By Mike Roe, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Smackdown review
November 25, 2005
Taped 11/22/05 in Sheffield, United Kingdom
Aired on UPN
Report by Mike Roe, PWTorch.com OVW/Smackdown Specialist

Alright everyone, let's get this train chugging, it's time for Express! My main man Seth is taking a well-earned vacation from trivia, so let's get to the show!

***

The Power Is Back video rolled and we went to a recap clip of Smackdown from two weeks ago, when Raw invaded Smackdown! Edge, Eric Bischoff, and Chris Masters all showed up on Smackdown, including Masters locking the Master Lock onto Theodore Long! Most of the Smackdown Survivor Series team followed in JBL's big white limo. However, it turned out that it was a setup, as Batista was still in the ring, and who showed up but the Big Show and Kane! They took apart the remaining Smackdown locker room and delivered a two man chokeslam to Batista, which likely resulted in a serious injury in real life that he's apparently working through.

We then saw a recap from Raw this week, where Big Show bragged about hurting Batista, along with Kane. JBL's limo showed up, with Team Smackdown and Theodore Long, and Batista called out the Raw Survivor Series team. They went at it in the parking lot, where Batista again got double chokeslammed, this time onto a car! Eric Bischoff asked Long how he was, and Bischoff explained that he had been taken back to the hospital. The main event that night was a lumberjack match between JBL and Shawn Michaels, with Team Raw and Team Smackdown at ringside. The show ended with Batista returning from the hospital and taking out Team Raw with a steel pipe, as well as delivering the spinebuster! The rest of both teams were left lying by various members of the opposing team.

We were then welcomed to Smackdown in Sheffield, coming to us from the United Kingdom. Well, I guess, since they're over there, we won't be getting any more classic Thanksgiving sketches. Curses! The set had a British taxi cab and a British phone booth.

Tonight: Batista faces Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred match for the World Heavyweight Championship, and Melina has a warmup match before facing Trish Stratus at Survivor Series, taking on Christy Hemme!

*** Backstage, Theodore Long prepped the security team, telling them to be prepared for Team Raw showing up, making sure they had eyes and ears all over the building.

(1) Booker T versus Chris Benoit for the United States Championship ended in a no contest, with the title being held up after a double pin count.

Pre-match analysis: Sharmell came out, capitalizing on her beauty queen image. She came out to her own music, in a white dress with gold gloves and a crown! The ensuing match was announced to be for the United States Championship, but no competitors yet. Sharmell got on the mic, blew kisses to the crowd, and introduced her man, Booker T, weighing at "246 fine pounds," Booker T!

Michael Cole told us that this would be the first of three championship matches tonight. Booker came out as Cole complained about Booker's title reign being a fraud. We saw a clip from last month of Sharmell delivering the low blow to Chris Benoit to allow Booker T to pick up the win and the belt. Tazz argued that Booker won it by hook or by crook, and that's what matters, but Cole wasn't having it.

Chris Benoit was out next. Can't they at least announce him as being from Canada instead of freaking Atlanta, Georgia, when they're overseas? Smackdown also had a Thanksgiving video package going for this show, which looked pretty goofy when you have a guy like Chris Benoit's name surrounded by pretty multi-colored leaves. Benoit told Sharmell that he was going to be keeping his eyes on her, and signaled to the ref to do the same.

Match analysis: Booker kissed his lovely bride on the hand as Michael Cole told us that tonight's other two title matched would be for the Cruiserweight Championship and the main event with Randy Orton challenging Batista in a No Holds Barred match. Tazz used my favorite word ever to describe that match: ginormous. Booker told Benoit that he doesn't need to worry about Booker's wife, he needs to worry about Booker. The fans chanted "Let's go Benoit!" early on. Benoit took Booker into the corner with a collar-and-elbow tie-up, but the ref called for a clean break. Booker locked in a side headlock to Benoit. Benoit delivered shots to the kidney to get free, but Booker came back with a shoulder block. Benoit came back with a drop toehold. Booker and Benoit began to exchange chops! Benoit got the better of the battle, but Booker kneed Benoit in the gut and scoop slammed him. Booker tried to follow up with an elbow drop, but Benoit rolled out of the way and went to chop Booker in the corner. Whoo! I love that Sharmell held her chest in sympathy pains. Booker went for a suplex, but Benoit countered before Booker could hit it and suplexed Booker himself, covering, but Booker kicked out. Benoit then scoop slammed Booker, and followed up with a knee lift. Benoit covered, but Booker kicked out again. Benoit chopped Booker and bounced his head off the top turnbuckle. Benoit whipped Booker to the other corner, but he went up and over, rolling Beniot up for a cover, but Benoit kicked out. Booker hit a big side kick to Benoit and covered, but Benoit kicked out.

