TV REPORTS KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 6/9: JBL's debut on commentary, Champ vs. Champ, Mr. Kennedy
Jun 23, 2006 - 3:38:00 PM
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By Wade Keller, Torch editor
WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
JUNE 16, 2006
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, TORCH EDITOR
-Mike "The Miz" Mizanin introduced the show from the crowd and plugged Rey Mysterio vs. Gregory Helms in a champion vs. champion match. He remains the most useless and annoying character in pro wrestling history, which is quite an achievement.
-JBL came out in his white limo and then walked to the ring with mic in hand, declaring that he is back. Michael Cole said that he is now color commentator on Smackdown, replacing Tazz who left for ECW, but he's supposed to be unbiased or he'll be fired, according to G.M. Teddy Long.
1 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. GREGORY HELMS
Helms towered over Rey as they stood facing each other before the bell rang. When Helms beat on Rey to ringside, JBL yelled that Helms needs to overcome his Hurricane gimmick and show his real potential. Late in the match, Rey went for a 619, but Helms moved out of the path and then went for a Shining Wizard. Rey ducked, and set up Helms up for another 619 and hit it leading to the pin. JBL spent the match ranting about Rey being champ, defending the title on an ECW PPV on foreign soil in front of Internet geeks, and said he's celebrate the day he lost the belt.
WINNER: Rey Mysterio in 7:00.
STAR RATING: ** -- Solid TV match.
-Clips aired of The Great Khali attacking the cruiserweights last week.
-King Booker and Sharmell came to the ring to pomp and circumstance. JBL described Booker as humble because he lets himself be seen. Bobby Lashley then came out to face Booker, but William Regal and Finlay attacked Lashley from behind in the aisle. Lashley used the shillelagh against Lashley.
-As Lashley had his knee iced backstage, a trainer said he wouldn't be able to wrestle later. Lashley, with Matt Hardy and Gunner Scott in the background, said nobody would stop him from fighting Booker later.
2 -- MR. KENNEDY vs. NICK BERK
Before the match, Kennedy told the fans to savor the moment. He said he is single-handedly changing Friday nights. JBL said he has a problem with that, because he (JBL) is the one changing Friday nights. JBL said it's no coincidence that Al-Zachari was killed the same week he returned to Smackdown. JBL reminded viewers he is the longest reigning champion in Smackdown history. "Not to steal the name of a guy who was useless a few years ago, but this guy is the total package," he said about JBL. Kennedy won quickly with a Green Bay Meat Packer neckbreaker for the win.
WINNER: Kennedy in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Kennedy carries himself like a star.
-The Raw Rebound aired with a plug for Vengeance.
-Backstage, Psicosis and Super Crazy talked about facing Great Khali.
-Sylvain invited viewers to spend their summer vacation in Quebec, "the jewel of North America." A promotional video aired for Quebec as he spoke in French. "Come to Quebec, a land of tranquility in a chocolate world," he concluded with a smile.
3 -- SUPER CRAZY & PSICOSIS vs. THE GREAT KHALI
JBL asked whatever happened to Americans, and took a dig at the two borders with "French Pastries" and Mexicans infiltrating the show. Khali easily swatted away Crazy and Psicosis. JBL said he has it on good authority that Undertaker is not coming back. "Who in the world is going to mow my yard? Who's going to open my doors. I'm not going to do it myself," said JBL as Khali destroyed the Mexicools. Crazy attempted a comeback, but Khali swatted him away easily. When Khali lifted Crazy for a chokeslam, Psicosis had a chair in hand, but he decided to bail out and return to the back, abandoning his partner. JBL called it "smart asset management," because it saved half of the team. Khali stood on Crazy's chest for the win. JBL said Khali is the most impressive thing on the planet today, "a freak of nature, a walking ATM." After the match, Daivari said Undertaker is afraid of Great Khali. Khali then took the mic and mumbled something loudly, if that's possible. JBL said he's never seen Undertaker not come to a battle. JBL said he is the greatest wrestler ever, but even he could not put away Undertaker. He called Khali a "once in a generation performer" and "the walking ATM who pays our salaries." So that's what happened to Eric Bischoff. He took growth hormone and returned as an Indian giant.
