TV REPORTS KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT 10/9 (Hour 1): Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of live show
Oct 9, 2006 - 8:00:00 PM
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By Wade Keller, Torch editor
WWE RAW REPORT - HOUR ONE
OCTOBER 9, 2006
LIVE FROM SOUTH CAROLINA
-The new Raw opening aired with an altered Raw logo and new graphic package. The fresh look was needed, and the new opening has really good energy. They went to a full pryo display as Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced the show from ringside. They threw to Michael Cole and JBL to their right. Cole plugged the obligatory "big six-man tag team match" from the Smackdown brand. Joey Styes and Tazz then introduced themselves and said it's great to be on Raw even though they are more extreme than the rest.
-John Cena made a full ring intro as they showed clips of last week's cage match between Cena and Edge. He thanked the fans, then said that was all and pretended to leave. He stopped and said he had a message for his good buddy Edge. He said, "Damn it feels good to say the champ is still here." King Booker interrupted. JBL chimed in and said that is a real king, aiming his comment at Jerry Lawler. Cole said Booker retained his World Hvt. Title last night at No Mercy, even though Batista did most of the damage leading to the winning pinfall. Booker entered the ring with Sharmell. He said, "Correct. A champ, but not thee champ." He said the champion of champions resides on Smackdown. He told Cena that last time he appeared on the show, he made him bow down and kiss his feet. Booker said Cena probably doesn't remember. Cena, mocking Booker's fake British accent, said he did remember. He told Booker he's crazy, then said he's feeling "frisky," so he challenged him to a fight right there. Booker began to ready himself for a fight by removing his jacket. As they squared off, Big Show's music interrupted.
Big Show walked out with the ECW Hvt. Title belt. Styles said if you want to talk about "champion of champions," he said Show is the only person to hold the ECW, WCW, and WWE world titles. Show said Cena is a "white guy who talks like he's black" and a black guy who "talks like Prince Charles." Cena said, "Whatchu talkin' about, Willis." Cena will never be cool with comebacks like that. Booker said, "I beg your pardon." Show said he's the one guy who is what he says he is. Cena said, "Oh, you're wrong. You have never referred to yourself as the Michelin Man." He said he is the most dominant champion standing in the ring, "pound for pound" (whatever that means). When Cena said Andre is the true giant, Big Show said, "Andre isn't here, but if he was, I'd kick his ass, too."
Show mocked Cena's movie and said he starred in a movie that drew 183 million worldwide, "Waterboy." He bragged about doing all of his takes on the first try. Booker said, "You were in that movie all of 43 seconds. I have taken morning constitutionals longer than that." When Booker said, "You wanna talk about champions who define cinema, who starred in a classic," Cena jumped in, "You mean Hulk Hogan in Mr. Nanny." It was as if Booker didn't know Cena was going to interrupt, as he just rolled right over the line. He recommended they go out and buy a movie of the greatest movie of all time, "Ready to Rumble!" Show and Cena broke into uproarious laughter. Cena said, "Everybody here knows that movie was a piece of crap." Cena said with three champions in the ring, why are they talking about movies. He then jumped Show. Booker joined in. Show cleared the ring of both of them quickly.
-Ross plugged Triple H & Shawn Michaels vs. Trevor Murdoch & Lance Cade in a street fight later. Cole plugged Chavo & Finlay & William Regal v s. Batista & Bobby Lashley & Rey Mysterio. Lawler plugged Umaga vs. Kane.
-They went backstage to Coach, Teddy Long, and Paul Heyman yelling at each other.
-Heyman told Coach and Long that Big Show "demonstrated his dominance" over the other champions and showed he can't be beat. Coach suggested they put Show against a man who's been on a roll lately, Jeff Hardy. Heyman said that was a deal provided the other two champs also wrestle. Heyman said his opponent for King Booker would be Rob Van Dan. Long said he had an opponent for Cena. Coach suggested Cena vs. Miz. Long said no way. He said it would be Cena vs. Undertaker. Think of what WWE asked its fans to pay to see last night and what this line-up on basic cable could have drawn instead with weeks of build-up.