Booker locked a front facelock in on the mat. They showed a replay of Booker's kick. Benoit armdragged Booker, but Booker fired back with a back elbow. Booker chopped Benoit in the corner, doing his chop/forearm combo. Booker refused to make a clean break, but as Booker was distracted by the ref, Benoit countered and chopped the crap out of Booker. Love that! Sharmell advised Booker from ringside that he had to fight. Duh, thanks Sharmell. Tazz tried explaining the effect of chops, which led to Cole offering to take his shirt off for Tazz after the show. That thought sends shivers down the spine, huh? Benoit ducked a crescent kick, but Booker got Benoit anyway and dropped him over the top rope. Benoit was on the apron and drove his shoulder into Booker's gut. Benoit was trying to suplex Booker to the outside, but they began exchanging knees, each one perpetually countering to try to get the advantage to suplex their opponent. Booker pulled Benoit's neck down over the rope, but he held on, so Booker ran Beniot into the steel post to finally send him down to ringside.

(Commercial break.)

Promo time: This Tuesday, it's a special live Smackdown! Raw's Big Show is going to face off against Smackdown's Rey Mysterio, Tuesday at 9! Be sure to tune into PWTorch.com for full coverage!

Back from break, Booker had Benoit in a top wristlock submission. They showed a recap from during the break of Booker whipping Benoit, shoulder first, into the top turnbuckle. Tazz and Cole pointed out that this shoulder injury could interfere with the Crippler Crossface. Benoit started to knee out of the hold, but Booker slapped him down to the mat with a forearm. Benoit and Booker were a bit dazed and ran the ropes, with both men colliding. Booker got up first and went for a suplex, but Benoit countered and went for the cross face. However, Booker blocked it, rolled through, and delivered a big back kick to Benoit to take him down. Booker snap suplexed Benoit and covered, but he kicked out. Booker locked in an armbar, but Benoit moved to a vertical position and began fighting out, delivering chops to Booker. Cole and Tazz kept the brand rivalry going, saying that the crowd was cheering louder tonight than they did for Raw on Monday. Benoit whipped Booker into the corner, but ran right into a boot from Booker. Benoit started coming back with a series of chops. Benoit tried whipping Booker, but Booker countered and whipped Benoit backwards, sending him right into the referee. Benoit delivered a belly to belly suplex, then went for the triple Germans! However, he only hit one, as Booker blocked the second, rolled through and got Benoit's shoulders down, but then he rolled through and locked in the sharpshooter! Bret hart style baby, whoo! Referee Charles Robinson ran down to the ring to see if Booker would tap, but Booker grabbed the bottom rope. D'oh! Benoit locked his arms around Booker's waist and went for the triple Germans again, and this time he hit all three. Benoit slowly made his way to his feet and signaled for the finish! Benoit climbed to the top rope, but Sharmell got up on the apron and distracted Benoit, giving Booker time to get to his feet before Benoit could go for the diving headbutt. Booker hit Benoit and climbed the ropes, superplexing Benoit. Each man grabbed the other man's leg, leading to a double pin count from the two referees!

Post-match analysis: Charles Robinson said that Booker won, while Jimmy Kordaris claimed it was Chris Benoit. Cole argued for Benoit winning this, while Tazz argued in favor of Booker T, of course. Ooh, I know! Give the title to Sharmell!

Promo time: Shawn Michaels leads Team Raw, including Kane, the Big Show, Carlito, and Chris Masters, against Team Smackdown, led by Batista, with JBL, Lashley, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton. What the heck happened to Matt Hardy? He even got in the top voting at Taboo Tuesday, but doesn't get to be on the Survivor Series team? Yeah, great thinking re-signing with WWE, you goof.

Match grade: B. A strong match to start off Smackdown, with Booker showing more compexity in his in-ring style than he has in a long time. I'd been a bit worried about Booker being stale, but he kicked it up a notch tonight. Benoit, as always, was great, because, well, he's Benoit!

(Commercial break.)

*** Back from break, Theodore Long had made his way down to the ring to help settle the controversial decision. Booker told Long to ask the people who could see that Benoit's shoulders were down. Long said that he'd like to see the replay. He said that he knew they weren't the NFL, and that they didn't have the instant replay rule, but he wanted to see the clip. The first angle showed that they both had their shoulders down. They showed it from another angle, then showed the first angle in slow motion. Cole and Tazz did a nice job adding more confusion to the decision. Sharmell reminded Long and the crowd that, when there is a tie, the champion keeps his title, leading to big boos from the crowd. Long agreed that she was correct and apologized to Chris Benoit, telling him that he isn't the United States Champion. However, as General Manager of Smackdown, Long said that he would make an executive decision, and said that Booker wasn't the United States Champion either! Long said that the United States Championship was being held up. Long said that Booker and Benoit had an issue like this before in WCW, so Long said that they should have it out in a best of seven series to become the undisputed United States Champion! Long said it would start live this Sunday at Survivor Series! If Booker can deliver like he did tonight, I'm looking forward to this.