WINNER: Khali in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4*
-As they replayed the attack on Lashley, JBL said: "He has everything one needs except for one thing a - a brain."
-They replayed last week's Smackdown Diva contest. The Miz then interviewed Ashley in the crowd. He said he's speechless when standing next to her, so could she introduce the match. She did, as Miz did a strange mix of Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny. Nobody tries so hard to be cool and fails so miserably as this guy. Not that anyone says he's not like this off-camera, but even if he's embellishing and overacting to satisfy what he's told to do, someone in management needs to realize he is not the epitome of "cool" to kids like they think he is. When Ashley did the ring intro, JBL said, "A woman has no place in the board room, a woman has no place talking, period, in this world. They're just eye candy." Regarding Michelle McCool, JBL said, "There's a rat I'd leave the bar early for, and I don't leave bars early for nothing."
4 -- WILLIAM REGAL & FINLAY vs. MATT HARDY & GUNNER SCOTT
JBL said, "A fair fight is like a brave Frenchman, it's an oxy moron." JBL has had fun at Cole's expense, which is a good thing. "You and Vito would make a great couple. Have you ever been to a WNBA game together, maybe the LGPA with some softball coaches," he said. Other than the inaccurate premise that a man who crossdresses would have any interest in dating Michael Cole, it was a funny line. He also said Cole probably didn't get wedgies because he doesn't wear underwear, but if he does, it probably has silver laces. Earlier he said there's only so much physical abuse a body can take, but Cole wouldn't know that because he only played checkers in school. When he said Cole was in the choir, Cole said, "I was not in the choir, by the way!" I guess we now know what to write on signs in the arena to agitate Cole. Regarding Hardy, JBL said: "He could have been Shawn Michaels, but he turned into Marty Jannetty. He threw it all away because his mind went nuts because his girlfriend left him. Everybody has problems. It's how you overcome them. You don't go on the Internet and complain that your girlfriend left you for a main eventer. The guy was up and coming, now he's a fruit basket. The guy needs Dr. Phil." When Finlay claimed he had something in his eye, the ref checked on him and the match stopped briefly. Regal then attacked Hardy from behind. Hardy made a comeback with a bodyblock over the top rope onto Finlay on the floor. Finlay swung his shillelagh at Hardy, but Hardy ducked and rammed Finlay into the announcers' table. The Little Bastard (the official name of Finlay's little friend) gave Hardy a low-blow as he was about to reenter the ring. Regal then hit Hardy with a running knee. He said the Little Bastard is "just like Tazz, vertically impaired." Regal and Finlay doubled on Hardy for a while. Scott saved Hardy from being pinned. Regal knocked Hardy off the second rope during a Hardy comeback attempt at 7:00.
Back from the break, Finlay had Hardy in a chinlock. JBL did a good job building up the credibility of Regal and Finlay, talking about their upbringing in Ireland and England in tough environments. Regarding Tazz, JBL said, "I don't need this phone book here. I can see over the desk." When Cole said he and JBL are a team, JBL said, "Yeah, and I'm Michael Jordan and you're Will Purdue." I haven't thought of Will Purdue in years. If I'm going to give Jeff Jarrett a hard time about dated sports references, JBL deserves it, too. At 13:00 Hardy hot-tagged Scott, who cleaned house on Finlay and Regal. JBL told Hardy to leave like Psicosis did. Scott hit Finlay with a great back suplex, then went to the top rope and hit a dropkick. Finlay KO'd Scott with the shillelagh for the win. After the match, the Little Bastard attacked Hardy. Then he jumped on Regal as Finlay tried to control him. Then he jumped on Scott. Finlay lifted and dropped him onto Scott. "It's midget tossing!" said JBL. Finlay threw him back underneath the ring. JBL said, "I'm gonna buy him. Everyone should have a Little Bastard."
WINNERS: Regal & Finlay in 14:00.
STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Solid tag match.