1 -- UMAGA (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada) vs. KANE
At 2:00, Kane went to the top rope. Umaga tossed him to the floor. They cut to a break.
Ross and Lawler said Umaga dominated during the break, but Kane caught a charging Umaga by the throat and made a comeback. Umaga stopped it with a face-driver and legdrop to the back of his head. Ross plugged Undertaker vs. Cena again. Umaga went to the top rope and hit a big splash. "A move like that could stop a man's heart!" yelled Ross. Umaga signalled for the Samoan Spike. Kane blocked it and set up a chokeslam. Umaga blocked it and gave Kane a sidewalk slam. He then played to the crowd and received a pop. He went back to the top rope and came off with his flying clothesline, which connected. Estrada jumped onto the ring apron and hit Kane with the wooden box that holds his victory cigar (that's an original manager foreign object). Umaga surprised Kane with the Samoan Spike leading to the pin.
WINNER: Umaga in 8:00.
STAR RATING: * -- Not a bad big man battle.
-Kane stood up. Ros said that was the last they've seen of Kane on Raw. Lawler said he couldn't believe it. The fans chanted "Kane, Kane, Kane" a few times. Kane pensively walked toward the back. Ross said the question now is when or where will they see Kane again.
-College football coach Steve Spurrior was introduced in the front row by Lillian Garcia.
-Tazz promoted Jeff Hardy vs. Big Show. JBL plugged RVD vs. Booker. Lawler plugged Cena vs. Undertaker.
-They cut backstage to Kane walking toward his locker room. The Highlanders stopped him and said even though he lost, he put his heart and soul into everything he ever did on Raw. He said they've been honored to be part of the same show as them. He attacked both of them, throwing them against the wall. Then he exited the arena in his wrestling gear.
-Triple H and Shawn Michaels stood in front of a podium with DX spray painted on it. Michaels said WWE has demanded they apologize to a list of individuals. Hunter rolled his eyes like a teenage girl who was told to stop talking on her cell phone during dinner. Michaels first apologized to the entire tag team division. Hunter said, "Honestly, there really wasn't a tag team division for us to decimate." Michaels apologized to Spirit Squad. Hunter said, "We couldn't make those guys look any more like ferries if we tried." Michaels apologized to Coachman. Hunter just looked at him. Michaels threw that card away. He did the same with Chris Masters. Michaels then apologized to Edge for costing him his last chance to win the title. Hunter said he wasn't really going to win anyway. The last card was an apology to Cade & Murdoch for beating them within an inch of their lives. Hunter said that hasn't happened yet. It will happen later. Michaels asked what do they do now. Hunter said they're supposed to be cutting a promo on live TV. Michaels acted shocked they were live on TV. They both made scared faces and turned to the camera, making faces like Hurley on "Lost." Then they plugged their merchandise again and said they had two words. The crowd chanted, "Suck it!" Ugh.
-They showed Jeff Hardy heading toward the entrance.
-A commercial aired for ECW on Sci-Fi pushing Extreme Strip Poker. Remember, nudity offends their viewers, according to their WWE.com apology today.
2 -- BIG SHOW vs. JEFF HARDY
Show opened with some headbutts and a hard chop to the chest. After Big Show tossed him across the ring, Styles said, "He looked like a flourescent frisbee." Tazz said he liked that line. Hardy dropkicked Show's legs and set up a DDT. Show lifted Harrdy and dropped him to the floor. Hardy bounced right back and flipped onto Show off the top rope, then went for a Swanton Bomb for a two count. Show flipped Hardy off of him with force, then gave him a cobra clutch backbreaker. He followed with a power legdrop for the clean pin.
WINNER: Big Show in 5:00.
STAR RATING: * -- The booking of this match is so utterly counterproductive to the big picture, I can't muster the words for it.
-Johnny Nitro attacked Hardy after the match. Show returned to the ring and gave Hardy a cobra backbreaker and tossed him out of the ring, drawing applause from some fans.
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