*** Backstage, a security member tried explaining to JBL, mumbling all the while, that there was a mystery van in the parking lot. JBL said that he knew it was the Raw guys trying to invade his show. He threw open the door to the van when who should be there but the Boogeyman! He was holding a spoon and drooling, and started singing the Sponful of Sugar song from Mary Poppins before doing his catchphrase. His alarm clock went off, and he smashed it against his head, breaking the glass once again. JBL looked stunned and closed the van back up, just as most of us would. That's one freaky dude. As your resident OVW expert, I've had the pleasure of seeing even more of this guy than most, and I think he was even creepier and weirder back in OVW.

Tonight: Batista defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred match!

Promo time: They showed the promo for WWEShop.com that features the goofy club bouncer who only lets in people wearing WWE merchandise. There's something... unsettling about that. Which reminds me, I need to go to WWEShop.com and finish my Christmas list!

(Commercial break.)

Promo time: Big Show and Rey Mysterio on next week's Smackdown special! I hope that they get a little more hype next Monday on UPN programming as well, so that they can hopefully get some curious viewers to tune in while they're in a different time slot when more people are home than on Friday nights.

They showed an outside shot of Sheffield, and explained that it was the birthplace of the world's number one sport, football, or what we Americans call soccer. Although, to me, football kind of makes sense for the game, while, ya know, what the heck does "soccer" mean?

(2) Chad & James Dick defeated the Legion of Doom (Road Warrior Animal & Heidenreich).

Pre-match analysis: The Dicks came out, wearing their Chippendale style outfits and with their lotion that they rubbed all over themselves, as well as rubbing lotion on one another. So disturbing. I don't want to watch two Dicks squirting liquid on one another. They actually have kind of intimidating music, but then they have this awful gimmick. I wonder how many dick jokes that Cole and Tazz can fit into this match? The Dicks came out and took off their entrance gear in the ring, male stripper style, and since they started by interfering in matches with the Legion of Doom, that's who they're taking on tonight! LOD came out, and Heidenreich did the arm marching motion that warms the cockles of my heart. LOD jumped the Dicks on the outside of the ring. Animal and Heidenreich whipped them into one another.

Match analysis: Animal took on James in the ring to start things officially, taking James down with a high elbow before tagging in Heidenreich. Heidenreich took him down with a shoulder block as Tazz told Cole that Joe Cocker was from Sheffield. Uh, right. Cole talked about how Cocker sang "Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong," which he proceeded to sing a little of, scarring me for life. Cole talked about how a lot of his favorite groups were from Sheffield, including Human League and ABC. Old school! Heidenreich scoop slammed James, who went to tag in Chad Dick. Heidenreich clotheslined Chad and delivered punches to his face. Chad guillotined Heidenreich over the top rope. Chad delivered clubbing blows to Heidenreich's back before tagging in James, who delivered an axe handle off the top rope, then tagged back in Chad, who did the same. James tagged back in and they double teamed Heidenreich, ramming him into the corner. The Dicks followed up, with James trying to whip Chad into Heidenreich in the corner, but Heidenreich got his boot up. James Dick tagged back in, with Animal tagging in at the same time, who ran wild on the Dicks. Animal clotheslined Chad over the top rope and clotheslined James. However, Chad shot baby lotion into Animal's eyes while the ref wasn't looking! James rolled up Animal and covered him, while the other Dick put his boots into James' butt to give him extra leverage... or something.

Post-match analysis: They showed a replay of Animal taking baby lotion to the eyes, as well as the finish. Animal was still trying to shake the lotion out of his eyes. Without his makeup on, he looked kind of like Tazz.

Match grade: D+. Not awful. Not good, but not awful. These two just did not mesh, though. It was also obvious which team WWE is more behind, despite the Dicks getting the win. I hope that the artists formerly known as the Tolands can get past this gimmick and thrive, but it's going to be a hard road to tread.

Up next: Matt Hardy takes on the genius that is Mister Ken Kennedy. (Kennedy!) Cole described Matt as the superstar that will not die. What does that even mean? Are there superstars that will die? Pretty lame.

Promo time: Smackdown special next Tuesday, baby! They're selling the Rey Mysterio versus the Big Show match as David versus Goliath, and it should be a fun rematch to see.

(Commercial break: The new Smackdown Versus Raw game is awesome. Buy it. That is all. Well, not quite, because in the commercial for new WWE toys, they apparently now have fourteen inch action figures! Sweet.)

A graphic came up counting down to Survivor Series. This show should be a lot of fun, and I'm excited for the Team Raw versus Team Smackdown match, but I'm even more excited for Melina versus Trish Stratus! Two hot women, one of whom is a great wrestler and the other who is still pretty decent? Whooooooo!