-A "See No Evil" promo aired. Cole said, "It continues to dominate the box office."
-Backstage, Sharmell was holding up a dress for Booker's approval. Long walked in. Booker kissed up, congratulating him for putting on a great show. Long said he wanted to talk about his match later. Booker said he already had one, and left Lashley lying. Long said that didn't count, and he was going to wrestle Lashley later. He suggested the queen help the king put his boots on.
-Chavo Guerrero walked to the ring. JBL asked if he was going to dishonor the entire Mexican heritage by not remaining retired. Cole interviewed Chavo mid-ring. Cole looks wider sideways than he does straight on. Strange. Chavo said he is overwhelmed by Rey's support for him. He said Rey inspires him to remind himself that he is a Guerrero. Cole said it's not just Rey who wants him to return to the ring. He said a poll on WWE.com supports Chavo returning to the ring - by a 79 to 21 percent margin. Chavo said the support of Rey means a lot, but even more important is the support of the fans. He said if anything can bring him out of retirement, it's the fans. Mark Henry interrupted. Henry confronted Chavo and said he shortens and ends careers. He said he hurt Chris Benoit so bad, he left on sabbatical. He said Batista is coming back in 21 days, but that would be the biggest mistake of his life, and maybe his last. As Henry talked about Rey, Chavo began to show impatience. Henry didn't like that, and gave him a forearm and powerslam. At ringside, he tore off his shirt and rammed him back-first into the ringpost.
-A commercial aired for the Dusty Rhodes DVD, including a clip of Dustin Runnels out of Goldust costume talking about a period of years when they didn't talk. Joey Styles was shown saying, "Dusty Rhodes was one of the greatest sports entertainers there ever was." Doesn't Styles hate the term "sports entertainer"?
-Ashley and Michelle McCool argued backstage over who has the better body. Ashley challenged Michelle to have a bikini showdown. Michelle said she wouldn't show off her A+ body to all of the New Jersey lowlifes.
5 -- VITO vs. SCOTT WRIGHT
JBL said the one thing worse than wearing a dress is getting beat up by a guy who wears a dress. Cole again defended Vito's decision to become open about his cross-dressing. He said he feels free to be himself now. "Big deal if he wears a dress," said Cole. JBL asked if he'd wear a dress. Cole said, "That's not my deal. Well, maybe on the weekends. But seriously, it's not my deal." JBL of course seized on Cole being a weekend dress wearer. JBL asked if he sits down or stands up when he goes to the bathroom. JBL asked if had an operation and if he's a man under the dress. Vito finished Wright by sticking his head under his dress and then yanking on his arm in a hammer lock position. Cole said Vito proved he's the toughest man to ever wear a dress. "You don't laugh at Vito!" he said.
WINNER: Vito in 3:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2*
6 -- BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) vs. BOBBY LASHLEY
Booker attacked Lashley before the match. Lashley came back at 2:00 and rammed Booker's head into the turnbuckle more than ten times. At 4:00 when Lashley dove at Booker, Booker stepped aside and Lashley fell to the floor and clutched his knee.
When JBL made a reference to Sugar Ray Robinson and Muhammad Ali, Cole said, "The 1950s and 1960s want their boxers back," said Cole. JBL said Booker has no holes in his game, no weaknesses. After Cole brought up Tonya Harding, JBL said, "That's figure skating. I don't watch it. That's something you watch with Vito." At 14:00 Lashley kicked out of the Book End. JBL expressed disbelief. He should have known since Cole said, "This is it" after the move, which gave away there'd be a kickout. Booker settled into a chinlock on the mat. Lashley got to his feet. Booker kneed him in the gut and dove at him, but Lashley caught him mid-air and powerslammed him. Cole did not declare it over, and therefore it was. Lashley got the clean three count.
WINNER: Lashley in 17:00.
STAR RATING: ** -- Basic match, a little slow at times, but not bad. They continue to do a nice job building Lashley's credibility with clean wins like this. Not a great main event, but JBL's debut on commentary was strong and he helped keep things entertaining.
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