Masterlock. Ross said that was pathetic.

WINNER: Masters in 1:00.

STAR RATING: n/a

[Commercial Break]

5 -- CARLITO vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN

Cryme Cyme sat at ringside with Jim Ross. With Lawler recovering from the beating, they said they wanted to keep him company. They exchanged pleasantries with Shelton as he came out to the ring. With Shelton in control of the match, Cryme Tyme took a liking to his shirt and necklace at ringside. As they put them on, that distracted Shelton, giving Carlito an opening to give him the Back Cracker for the win.

WINNER: Carlito in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Not sure what the point of that angle was. Cryme Tyme stole Shelton's stuff with no provocation, but they're the babyfaces?

[Commercial Break]

-Coach joined Ross at ringside. He said watching Ross flanked by Cryme Cyme earlier reminded him of a Double Stuff Oreo cookie. Ross said he likes Oreos.

6 -- LITA vs. MICKEY JAMES -- Women's Title match

Lita revealed before the match that Bischoff dictated that Mickey has to wrestle with one hand tied behind her back. Lita told the ref to make sure he tied her arm really tight. Ross said this stip must have been what Lita whispered in Bischoff's ear earlier. Mickey moved out of the path of Lita's moonsault attempt at 1:00. She then used her free hand to punch away at her in the corner. Lita made a comeback pretty quickly, throwing Mickey into the middle turnbuckle, then executed the Impaler DDT for the win.

WINNER: Lita in 2:00 to retain the Women's Title.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- WWE has no faith that actual wrestling action will retain a viewing audience, yet ironically is trying to sell in-ring wrestling on PPV and house shows.

-After the match, Lita introduced the special guest referee for the evening, Eric Bischoff. Bischoff came to the ring in a ref shirt.

[Commercial Break]

-Ross plugged Survivor Series 2007, subtitled "Smackdown vs. Raw." Not quite the novel concept it could be after all of the cross-brand interaction lately on TV and PPV.

7 -- RIC FLAIR & RODDY PIPER vs. EDGE & RANDY ORTON -- World Tag Title match

The rating for this match will be interesting. It's the first Raw main event in a while without Cena or DX or a McMahon involved. After a minute of action between Edge and Flair, Piper tagged in. Piper left his shirt on for this match. Piper chased Bischoff around the ring. Edge then raked his eyes. Piper reversed quickly and applied a sleeper on Edge. Orton hit Piper from behind with a chair as Lita distracted Bischoff. It was strange that Lita was distracting Bischoff since it was a no DQ match. Ross pointed out that Bischoff himself made it a no DQ match. Orton tagged in and stomped away at Piper, Ron Garvin style (noted by Ross). When Edge covered Piper, Bischoff made a really fast two count. That was the pattern throughout the match. At ringside, Piper ducked an Edge chairshot, then rammed Edge into the ringpost. Piper crawled into the ring and made his way slowly to his corner to tag Flair. Edge tagged in Orton, then Piper tagged in Flair. Flair chopped away at Orton's chest. Flair gave Orton a low-blow, then went for a figure-four. Orton kicked Flair off of him, knocking him into Bischoff. Edge speared Flair and then put Orton on top of him. A second ref ran to the ring. Piper yanked Edge into the ringpost crotch-first. Ross said, "Piper introducing a new Edge bodypart to the ringpost." Triple H and Shawn Michaels ran to the ring. Michaels KO'd Orton with a superkick, then Hunter dragged Flair on top of him leading to the pin.

WINNERS: Flair & Piper at 7:00 to retain the World Tag Team Titles.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Passable action, but barely.

-After the match, Bischoff recovered from his fall by waking up to see Michaels and Hunter on either side of him. Hunter gave Bischoff a Pedigree. Hunter then said that this is the part where he would normally say, "We've got two words for ya'." He said tonight is different, so tonight he said they've got three words for them: "Big Dick Johnson." Out came the man with less shame than anyone in America (and that counts Borat's naked cameraman, because at least he was involved in something that actually makes people laugh). Johnson entered the ring in a DX warm-up suit and danced. Hunter and Michaels then lifted Bischoff's face as Johnson stripped. Bischoff woke up to Johnson in a yellow g-string. He danced in front of Bischoff. Johnson had DX spray painted on his butt. "I've never seen the two letters DX shake quite like that before," said Ross. They shoved Bischoff's face into Johnson's crack. DX's music then played. They threw Bischoff out of the ring and then posed with Johnson as pyro blasted to end the show.

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