(3) Matt Hardy defeated Ken Kennedy via disqualification.

Pre-match analysis: Mr. Kennedy made his way down to the ring. I guess his music now has him saying Kennedy not just twice, but three times. So much Kennedy! Of course, you can never have too much Kennedy. Kennedy sent Chimel a look and he didn't even try announcing this match. Kennedy called down his microphone from the rafters and began to do his introduction. Cole and Tazz did the sponsorships as Kennedy's music played some more after the intro.

Matt Hardy made his way out next. Because they had just done the sponsorship reading for Aeon Flux, Cole made the not smooth at all transition saying that, until recently, Matt Hardy's career was in flux. Oh, brother. Cole pointed out that Kennedy hasn't been pinned or submitted since he's been in WWE.

Match analysis: Hardy had the early advantage with a headlock, Kennedy tried fighting out, but Hardy came back with a shoulder block and locked the headlock back on. Kennedy back suplexed Hardy, but Hardy held the side headlock through the suplex. Kennedy finally rammed Hardy into the turnbuckle to escape. Kennedy tried leapfrogging Hardy, but Hardy stopped himself short and punched Kennedy as he came down. Hardy locked in another side headlock. Kennedy put Hardy up on the turnbuckle and went up to the second turnbuckle, but Hardy back elbowed him off. Hardy then went for a moonsault! Kennedy tried to roll out of the way, but Hardy got part of it. Kennedy threw Hardy into the turnbuckle hard, rib first, though Hardy ran into it a little awkwardly.

Kennedy went on the outside and stretched Hardy over the turnbuckle, pulling back one arm and one leg on either side of the post, and sticking his boot in the middle of Hardy's back. Back in the ring, Kennedy stepped on Hardy's back and used the ropes for leverage. Kennedy stuck his knee in Hardy's back and pulled back on his head for the submission hold. Hardy fought out, but Kennedy booted him in the midsection and was going for what looked like some sort of reverse suplex, but Hardy countered and delivered a side Russian leg sweep.

Hardy fired up and delivered a series of clotheslines. He went for a side effect, but Kennedy used Hardy's momentum against him and took him into the corner, but Hardy managed to get the side effect anyway. Hardy was going for the twist of fate, but Kennedy sent him into the ropes. Hardy climbed the ropes, but Kennedy cut him off and set up his inverted Samoan drop. Hardy punched him in the head and bulldogged Kennedy off the top and covered! Oh no! Kennedy grabbed the rope, thankfully. Hardy clotheslined Kennedy to the outside. On the outside, Hardy delivered an axe handle to Kennedy's hit, but then Kennedy bounced Hardy's head off the steel steps! Kennedy grabbed the steel chair from ringside, and the referee tried to take it away, but Kennedy fought for the chair, trying to send it into the ref's stomach, leading to the disqualification!

Post-match analysis: Kennedy was pissed after the match and banged the chair on the mat and threw it to the outside afterwards. They showed the replay of Kennedy bringing in the chair. That was one of the dumbest match endings I've ever seen. He didn't even try to distract the ref to use the chair behind his back, and he didn't come off as that angry as he didn't just run in there and clock Hardy with the chair. Hardy seemed to be mouthing "Why would you ever do that?" Good point.

Match grade: C-. It was decent while it lasted, and featured some nice spots, but that ending was horrendous and dropped this one down a couple notches. If they didn't want a finish, they shouldn't have booked this. The ending was completely illogical and made Kennedy look like an idiot, while not helping Hardy at all.

*** Eric Bischoff was being blocked by a couple of Smackdown security guys backstage and telling them to settle down, especially the one with the goofy ponytail. Anyway, Theodore Long came out back and Bischoff said "They're coming." Long asked who "they" are, and Bischoff said that "they" are a lot closer than Long thinks.

Promo time: Go see a Smackdown show near you for some Kennedy goodness!

(Commercial break.)

WWE Smack of the Night: We saw a clip from Raw two weeks ago at the Eddie tribute show, with the interpromotional divas battle royal! It came down to Melina and Trish Stratus, and Melina delivered a shoulder block to send Trish to the floor! Melina made the international symbol for a title belt around her waist. On Monday, Mickie James was wrestling Candace, and Trish was at ringside. Two masked men abducted Trish, distracting Mickie and giving Candace the chance to win the match. Backstage, Melina held Trish captive, and the masked men were revealed to be MNM! Melina said that she was the most dominant woman in WWE and challenged Trish to a Survivor Series match for the WWE Championship. Whoo! That Survivor Series match is fine, but this is what's got me interested, whoo!

(4) Melina (with Joey Mercury and Johnny Nitro) defeated Christy Hemme.

Pre-match analysis: Christy Hemme came out first, wearing her leather chaps, a cutoff pink tank, and pink tights. Christy also had some sort of choker on, almost dog collar style. Yikes. That girl has so much energy, she must have crack in her shampoo.

Melina made her way out next. MNM were sporting grey fur coats this week. Melina had on this amazing sparkly copper colored top and a mini mini mini jean skirt, cutoff at the bottom. She also had on cute brown boots. She even did her amazing ring entrance, the splits into the ring! She'd been selling her back the last couple times she came to the ring and didn't do it, so this was a special, special moment. Christy, being absolutely dastardly, dropkicked Melina in the chest to start the match during her entrance! Melina was sent to the outside and sold her chest. Christy followed. On the outside, Joey Mercury shoved Christy down, so the ref warned him. Nitro helped Melina back into the ring, and the ref ejected MNM from ringside! What?! No fair! They were just protecting their girl from Christy cheapshotting her! Melina was, of course, incensed.

Match analysis: Christy delivered a forearm to Melina's face and did a crossbody off the top rope! The ring bell finally rang as she did the crossbody. Christy did a split leg drop, a splits into the leg drop, covering Melina. The ref was counting, but that goof Christy got up. She catapulted Melina into the top turnbuckle and yanked Melina's hair. Melina bailed to outside. Christy followed, where Melina clotheslined her! Melina yelled at Christy for messing with her hair and threw Christy back in the ring, going after her and delivering a backbreaker. Melina stretched Christy out over her knee, which reminded me, how can Christy's body be so freaking thin?! Anyway, Melina yelled "this one's for Trish!" and scoop slammed Christy. Melina then grabbed one of Christy's legs and bent it way back, including bending the knee, with her foot touching the back of her head, with one of Melina's knees in Christy's back, and Melina's free hand grabbing Christy's face! That was one of the coolest looking submissions I've ever seen, probably thanks largely to Christy's amazing flexibility. I felt like tapping out just watching that move. Melina followed it up with knees to the back of Christy. Melina tried picking up Christy, but Christy used that flexibility to do an axe kick from her back to Melina's head!

Melina kicked Christy in the side of the head. Christy came back with a punch to the stomach, but then Melina gave Christy a clothesline! Melina rammed Christy's head into the top turnbuckle. Christy went up and over in the opposite turnbuckle, rolling up Melina, but Melina kicked out. Christy telegraphed a backdrop, so Melina kicked her in the face and followed with what was sort of a modified bulldog. Melina covered and picked up the victory!

Post-match analysis: MNM came down to ringside to celebrate with their girl. They showed a replay of the finish, with Melina pulling Christy down to the mat face first. MNM lifted up Melina and she made the belt symbol again and mouthed "Women's champ! Next women's champ!"

*** Backstage, a trainer taped Batista up for his match. Randy Orton came up to Batista and said he needed to talk to him. Orton said that he knew that, a couple weeks ago, Big Show and Kane came up and dropped Batista when Orton wasn't there. Orton apologized for not being there when Kane and Big Show attacked Batista again when Orton was there on Monday, because he was, and I quote, "messing around backstage." Orton wanted to be on the same page with Batista. Orton said that he knew Batista was injured, and that if anyone know about injuries, it was Orton. Orton mentioned that Batista gave Orton an injury after WrestleMania. He wanted to make sure that Batista didn't use his injury as an excuse when Orton beat him for the World Heavyweight Championship. Batista chuckled at Orton's comments. Orton got a little upset at Batista thinking it was funny. Orton said that Batista knows that Orton's the man, that he was the star of Evolution, that he's better that Triple H, he's better than Ric Flair, and he's better than Batista. Tonight, Orton planned to prove it. Batista laughed at Orton being better than Triple H. Batista pointed out that Orton lost the title to Triple H, and Batista won the title from Triple H. Batista left Evolution on his own terms, while Orton got kicked to the curb. Ouch. Good point. Batista picked up his belt, flashing it in Orton's face, and walked out as Orton huffed and puffed angrily backstage.

Tonight: No Holds Barred match for the World Heavyweight Championship between Batista and Randy Orton! Be there or be rhombus!

(Commercial break.)

Promo time: Live Smackdown, Tuesday baby! Whoo! They also aired a promo for the new Bret Hart DVD. I'm almost done with Shawn Michaels' book, and I can't wait to see more on Bret Hart's side of Montreal on that DVD when I get my hands on it. I'm also looking forward to Bret Hart's book.

(5) Juventud (with Super Crazy and Psicosis) defeated Nunzio to win the Cruiserweight Championship.

Pre-match analysis: Cole and Tazz explained to us that Nunzio won the Cruiserweight Championship from Juventud with a backslide in Rome, Italy, and put over how anything can happen at a WWE live event. That's a nice way to put over house shows. Nunzio celebrated with the Italian fans in a nice clip.

Carlito and Chris Masters made their way through the crowd, flashing their tickets to the fans as they walked down the aisle.

Nunzio made his way down to the ring with his boy, Vito! Security ran past Nunzio and Vito to talk to Masters and Carlito, and they showed their tickets to the security guys. For some reason, they had giant green tickets. I've never seen a ticket that looks like that. No idea.

Anyway, the Mexicools came out next on their Juan Deeres. They had red Juan Deeres this week! I love that Juventud's British Juan Deere even had a little English teddy bear, dressed up like one of the roal guards, on the front of his vehicle.

Match analysis: Nunzio and Juventud started out exchanging forearms, and Nunzio got the best of the exchange early on. Juventud followed up with chops. Juventud got a sunset flip on Nunzio and rolled through, but Nunzio kicked out, so Juventud hit a spin kick. He didn't quite get all of it, but covered, but Nunzio kicked out. Nunzio made his way out to ringside. Juventud slingshotted himself over the top rope, but Vito pulled Nunzio out of the way, leaving Juventud with nothing but mat! Nunzio threw Juventud back into the ring and covered, but he kicked out. Nunzio locked in a hammerlock as Vito faced off with the Mexicools. The security guards were standing at ringside keeping an eye on Carlito and Chris Masters. Nunzio delivered a knee drop to Juventud, then locked in another hammerlock. Juventud fought out. He slid between Nunzio's legs and hit a spin kick. Juventud ducked a couple of clotheslines from Nunzio and chopped him, following up with a nice modified slam, from an abdominal stretch type position. Juventud hit another great looking slam that looked a little like a reverse fisherman's buster. Juventud dodged the Sicilian Slice from the second rope. Nunzio tried going up and over, but Juventud grabbed him and delivered the Juvy Driver to regain the title!

Post-match analysis: The Mexicools lifted up Juvy after the match. That was one of the dumbest things ever. They did such a great job making it seem like anything can happen at non-televised events, and then they ruined it by making said title change seem totally inconsequential. They showed a replay of the match, and Juvy held and Super Crazy held a sign up to the camera saying "Latino Heat lives forever" from a fan. True dat. They cut to Carlito and Chris Masters watching from ringside.

Match grade: C-. Fine while it lasted, but didn't last long, and continued to help make the cruiserweight division look like a joke. Ugh.

Up next: JBL and Rey Mysterio team up to take on England's William Regal and Paul Burchill! Do they go with the hometown win, or the Survivor Series team win? I'm expecting number one, with interference from Team Raw, but we'll see.

(Commercial break.)

Carlito and Chris Masters were still talking to one another. I love that Masters is just sitting there with his shirt totally unbuttoned and nothing underneath, like that's totally normal. Cole and Tazz talked about Masters and Carlito being there, and Tazz figured that the "they" Bischoff talked about means more than just these two. Tazz talked about the Survivor Series theme song, "Lights Out" by Rey Mysterio's friends and semi-famous band P.O.D. They ran down the card, beginning with match one in the best of seven series for the United States Championship between Booker T and Benoit, with Booker's wife Sharmell at ringside. Raw's Trish Stratus is defending her Women's Championship against Smackdown's Melina! Both shows have enough women to put on a match once a show at least, with Jillian, Melina, Stacy, and Christy on Smackdown, so I don't think it's totally out of the realm of possibility for the title to change shows. Not likely, but could happen. The main problem would be that the cruiserweight belt is on Smackdown too, but it's not like they're on television much anyway. John Cena will defend the WWE Championship against Kurt Angle with his personal referee, Daivari, refereeing the match! Ric Flair will face off against Triple H in a Last Man Standing match. We've even got General Manager versus General Manager, Bischoff versus Long! Finally, Team Raw, including Shawn Michaels, Chris Masters, Carlito, Big Show, and Kane take on Team Smackdown, which includes Batista, JBL, Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton, and Lashley, in a classic Survivor Series match.

(6) JBL & Rey Mysterio versus William Regal & Paul Burchill ended in a no contest when Shawn Michaels interfered and attacked JBL.

Pre-match analysis: Regal and Burchill made their way out for their match first. Cole tried to say that they weren't well liked in their own country, which is kind of a crock, but Tazz sold the point in a more nuanced way, pointing out that it was a mixed reaction, since they're heels but are in their home country.

Rey Mysterio and his awful music were out next. I don't know what possessed Rey Mysterio to record this stupid song. Cole hyped the Smackdown special on Tuesday, with Mysterio against Raw's Big Show. Mysterio still had on an EG armband for Eddie Guerrero. JBL was out next, in, well, not a long white limo, but a white Rolls Royce with the longhorns on the hood. JBL and Jillian Hall made their way down to the ring. Jillian looked simply amazing. Jillian had on a black miniskirt and a long-sleeved sky blue blouse.

Match analysis: Regal and Mysterio started things off. Regal hit a shoulder knockdown and went for a butterfly suplex, but Mysterio reversed it into an armdrag! Regal hit a big knee to the face of Mysterio and covered, but JBL broke up the three count. Regal tagged in Burchill. Burchill hit a back elbow and covered, but Mysterio kicked out. Burchill tried lifting Mysterio up, but Mysterio hit a hurracanrana! Mysterio followed up with an enzuigiri, putting him in perfect position for a 619, which Mysterio delivered! Mysterio dropped the dime and covered, but Regal broke up the pin. JBL wasn't down with that, though, so JBL ran in and gave Regal the Clothesline From Hell! However, JBL turned around and Michaels ran into the ring and superkicked JBL!

Post-match analysis: Security ran off Michaels, but then Carlito and Masters then ran in and kicked the crap out of Mysterio! However, the Smackdown locker room ran out for the save as Michael Cole yelled "Kick their ass!"

Match grade: D+. Too short to amount to much. A few nice moves, but ended early with a highly predictable ending.

Promo time: On October 9th, Orton "killed" the Undertaker, but it was just the beginning of the end, as this promo lets us know. At Survivor Series, the Undertaker is back baby!

(Commercial break: I kind of want the WWE DVD Board Game, but who the Heck would I play it with, since none of my friends are wrestling fans? Proving that, if I do end up getting it, I'm insane.)

Promo time: Yet another promo for the special live Smackdown. Whoo! In fact, they did two promos in a row for this. I'm assuming one was from the network and one was from WWE.

Moments ago: We saw a recap of HBK running in and delivering Sweet Chin Music to JBL while security was keeping an eye on Carlito and Masters. Security went after Michaels, but then Masters and Carlito pounced!

(7) Lashley defeated Orlando Jordan.

Pre-match analysis: Orlando Jordan was out for his match, and even had a Band-Aid on his arm for some reason. Huh. He also had highlights in his hair. I guess he's been hanging out with Michael Cole and Josh Mathews. Bobby Lashley was out next. Jordan's screwed.

Match analysis: As Lashley got in the ring, Jordan attacked early. Jordan got a boot up in Lashley's face after some initial offense, but Lashley came back with a monster spinebuster. Lashley hit a beautiful vertical suplex and followed up with a big scoop slam. Lashley followed that with an arm trap belly-to-belly suplex. Lashley lifted up Jordan and delivered the Dominator for the finish.

Post-match analysis: They showed a replay after the match of Lashley hitting his finisher and getting the win.

Match grade: D. Just a squash, with a few cool moves from Lashley but nothing more. Lashley's lost some of his shine, as his excellently executed moves seem like less of a novelty. The announcers have also done a pretty lousy job building him up as something more special than other wrestlers on the roster. He's been the most underplayed member of the Smackdown Survivor Series team. He needs a chance to shine at the pay-per-view, as right now, WWE is missing out on a big opportunity.

*** Backstage, a referee led Long to the parking lot. Security in the back had been knocked the crap out! Long told the ref to get everyone in the locker room to be at ringside for the main event to protect the match from Raw!

Up next: A No Holds Barred match for the World Heavyweight Championship between the monster Batista and the Legend Killer, Randy Orton!

(Commercial break.)

(8) Batista versus Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred match for the World Heavyweight Championship ended in a No Contest when the Raw locker room attacked.

Pre-match analysis: The various members of the Smackdown locker room not involved in this match were at ringside. I totally didn't recognize Kid Kash, who apparently got a haircut to make him look like he belongs in middle management and look completely boring instead of his old trailer trash look. I loved seeing Simon Dean talking to Orlando Jordan. "Boy, our careers sure suck, huh?" We also saw Paul London with his boy Brian Kendrick/Spanky.

Randy Orton made his way out with his father, Cowby Bob Orton! Sign of the night that I noticed during this match: "Raw fears Tazz and Cole." Batista took a while before he came out, and Cole said that he was playing mind games with the challenger, making him weight. Batista finally came out, all taped up, wearing his belt. You know, the belt almost looks like a regular belt on a guy the size of Batista. Cole pointed out how the tape on Batista's body was obviously a target. Tazz talked about the Evolution history between these two men. Batista was still wearing an EG armband for Eddie Guerrero.

Match analysis: Batista backed Orton into the corner early. Batista was taking Orton into the corner again, but Orton spun it around and pushed Batista into the corner hard. Batista sold his injured torso. They locked up a third time when the Raw superstars started running down to the ring! And not just the Survivor Series team, but everyone! The Smackdown guys brawled with them in the aisleway, and it got absolutely out of control and looked awesome.

Post-match analysis: Cade and Murdoch went after Orton in the ring, but he RKO'd both of them! However, Michaels ran in and delivered the Sweet Chin Music to Orton! Mysterio leaped off the ropes and hit the seated senton to HBK, followed by the 619! Carlito ran in next and delivered a swinging inverted neckbreaker. Then Chris Masters locked the Masterlock on Mysterio! Batista ran back in and hit the spinebuster on Carlito and Masters. Kane came in the ring and was going for a chokeslam, but Batista hit him with the shoulder block. Batista then delivered a high knee to knock Big Show off of the apron. Batista ducked a Kane clothesline and drove him into the corner. Batista turned around into Big Show grabbing his neck for a chokeslam, but Batista kicked him for a low blow to get out of that. Batista kneed Kane and was going for the Batista Bomb, but Show came from behind and headbutted Batista in the back of the head. Big Show hit a big side kick to Batista's injured body, sending him to the outside. Big Show and Kane followed. Kane started clearing off the announce table! JBL tried running over for the save, but Shelton Benjamin attacked him from behind! Kane and Big Show delivered the third double chokeslam over the last few weeks to Batista on the announce table, breaking it! Everyone was brawling in the ring as Batista sold that he was just totally out and twitching. Big Show and Kane laughed evilly over Batista's broken body!

Match grade: D. Not really anything there to grade, though the show ending brawl was a ton of fun.

Show rating: 5.5. A little bit better than average. There was a lot of great stuff storyline wise, but in ring, the show failed to deliver outside of the first match, with far too many unnecessary screwjob finishes. We had three no contests on one show, for gosh sakes! Only three of the eight matches, the most inconsequential ones, had clean finishes.

The Smackdown versus Raw rivalry has been done well, and I think they've done as good a job as you can expect of making Smackdown the babyfaces and Raw the heel team without just having all heels versus all babyfaces, with Batista doing most of the talking for Smackdown and playing the sympathetic role of getting taken out by two men several times and still fighting on, while Edge and Chris Masters have been the focal points on the Raw side of the equation, with Big Show and Kane serving as the goon squad. I also liked them adding some tension to the Smackdown team with the Evolution rivalry between Batista and Randy Orton. Bobby Lashley has also been overlooked in the build to this match. The announcers should have made Lashley out to be the next big thing, but he has gotten less attention than any other member of the Smackdown team.

The Cruiserweight Championship was made to look foolish once again, having a non-televised title change that could have made house shows feel important again being totally undone on the very next television show for no good reason. They also took one of the first missteps with the Ken Kennedy character tonight, as they made his character seem less like a geek chic goof and more like he was just stupid due to the way he lost. Booker showed more tonight than he has in a while, giving me hope that there may be some potential to this best of seven series.

***

Newsworthy Countdown

1) Raw invades Smackdown one last time before Survivor Series.
2) The United States Championship has been held up and a new champion will be determined by a best of seven series between Booker T and Chris Benoit.
3) Juventud regains the Cruiserweight Championship from Nunzio, who won it in Italy during a non-televised overseas event.
4) The Dicks made their television match debut against LOD.
5) Batista was double chokeslammed a third time, this time through the announce table, by the Big Show and Kane.

***

Smackdown Quotes

On Booker T and Sharmell:
Tazz: To have your wife by your side and everything, that's kind of a tough deal, don't you think?
Michael Cole: Why is that a strange deal? They're married.
Tazz: Well I don't know, I know they're married, but you don't want your wife-- It's kind of not good for the relationship if your wife's always around you, you know what I mean?
Cole: I'll make sure I uh, make sure your wife watches!
Tazz: I might be in trouble.


On chops:
Tazz: Why don't I try it on you?
Michael Cole: No no, not now.
Tazz: Maybe later on or somethin'.
Cole: You want to see me without my shirt on after the show?
Tazz: No no, not really, no.

On the Sheffield music scene:
Michael Cole: Some of my favorite groups, Human League's from here, ABC's from here.
Tazz: Oh really? Wow. I remember those guys... kinda. I didn't really hang out in those kinda clubs back in the day, but, I guess you did.

Note: If you would like to contribute to Smackdown Quotes, send me an email with quotes you liked Friday nights before 3 AM Eastern/12 midnight Pacific time at mikeroe@gmail.com!

***

Thanks for tuning in, everyone! Sorry for the belated report, I managed to leave my lights on while I was out on Friday night and got in a bit too late after calling Triple A to do my report. We'll be back on schedule this coming week, hopefully for my OVW column on Monday as well. Be sure to drop me a line with your thoughts on Express at mikeroe@gmail.com. Until next time, be strong and remember to smile!

Mike Roe reviews Friday Night Smackdown every week for PWTorch.com. Mike always wants to hear from you at mikeroe@gmail.com with your thoughts, comments, questions, critiques, or whatever else you want to share. He also writes an OVW Specialist column for PWTorch.com every Monday.

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